The author | career planner Vin original
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Red Moon has worked for many years, and the problem that has plagued her has always been that she is not good at expressing her personal needs, and after a long period of repression, she is confused and does not know what her strengths are.
"I have a very fast execution, I can carry things, others can't do it, I can handle it, people around me will say anything to me, and if there is difficulty, they will also ask me for help, I think my advantage is to be able to endure hardships, have patience, and be able to tolerate." Red Moon said.
Why put up with it?
"My leader, many times do not call me by name, is the one who calls me, but also often yelled at the public, my momentum was slowly suppressed by her, at the beginning did not understand her work habits, there are many things that are not in place, she feels that I do not think comprehensively, I have a bad impression, after some things she is satisfied with me, know that I obey and work hard, her attitude is better, but my heart is actually very uncomfortable." 」 Red Moon spoke out her troubles in one breath.
"Have you ever taken the initiative to communicate with her?" I asked.
"I still feel that I don't have enough inner strength, I don't have my own thoughts, I'm not firm; she's too strong, I often feel wronged, I always endure the pressure, persuade myself that you don't stay here for a lifetime, there is no need to see this kind of person in general." 」
"So you never tried to communicate with her?" Speaking of which, I am very impressed by the endurance of the red moon.
"Never, probably subconsciously I also felt that communication was useless, she was such a person." Vin, I'm a very emotional person, and I often find it very difficult to emotionally detach myself from situations that I know are working against me. I have a strong sense of emotion, which has the effect of often drawing energy from other people's negative evaluations to exert effort, but this is not what I want, but it is difficult for me to divert my thoughts and emotions from there, how do I deal with it? ”
Different people have different dominant forces, and emotions themselves are an innate energy.
Today, for most people, their thoughts take precedence over emotions. Society makes people whose emotions take precedence over their thoughts feel stupid because they don't understand the power and wisdom of emotions.
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Overall, emotion management can be divided into three levels.
The first layer: vent at will, without scruples.
This layer has rarely appeared in most adult worlds, and after experiencing some things and suffering some setbacks, everyone has long passed the age of casually venting emotions.
But in children, you can often see this layer of primitive emotional freedom. For example, a baby, when he is hungry, will cry and cry to express his needs; a child, in order to let his parents buy toys for himself, will lie in the supermarket and not go, or even sleep on the ground, which is also expressing his emotions.
But in the adult world, there's a saying that goes particularly well: "If you don't have the ability to control things, don't vent your emotions casually." ”
Gradually, we become mature, become sensible, begin to learn to manage our emotions, and thus move to the second level of emotional management.
The second layer: be able to control emotions and learn to exercise restraint.
The Red Moon is currently at this stage, which is one of the most common ways for many people to control their emotions, preventing us from making judgments at the apex of emotions and thus avoiding irrational behavior.
Of course, everyone controls their emotions differently, but in life, who has not encountered a few troubles, negative emotions are like shadows under the sun, and it is impossible to completely eliminate them in itself, and complete repression will only bring greater backlash.
But if we can't vent our negative emotions in a timely and reasonable manner, and always put on a "loss is a blessing" appearance when we encounter troubles, those bad emotions that have nowhere to be placed will accumulate more and more in the bottom of our hearts, and eventually evolve into a time bomb.
The third layer: know how to vent emotions, have emotional outlets.
Red Moon also classified emotional management as her strength at the beginning, which shows her cognitive misunderstanding. It's no wonder that when it comes to emotional management, many people like to start with controlling their emotions, but they never think that it may be someone else's fault that they become angry.
Of course, all the above negative emotions need to be expressed within a reasonable range, even if it is a positive emotion, it is not the fuller the better, is not there a word called happiness and sorrow?
So, when all the negative emotions arise, don't feel bad about them, don't be afraid, but think about how to digest and vent your negative emotions.
To learn emotion management, we must learn how to vent emotions reasonably, rather than ignoring the existence of negative emotions.
When we are angry, we do not slam the door at the first time, making the whole scene ugly, but expressing dissatisfaction in other ways. For example, explaining your dissatisfaction to that person alone and spitting out with a good friend is the emotional management I understand, not that you are obviously very angry, but you have to show that you are generous and pretend not to care.
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The topic of emotion management has been discussed by many people, but what exactly is it managing and what is it ultimately eager to achieve? Everyone may have a different answer, but to summarize it in a vocabulary that many people can understand, it is "emotional freedom."
What is emotional freedom?
It means that in the process of growing up, being able to see through the mood and anger of others has nothing to do with you, even if you are hated, your own world can operate freely, and other people's emotions will not hit your self-confidence.
More broadly, emotional freedom is the ability to accept and embrace all of one's emotions, especially negative emotions, acknowledge their existence and learn to use them rationally, and the highest state of emotional management is emotional freedom.
In the consultation, I also found that the individual characteristics of the red moon are very much not wanting to be controlled, and they long for freedom. If she wants to be free, she must express her thoughts freely, which is also a subject she ignores, it is difficult to express emotions freely in front of others, and to take responsibility for her own emotions.
Therefore, the life problem encountered by Red Moon is the study of "not suppressing emotions".
Learning to flow and express your inner emotions appropriately, I told Red Moon that when you are facing your various emotions, whether it is happy, moving, angry, anxious or fearful, the most important thing is to be able to allow yourself to show emotions and observe reactions, do not rush to criticize whether emotions should be expressed at this time, and do not have to analyze where emotions come from too quickly.
Because when we try to find a reasonable explanation for emotions, we fall into the rational analysis and judgment of the mind, forgetting to let the emotions flow; by observing the connection of these emotions with ourselves, we are all good opportunities for self-awareness and growth.
I share the Hawkins Energy Hierarchy chart with Red Moon. Tell her what each level of feeling represents, and how this energy will affect your life.
This is also what I have often shared in the past: FM first, then do things.
In the consultation, I also found a particularly interesting phenomenon, the WeChat avatar of the red moon just happens to be a picture of a bright moon on the sea.
I smiled and said: "You see, the moon is just the key to mastering emotions, our emotions are like the moon, it will change at any time, so we must be able to consciously perceive emotional changes, and learn to express themselves more comfortably, in order to live healthier, in addition, the sea represents purification and flow, you can purify and nourish yourself through activities such as tears, sweating, bathing, drinking water and other activities, so that the body and emotions at the moment flow." ”
"Haha, it seems to be true." Red Moon said with a smile.
When our emotions can flow and express, we can better understand them with a normal mind: all the feelings that appear in life are actually normal. At the same time, you can also trigger psychological feelings through activities such as reading books, movies, and singing.
In the consultation, I also found that Red Moon is very good at rhythm, and I asked her to be more aware of this part, because things that make her feel happy or touch her heartstrings are all ways to make emotions flow.
Love yourself more. When emotions arise, don't forget to give yourself more unconditional love, accepting them rather than criticizing them; remind yourself to catch yourself first, take good care of your inner feelings, respond honestly to yourself, and allow all feelings within to naturally appear and flow out.
Through the deepening of counseling, Red Moon's innate qualities gradually became apparent: sensuality, gentleness, compassion, softness and empathy, especially empathy for the emotions of others. Therefore, she is well suited to assist others in expressing their emotions, and through the flow of emotions, she releases the obstacles that have been silent for a long time. People with this innate energy are well suited to interact with people.
Final words:
There is a three-second glue law for dealing with emotions.
What does that mean? It is to train yourself as if there is a switch, to fix the emotions in a three-second glue way, to switch to a new state of mind immediately, to focus on the current things, and not to affect your subsequent mood, otherwise it is difficult for you to calmly cope with the ensuing things and challenges.
Music is the secret recipe for Vin's own instantaneous emotional transformation, and I divide music into music when I am composing, overcoming depression, stabilizing emotions, relaxing, uplifting, exercising, and falling asleep... This allows me to switch places of the mind in an instant, without getting caught up in a momentary excitement and not being able to walk out.
In addition, meditation practice is also a good way to help us regulate our energy, this set of simple 5 steps in the daily practice can put your body and autonomic nervous system into a balanced, continuous state, so that chaotic emotions can be washed away and calmed.
You can also try:
1. Gently close your eyes, exhale slowly, take another deep breath, and focus on the little toe of your right foot.
2. Visualize yourself standing under a waterfall. The waterfall washed down from above our heads with a comfortable water temperature. Complete exhalation, clean up the energy field of the whole body, let the frequency of the cosmic water release all the emotions and burdens that have accumulated on the body, and clean up everything that is no longer suitable for us by exhaling.
3, feel the recent days, what emotions are still in the heart, imagine through the tears, waterfalls washed away, once again bring these emotions back to the earth hug, become the mother earth nourishment.
4. Feel the energy of the waterfall, flowing down from the top of your head to the soles of your feet, and the flowing water is like your emotions, letting it pass, while also asking yourself: "Is there any place in the body that feels pain and tension?" Let the water of the waterfall nourish every cell of the body. Leaves the body clearer, lighter and more relaxed after being washed away by the water.
5, exhale and inhale again, bring back a new, fresh frequency, extend this energy to every cell of the body, when you are ready, slowly open your eyes and bring yourself back completely.
Hope today's sharing was helpful to you.
PS: Out of respect for confidentiality clauses and the particularity of consulting work, in order to protect the interests of the parties, the customers in the text are pseudonyms, and the privacy and consulting technology related to customers cannot be published.
Author | Career Planner Vin: Career counselor, middle executive coach, focus on sharing career counseling cases to enhance your workplace competitiveness. Welcome to my headline number @ Career Planner Vin