Recently, a blogger on the Internet who "immersed in the baby" caught fire.
Source: Little Red Book blogger @ Ganganya
The blogger is a man, and after the platform posted several videos of himself with a baby, the amount of attention soared, and in addition to the praise of netizens, he also gained some unfriendly doubts.
Why the controversy? Because some netizens feel that this man "will affect other women."
He also said: "As a man, you are at home all day with children and housework, and my wife watches your videos and is not willing to bring her own baby." ”
The blogger sent a reply back.
Source: Little Red Book blogger @ Ganganya
Some netizens said: "In the past, I thought that it was good for my father to live with my baby, but now this view should be changed." Dad can also take a good baby! ”
Some people said: "In 2022, no one will still think that women take their own babies for granted, right?" ”
It is true that I did not expect that a father sent a video with a baby, but also to be educated by netizens that "taking children is a woman's business".
Eventually, the discussion returned to the standards and requirements for "moms."
This time, the maternal punishment has sparked controversy.
"Why don't you look like a mother?"
In recent years, the topic of women being mothers on the Internet has emerged endlessly.
"Strange Story" has had several such debates, one will discuss "whether it is wasteful for a highly educated woman to be a full-time wife", and the other will discuss "whether it is reasonable for mothers to chase stars madly", which is very hot after broadcasting.
Source: "Strange Story"
This is enough to show that there is not a lot of attention and discussion about women on the Internet today.
This year, Sohu Video's "Send a Hundred Girls Home" has a program dedicated to the role of "mother".
Compare "Mama Cai Shaofen" with "Mama Papi Sauce".
The two mothers' styles cannot be said to be exactly the same, but can only be said to be unrelated.
Netizens said: "Papi sauce does not look like a mother, and I can't see a little bit of mother's taste." ”
In the video content of papi sauce, it is also the original recipe, which is full of hot spots, full of fun, even if it is advertised, it is unlimited creativity.
Papi Sauce admits that he loves his work very much, and he will feel very happy when he returns to the workplace after maternity leave, and now he has slowly become "not enjoying it or not being disgusted, naturally".
The program team and Papi went to the Aquarium to record, but through dialogue, it seemed like they had mistakenly entered some comedy set.
The host asked, "Do you want to bring a gift for your child?" ”
Papi sauce: "No need." ”
And asked, "Have you thought about bringing your children?" ”
papi sauce: "I can't feel like I can't bring it for the time being." ”
Source: "Send a Hundred Girls Home"
In the interview, Papi Sauce basically does not take the initiative to mention its own children.
Whether it is visiting or shooting, papi sauce is more focused on its own feelings, and does not show the idea of "this is too good, I will bring my son next time".
Maybe for a mother like papi sauce, it may be a reluctance for her to hang her child on her lips.
Source: "Send a Hundred Girls Home"
After having children, papi is often asked the same question, "After having children, life must be different from before, right?" ”
There is no difference, why is it necessary to change when you are a mother?
Source: "Send a Hundred Girls Home"
Everyone thinks that when you become a mother, there must be something new and more to give, but there are not so many expectations for men.
Papi sauce believes that fathers are not born with fatherly love, although they will accompany their wives into the delivery room, but the children are not born by themselves, can not be fully empathetic.
So she thinks, "Dads have to take more children, and it's better to have children than anything else." ”
Papi Sauce is a mother at the same time, but also has a high concentration of self, in her heart, she herself will always be the first.
Indeed it is. As a mother, you don't have to sacrifice and change.
Being a good mom and loving yourself freely are not in conflict.
"Since having a baby, you've changed"
Cai Shaofen, who is also the guest of this interview, and Papi's mother are completely opposite.
Cai Shaofen is a mother of three children and a "good mother" in our traditional concept.
The host asked her if it was hard to be a mother.
She said: "Mum of three is really hard. ”
He was woken up by his son at half past four, got up at half past seven to get his daughter's hair, and had not slept fully in ten years, because he often held his child and had very serious frozen shoulder.
Looking at Cai Shaofen with traditional eyes, she is a more typical "Chinese-style parent", the kind of mother who "lives" for her children.
Seeing everything thinks of the child, "This is so cute, my son will love it." ”
Happy to talk about children, imagine the future is a happy family, mention life is the husband and children.
Cai Shaofen talked about the details of dressing up her children and riding a bicycle with her husband, and her face was full of smiles.
But Cai Shaofen was happy in it, willing as a glutton, and did not feel that he had lost anything.
She does not think of herself as a parent who "lost herself", but more like integrating herself into life, managing life with her heart, and using the warmth of her family to heal her misfortune when she was young.
Source: "Send a Hundred Girls Home"
Seeing Cai Shaofen's passage reminds me that many people around me have become mothers and can also "maintain themselves" to a certain extent.
They have their own jobs, usually attend friends gatherings, and date their husband dated on holidays.
Now mom, not so bitter and vengeful, learn to slowly find a balance between taking a baby and enjoying life.
But it's undeniable that many women have children who have children that change to a greater or lesser degree: physically, psychologically, and socially.
There was such a post on the Internet: After becoming a mother, do you still have friends?
Many mothers have left messages saying that since I had a baby, I have become the most "abnormal person" among my sisters:
Every party had to go home early to take the baby, and I was the only one who took the children to dinner together, and over time everyone stopped asking me out.
Getting married and having children is a process of life reorganization for women, and they have to constantly face another identity of their own.
The most lamentable thing is that the former friends are drifting away.
I think most people experience this kind of "social loneliness" when they become mothers.
Host Xie Na, after giving birth to the child, her good friend Chen Qiaoen complained on a show, "Since Xie Na had a child, we really are not good friends." ”
Source: Interview with Jon Chen
She said that every time she went to play before, everyone was very happy, very happy, and there was no bondage.
But after Xie Na had a child, they went out to party, and Xie Na always said as soon as the time came, I want to go home, I want to go back to hold my child!
Source: Interview with Jon Chen
This made Chen Qiaoen feel very lost, and felt that there was a rift in his friendship with Xie Na.
Source: Interview with Jon Chen
Speaking of Xie Na, she has given birth to three babies, and she has now focused her life on the family, except for the needs of work, it has rarely been exposed, and Weibo has rarely posted her personal life.
But she didn't give up her job or friendship because of her children.
After giving birth to the baby, she quickly exercised and came back to host the show, and she can also respond generously on Weibo after seeing the "grievances" of her friends to soothe her friends' emotions.
Source: Weibo @ Xie Na
Becoming a mother does not mean that life is single and boring, it can also be open.
For Cai Shaofen and Xie Na, motherhood may be their most cherished role, and they are all enjoying being mothers.
And for women like papi sauce who enjoy their work more, motherhood is just one of her identities.
Mom is just an identity, and family can be the center of gravity, but not the whole of life.
You can disagree with what they do, but you can't say they're not good enough, they're not good enough.
We don't have to impose some attribute on women.
After all, there is no uniform standard for how to be a good mother. As long as children can grow up happily, they have fulfilled their responsibilities.
Whether it is papi sauce, Cai Shaofen or Xie Na, everything they show as mothers is part of their ego.
As moms, we don't have to be defined
In the book "Born of a Woman", it is written, "A mother must completely abandon her goals in order to give her child unconditional love and attention, in order to meet society's expectations of a good mother." ”
There is no doubt that this rigid definition is a "moral shackle" on women.
It seems that there is only one kind of "mother" allowed in this world: to be virtuous, to be gentle and virtuous, to be diligent and thrifty to take care of the family, and to tie the body and mind to the child at all times.
But no matter how much discussion there is, the more complicated the requirements for women.
Don't forget, we as women, as mothers, don't need to be defined by anyone.
Source: "Strange Story"
In the words of papi sauce, becoming a mom, there is no need to be so labeled.
Maybe after becoming a mother, you always have to give up something.
But I think that, occasionally, we can also throw off the baggage of "maternal love". As Cai Kangyong said: "I encourage everyone to be a cold person... If you are bound by the word warmth, it is even more difficult. ”
Source: Interview with Cai Kangyong
Society always seems to have an impression of mothers: mothers must return to the family, and children will definitely change you.
But "what a mother is like" should never be defined, change or not, and there is no fixed answer.
When the mother does not pass the saying, as long as your child feels comfortable, as long as you can make yourself and your child happy, is an excellent mother.
Just like the concept conveyed in the show, there are "self" mothers like papi sauce in the world, and there are also "traditional" mothers like Cai Shaofen.
Image source: papi sauce video
Every mom has her own uniqueness, they are independent enough, strong enough, brave enough, to bear the challenges of life, and to shake hands with the years.
It's mom, it's yourself.
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