One writer said, "Those who have top charisma have just the right sense of proportion." ”
Between people, they like to be respected and understood, and what they do not want to do to others is to say that they are measured in getting along.
Many contradictions, in fact, there is no principle of big problems, but the improper handling of small things has led to the point of irreparability.
On the Internet, I saw a video posted by a woman who said that she let her mother take care of the confinement. Is it really their fault that my brother and daughter-in-law are divorced? She missed the deep love between her sister and brother in the past, and now the brothers and sisters have turned against each other, which she did not expect.
01. The daughter is in confinement and shouts away from her mother, and her brother and daughter-in-law are divorced
The woman's family lives in Yichang, and when she was confinement, she happened to encounter her mother-in-law's illness, so she called her mother and asked her to serve her.
Originally, it was normal for a mother to take care of her daughter's confinement, but the situation in her family was that the child of the sister-in-law's family was only more than one year old, and had been taken care of by the grandmother, and the grandmother went to the daughter's house, and the young child was not watched, and the sister-in-law could not go to work.
This makes the sister-in-law dissatisfied, she thinks that the eldest sister has caused trouble for herself, the mood at home is not good, the couple often gets angry, and when quarreling, the younger brother has a bad temper.
The sister-in-law went back to her mother's house in a rage, saw that the baby daughter was wronged, the parents of course felt uncomfortable, so they ran to teach the son-in-law a harsh lesson, and also counted the relatives down, thinking that the family was unfair, marrying the daughter and spilling water, should spend energy on taking care of the grandson, rather than running to take care of the daughter.
The daughter is uncomfortable, why is the daughter an outsider when she marries? I am also my mother's baby, so I let my mother serve me in confinement, what can you do?
As a result, the sister-in-law divorced, leaving the young children to the husband, packed up the things and left, what was a good home, to the point of falling apart, the brother was also very broken, she he accused the sister: "Don't you have a mother-in-law? Why do you want to influence my home? ”
My sister is aggrieved in her heart, and she thinks that your divorce has nothing to do with me, and I hope you have a good life, but you can't interfere with your mother to take care of my confinement, confinement is very important, you should understand me.
What she didn't understand was that it was a small thing, why did it happen like this? She posted her family's affairs online and asked netizens to judge herself.
Netizens have left messages, most of them think that their daughters are doing wrong.
Someone said, "An aunt should not meddle in the affairs of her brother and sister-in-law." ”
She retorted, "It was his in-laws who intervened with her daughter in a furious manner." ”
In fact, if you think in a different position, you can understand the mood of the sister-in-law, all she wants is respect, when she meets her sister, she is right and brave to shout away from her mother-in-law, so that her children have no one to take care of, of course, she will have emotions.
02. The inability to keep boundaries is the cause of imbalance in the relationship
If you want to figure out why a small thing will stir up a home, look at the "kicking cat effect".
What is the kicking cat effect?
There was a man who got up late in the morning, saw the cat wrapped around his feet, kicked a kick, the result of the cat was frightened, jumped on the table to overturn the ink, ink spilled on his clothes, he could only go to the closet to find clothes again, went out a few minutes late, just missed the bus perfectly, and when he arrived at the company was late, the project manager lost his temper with him, and revoked his work, he sighed, this day is really unlucky enough.
In fact, the latter series of things are related to the initial emotions, if he did not kick the cat, there will be no trouble in the back, this effect is also reminding us that when encountering problems, we must think about the source.
Back to the woman's matter, she wanted to ask her mother to help take care of her confinement, but she should pay attention to the way.
First of all, we must consider that the children of the sister-in-law's family are still young and have been taken care of by the grandmother, if you call away the mother, what should the little nephew do?
Empathetic thinking, the sister can discuss with the sister-in-law, can let the mother bring the little nephew together, so that it does not affect the sister-in-law to work, the family is big, will also take good care of the little nephew, I believe that the sister-in-law will not be angry.
Secondly, the sister can spend money to ask the sister-in-law, the mother-in-law can not help take care of the confinement, and there is not only one way to find the mother.
If the mother is willing to take care of it and can arrange her own family affairs, she can give the mother some subsidies appropriately and discuss it with her sister-in-law in advance.
The feelings between the family members are two good and one good, you respect others an inch, the other party returns you a foot, if you tit-for-tat with each other, in the end it will only hurt both sides.
03. A woman with high emotional intelligence will handle the relationship with her sister-in-law
The woman sighed that her brother did not understand himself and blamed her for the problems of his marriage.
In fact, this matter itself has an inseparable relationship with her, shouting away from her mother is only a factor, and there are many contradictions accumulated by the family usually.
Judging from her righteous attitude, it can be guessed that she usually returns to her mother's house and does not regard herself as an outsider.
There is a saying that goes: "Leave room for getting along with people, do not go beyond the rules, and do not exceed the bottom line." ”
Between the sister and the sister-in-law, because of the different positions, it is necessary to think a little more empathetically.
For example, between the sister-in-law and the mother-in-law, it is easy to have conflicts because of a small matter, the smart sister will not participate, but will persuade her mother to learn to be considerate, young people work under pressure, take a step back from the sea and the sky, and big things can be reduced to small.
If the sister regards herself as her own person and always wants to uphold justice for her mother, she will naturally have conflicts with her sister-in-law, accumulate for a long time, and encounter a contradiction, which may become a fuse.
In addition, if the sister finds that the younger brother and daughter-in-law are in conflict, they should not keep the mother around, let the mother go home to calm the problem, and they can find another way to sit in confinement, they have to fight for you to be wrong, and in the end, the brother's marriage has a problem, which may be a regret that is difficult to make up for in a lifetime.
Of course, we are not saying that the mother cannot take care of the confinement of the daughter, in a friendly family, of course, because the mother knows more about the living habits of the daughter, and can also let the daughter get better care.
But everything should pay attention to details, do not add trouble to the mother's family, is the daughter's cultivation.
When we put forward our own needs, we must learn to think in a different position, find a way to deal with things, and reduce contradictions, isn't it better?
Therefore, the root of this woman's problem lies in willfulness, she insists that her daughter is not an outsider, but let her brother's marriage have a crisis, in the end, the embarrassment is still her own mother, if you can learn to look at the problem from a different perspective, you will find that doing things to leave room for others is to leave room for yourself.
Give it a thumbs up and go! Do you think your daughter should let her mother serve her confinement?