Some time ago, there was a hot search, and a male teacher's statement about early love exploded.
The male teacher asked the students. Know why not let the students fall in love early?
Will it delay learning? Too small?
Neither! It's because you have four options now
You can't choose one right, choose one out of 1.4 billion people, are you right?
Why legal age of marriage, female 20 years old male 22 year old, because good excellent people.
Having been well educated in college, by this time the mind is mature and dares to take responsibility.
In this regard, netizens have praised it, believing that the class teacher is reasonable and well-founded.
Netizen: Speaking very well, the key is that children can listen to it. Netizen: A good teacher is not only teaching you to read and write, but also a guiding light in life. Netizen: This is a good teacher who teaches and educates people.
However, some netizens think that there is something wrong with the teacher.
Netizen: Why 1.4 billion instead of 700 million? Netizen: This is far-fetched. To be precise, it should be like this: elementary school, you can only find the next door; junior high school, you can only find the next door; high school, you can only find one county; college, you can find the whole country; better universities, you can also find the world.
Earlier, the principal of the middle school advised students not to fall in love with the popular network early: the start was too early, the quality was not good; the university was looking for it again, and the white head was old. I hope that students, especially girls, will not be moved by low-cost efforts, such as pouring you a cup of water, buying a cup of milk tea, etc., this is not a scarce species, please a babysitter or call a courier brother can do it.
However, even if the whole world hopes that children do not fall in love early, young hormones cannot be suppressed.
Take a look at the children's childish confessions and the comments of the teachers:
Whether it is a teacher or a parent, the problem of early love has always been a headache. But even so, children will still secretly carry out the hormones of youth under our eyes.
The signal of children's "early love", parents should pay more attention
There are several phenomena in which children may be signs of early love
First, children pay more attention to their own image and pay more attention to dressing themselves.
When the child focuses on dressing, then it may be to attract the attention of others, and the possibility of early love is large, of course, it is not absolute.
Second, children's emotions are volatile, and adolescents will have such problems. When adolescent children's mood changes must be for a reason, this period is generally caused by the influence of interpersonal relationships, either with same-sex friends or with the opposite sex.
Third, the child asks the parents for more money, and the cost becomes larger. If at a certain time, the child often asks for money, parents should also pay more attention and ask about the use, because it costs money to fall in love.
In addition to the above three obvious performances, there are also similar to buying some clothes and jewelry with special symbols and letters, and parents should also pay due attention to the situation of their children.
So what are the reasons for children's early love? There are two most likely reasons:
1, children lack of family care, and there is little communication with their parents.
2. Adolescent children's self-awareness is enhanced. However, weak willpower is easily affected by the adverse environment of society.
Adolescent children have their own thinking and opinions when their self-awareness is enhanced, but these cannot be well listened to by parents or teachers, who are treated with indifference or accusations.
Depressed children can only warm up from their equally depressed peers, so early love is more normal.
And if children with weak willpower are exposed to bad information through various channels, they are more likely to fall in love early if they are good at imitation.
In fact, the child's "early love" is different from what parents think
An 8-year-old girl, receiving a love letter from a classmate, excitedly showed her father who came to pick her up, and the frightened father could only exclaim: "Oops... My mom...".
Although there is no comment, the tone is complicated.
Hu Ping, an expert in children's sex education, said: "Human love will go through two stages of development.
The first stage of love is asexuality, and the love of this period does not carry sexual impulses, but only allows children to experience the emotions of love between the opposite sex. ”
The first stage refers to prepuberty. At this time, the child's love for the opposite sex is only emotional.
They are neither like adults who consider too many external conditions, because their sexual development is still very naïve, nor do they have sexual impulses, and they just want to simply stay with their loved ones.
It is the inevitable experience of the child's life growth, but also the preparation and preparation for future marriage and love, and it is the "early practice" of love under the guidance of the heart.
For children entering adolescence, their early love is divided into the following types:
1. The admiration type, that is, the phenomenon of early love between adolescents due to their admiration for each other.
2. Curiosity type, that is, the phenomenon of early love caused by curiosity about the opposite sex.
3. Conformist type, that is, the phenomenon of early love caused by the pressure of people around you.
4. Reverse type, that is, the phenomenon of early love caused by the inappropriate intervention of others in the intersex interaction of adolescents.
If parents usually care about their children, know more about them, and know how far their children have progressed, we may be able to guide them in some ways.
However, too often, parents treat it like an adult, or stop it from developing in the name of loving their children, which ultimately brings harm.
How parents should be cautious about their children's early love behavior
In the book "Understanding Virginity", it is said:
"Children who normally experience emotional early love will not be hurt, and adults' ridicule, ridicule, denigration, attack and disrespect for children's love will lead to child injury."
Therefore, even if you enter the "early love period" in advance, parents and friends do not need to be like enemies, let alone drink in the head, as long as you correctly understand the growth rules of teenagers and guide them:
1. Set the right posture and strengthen communication
In a video on the Internet, the 10-year-old girl received her first love letter, written by a boy in the same class.
Dad was happy when he found out, thinking, "This is a good thing, it proves that my girl is very good." ”
He also comforted her: don't be embarrassed, just get along with him and your classmates as before.
Then, dad praised the boy, praising him as a persistent and persevering child.
The daughter was also suddenly cheerful, and immediately said: In the future, I will treat him as a good friend.
The correct guidance of the father enables the daughter to face this feeling with a normal attitude and try to grasp the relationship between the two sexes, which is a very important life experience for the child, which is not learned from books.
If the teacher or parent pays too much attention to the so-called "early love" of the child and strongly opposes it, he will stop at nothing to cut off the connection between the boys and girls.
Not only is it useless to extinguish the good feelings, but it will ignite the rebellion of adolescent children, who will defend their feelings more resolutely.
American social psychologists David and Libbetts once did a survey, what role does parental intervention play in men and women in love?
They were surprised to find that the higher the degree of intervention of their parents, the more intense the love between the two parties.
The most famous example of this is Romeo and Juliet, the two love each other, but the feud between the two families does not allow the two to be together, but the family's obstruction does not cut off the love between the two, but further stimulates the desire of the two to be together.
Therefore, they called the effect of parental intervention on the love of their children: the Romeo and Juliet effect.
Therefore, parents must calm down, communicate more with their children, and guide them, instead of humiliating them and scolding them.
2, secondly, parents should correct their attitudes, do not regard early love as a mistake
On December 11, 2019, some media reported that Yuan Yongyi's 13-year-old son Zhang Mutong had "fallen in love". Yuan Yongyi was overjoyed to see the report.
In fact, this is not the first time that Yuan Yongyi has publicly talked about her son's problem of "early love", in a previous variety show, Yuan Yongyi has openly taught her 13-year-old son to "fall in love":
She gave her son a lot of advice:
3 dates, if you feel that you can continue to get along, you have to give each other a little more time to run in;
"If two people can't be sure of a relationship, three dates is enough."
If you really can't get along, you must clearly refuse not to drag...
Compared with many parents who strictly guard against early love, Yuan Yongyi feels that instead of explicitly prohibiting it, it is better to let children establish a correct view of love early.
Yuan Yongyi adopted an attitude of respect and positive guidance.
This is because in her eyes, the child is already an independent individual with his own ideas, and the germination of adolescent emotions is a normal expression of emotion.
After all, an unavoidable reality is:
This is an era of material abundance and information explosion, children are generally precocious, and it is inevitable that the opposite sex in adolescence will be too close to the relationship or adolescent romance.
How to teach children to correctly understand what love is and what is sex is more effective than all unnecessary control.
As a parent, don't easily label normal feelings as "early love" and "bad kids" too early.
It is necessary to listen carefully to and fully respect the children's ideas with an equal attitude, explore the real encounters and feelings of themselves and those around them, and guide the children to gradually form a correct concept of love in the free conversation.
3. Broaden your circle and make friends widely
Parents should encourage their children to actively participate in group activities such as outings, cultural and sports competitions, and voluntary labor to divert their attention and vent their abundant energy.
Let them know that there is no mystery between the sexes, let them feel that it is a natural feeling for the two sexes to be together.
4. Proper sex education
More afraid than early love parents are related to sexual issues, as children gradually mature physiologically, curiosity is increasing day by day, parents should timely and gentle sex education of their children, improve self-protection awareness.
In fact, the real horror is not "early love", there is no ability to love, some people have been unable to establish normal intimate relationships because of "early love" for a lifetime.
Psychology researcher Scanlan says, "In a sense, teen relationships are training ground for adults' intimate relationships, providing the perfect time to learn how to manage strong emotions, negotiate conflict, communicate needs, and respond to partners."
Renowned psychologist Eric Erikson also believes that adolescent love has an important contribution to adolescent self-understanding and identity.
The contradictions, understanding, hurts, and happiness that occur between the love process and the person you like in adolescence can promote a person's exploration of "who they are".
Conversely, children who are forbidden to fall in love and lack exploration fall into "self-identity confusion."
Because they don't know who they are, how to accept and identify with themselves, they will not only have difficulty establishing and maintaining a relationship afterwards, but also encounter a series of setbacks in their work and family life.
If a parent allows his child to explore intimate relationships freely on the basis of correct and perfect sex education, he will know who he is, what he likes, and how to get along with people.
From being able to truly protect yourself and have the ability to correctly handle "early love".