My husband and I have a good relationship, but the parents on both sides often judge us.
For example: My mother is worried that he does not have a stable job, will his financial income be guaranteed in the future?
And he comes from a single-parent family and likes to play mahjong, which his mother is not used to, and even speaks to him excessively.
And his mother, at times, would accuse me in front of him.
For example: saying that I raise my children unhealthily, saying that I don't like to do housework, and working hours not only drink coffee, but also post pictures in the circle of friends, and so on.
For this reason, we are very troubled, and even reluctant to go to each other's homes, for fear of seeing each other's parents.
Ask the teacher, how to look at and improve the current situation?
A: In fact, the state of our respective families depends on the relationship between you two.
You can interpret the words of your parents with kindness.
First of all, you have to set an example, instead of arguing, "My mother loves me, so she will be strict with you, and she will feel that you are not good for this and that."
If you ask for a partner first, the other person will be more painful. How do you set an example?
First, regarding his mother's judgment on me, my approach:
(i) If his mother had said me to her face, I would have said:
"You make a lot of sense, Auntie, but if I want to take a break during work hours, what good advice do you have?"
When a person rejects you and denies you, and you feel that this is a problem, you can ask him or her as a teacher, a mentor.
See if she can find a good way to meet your own requirements for going to work and relaxing, and to meet the requirements that she thinks you want to focus on your work.
Everyone's values can be exchanged.
Don't interpret it first, she is hating me, how she has so many things, her hands are so long, my leaders did not say me, but you said so much in front of your son. Your interpretation begins with kindness.
If you can still calmly ask for advice on this, you are mature, and she will definitely look at you with surprise.
(ii) If her son conveyed it to me, I would first understand his handling ideas.
I would ask, "It turns out that Auntie has these worries, so how do you reply to Auntie?" ”
If a man resists his mother, he says, "You're in charge."
After a long time, his mother will feel that you have deprived her son of his attention and made his son rebel.
Why is the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law not good?
Just because the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law have become a competitive relationship, if you can transform the competition into a cooperative relationship, the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law is naturally less tense.
Instead, I would encourage him to speak in front of his mother, to speak from his mother's point of view, because all I wanted was this one man.
Although he ostensibly supported his mother, I could actually feel the man's love for me.
The biggest worry is that this man is outwardly supportive of his mother. Then you have to learn to express:
"I can understand that you respect your mother, as a man, with such a face.
But I hope that when we are together, you can give me this love and understanding. ”
Second, regarding your mother's judgment on him, my approach:
You can communicate with men and you say, "My mom said that, and you definitely don't feel well in your heart." Do you agree with my mom's statement? ”
He would say, "I certainly don't approve of it."
You say, "Then I have the same idea as you, and you are very good in my mind."
We talked about it above, you want men to support you when your mother-in-law judges you.
In the same way, empathy, you also have to give this kind of support to this man now, which can alleviate his anxiety.
If my husband cares a lot about his relatives' attitude towards him and his mother's oppression of him, I will reduce their relationship with him.
Of course, I would also communicate honestly with my mother, "Do you want me to break up with him?" ”
Mothers generally don't let you break up easily, so you can say, "Mom, how do you expect me to communicate with him?" "I would listen to my mother.'
Sometimes they love you without direction, sometimes the way of love hurts you, but they don't know, and sometimes you need to ask questions to make her sober.
Of course, if your mother says she wants you to break up, he's not good enough to deserve you.
You can ask, "What kind of man are you looking for for me?" ”
After your mother says her standard, you can say, "I've tried it before, and it seems like I'm not attractive enough to attract the man you want."
Say it jokingly, don't deny her.
Ask your mother, ask her how her words and deeds will affect your relationship.
Finally, you also want to emphasize that "I hope that when our family is together, you will stop verbally attacking him, because at that moment I feel like a sandwich cookie."
After the incident, I have to deal with his emotions and care about your feelings, you know, I am particularly uncomfortable in the middle. ”
Mother loves you, and she will slowly pay attention to her words and deeds.
You don't have to hold back and don't say it, no one knows the pain.
Sometimes, your mother will say things that she thinks she loves you, but may actually make you uncomfortable.
You are a child, to express, not to blindly allow.
If you don't express it, if you don't let her know your pain in this moment, she still thinks she's protecting you.
However, this kind of family relationship is often delicate and strong, and it takes patience and long-term effort to change it.
Maybe each mother will also find a way to protect her children in this way, in such a competitive relationship, have their own place, try to understand and accept it.
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