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Text: Ten miles
Illustration: From the Web
When I was young, I always thought that the cheating of husband and wife was the most terrible thing in the world, because it made the love that had been managed for many years seem worthless.
In middle age, I realized that for couples, some things are more terrible than cheating.
Because for the matter of cheating, many people can do it painfully, immediately endure the pain of cutting love, and completely let go of this wrong marriage.
And some couples, although they have always been unhappy in marriage, have no real strength to urge them to let go of this marriage.
As my friend Xiaojuan often said: "If he cheats, I can still divorce and put it down, but he has not committed any major incidents, he has been boiling frogs in warm water, although I feel unfortunate in marriage, but I do not know what reason to mention divorce, I can only suffer." ”
In fact, for marriage, infidelity has not always been the most terrible thing, because this matter can be directly chosen and decided, and some things, but can not go up and down, cut and rational and chaotic.
When people reach middle age, the three states of husband and wife are more terrible than infidelity.
1. When people reach middle age, sleeping in separate rooms for no reason is more terrible than cheating.
They all said: "After sleeping in separate rooms for a long time, it is difficult to return to the same bed." ”
This is deeply true.
Because the party who sleeps in the divided room will only feel endless desolation and indifference, over time, it is inevitable that other ideas will arise.
Sleeping in separate rooms for no reason usually only increases the suspicion between husband and wife, and there is a crisis of trust, and natural feelings will become more and more weak, and it is difficult to come together.
Sleeping in separate rooms itself will not affect the marriage, snubbing and alienating each other.
Although sleeping in separate rooms is not the main key to causing the feelings of couples to become tainted, the reasons behind the behavior of sleeping in separate rooms will cause big problems in the feelings of husband and wife, because distance and estrangement will only make each other more and more distant.
Husband and wife sleep in separate rooms, it seems that it is a room, but the actual part is the heart.
During the day, they are husband and wife, making a scene, and at night they are neighbors, and they do not interfere with each other.
Most of the couples who sleep in separate rooms, their feelings will break down, because they are used to a person, no longer need each other, so the feelings will become more and more weak.
Some people say that if a husband and wife are together for a long time, they will have affection, which is stronger than love, so even if they sleep in separate rooms, there will be no problems.
But in fact, it is difficult for two people who are not related by blood to establish a real family relationship, and they also need daily life to get along and trust to maintain the relationship.
Between a good couple, there should not be only a feeling of "I love you", there should also be a feeling of "I need you", these two feelings, one is indispensable, otherwise, the marriage will inevitably have problems.
When people reach middle age, the complaints and derogatory abuses between husband and wife are more terrible than infidelity.
In reality, there is such a couple, they usually only complain and denigrate for their partners, and there is not a good word in their mouths.
I don't know, have you ever heard words like this:
"I was really too bitter, when I was blind, I married you to such a man who didn't show up, you see how capable other people's husbands are, how good life is now, how can you be so incompetent;
"I am really unlucky to marry such a loser woman, not only ugly, but also grumpy, only money in the eyes, there is no merit at all, looking at it is annoying." 」
The most they say is, "If I hadn't been like you, I wouldn't have gotten so bad."
They can't afford responsibility, they just shirk responsibility and leave themselves behind.
But as everyone knows, the other party will become that kind of person, and they can't get rid of the relationship.
Because between husband and wife, there must be mutual influence, you can't do it yourself, how can the other party be good.
Good couples, know how to appreciate and tolerate each other, husband and wife, not only to have children, but also to encourage each other, to complete each other, to degrade and tolerate each other, will only make both sides worse, and then the marriage is more unfortunate.
When there is a major crisis in marriage, what we should do is to reflect more on ourselves, rather than blindly shirking responsibility and standing on the moral high ground to attack our partners, because this must be harmful to others and ourselves, and the gain is not worth the loss.
Husband and wife are one, you hurt each other at the same time, in fact, you are also hurting yourself, don't understand. Always hitting your partner will only make him feel that marriage is a mistake, and there is always an endless chill around you, and then the other party will respond to you in this way.
After decades of marriage, being with someone who understands that you appreciate you is comfortable even if you suffer hardships; but if the other party only hits and squeezes you, that kind of heartache and torture, only you understand.
When people reach middle age, uncommunicative speculation is more terrifying than cheating.
In life, some couples will quarrel if they can't speak more than two sentences, so they don't talk, and all kinds of silence makes each other guess.
Ask why, they will talk without speculation for more than half a sentence, talk to each other, is to play the piano to the cow, even if they say, the other party does not understand, the person who really understands, there is no need to say.
But if you don't say it, can the other party really understand?
The answer must be no, there are some things you don't say, the other party may never understand, and even because of guessing about this matter, leading to big problems in feelings.
Because men and women are two different individuals, not only physiologically different, they also have various differences from the mental and psychological level, so it is decided that men and women have different ways of behaving and thinking.
If you always want to live with yourself, you will only get an answer that you least want to get.
Because the other person is not at all the same as you think.
People in the world often say, "Those who love you don't have to teach, those who don't love you can't teach, and if you love me, you should understand everything about me, not everything." ”
This may seem true, but it ignores the differences between individuals.
Some people have strong empathy and understanding ability, they do understand it at a glance, while some people have poor empathy ability and rough mind, how do you let you understand.
As with many men and women arguing, women often say, "Why don't I say it, you don't understand?" You are the one who does not love me, who loves me, and even if I don't say it, I understand me. ”
In fact, most of the time, if women don't say it, men simply won't understand. It's not that he doesn't love you, it's that he can't guess your mind.
In reality, those good model couples are not able to understand each other's thoughts at a glance, but one party knows how to take the initiative to express their thoughts, and one party is willing to act.
It is not the mind that is guessed, it is called love, you say it, the other party does it, this is called love.
And this love is more direct and simple, why not enjoy it?
In reality, if you want the other party to do something for you, don't let the other party guess, don't be blindly tempted, and tell the other party directly, which is the best thing to do.
Without communication, the other party never knows what you really want? Saying it will not make your feelings worse, but will make your feelings better, because some people really don't understand.
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Today's topic: "Do you think you're right"?