Author:Ai Wen (Emotional Self-Media Person)
In a relationship, when the betrayal occurs, it means that there is a problem in the relationship, no matter what choice you make, one thing is clear:
When a problem arises, you can't avoid it. Because avoidance cannot solve the problem, avoidance will only make the problem more serious.
However, in reality, many people adopt this avoidant attitude after encountering emotional betrayal. They neither think about the essence of betrayal nor ask themselves whether the betrayed person is still trustworthy; of course, they are avoiding their own problems.
Avoidance, in the final analysis, is not to dare to face, neither dare to face the truth of the other party, nor dare to face the truth of oneself; neither dare to face the present nor dare to face the future. They are accustomed to slowly paralyzing themselves and even deceiving themselves instead, trying to cope with everything in this way.
However, such a treatment, the problem is not solved, nor can it be solved.
In fact, after encountering emotional betrayal, you only need to ask yourself the following questions:
1. What is the nature of betrayal?
2, a person who has betrayed you, in the end is not reliable, can you entrust the rest of your life to him?
3. If you can't, what should you do?
4, why am I trapped here, or that something is wrong with my own that causes me to be trapped here;
5) How do I change all this and get myself out?
If you dare to think about these questions and find the real answers to them, then it is not difficult to solve the problem; the difficulty is that you may not dare to think about it, and you may not even be willing to face or admit the real answer.
The moment of uncovering the truth must be very difficult to bear, and it is also a fragmented and panicked heart; it will even make you feel completely helpless and collapsed... But if the truth is avoided, how can the problem really be solved?
You walk with a person all the way, and the other party pushes you into a pit, you may think that the other party is inadvertent, it is unintentional; you may feel that it is a problem of the pit, a problem of the road, or even a problem of your own carelessness - these are not the truth, the truth is: the other party is going to harm you.
Betrayal is not the same.
How do you recognize or interpret the nature of betrayal—is betrayal a mistake that anyone can make, as black as a crow in the world; or is one ruthlessly selfish and only cares about one's own performance?
Can a person who betrays himself still be trustworthy, is it still worthy of trusting — of course not, of course not, at least at the time when the conclusion was so, but do you admit the answer?
You are entangled, if you do not admit it, you are actually difficult to convince yourself; if you admit it, then how can you continue to live with such a person?
So, you may think of breaking up, but in the face of breaking up, you retreat and avoid.
You are reluctant to invest in everything you have ever invested in this relationship, you can't face the torture and suffering that you have to go through to break up, and you are even more afraid that after making this decision, you will be lonely for the rest of your life, and you will end up alone...
So, you come back again, you try to convince yourself that even if this person once betrayed me, there are still feelings between us, he was so good to me before, probably he will still go back to the past; I give him a chance, just as if it were a chance for himself, to give this relationship a chance; not for myself, I also have to think about children...
In this way, you change your mind to do "ideological work" for yourself, you persuade yourself, and you seem to return to a relatively stable state.
However, after two days, either you find that the other party is still deceiving you and betraying you, or you find that the reasons you have found for yourself do not really convince yourself.
After encountering betrayal, how to choose is a difficult question, and there is no absolute right or wrong in how to choose, but you must face the truth and must admit the truth. If you just keep trying to escape, eventually, you'll double down on yourself.
If you still don't understand it, let's take a simple example:
A person who has betrayed you many times, you still expect the prodigal son to turn back, to be able to one day have an epiphany and introspection... This is the typical problem of avoidance, and your problem is not how to solve the problem of betrayal, but how to solve this unrealistic fantasy of yourself.