"Diligent mothers will definitely raise lazy children," I have indeed heard many parents complain. There is also a saying in the folk that if parents are too capable, children are incompetent; parents are too diligent, and children are lazy. But have we thought about it, is this correct?
Many times, when we do education, we are easy to follow the clouds, and slowly lose the ability to think independently and distinguish between true and false. In fact, such a statement has neither scientific basis nor theoretical support, but it has become a kind of "truth" when it is passed around by everyone.
The reason why this sentence can be universally recognized is because most people do not think deeply: Why do some diligent mothers raise lazy children? What can we do to make good habits pass on to our children?
▼
Teach children "how to do" instead of "doing everything"
Family education cannot cross the line
Of course, it is good for parents to be diligent, but they must not cross the border, stretch their hands too far, and reach into the field of responsibility of their children.
This friend of mine often put his diligent hand into the child's responsibility field when he was a child, and did everything properly for the child, which raised a little princess who stretched out his hands and food to open his mouth, and raised his own affairs to be managed by the diligent mother.
Later, when the child grew older, the friend found that helping the child would be endless, and he was no longer willing to help the child do everything. After she let it go, she appeared: the living room managed by the mother was clean and tidy, and the child's room was a mess.
My business is my business, and your business you have to do it yourself
Once the parents cross the line, the child is of course lazy. People have such a nature, you have helped me do everything well, I don't have to do it, then I am still diligent and fast?
Therefore, diligent parents must not go beyond the boundary, you have to tell your children, I am diligent is my business, you can only have a clean room, an orderly school bag, and only then will you have your own sense of order and efficiency.
In fact, diligent parents are more likely to raise diligent children, because they have their own set of methods, for example, how to organize the room to be orderly, how to do housework to be efficient, how to place stationery in the bag is easy to find... Parents can teach these methods to their children and let them do it themselves.
This is the diligence that has wisdom and boundaries and can be passed on to children.
Diligence is not the pursuit of perfection
It's a habit that needs to be cultivated all the time
Perfection is not the standard of diligence
Generally speaking, diligent parents tend to pursue perfection, such as requiring the room to be spotless, requiring books to be neat and tidy, and so on. But if you take this standard to ask the child, it is a kind of demanding, which will cause a lot of pressure on the child.
If the child feels that no matter what he does, he cannot satisfy the parents, cannot meet the requirements of the parents, and cannot be as diligent as the parents, then he is not willing to work hard psychologically.
Diligence requires accumulation and perfection bit by bit
Diligent habits, efficient storage skills, a good sense of order, etc., are not something that can be cultivated overnight, and children need to accumulate and improve little by little in the process of slowly growing up.
Therefore, parents must not pursue perfection, be harsh on children, and give children a little patience and time. Smaller children, will sort out their own clothes, it is very good; children go to primary school, first start from tidying up their own school bags, to ensure that the stationery, books are in order every day when they go to school; children are older, parents can take him to tidy up their bookcases, study, and slowly teach him good methods and good habits of diligence, so that he knows that diligence can be learned.
And the goal can be achieved through hard work, and he will become more and more diligent and enjoy it. Gradually, the child will grow into the diligent appearance that parents want.
Know how to appreciate the child's diverse diligence
Allow children to be different from themselves
Parents like to be neat and tidy, like the ultimate neatness, but to allow the child to be different from themselves, allow him to maintain the general neatness can be, allow him to develop his diligence in other aspects, his interests.
For example, parents like to clean up the house, but the child likes to make food, he can make the dishes beautiful and bright, good at repairing electrical appliances, and installing newly purchased small household appliances quickly, which is a kind of diligence.
Parents should see this diligence of their children and know how to appreciate it, rather than requiring their children to be diligent in cleaning up the house. Parents allow their children to be different from their own diligence and areas of excellence, and the children will not be suppressed by the parents' diligence, resulting in their cowardice and incompetence or simply giving up any kind of diligence.
See diversity of diligence
Diligence is not only the only standard, to see the difference between children, to see the diversity of diligence, to give children more affirmation and encouragement. In that way, the child will become more and more diligent, more and more daring, and good at developing his own diligence in his favorite field. Such a child will not be too bad academically, because diligence can be migrated.
Teach by example
We often say that family education is to teach by example, in terms of diligence, in addition to being diligent and making an example for children, we must also patiently tell children why people should be diligent.
For example, diligence is a sense of responsibility, diligence can make our lives better, let us take care of ourselves, self-reliance, self-improvement. Of course, you can also tell your children about the past of the family, how the ancestors used diligence to let everyone have food and school; how they worked diligently with their parents when they were young and struggled to achieve a happy life today... All these can make children understand that diligence is a good thing, and it can make people better and better.
When the child tidys up the room once, washes the clothes once, makes a meal, and drags the ground once, the parents should express appreciation and encouragement to the child in time to strengthen the child's enthusiasm for doing things and provide motivation for him to continue to do so.
Parents have been doing this for a long time, why worry about not being able to raise diligent children?
I have never believed that "diligent mothers will definitely raise lazy children", and I hope that parents and friends will not believe in this wrong attribution. If diligent parents raise lazy children, it must be a problem with the methods of family education. Because, diligent parents will be easier than lazy parents to raise diligent children, after all, there is an idiom called "upward and downward effect".
END
Author: Wang Li
Edit: Zhuang Qingqing
Image source network, if infringing
Contact deletion at the first time