Good marriages make people more powerful, and bad marriages make people worse.
Everyone expects themselves to find a partner in life and have a happy marriage. But in real life, there are nine times out of ten that things are not satisfactory.
Some people think that where there is real love, marriage is just two people living together, and who to live with is not ah.
However, some people firmly believe in the beauty of love, retain an obsessive belief in love and marriage, and insist that only by finding the love belonging that fits the heart is willing to enter the palace of marriage.
Today, we will start from the well-known famous writer Tie Ning, she waited for true love at the age of 54, and her motivation for perseverance is because of a sentence: I would rather not have a marriage than make it up.
A heart that loves writing
Tie Ning was born in Beijing in 1957 and grew up in an art family. She had a painter father and a mother who was a professor of music. But Tie Ning did not have too much love for art since he was a child, but developed a great interest in literature.
When Tie Ning was a child, she liked to stay at home, and the books stored at home gave her the greatest nourishment. Every day in the small study room specially set up for her by her parents, reading became the theme of her childhood, and she also enjoyed the infinite joy given to her by words.
As the saying goes: full overflows. After a large amount of accumulation has reached a certain level, it is naturally necessary to express. At the age of 16, Tie Ning began to create her first work, The Flying Sickle. Thus began her life of writing.
In that era of youthful agitation, Tie Ning, like most young people, went up to the mountains and went to the countryside to become a young intellectual. When she had the opportunity to study at Peking University, she made an incredible choice.
Just because: "Do you want to be an outstanding writer or a graduate of Peking University?" Tie Ning resolutely chose the former and continued to stay in the countryside, and this stay was another four years. In fact, it is in the melting pot of the countryside that she feels more cultural accumulation and accumulates rich creative materials.
In the days that followed, Tie Ning created a series of excellent works. The novels "Oh, Fragrant Snow", "Red Shirt Without Buttons", "Rose Door", "The Great Bath Girl", and the essay collection "Women's White Nights" that won China's first Lu Xun Literature Award.
At the same time, her works have been translated into many languages, gaining wider attention and recognition. In 2006, at the age of 49, Tie Ning was elected president of the China Writers Association and the first female president in the history of the Writers Association.
Find or wait
Although Tie Ning had a smooth career and achieved great success, he had not gained anything in love and marriage.
In fact, Tie Ning herself is not extremely ugly, on the contrary, she is a dignified and beautiful woman, which can be described as both talented and beautiful. And she is not unmarried, but she has not yet met someone with a relationship. In a chat between her 34-year-old and bingxin old man, bingxin once gave her a sentence: you don't look for it, you have to wait.
And this wait is for many years, when she was 54 years old, she finally waited for true love and met the partner who could walk together in her life- Watson.
Watson was an economist 4 years older than Tie Ning and was the president of Yenching Huaqiao University at the time. He has a ph.D. in economics from Wuhan University and the experience of studying abroad, and was one of the first "experts with outstanding contributions at the national level".
The similar experiences of the two people, the common reading hobby, etc. are all important factors in happy love. One person was waiting, the other was not looking. It is as if heaven makes a pair and eventually becomes a family.
The Law of Attraction
Maybe you don't believe in true love, but few people yearn for love.
In fact, the union of two people will be facilitated by various reasons. Purely because the fit of the heart (platonic love) and purely because of the attraction of the flesh are both real. Complete spiritual fit is very difficult, always feels unattainable, we call it "fairy companion". And complete physical attraction is not absent, and we despise its "animalistic union."
It's just that most people are between the two, and the proportion of factors taken into account is different. That's what we usually say: it's both comfortable to watch and fun to be in.
As a writer and a writer who transmits ideas, Tie Ning's requirements for the spiritual world will be higher than those of ordinary people, which naturally increases the difficulty of marriage. But the heavens pay off, and there is always someone waiting for you. Love is not found with a lantern, but its own law of attraction is at work.
Take the initiative in love
Tie Ning's love choice does not need to be imitated, after all, it is her own business. But it gives us a lot of enlightenment.
Nowadays, many young men and women have encountered some setbacks and troubles in love marriage, and some people will passively choose not to marry after fruitless efforts. In any case, this will become a social problem.
In the final analysis, these reasons are the biggest obstacles, solve these problems, I believe you will also harvest your love and marriage.
One is not knowing what you want.
In the minds of some people, there are actually no clear goals and requirements for finding a partner.
When asked in time, he (she) will list a lot of conditions, such as similar looks, better personality, income can not be too low, family conditions to ..., so many requirements are actually equal to no requirements, what you want means that you don't get anything.
If you have a similar situation, you can provide a method for your reference. Please list the qualities and conditions of the other party you need on a piece of paper, maybe 10, maybe 20. It doesn't matter, then you need to choose to give up some conditions and delete them, half of them each time.
I believe that it is easier in the beginning, and the more difficult this trade-off becomes in the future. But even if it's hardest, you have to do it until there's only one condition left in the end – that's what you want most.
Some people will say, is one condition enough? Of course not. Because no one person satisfies only one condition, but several conditions at the same time. It's just that this condition is what you value the most, and the other conditions are extra gifts.
Only in this way can you have a firm goal in your future choices, and you will not be distracted and hesitant because of the interference of many factors.
The second is to know what you want, but you don't match it.
Just as some people want to marry a rich man, they are from a family and look mediocre. Some people want to marry a beautiful wife, but they are a toad who has neither talent nor wealth; some people want to marry a rich and handsome man, but they never pay attention to connotation and conduct. This is just unrealistic fantasy.
This situation is very common in reality. What you love doesn't love you, what you love you don't love, after all, you still miss it. Of course, if you really have higher goals to pursue, then raise your strength to a level that can be matched. At that point, I'm afraid that my goal will become higher again!
Therefore, we must not only be clear about our goals, but also make it grounded and in line with our own reality.
The third is to pay more attention to intrinsic quality.
Nowadays, many love unions are based on external conditions, of course, there is nothing wrong with it, but this is not friendly for marriage. The economic basis of marriage is important, but the maintenance of marriage depends more on the mutual attraction of inner qualities and souls.
Even the most beautiful flowers will have a day when they will wither, and no matter how much wealth they have, they will be squandered. Marital happiness does not belong to beautiful people, let alone to financially wealthy people. Unfortunate marriages of beauty and wealth, on the other hand, are common.
With a sense of responsibility and self-motivation, you are not afraid of insecurity and economic foundation. With kindness and wisdom, we are not afraid of not having a harmonious family and a firm backing.
summary
The so-called Iraqis are on the water side. Only by allowing yourself to continue to grow is the greatest guarantee for harvesting ideal love and marriage. Be an economically independent, independent-thinking person, no matter whether you meet him or her in the journey of love, you will have a happy and wonderful life.