This is a Q&A question that I saw some time ago,
I also answered this, and at the same time I wanted to talk about some stories of my relatives, talk about my thoughts and cognition. The years of growth have not been smooth, nor have they been calm. If there is, it is just a bunch of trivialities and contradictions waiting for you to resolve and cross, because in this way you can grind your personality and grind out the happiness of the family.
Every time I see the scar on my father's head that is about the size of a thumb lid, I think of the scene when my father was hit by my aunt with a canned bottle when I was a child.
I was 7 years old, the year of Hong Kong's return to the motherland, and my father and mother quarreled over the fertilizer in the crops because my father did not buy the kind my mother said, and listened to my uncle next door to buy other models. The two quarreled over this, and then the mother pushed the fertilizer bag down and sprinkled it on the ground, and the father slapped the mother, and the mother returned to the grandmother's house in anger.
I was in school, and I didn't know that my mother had gone to my grandmother's house when I came back from school. The next day I went to my grandmother's house with my father, and before I could enter the door, my aunt saw us coming, and she shouted and scolded us to get out, pushing and pulling on my father's clothes while shouting, and my mother told my father to take me back and not to come.
Then Grandma saw it, hurried out and took my hand, pulled me into the courtyard aside, and my father, who had not yet had time to speak, was smashed on my father's head with the can that my aunt had eaten in her hand. In an instant, the father's blood flowed from his head to his ears, and the small half of his face was stained red with blood. I cried out to my father twice in fright, and my grandmother went to slap my aunt, and my stunned aunt ran out.
At about the same time, neighbors on both sides of my grandmother's house ran over, and a grandmother who was about the same age as my grandmother came and quickly dragged me into the back room. Through the crack in the door, I saw my grandmother and my mother walking out of the door with my father. After a long time they returned, and their father had gauze tied to his head, but there was still obvious blood on his clothes.
Finally the adults began to chat and talk, and I sat in front of the TV with the apple my grandmother had given me, but from time to time I looked back at their every expression and look. In the afternoon, Grandpa came back, they talked in the back room, I sat in the yard with the eldest sister next door, and finally my father went back alone, and I stayed at my grandmother's house for two days, and my father picked us up when he came again. I didn't talk to my aunt in the past two days, and most of the time I followed my grandfather to school, who was a teacher, teaching language and politics.
More than 20 years have passed, and this matter is very deep in my mind, but I have never hated my aunt much, and I have never thought of retaliating for anything? Not to mention that they are dead and unrequited. It's not because of how wise I am, how I am full of wisdom, but at that time, I didn't have the mind to think about these things, and the time of childhood hit quickly, and my childhood was mostly happy.
Today, my father and mother are also nearly 60 years old. Slowly understand and appreciate that the price of growth is to slowly take all your relatives and your beloved things bit by bit until the last you.
My grandmother died in 2005, my grandfather died in 2007, my grandmother died in 2002, my second aunt died in 2016, and now only my grandfather is still with me. Every separation is such a heartache and tears, you can't do anything but have to endure.
If the adult world is full of hatred, then not only is life tired, but also life is not long. Families with extreme emotions will also be very involved, children are also victims, and others will only laugh at you and hide the knife. Don't know how to dissolve, don't know how to give up, and spread the seeds of hatred for half a lifetime.
In front of life, adults should abandon the entanglements and obsessions of the previous generation. Like the author of this question, for your mother, your uncle is his only relative. The representative is not a relative, but also a sustenance of the mother's family.
Does the mother's road leave your mother alone? Did your mother knock on the door of your mother's house alone? Does the mother's affection let your mother do it alone? Does the filial piety of the mother's family let your mother go alone? Does your mother's grave make your mother cry alone?
Human nature always forgets grace and always remembers hate. The grievances of the elders belong to their human feelings and trivialities, and your generation should let go
So you are sure to go, even if their children are old and dead to your family, according to your thoughts thousands of miles away, that is their children's practice, good and bad is also their family style.
You go to mourn, and he is your uncle, and this is the last journey to send him, and it is the end for you and him. Whether your cousins are good or bad is your business.
You go to mourn, filial piety is your mother's feelings, after all, it is his brother, this parting will be forever, and the mother's road may also be the last step.
When you go to mourn, you respect your father's identity as a son-in-law and brother-in-law, fight for your father, show righteousness for you, brighten the atmosphere for your family, and no matter how big the festival is, you will also stand guard for your father in the last journey, because this is the last parting.
If you don't go, you just listen to your father,and your cousin has nothing to do with each other, and you have prejudices with each other. Don't think so much about your face, what is afraid that his children will not welcome you, his children will not wait to see you, his children will belittle you in their hearts, and his children will gossip about you.
You can rest assured that no one will manipulate and pay attention to you at this moment, and at his father's funeral they make you ugly, then they are the biggest joke and clown, and from then on they are famous among all their friends and family.
You can think of small things, it doesn't matter what you like, that's the common sentiment of people, nothing more than the upper lip bumping the lower lip, arguing about only a reason, a breath, a face.
But in the face of major events, you must have a human concept of etiquette, morality and ethics, that is, the dead are great.