#Heartbeat Moments #This article describes the previous content, which mentioned the 41st episode of "Heart Consultation", and this article continues with 42 episodes. The protagonists are a couple, Amy and Jack.
Their interactions are like two extremes, namely: making love and arguing. In the last episode it is said that they will miss the counseling room later and may not come because they are ready for divorce.
The world is alive
I think it's important to me because I've had a similar situation. The visitor told me that she wanted a divorce, and that she felt very hopeful and powerful at the thought of divorce, and that she was originally a very weak and powerless person.
When I encountered this kind of thing, I was a little flustered. Because I feel like I'm doing something that has a big impact on people. I was acutely aware that I was influencing the lives of others.
This thought brought me pressure and heaviness, and I felt suddenly as if something had landed on my shoulder out of thin air. These make me feel stressed and feel breathless.
On the one hand, I feel that the world is magical. When I encounter this problem, there will be some reaction from the surrounding environment, and it is important to tell me about this problem.
Just like I have encountered a turning point in divorce, there have been some books and dramas in this area recently, which talk about this issue. I also thought of Li Xiaolai's point of view, this world is alive, even has a soul...
How I treat it, it will treat me. When I stare into the abyss, the abyss also stares at me. When I focus on the topic of divorce, the content related to it will naturally enter my world.
I live in the world I care about, and other people may live in the world they care about. According to personal constructivism, everyone lives in a world they construct, and each world is different.
My world is beautiful, your world is worth exploring, and I look forward to you unfolding your world to me. It's really fun, isn't it?
The choice of life
On the other hand, I want to see what the seniors did, and the protagonist of the play is a psychologist who has been practicing for 20 years. He may have some clever way to deal with this dilemma.
What does Paul do in the play? Listen to the visitor first, and then understand what is described in their language. In the last episode, Jack said that he felt lonely, that although he was in marriage, no one could talk about it, and he was afraid of losing custody of his son.
In this episode, Amy also talks about it, and Jack doesn't understand her thoughts. He may also be very lonely, that is, although two people are in marriage, they actually do not have a good way to communicate, and there is no way to comfort and support each other.
Later Paul asked a question about the children they all loved. How do they think about their children's future lives? Like with whom? Where to stay?
The two people talked about the past together, and they found that they had a very tacit understanding with each other and could express their consent one by one.
If they do not divorce, to improve the way of communication, it is equivalent to two people practicing internal skills, and they need to be reborn. If we divorce, cut twice, we don't have to face our own needs, we don't have to go through the pain of rebirth.
It feels like the latter is an easier path to take, but if it were me, I would choose the former. Because I think we should choose the difficult road, and the second difficult road will bring more gains and growth.
An important reason for their husbands and wives to have problems is that they cannot control the interaction between the two parties. The most common occurrence of two people is sex and arguments.
Psychology has a point of view that the solution to one thing is the way he solves all things. They replace good speech with quarrels, and they replace friendly, nourishing communication.
In this marriage, it wasn't Amy or Jack who was at fault, but the way the two of them interacted. War is replaced by good speech.
What is the war for? It's usually for resources. A war broke out between husband and wife, and I felt like they were saying, you don't love me, why let me do this?
Until two people are willing to let go of themselves and are willing to sincerely say sorry, in the past I messed up a lot of things. Both people are willing to face the bad of the past, the bad of the past.
Communicate more calmly and more sincerely. In order to reduce the harm to two people, to soothe the pain that has appeared, the harm to the child, etc., and to tell the parents about this matter.
Consultants respond
How did Paul respond? Are there any advantages that are worth learning from? He used three sentences, the first of which he asked the two men how they felt about the common event, the birth of the first child.
The second problem is the way they tangle and bring each other pain. Watching their frank and more sincere communication, I think it was a very big turning point for their relationship.
Previously, they might have argued and dealt with conflict by having sex. But with this sincere and frank communication, it will give an example to future communication, a very good example.
The third sentence is that two people who have come to this place together can still draw strength from each other even if they are divorced.
It's one thing to break up, it's another thing to love or not to love me. After some couples break up, they still persistently ask, have you ever loved me? This question is very important.
He's saying I'm worthy of love? The relationship between couples is not only before and now, but also has a profound impact on the future of life. Am I worthy of love for the rest of my life? Has there ever been a person who has genuinely loved me? This is an important spiritual pillar.
For a while, I calculated, how much was each sentence worth in the consultation? The answer is about 5 pieces. Paul in the play, my goal and role model, he said this sentence is about 5 to 20 dollars. I have a lot of room for improvement.
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