Author | Tao Du Happy Wings Student
Coordinates | Guangzhou
01
Children are repeatedly bullied
Although his son is only in the first grade, he has been repeatedly ostracized by his classmates at school, especially a girl named Xiaoping at his table with her.
I tried to guide and demonstrate to my son what to do when he was bullied by children, but he didn't seem to listen to much, still the same as before, wooden, timid, and afraid to act.
During that time, my son told me almost every day that his tablemates bullied him.
I think my son is so pitiful and painful, but his "cowardice" and "resignation" make me helpless, speechless, and anxious.
The day before yesterday, my son told me after school that the same table had bullied him again, I asked him how he was bullied, and when he went to throw leaves, the same table scribbles on the painting he just finished, and his beloved leaf painting was almost completely destroyed!
Only the only rubbing leaf remained, which he kept, and the rest was thrown away.
I know that my son likes to paint plants the most, especially leaves and the like, and that must be his most cherished painting.
I asked him how he was feeling at the time.
The son said he wanted to cry, but he didn't cry because he had to go to class.
He muttered that this day could not pass.
Seeing my son's dejected look, I was also a little angry: it is not a way for children to be bullied all the time! As long as he doesn't dare to resist, people will continue to pinch you like a soft persimmon!
I discussed with my son, "Let's think about what else we can do to solve the problem!" ”
He said he wanted to talk to his dad, and I said yes, so I decided to bring my dad to discuss it tonight.
02
The child offers ideas
Before going to bed at night, my son told his father that he was bullied at the same table at school today, and he was very unhappy and wanted to cry.
His dad asked him what he was going to do? The son still said he didn't know.
His father is also estimated to be distressed by the child, directly began to support, such as: ask the same table not to draw your books, can not bully others first, but if others bully you, you have to fight back, make trouble to the teacher to deal with, do not worry about the teacher will wrongfully accuse you, in case the teacher criticizes you, you let the teacher come to find mom and dad, we come to tell the teacher, you don't have to be afraid.
The son said helplessly: "I have spoken to the same table, but she will still beat me, and the teacher did not see her bullying me." ”
I added anxiously: "When you are bullied at the same table, you will yell at her, ask her why she grabbed your pen and scribbled your book, so that the students around you know that she bullied you first!" She hits you, you hit back, and then go and tell the teacher! ”
The son said he didn't think it was good to fight, and he didn't dare to speak very loudly.
At that time, I really had a feeling of mourning his misfortune and anger, my son was like a docile little sheep, no wonder he was bullied.
Or later, when I reviewed this matter and thought about it back, I reacted that the child did not agree with the parents' opinions, which means that the child already has his own ideas.
I was anxious and impatiently said to my son: "This is not okay, that is not dare, then your table will still bully you every day, you will continue to be bullied like this, every day is not happy, so that you will be bored with school, you will get sick." ”
The son was silent for a while and said that he did not want to sit at the same table and wanted to change to another table.
When I heard my son's thoughts, I realized that he had come to discuss it with the answer, hoping to get our approval.
So, following his train of thought, I asked with interest, "Then who do you want to sit with?" ”
He said he wanted to sit with Bob, whom he had known in custody before, or that another boy he knew could too.
The two boys were relatively well-behaved children, and I immediately affirmed and supported my son's idea, asking him to ask the other person if he wanted to.
My son was relieved and said to me, "Well, I'll go with Bob tomorrow to apply to the teacher." ”
Hearing him say that he took the initiative to apply to the teacher, this was completely unexpected by me, and it turned out that my son could also be very brave and responsible.
Suddenly, he said to himself, "If I change seats, I can't be the team leader, I still want to be the group leader, what should I do?" ”
I immediately took his words and proposed to him: "Then let Xiaoming change seats at the same table as you?" But then the girl named Xiaoping at your front table may bully you. ”
"Yeah, it's not good, then I'm still not the team leader, it doesn't matter." This time, my son seemed to have made up his mind, sweeping away the previous state of twisting and pinching, I couldn't help but be a little excited, making me look forward to the progress of this matter.
03
Perfect solution, enhance self-confidence
The next day after school, before I could ask, my son said proudly, "I finally solved the problem!" And it's completely solved! ”
I was interested, asked for details, and he probably said something about it.
At dinner in the evening, the father was also there, and the son gave it all up this time and told it:
"Today Xiaoming did not want to change seats, so I went to the class teacher after the first class and told the teacher that my table mates always bullied me, drew my paintings, painted my books, and beat me.
The teacher called me to the same table, and under the teacher's questioning, I was quite honest at the same table, and she admitted that she had bullied me.
The teacher told her that she could no longer bully me, and I agreed at the same table. Because of the epidemic, the teacher said that he would not shake hands and that students should get along well with each other.
Back in the class, I also asked Xiaoping at the front desk to ask me if I could draw my book in the future, Xiaoping asked, I said no at the same table, I let them confirm each other, otherwise, I told Xiaoping, she would not believe. ”
At this point, I applaud my son's handling, praise him for his delicate mind, clear logic, correct direction, and completely solve the long-troubled problem alone!
At the same time, I affirmed in time that my son would find a teacher to apply for a seat change, and in the case that the other party refused to change seats, he could change the method and try to solve the problem.
The son also made a wonderful analogy: "It's like walking in a maze, there is an entrance, there is an exit, and now the exit (Bob does not want to change seats) is blocked, I opened an opening elsewhere (complained to the teacher), and finally walked out of the maze (to solve the problem)."
This wave of operations, in his own words, is "I am very proud", which is the son's sense of accomplishment in solving his own problems independently, and he gives himself a positive evaluation, and his father and I also expressed heartfelt admiration and admiration for him.
Now that I think about it, my son's process of solving problems follows the four-step method of ability formation, which is inseparable from my learning and practice during this time.
Whether a child has self-confidence or not is actually easy to detect. However, many times we will only see the timid and cowardly side of the child, and do not think about why the child lacks self-confidence, where the child's self-confidence comes from.
After this incident, I think that only after the child feels the love of his parents and the courage of the parents to support him, the power of self-confidence will continue to emerge.
In fact, this time he consulted with my father, his heart has his own ideas, fortunately I did not try to continue to insist that the child follow our methods, but believe in the child, support the child, in the end, the son's performance gave me a beautiful lesson, I am also proud of him!