In feelings, there is a very common phenomenon.
When asked why a person loves another person, the answers are often not specific, and may just be a "happy with him".
Sometimes, the reason why a relationship ends is that two people are no longer happy together.
It sounds like feelings are too emotional, but the reason behind it is related to a very rational "emotional value".
Strictly speaking, it is each other's emotional value that determines whether two people can be together, and it is also each other's emotional value that determines how far two people can go.
I remembered something my friend said, I was in love with my boyfriend for three years, I was about to talk about marriage, but I chose to break up because of various contradictions.
The conflict between them is not serious to say, but the emotional value provided by the boyfriend is too low for the friend to persevere.
So, what is "emotional value"?
Professor Jeffrey of the University of Idaho Business School in the United States proposed the term "emotional value" from the perspective of the relationship between customers and enterprises.
The "emotional value" in economics refers to the difference between the customer's perceived emotional benefit and the cost of emotion, and in intimate relationships, such a "formula" also applies.
Emotional Value = Emotional Benefit (Positive Emotional Experience) - Emotional Cost (Negative Emotional Experience)
People always need a reason to do something, can make themselves have a positive emotional experience, is one of the important reasons, if you are not happy together, no matter how much love feelings are difficult to maintain.
It is easy to find that in feelings, emotional value is the primary productive force.
Just like those who have high "emotional value", often the fate is not too bad, because people with high "emotional value" often have these advantages.
01.
Can maintain emotional stability, so that people do not get tired
In the book "Dangerous Personality Recognition", The American personality identification expert Joe Navarro believes that emotionally unstable people are actually a kind of "dangerous personality".
The reason for the "danger" is that it is difficult to control emotions, which is equivalent to easy to get out of control.
The way a person behaves in a state of emotional stability is completely different from the way he deals with problems when his emotions are out of control, which makes it difficult to avoid danger.
Remember Anjiahe in Don't Talk to Strangers?
Because he suspected his wife's betrayal, the marriage was full of suspicion, and he was an extremely decent and responsible doctor outside, but at home he may do something to his wife for a small matter.
After each move, Anjiahe will feel sorry for his wife, and even kneel down to beg for forgiveness, but the result of his wife's forgiveness again and again is to exchange for Anjiahe's hurt again and again, and the other party can't control himself at all, or that the other party has no way to manage his behavior when he is emotionally.
In life, everyone does not like to interact with such people, because the other party is like an invisible bomb, and no one knows when it will break out.
All you can do on your own, it seems, is to stay away.
It is also because of this that it is often those who can maintain emotional stability and are more popular, because they provide a degree of negative emotional experience, so as not to bring harm to others.
A good intimate relationship should be a lifelong bondage, a long-term relationship, which needs stability, and more importantly, stable emotional blessing.
02.
Be optimistic and positive, and have a better emotional experience
Once seen a topic: How good is your significant other?
When many people say how their other half is working, how well they are, and how considerate they are to themselves, I remember a high praise of the Lord who said this:
"I'm not much better than him, but I'm happy every day with him.
He would spit with me when I complained about my boss, and then indignantly said that he wanted to eat delicious food to soothe his inner pain; he would insist that 'you are the most beautiful in my eyes' when I was fat and could not buy beautiful clothes; he would keep repeating 'you are really great, but those interviewers don't know the goods' when I fail to apply for a job and fall into self-doubt. ”
Even when two people quarrel, the other party is only angry at the same time, while reading the "Mo Angry" mantra, sentence by sentence "Mo angry, Mo angry, angry body no one for" makes people feel that the gods are nagging, but it is also too cute.
When I look at the answer of this answer, it is difficult not to smile on my face, as if this is what the most ordinary but extremely beautiful love itself should look like.
I remembered a passage I had seen before: What is a good love is nothing more than that after meeting each other, all your emotions have a place to go, and that person can hold on.
Such a person must be positive and optimistic.
Because you are positive and optimistic, you will not be trapped by real life, you have extra energy to resolve the sorrows of others; because you are positive and optimistic, you will not be trapped by other people's emotions, so you can always listen patiently.
As the saying goes, the things of life are nine times out of ten that they are not satisfactory.
In the life of an adult, unsatisfactory things will become more, which is why I want to meet someone who can help me share some of my worries when I am bad.
If two people can be optimistic and positive, and the occasional emotion can be held by the other, it is only a matter of time before they stay together for a lifetime.
I am afraid that some people are too negative, obviously a good life through their explanation, will become bleak, hope is lost, such a person, magnified the exhaustion of life, will make people want to escape.
03.
Many people are accustomed to the relationship between people and people, simply understood as the exchange of material value and external value, it seems that each other's looks, height, income, family status, etc. meet each other's mate selection conditions, intimate relationship can be established.
But a person's total value is actually the sum of material value, external value and emotional value.
One of the decisive ones is often the emotional value.
Because if you always can't be happy when you do something, even if it is meaningful, you have the idea of ending it, and sooner or later you will take action.
Only when you are willing to do something, willing to be with someone, will love become a daily routine.
It can be said that it is the emotional value that determines how long a relationship can last, and it is also the emotional value of a person that can determine what kind of "fate" they can encounter.
People with high emotional value, on the road to self-achievement, are also achieving others, and naturally do not encounter too bad fate.