Nietzsche said: When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes at you.
Zhao Was already the one who stared into the abyss.
Drummer, guitarist, folk, rock 'n' roll, he has a lot of aura. He drank heavily, smoked, and even smoked DU. Full of foul language, he has made himself a tragedy.
People who like him say he's a master, and people who don't like him call him a parasite.
His songs are very flavorful, and you can say that nothing is. At least you may have heard his "Am I Your Favorite Person?".
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="6" > zhao who came from a musical family and was admitted to college in 1980</h1>
Zhao was born in Ningxia in 1963 to a Qin actor and a composer to a composer.
At the age of 3, he didn't know much to talk, and he was already able to play music with his parents.
At the age of 11, he studied erhu with his father. In his words: There are only erhu in the family, and I can only pull the erhu, from the age of 11 to the university graduation.
When he was a child, his parents were often absent, and he was fostered in his grandmother's house, where his grandmother, third aunt, fourth aunt and uncle took turns to take care of him.
Decades later, at the age of forty or fifty, he was still living a foster life, but his objects became friends, relatives and girlfriends.
There are four children in the family, he is the eldest, and he has also been given high hopes by his parents. In 1980, he was admitted to the Department of Chemistry of Shaanxi Normal University.
He later recalled: "Anyway, I think it is very good to take the test, and I am like everyone else, and I don't think I will be able to get in.
When he entered college, he began to play bands, play music, and carry tape recorders to school lawns and woods to dance disco. In 1983, breakdancing became popular, so I stopped dancing disco and switched to breakdancing. He suddenly felt that jumping disco was good (not enough layered).
He also didn't study well, but won prizes in school music competitions every year. The students looked at him unfavorably and thought of ways to expel him. However, the Youth League Committee wanted to protect him, and the two groups of people were in the same situation.
At that time, he had a very bright brain, watching someone on TV playing electric guitar and electric bass. I asked the teacher to buy a new musical instrument, and the teacher admired him very much, and directly took 5,000 yuan and let them buy it themselves.
The instruments he bought back were all dismantled, except for the drums, and he hid the drums on the stage of the auditorium, and no one let them move. At night a man ran in to assemble it. According to the drawings, while loading and scolding, he said that the design of this thing is too special and unscientific, and it took countless times to install it. After the installation, a person knocks on the dawn, which is his happiness.
He especially liked the ball, the instrument arrived, the band rehearsed for two days, and then they had a dance party and knocked on four songs. At that time, he hadn't heard of "rock' and roll" yet. If he knew, he would go crazy, he would feel like he was born for rock and roll.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="33" > entered the society, and with the gangsters, constantly went to the hole, but rarely achieved</h1> results
In 1985, he graduated and returned to Yinchuan, where he was assigned to work in the education department of a fertilizer factory, a job that was so comfortable that he didn't even have to drink tea and read the newspaper, so he ran a guitar teaching class while walking the cave and performing in the theater. Wearing a big slipper, with a big fluffy back, and mixing with a bunch of little lepers.
In 1987, he began to drift north, fooling around with a bunch of music buddies, going around in theaters, bars, and dances.
Later, he went to Shenzhen and Southern Fujian. Spent more than a year in minnan, earned more than 1 million yuan, and spent it all. By the time he left in '93, he had left almost no penny. It is said that it was at this time that I was infected with DU.
When he turned around, he found that the guys who drifted north had become big stars. But he's still a scoundrel.
Once, he had dinner with Wang Feng and others, and Wang Feng mentioned Zhao Muyang, Zhao Muyang' younger brother, and said: "It's too cattle, that guy beat the drum, God." Zhao was already very confused, he felt that his drum was much stronger than his brother's, but no one cared who he was, his circle was the underground circle.
Another time, he sold street art in Chongqing and earned more than 20 yuan in three days. Disappointed, when he was ready to leave, he found a street performer singing his song, and at that moment, he had mixed feelings.
Until his 40s, he was wearing flared pants. He said: Lao Tzu has never come to the 21st century.
This century is too foreign to him, he can't use a computer, he can't read bus plates, he has become a waster in the new century.
What he will always miss is his only album, Living in 1988.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="43" > would rather be helped by others than change himself, he lived into his own hated look, only when playing music noble, can save himself some face</h1>
Zhao has already said: Many friends say that I have long been a master of singing
。
Many people advised him to write a few songs and record a few albums, that is, to make money lying down.
For writing songs, he knew he didn't have that talent. He said that the old songs of the past were too beautiful, very pure, something that belonged to the soul.
For the recording of songs, he felt unrealistic and dirty. He didn't want to associate music with business, it was an insult to music, an insult to him personally. It's like breaking his thoughts, the bruises, and his teeth to show people, he, the master, can't afford to lose that part.
He said that in the 80s, I didn't know that singing could still make money, that is, pure liking, as for running a dance party, most of them also lost money. I drank 300 yuan a bottle of wine, but I only made 100 yuan singing, you know? The 200 yuan was also funded by friends and family.
Around 2000, his girlfriend had to support him with 5,000 euros a year for living expenses.
With the exception of the "Red Troops", he has not officially joined a band, and he has not been in the history of rock and roll. The music is changing, the young people have the young people's way of playing, and the new bands no longer need him.
By the age of 52, Zhao had already said that I was actually dead. Coupled with his perennial lung disease, his body did not allow him to sing anymore.
He gave a concert in Shanghai, but only a few hundred people came to listen to him sing, and his time had turned.
Until his death, he said several times that he did not want to accept donations. But I still rely on the help of others.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="55" > looking back at his short life, I think there are three problems that have caused his tragedy</h1>
First, lazy, too lazy to be repeated
Admittedly, he was a talented man.
As long as he wants, he can make a lot of money at any time, and he has a job, but I am poor and reasonable, and I have lived on relief all my life, but I have never been ashamed and proud.
He put himself in a condom and enjoyed the freedom of his 80s, which also brought him the poverty of the 80s.
He is the giant baby of the times, enjoying the pursuit of others. But he never thought of making money independently, he regarded money as dung, and money also regarded him as waste.
Taken care of by relatives since he was a child, he may not have grown up all his life and did not want to grow up, just like in the 80s when he could not bear to leave. In the 21st century, he is not afraid of this era, but afraid of himself in this era, out of touch with society.
Second, the pimple in his body is also an obstacle to his development
Zhao was already engaged in music in Ningxia and met a bunch of lepers. Later, when I went to Beijing, I was very familiar with a bunch of lepers.
It is not difficult to find out from his interviews that he is a leper himself. Something special came out of his mouth, as if he were going to be the enemy of the whole world, as if all the injustices had been fulfilled in him.
But he rarely reflected on himself, an old man with an unclean mouth, so angry, who dared to cooperate with him?
All I saw was an old man's last stubbornness. When a person thinks the world is unfair, that is when he is powerless to change himself, it is a kind of incompetence, a tragedy, a kind of powerlessness.
Third, freedom is a double-edged sword, and today's freedom is tomorrow's unfreedom
Zhao already loves music, and he has pursued freedom all his life, so he has hardly attended a few days of work.
And the ultimate in freedom is indulgence. The more indulgent you are, the closer you are to the abyss.
His parents did not support him in music, he had a stable job, for his musical freedom, he gave up, so what he brought him could only be the lack of freedom in the second half of his life.
Zhao has already said: "I have loved beautiful women all my life, obsessed with beautiful women who dare not face and dare not blaspheme, but I myself have never been beautiful, never once. I also know that in the freedom I sought, I was not free once. So, I finally fell. ”
summary:
Zhao's experience tells us that the small shortcomings in your body may become a fatal wound on your growth path.
Excessive laziness and freedom, genius will also become waste wood.
For the sake of tomorrow's happiness, we should not stop moving forward today.
There is a saying that when the times abandon you, there is not even a sound.