The author | Dong Lin Fu
01
The eldest cousin's family gave birth to two daughters, although the eldest aunt and the eldest brother-in-law also liked it, but every New Year's holiday, the eldest aunt always told me that there was no boy in the grandchildren, so that outsiders despised and could not be happy.
The eldest cousin and the eldest cousin did not think so, and the eldest cousin said to me: "The two daughters are so sweet, when I and your cousin are old, we will know that the two girls will enjoy more blessings."
If I have two sons, when I think of buying two more apartments and marrying my daughter-in-law with two bride price, I am afraid that I will not sleep soundly, my two daughters are China Merchants Bank, I am waiting for the bride price, if I have spare money in the future, I will buy a house for each of my two girls, if I have no spare money, no one will laugh at me for not buying a marriage house for my daughter. ”
Although my cousin said half of it was a joke, he also told the reality.
The eldest cousin and the eldest cousin have a strong psychology, never care about the discussion of the neighbors letting them have another son, every day with two girls to live a beautiful life, the eldest aunt and the eldest brother-in-law have been mobilizing the second cousin and the second cousin to hurry up and have a child in the past two years.
Last year, the second cousin gave birth to a son, which broke the aunt and the brother-in-law.
Every day on the Internet all kinds of sunbathing grandchildren, the child is now almost a year old, is used to a particularly bad temper, love to beat people.
Although the in-laws are happy to blossom every day, the second cousin is not very happy, because the second cousin told me that she has always wanted a girl, originally did not want to have a second child, and now the first child has given birth to a son, forcing her to continue to fight for the second child to give birth to a girl, and the second cousin feels that even if she fights for the second child, there is no guarantee that the birth will be a girl, and it will be more depressed to have a son.
The eldest aunt patted her chest and said to the second cousin and the second cousin that although you were born, you should only work with peace of mind after you were born, and your father and I would watch the children for you.
The second cousin told me that she was very entangled, did not know whether to prepare for a second child, and was very upset that the first child had not been able to have a daughter.
02
The idea of son preference is still deeply rooted in the hearts of some older generations, which is not conducive to the cultivation of children and the health and harmony of family life.
In a predominantly agrarian societies, men are stronger than women in terms of manual labour, which is why patriarchal preference is more serious in rural areas.
With the development of society, the proportion of mental labor is increasing, women in the service industry even have more advantages than men, and men and women gradually tend to be equal in social status.
The phenomenon of parental preference for sons and daughters has gradually disappeared, but we also have to admit that in the bones of some elderly people, the idea of male superiority and female inferiority still exists.
A friend I know, she has an older brother, she grew up with a very hard life, dropped out of school at the age of 15 to work, and has never asked for a penny from the family. Now she's in her 30s and has kids of her own.
She felt that her parents had never really treated her as a family member. Although she is not particularly wealthy in her life, she gives her parents at least 30,000 yuan a year for living expenses, and her parents often call and complain to her about how bad her brother and sister-in-law are to them, but her parents still insist on living with their sons and daughters-in-law while complaining.
Her sister-in-law's two daughters were brought up by her parents, her son and her parents never cared, and her brother often borrowed money from her, but never paid it back.
This year's Spring Festival, she gave her parents 5,000 yuan in red envelopes, her sister-in-law gave her in-laws 200 yuan for the first time, which made her mother happy and broken, and when she saw relatives, she said that her daughter-in-law gave her money, and for the 5,000 yuan she gave to her parents, her parents had long been accustomed to it.
My friend said to me, "I really don't understand, since parents regard their daughters as outsiders, why do they mainly count on their daughters when they work, ask for money, and provide for the elderly, and the family property does not have the daughter's share at all." Is it because such parents think that their daughters are always outsiders and their sons are their own? So spending money on a girlfriend is not painful at all? ”
To tell the truth, I can't understand such an old man's brain circuit, but many daughters have soft hearts and will not bother with the old people, but we also sincerely hope that parents will not treat their children differently, because everyone cannot decide their gender, regardless of their children, they are fate, they are all their own flesh and bones, and they must be treated equally. ‘
03
Why does the second cousin want a daughter so much? Because she said that she is more pragmatic, having a son is to listen to a good reputation, and it is more affordable to have a daughter.
It turned out that the second cousin had two older sisters and a younger brother, and she was the second eldest.
Since childhood, the family has given good food and drink and good resources to the younger brother, and now the younger brother has also established a family, but the big things and small things in the family are two sisters in Zhang Luo.
The younger brother and sister-in-law usually do not go back to the mother-in-law's house, and go back to see their parents like relatives during the New Year's Festival, and their parents are sick or have problems, mainly she and her sister are on top.
The mother of the second cousin said that thanks to the two girls, if only one son was born, the old two would drink the northwest wind.
Therefore, the second cousin said that she saw it very clearly, and when she got old, she still had to have a girlfriend who knew cold and heat, and was filial and filial, otherwise she might suffer.
In fact, I think the second cousin's ideological concept is still a bit one-sided.
Filial piety also abounds, and the key is how parents cultivate them. If parents spoil their sons from an early age and develop their sons' lazy and selfish character, children will not only have difficulty in their careers and families in the future, but also be indifferent and selfish to their parents.
Why is it so difficult for patriarchal families to produce sons with a good reputation? That's because parental doting buries the child's future.
This is the case with my good friend Apricot's family.
At that time, there were two children in the apricot family, and her parents went to great lengths to get a son, and it was difficult to give birth to a brother for her and her sister.
The eccentricity of parents is obvious. All the delicious food in the family will be left to the younger brother, and all the housework in the family is done by her and her sister, so that the girls who come out of the family often go against the grain, feel that everything is natural, and do not feel that there is anything wrong with their parents' approach.
When he grew up, his younger brother repeatedly encountered walls in marriage and work, and the two sisters realized that their brother had been eating and lazy since childhood, and now it was difficult to marry a wife, and it was difficult to insist on doing a good job for a long time, so under the pressure of their parents, the sisters had to do "helping the brother demon".
This is very unfair to apricot and sister, the cause planted by the parents, but the two sisters to bear the fruit, but the girl is generally soft-hearted, and now although the apricot and the sister have their own families, they also have to make up for their brother's holes and constantly supplement the mother's family.
But the road of life eventually has to go on its own, how unfortunate the brother of the apricot, the parents failed to cultivate his ability to support himself, such a child is like a bird with broken wings, seemingly in a cage to be fed, once you need to forage for food, you face hunger and inability to survive.
Therefore, the parents' preference for sons and daughters not only sorry for their daughters, but also harm their sons.
04
In some places, the atmosphere is very bad, and if anyone does not have a son, he will be chewed by others.
But now, after all, it is a new era, ignorance and backwardness are not worthy of being respected, and what others think does not have to care, because everyone will eventually have to pay for their own ignorance.
If a person lives under the tongue of others and does not have his own thoughts and opinions, it is the greatest sorrow. Moreover, there should be no more market for irrational and ignorant ideas and statements.
Life is like a white colt passing through the gap, in just a few decades, it is a great fate to become a parent and child in this life, and it should be cherished. It is difficult for us to reverse the old man's thoughts, but we can make our own decisions on our own ideas.
It is not important to have children and daughters, it is important to cultivate children into talents, let children grow up physically and mentally, and have a skill in the future, which can achieve independent life, independent thinking, and healthy sunshine, which is the greatest success of parents.
As for the old man's ideas, there is no need to cater to them, nor to forcibly reverse them, because time is silent, it will explain everything, and with the passage of time, those wrong ideas and ideas will slowly become untenable.
I sincerely hope that everyone can abandon gender prejudices, whether it is a boy or a girl in the family, they must be treated equally, so that children can grow up healthy and happy.