White memories ~ first encounter with the god of death
Text/Su Zhi Ruoxue
5.12, for many people, is just a set of ordinary numbers, but for those who are nurses or have been nurses, it is a festival, a nurse's day.
The days and nights in the white memory, those who fight against death, guard life and health, never leave. Whenever the night is quiet, a smile, or a sour feeling, invariably rises from the deepest part of the heart, and the past is vividly remembered.
(1) The first encounter with the God of Death
At that time, I was not yet a nurse, just a nurse intern in obstetrics and gynecology.
Seventeen, the age of pampering under the knees of parents, the age of cheering for a piece of chocolate, the age of rejoicing in a new dress.
I remember that it was winter, very cold, the north wind was raging between the ward buildings, the whistling sound was sharp and cold, just listening to the sound was enough to make people shiver, fortunately, the ward heating was sufficient, the outdoor cold and snowy, the indoor temperature was like spring.
There are not many patients in the ward, the year is approaching, and most of the less serious patients have been discharged from the hospital. Celebrating a reunion year with their families is the wish of every Chinese.
That night, I went to the big night with Aunt Chen, the teacher who led the teacher. Aunt Chen is a colleague of her mother's, she has a small body, Sven is white, and she speaks softly.
Shift with the night shift, tour the ward, check the next day's medication, and change the liquid at any time.
After a while of busyness, it was finally time to sit down and catch my breath.
Aunt Chen opened the medical record, told me in detail about the situation of each patient, and told me that the focus of the monitoring was a twenty-one-year-old young mother - 11 beds Huang Aixiang, a patient with pregnancy with hypertension syndrome, on the third day after childbirth, intermittent coma, the situation is not optimistic.
"Cher, let's go, go to the ward." At The order of Aunt Chen, I picked up the treatment plate with my hands and feet and followed me out of the nurse's office.
The corridor was quiet, Aunt Chen walked with almost no sound, and I also crept lightly, walking through the empty white like a cat.
As soon as the wards were opened, the hot and muddy breath came to the surface, the ground light line was dim, but the curtains were not closed, and the moonlight was projected obliquely, illuminating the faces of the patients and the various pipes on the 11 beds.
She slept quietly, in the crook of her arms, the baby who had just been born three days ago was also in the dream, and the small mouth sucked from time to time, in the dream, what delicious delicacy? Clinically, her stout husband was snoring.
Body temperature pulse breath blood pressure.
As if afraid of waking up their dreams, Aunt Chen lightly lowered her sleeves for her, tucked the corners of the quilt, stood up, looked at the infusion tube, ticking, and in the Muffier dropper, the transparent liquid dripped unhurriedly.
Back at the nurse's office, I sat in a chair and yawned one by one, and Aunt Chen made a cup of jasmine tea and asked, "Xue'er, do you like to drink tea?" ”
"Well, don't drink..." I shook my head, growing up to be 17 years old, and I hadn't drunk much tea yet.
The smell of jasmine wafted in the office, elegant and plain, and the drowsiness seemed to be dispelled.
Aunt Chen bowed her head, hissed a few cups of hot air, and then raised her head again, looking at me and laughing silently. She smiled beautifully, her eyes curved and the corners of her mouth cocked.
"You'll get used to drinking tea, or will you try it now?" "Okay."
I followed Aunt Chen's example, holding the teacup in my hand and taking a sip from time to time.
"The night shift is easy to get sleepy, drink tea to refresh, or read a book." However, the aunt also likes the fragrance of jasmine tea, meditation. "Oh, that's right.
We chatted in Jasmine's Qingfen, east and west, talking and talking, aunt Chen said 11 beds.
It turned out that the 11 beds were from the suburbs, and she had been vomiting heavily after pregnancy, thinking that it was a pregnancy reaction, and her family and herself did not care. It was not until the due date of delivery that he was admitted to the hospital due to severe headaches and blurred vision, and his condition was already very serious. Doctors and nurses repeatedly advised her to terminate her pregnancy to avoid danger, but her family insisted on refusing, and she herself did not take it seriously. In everyone's worry, the baby was born smoothly, but the mother was sometimes awake, sometimes unconscious, and has been struggling on the line of life and death. Every time she was briefly awake, she would turn her face sideways and stare at the baby next to her, her eyes soft and affectionate, until, the next coma struck.
With that, it was time to go to the ward again. I volunteered, "I'll go alone this time." ”
The corridor is still the same corridor as before, but it seems to be a little different. The slight clicking sound of soft-soled nurse shoes was infinitely amplified by the empty corridors. I always felt that there was someone behind me, looking back, only a closed door, silent.
In the hospital bed, she was still asleep. Lifting the corner of the quilt, I rolled up the sleeves for her, gently wrapped the cuffs, and measured my blood pressure.
Her skin was warm and soft.
But why can't you hear the familiar banging sound? The stethoscope changed position, or not, untied the cuff and re-wrapped, still silent. I was a little flustered, took a deep breath, calmed myself down, put the stethoscope in the anterior area of the heart, silent, silent... And that child, a child who had just been born three days ago, had not yet opened his eyes to see his mother's appearance, and was in the crook of her arm, opening a sweet smile in her dream.
"Could it be...?" No, no, no. I murmured, stepped back to the door, turned and ran, panicked footsteps echoing in the hallway. I stumbled into the nurse's office and bumped into Aunt Chen, who was walking outside: "No, no blood pressure, no, heartbeat..."
Aunt Chen frowned slightly, nodded, didn't say anything, and hurried toward the ward. Worried, I followed closely and returned to the bedside of Bed 11. Aunt Chen first put her hand on her neck and tried it, then put the stethoscope I had left on the bed on her chest again, and looked carefully at the infusion tube, the transparent dropper, the liquid coagulated and did not drip, so she was silent.
Aunt Chen shook her head imperceptibly: "Inform Dr. Wang." "I trotted over to the doctor's duty room and knocked the doctor on duty up.
Cardiac needles, chest compressions, respirators. Dr. Wang and Aunt Chen cooperate tacitly and are methodical.
I stood in the corner, not knowing what I could do, just watching them exchange glances as they performed the necessary rescue according to the procedure.
I understood this look. A life has left us, on this winter night, when the New Year is approaching.
"Confirmed death, time: 3:15. Notify family members. Cadaver cuisine. ”
Such a rush of busyness did not wake up the husband who was sleeping clinically. Dr. Wang and Aunt Chen woke up the snoring man and told him euphemistically that his wife, the mother of the child, had left. Aunt Chen stared at the man and said slowly and clearly, "She gave birth to this child for you with her life." ”
The stout husband did not seem to have woken up from his dream, he looked at her in a daze, took a few steps closer, wanted to say something, his lips squirmed for a long time, but did not say anything, only picked up the swaddled baby from her side, went to the corridor, and squatted on the ground against the wall, "Don't hinder the little child." He said to himself, as if to explain something.
So cold, so merciless, so ignorant, so.
Dr. Wang and Aunt Chen returned to the office to process the medical advice and write the medical records. Before turning, throw him a wisp of contempt and pity.
In the ward, only her and I were left.
She was still asleep, quiet, silently asleep, covered by the faint white moonlight, and outside the window, a bare poplar stood alone, three or two dead leaves in the branches.
The room seemed much bigger and I was a little overwhelmed. The pale moonlight cast shadows on her face, gloomy. Suddenly, I thought she would suddenly open her eyes and sit up.
My hand touched her skin and it still felt soft and warm.
Wetting the tape on her face, arms, and body with cotton balls, I tried to uncover it little by little, a little lighter, a little lighter, lest I wake her up.
"No, she won't wake up anymore, never. I was cooking corpses, and it was a corpse, a lifeless corpse. ”
A corpse?! Fear and cold gripped me tightly, and I reacted, it was the first time I had faced death, alone with a corpse. My heart was about to jump out, my hands were shaking so badly that I couldn't do anything, not even dare to look at her again, I just wanted to pull out my feet and run away, the farther away the better.
No, can't go. Take a deep breath, take a deep breath, don't think about anything, just follow the steps the teacher told you to do step by step.
I muttered in such a low voice to embolden myself.
Strong press flood of panic, steady mind, with a slight trembling hand gently withdraw oxygen, withdraw sputum suction, remove infusion device, remove gastric tube, remove urinary tube... Wipe the tape marks one by one. I always felt that she still had feelings, and if I wasn't careful, it would hurt her. After doing all this, I found that I had wet my mask and hat in sweat, and my back was also wet and cold. When he went to the door and called the strong man to come in, scrub her, change her clothes, he just hugged the swaddle and said nothing to stand up. Staring at him with hatred, if the gaze could kill, he would probably have died more than once. I was suddenly no longer afraid, and as if anger dispelled the panic, I went back to the bed, washed her face carefully, and combed her hair. Huang Aixiang, she has a nice name. The young woman's face was beautiful, and you can imagine her smiling and talking. Before the disease could torture her to the bone, Death couldn't wait to take her away. I arranged her clothes and gently covered her with a quilt.
Twenty-one years old, a living life, because of the ignorance and indifference of her relatives, was so silent, far away from this world, forever away from the baby she was born only three days ago and did not have a name. At this moment, it was only me, a small nurse who had never been there, guarding her lonely bedside, giving her the last ride. With such a father, child, what kind of environment will you live in the future, and what kind of person will you grow into?
Back in the office, as if all my strength had been exhausted, I slumped in my chair, my heart clogged, and I just wanted to cry.
"The body is finished?" Aunt Chen didn't give me time to be sad and angry, "Well, I'll go to the ward to see it, and you'll write the nursing records." ”
"I..." Before I could say anything, Aunt Chen was already out of the office, and I sat down in front of the medical records in a hurry and anger.
I don't know how long, maybe, just for a moment, a hand is gently caressing my shoulder: "Cher, I know how you feel at this moment, Auntie understands." However, you will soon be a nurse, which is a situation that you may face at any time in your future work. Your job is to face life and death every day. Well, cry, just this time, when the crying is over, what to do and what to do. ”
When my mood gradually calmed down, Aunt Chen brought a cup of hot tea: "Better?" ”
"Well, it's all right."
"Do you think people who are nurses are cold and heartless?" Aunt Chen looked into my eyes inquisitively and held my hands, "Xue'er, this is not ruthless, but calm, rational." If you panic, patients and families get even more flustered, and you run up in the corridors, perhaps creating a panic atmosphere throughout the ward. Whether you are facing a critical illness, death, or misunderstanding, you must remain calm, even if you pretend to be calm. Only calm can we judge rationally, deal with it accurately, care for health, and save lives. We are nurses, and we have a life on our shoulders. ”
If you panic, patients and families will panic even more.
On our shoulders, we carry life.
These words, from this moment in my heart, accompanied me through more than ten years of white clothes. When I also became a teacher, I told these words to my students, the little nurses who were chattering. I also told them that jasmine tea was really fragrant.
One point number Su Zhi Ruoxue