If you have a daughter, how do you let your child face this complex environment?
And how to make children have a sense of self-protection?
This is what this article wants to expand on.
All the problems, slowly unfolding, there is a little princess at home, her happiness and beauty, must be related to us.
In the face of many sexual assault cases, many actresses have come out to condemn it. In Han Hong, Yao Chen, Zhang Ziyi and other actresses, Ma Yili seems to be a little different, she thinks more about how to look at such things from the perspective of her parents.
Perhaps, from a judicial point of view, we can call for the severe punishment and deterrence of such demons.
Perhaps, we can also hope that schools will strengthen adolescent sex education.
However, from the perspective of the least harm to children, we do not want to do things after the fact, and do not do things that are lost.
The child's education must start from family education, and it must also begin at an early age.
This requires us, starting from ourselves, to be prepared to help children understand sex correctly.
Ma Yili said:
"Remember, the attitude you tell determines the child's attitude towards this matter, the more natural, the more sincere, the more undisguised, the smaller the child's curiosity." 」
I think of my own generation, teachers never talk about this, when I was in junior high school, there was a "physiological hygiene" class, the teacher's class was in order - read accordingly. In the most critical part, the teacher who gave us the lesson walked up to the podium as usual, cleared his throat in the midst of great anticipation, and said, "In this lesson, the students are self-taught!" ”
This is our sex education.
At home, parents would never talk about these things. In that era of closed information, we would not be exposed to any sex-related content, and even parents would say "not harmful" to sex-related topics on TV, so they changed stations.
I still remember when I was adolescence, I liked to watch foreign circuses, and one of the important reasons was because of the costumes of the actors.
Looking back now, I still remember the feeling of being a clueless teenager: very shy, very ashamed, very mysterious, very afraid.
Afraid of being discovered by adults, a scolding.
Now that we are parents, do we still educate our children with this concept?
In today's era of information explosion, sex-related content abounds, can we cover our ears like a bell, plug our ears, and if we can't hear them, there will be no sound?
Definitely not.
Ma Yili went on to warn parents:
"Only after the parents get a satisfactory and non-questionable answer, the child will not find the root cause behind his back."
For example, when the child asks us how I got to this house,
What kind of answers will we give our children?
Did you pick it up?
Was it hugged?
Was it found in the garbage heap?
Is it a prize to win the lottery?
For a child, my own history is definitely a very important event, how did I come to this family, why do I have a father, there is a mother?
For this topic, we told our daughter without any secrets that she listened carefully, listened carefully, listened carefully, listened to her eyes, and shone brightly.
If your child asks you such a question, how do you answer it?
Is she very happy, or very depressed?
Ma Yili's daughter loves horses and asks such a question seriously for the first time.
The first time Aima seriously asked this question, he was 7 years old. As a passer-by, I know all too well the saying that 'Dad takes out a sperm, Mom takes out an egg, and puts it together and becomes you.' In front of modern critical thinking children, it doesn't make sense at all! Children must be told what it is like to be conceived. When your child asks you about your sexual organs and the process of pregnancy, remember that the attitude you speak of determines your child's attitude towards the matter. ”
There is a teacher Lu Xinchen who has long preached sex education in China, and when he talks about teaching sex education classes, his feelings are:
When the teacher speaks in a serious way, the student will learn with a natural, knowledge-learning attitude.
Children can naturally and generously say the scientific names of reproductive organs, and the younger they are, the more natural they are.
This tells us that when we talk about the content calmly and naturally, we don't feel that there is a problem, and the child will not feel that there is a problem.
Ma Yili said of the attitude of her parents:
"If you show a little shame, your child will feel that this is an unspeakable secret and sneak around in search of a powerful network."
Yes, that's the real thing.
When we equate sex with shame, this secret box, the opportunity for parents to take the initiative to help their children give sexual enlightenment, is lost.
Children's understanding of sex depends on what environment and channels they will encounter.
In Xuancheng, Anhui Province, a 10-year-old girl was violated to death by a 12-year-old cousin, and the report mentioned that the 12-year-old boy, who has entered adolescence, likes to play SQ violent games, and when he is no longer satisfied with virtual games, he will infringe on others in reality.
If his parents can find out the existence of the child in advance, and can do a good job of guidance and education in time, maybe things will not be such a result.
We do a good job of educating our children, and if it is a boy, it will make him not do the wrong thing under the endocrine influence of puberty.
If our child is a girl, we can let her learn how to protect herself.
As Ma Yili said:
Getting the real answer from the mouth of the parents is the best education.
Parents, do not give up the opportunity to tell the children personally, children's understanding of sex should not be affected by the uncontrollable outside world, but should be the parents to take the initiative to intervene and guide.
But the question is, are parents up to the task of being able to do so?
Domestic surveys have found that only 9.49% of parents believe that they are fully competent for their children's sex education.
At the same time, 62.52% of parents do not know how to grasp the degree of sex with their children, 38.4% of parents believe that they do not have the knowledge reserve for sex education for their children, and 38.22% of parents do not know how to talk about sex with their children.
This figure is staggering, which means that when we want to carry out sexual enlightenment and sex education for children, the reality is that more than 90% of parents do not know how to say, do not know how to say, do not know how to face.
The best way to solve this problem is not to rely on ourselves to grope, we can find the right picture book from reading.
Ma Yili talked about the picture books used in sex education:
"The child's first enlightenment book is "Serena Rush Forward", which perfectly solves the child's curiosity and curiosity. After reading it, the children said, it turns out that we are all the first place, and everyone laughs happily. ”
In addition to this one, Ma Yili also recommends these books: "Knowing the Body", "Mom Gave Birth to an Egg", "Don't Touch Me Casually", "My Little Pepper Is Itchy", "The Secret of Evil", "Why I Am a Girl", "Why I Am a Boy", "The Story of Breasts".
Of course, no matter what kind of picture books we have prepared, we must pay attention to the attitude of parents towards sex, which is calm and sincere.
At the same time, sex education can begin from the age of two or three. This is a good time to guide your child to recognize his or her body.
Protecting children starts with early sex education.
Ting Dad, the grandfather with a 10-year-old daughter, the creator of the high-quality parenting field, the family education instructor, the uncle of the 70s, the parenting and education masters who love and think, welcome to pay attention, forward, like and comment, more parenting and education issues can communicate with me. Make parenting easier and education more effective