1. The responsibility of learning,
Clear sense of subject responsibility, do not confuse the boundaries of responsibility, the main body of learning is the child rather than the parent, their own affairs are responsible. Parents and children's boundary thinking and understanding of the problem, extremely important, can not be underestimated, it will affect the child's life, we look back at the problem of children, a large part of the reason is that the parents and children's responsibility boundaries are confused, the parent side crosses the line, the more the substitution, deprives the child of the right (responsibility), the child is forced to "sell" their rights (responsibilities), the due growth experience is not obtained. Children do not grow up, stemming from the immaturity of their parents. If family education is important, what is important is that self-awareness is not overstepping, not the elevation of the status of family education. The reason why I say that today's "theory of the importance of family education is not valid" is because we have now raised the status of family education, to surpass school education and social education. I think that parents' cognition can generally achieve "boundaries" is good, where there is a "raised" realm level.
For learning, parents and children distinguish the boundaries of their respective responsibilities in learning, and the boundaries of responsibility are said to be the main body of learning, not parents, and parents are auxiliaries. Learning is the child's learning rather than the parent's learning, parents pay too much attention to the child's learning, is equivalent to playing the primary school student again, re-entering the primary school. In order to let the child in the process of learning, as little as possible, or even no mistakes, parents obsessively help the child, thus feeling that they are very tired of supervising the child to learn, and one of the reasons for the greatest extent is that the parents cross the line and do the package to replace the child's independent learning.
In this process, if parents want to abandon the thinking of adults and become like children, they must be miserable and miserable, thinking that people are self-centered, unwilling to control, and enslaved. Moreover, the fatal problem of these behaviors of parents lies in the psychological cognitive characteristics and laws of children's learning, and even deprives children of the right to learn and grow. Because learning itself is a process of trial and error and error correction. When children learn any kind of knowledge and skills, they are to find mistakes on their own, to correct mistakes by themselves, to discover laws by themselves, and to apply laws by themselves.
The same child sends the child to the extracurricular tutoring agency for counseling, parents generally have such a understanding, students are difficult, homework problems, teachers are to one by one to solve the doubts, puzzles, corrections, is a good institution, responsible teachers, on the contrary, there are problems, irresponsible. A parent talked to me about one thing, talking about so persistent, confident, talking about me speechless, he said"The child was sent to the tutoring class in the third grade, until the sixth grade, the grades were very good, it has not been left behind, this institution is really responsible, I want to tutor her in this institution to high school". May I ask, holding, holding, helping, not letting go, can the child grow up? I tell you to sit, stand, walk, walk physiological growth is the child's instinct, your child in childhood, fortunately when you are not paying attention, you fell down and got up, slowly walk independently, otherwise he would never go. Learning is the same, is a trial and error, error correction of independent cognitive process, people often say a sentence "students admitted to Tsinghua, Peking University, not taught by the teacher, but learned by themselves", is this truth, I want to say that I "realized" out, is the true knowledge.
Secondly, from an early age, it is clear that learning must be done in school, not after school, and then the classroom is moved to the cram school and home, and the school does not have time to complete it. How did the homework tutoring class come about in society, and that's how it came about, of course, it doesn't rule out meaningful tutoring. Beware, homework tutoring classes become a place to nourish lazy children, families become a harbor of dependence and dependence, tutoring classes adapt to what kind of children, how tutoring is meaningful, I made a detailed discussion in "A Letter to Parents".
At the same time, it is also a manifestation of children's right to education. In this process, children have setbacks, failures, incomprehensible confusion, confusion, anxiety; there are victories, successes, joys, happiness, and happiness when achieving; there is helplessness and inferiority in times of adversity; there is autonomy and self-confidence in good times. This learning process experience, itself is an experience of life, the experience of life, the experience of growth, parents have to be born to put such a "happy" thing, the process of life experience, into an arranged substitution, forced additional tasks, destroyed, not only learning itself, and even affect the entire growth of children. Children will have dependence, obedience, attachment psychology, slowly lose themselves, autonomy, independence; children have the consciousness of shirking responsibility, all responsibility is on the parents, the monkey is back to the parents. What weakens children is not only independent learning, ability and thinking, but more importantly, the independent spirit of self-growth, free thinking, and regret for life. Compared with these, how many 100 points, is so insignificant.
This must involve the school teacher's teaching ethics, responsibility understanding, and teaching methods. Our traditional teaching mode is "teacher teaching, students learn", teaching is a kind of indoctrination, learning is a passive acceptance, children will not analyze, think, stifle students' thinking, creativity. The new curriculum advocates the "autonomy, cooperation, inquiry" educational concept, the purpose is to highlight the status of students as the main body, the teacher is enlightened, click, wake up, the so-called point dial, inspiration, awakening is the child's independent thinking and confusion, just the right point, it is suddenly enlightened.
I think that at present, indoctrination teaching still exists, in addition to the quality of teachers' understanding, ability, of course, there are deep things in the impact, we will not talk about it here. Here we also do not judge whether certain behaviors and practices of school education conform to the laws of education, because it does not affect the change of our family education methods, or the change of our concepts and behaviors. And it is precisely the change of our own concepts, the change of behavior can make up for the shortcomings and deficiencies of school education, which is more beneficial to the growth of children.
2. Systematic cognition of learning
A. The child's learning is the same as the child's growth, which is a comprehensive process
Learning content and forms are diverse, and children's cultural class learning is only a part of children's growth. That is to say, the learning of knowledge in books is learning; daily laundry and cooking, cleaning up housework, basic life skills are also learning; collective discussion is learning, thinking alone is also learning; observing natural life is learning, social practice activities are also learning; interpersonal communication, communication is learning, interpersonal listening, attention is also learning. Any way of learning is likely to be more important than school learning, and there is no need to focus all attention on the study of cultural classes. The more you grow older and enter the society, the more you will find that knowledge and ability outside of book learning are a great factor in a person's achievement.
Learning is a part of life, and it cannot be because learning affects life, which is not the same as many parents think. Many parents rightfully believe that the child is the most important thing for the whole family, all for the sake of the child, the whole family should make concessions for the child's learning and growth, but, think carefully, this seemingly reasonable idea does not seem to stand up to scrutiny. You know, children are only a fraction of the family members. Why be a core member and let the whole family circle around the children? Yes, children are growing up and need the love and special care of the whole family, and there is no question, the question is whether excessive attention to the child has hurt the child and affected the rest of the family. Many families, encounter any delicious food, whether it is suitable for children to eat, whether the child has the appetite to eat, will let the child eat a little first; many families, how many years are not willing to spend on life, but buy the most expensive clothes and toys for the child; many families, to the child to report a lot of expensive cram classes and interest classes, all day long to send; many families, for the sake of children's learning, the family relocated, living in the so-called school district room with poor conditions ... This is a very common phenomenon. But it really doesn't exist is reasonable.
When a family, for the sake of children, seriously affects the life of the whole family, the problem follows. First of all, the child, the child is regarded as the key protection object, it is necessary to assume the corresponding responsibility and pressure, since so many resources are given to the child, naturally it will expect corresponding returns. "Our whole family saves food and clothing, sends you to such an expensive cram school, and you give me such a bad result!" "Mom, for you, don't want a good job, cook for you every day, pick you up from school, if you don't study well, are you worthy of me?" "As long as you are admitted to a good university and study abroad, our whole family will smash pots and sell iron, and eat chaff vegetables!" "Baby, you just have to study hard, don't worry about anything else, don't be distracted, we'll do it for you!" "Eat bitterly, and be a good person." Child, our whole family is honoring our ancestors, it depends on you! ”。 I really don't know, is this motivating the child, or is it to give the child's psychology, pressing one boulder after another?!
Secondly, the more the child is enshrined as the core, the more likely it is that conflicts will break out between family members. Quite simply, if you pay attention to your child, you will argue because of everyone's different point of view, this is good for the child, and that is good for the child. At the same time, it is precisely because everyone is ignored, sacrificed too much, and for a long time, a lot of negative emotions will accumulate. For example, couples no longer have the opportunity to be alone together, go out to the world of two people, and the elderly no longer have time to party with friends and chat and play cards, so that almost any small fuse will cause family disputes.
Again, to form a kind of understanding for the child, I get, other people's love for him as a matter of course, a little unsatisfactory, just kick the nose in the face, selfish. There is no other, no giving and embracing, respect and being respected, a balance between loving and being loved. Writing this, I really think it is very strange, we want our children to become a democratic, free, equal child in the future, but we are cultivated according to a dictator; we all hope that our children, with self-confidence, independence, strength, responsibility, and responsible character, but in actual life, ignore or even degrade the dignity and value of every family around them; we all expect children to live a free, healthy, happy, and happy life, but in childhood, But we did not lay the foundation for the growth of our children...
B. Learning is a gradual cognitive process
Learning is a process, it is impossible to do all the work in one battle, I have received countless parents, I know their eagerness to achieve, you tell him that the improvement of academic performance needs a gradual process, it takes a period of time, this process requires a comprehensive understanding of the child, analysis, and then can be targeted to carry out educational impact, and for those children with poor behavior habits, it is more difficult to change, it is not easy. Almost all parents do not accept this fact, he wants to hear, "Your child is very smart, you can rest assured, we have famous teachers and psychologists in key regional schools here, have methods, have the ability." In view of this, the lectures, reports, materials, lectures, reports, and materials that can bring "immediate results" to learning have attracted much attention and love, so as to calm the parents' eagerness to achieve results, so that I sometimes can't tell the truth.
Learning is a system, this is the topic I have been nagging, hoping to dismember a link, a method can solve all the problems, impossible, so we think, the focus of thought is always the teacher's systematic cognitive ability and thinking height. Instead of fantasy, it is impossible to hope that a lecture or report, a method, a section introduction, a so-called expert or scholar, as a panacea, will be used to solve all problems. Nor is it hoped that a problem design, project research, can solve the problem of ability improvement, thinking problem, impossible, learning ability improvement is a gradual system engineering formed by daily life, school learning, social practice, can not be separated. To be honest, those are "arts", not "Tao".
The ability to live independently in daily life and the ability to think can be transferred to school to become the ability to learn independently; the ability to learn independently in school can be transferred to society and become the ability to live independently in society. Therefore, the ability to awaken in the child's daily life has been consciously infiltrated, infected, and edified, rather than deliberately at a certain stage, a certain link and node.
I know that our parents like this kind of immediate lectures and reports, and I understand the human psychology of parents who are eager to achieve success, but I tell you, it is useless not to grasp the underlying principles. Family only scores, parents only will "this can't do", "that useful" life planning, there is no expansion for children, development, to provide a wide range of interests, hobbies, experience the practice of time and space, children's independence, freedom, thought, has long been stifled, extinguished; schools only narrow textbook content, only standard answers score selection, evaluation methods, aiding and abetting abuse to further stifle, extinguishing children's independence, freedom, thought. Entering the society, naturally there is no own life goal and direction, do not know where to go, this is not an expert, scholars simply teach children "life should have ideals, there are goals" a sentence can be said clearly. Knowing this, you will realize how important it is to have an "independent spirit, a free mind"! How important is general education! (Case: textbook, there is no open course content system; employment, there is no open selection and employment system).
3. Ability to learn
Effective learning is a kind of ability, and there are personality differences in ability. Practice has proved that there are innate genetic personality differences in abstract thinking ability, not only that, there are also differences in the reserve of information knowledge in the acquired learning, so don't say "thinking training learning", "whole brain development" you flock to it, as if you have found a life-saving straw, absolutely not. For example, mind mapping or thinking training training courses are in full swing on the market. Mind mapping or thinking training is undoubtedly an effective tool to improve learning ability, but it is not a panacea, there is an adaptation to the boundary, I think mind mapping in the basic stage of learning training is of little significance.
First, the reserve of information knowledge is too small, the use of any learning tool is based on a certain information knowledge reserve, pure theory without the support of basic information knowledge, can not be digested and absorbed, just mechanical memory or draw a rigid classification framework.
Second, the ability of logical thinking is immature, and it is possible to basically talk about a little or point dial penetration, so that children can realize some "skills", "methods" and "ideas". With the increase of grades, the increase of age, and the gradual maturity of thinking ability, he will slowly and involuntarily apply, enrich and expand in learning, so that the mind map has valuable significance.
Third, don't be fooled by experts and scholars, some so-called scholars, the thinking is like a god, one is the words are strange, such as mindfulness, meditation, epiphany, in fact is reflection; such as generalization, migration, in fact, is analogous reasoning; the second is the esoteric theory, what this thinking, that learning. For example, what is categorical thinking is classification; what is systematic thinking is summary; what is abstract thinking is induction; what is focused thinking is concentration; what is divergent thinking, that is, imagination and association; what is critical thinking, that is, questioning; what is reverse thinking, that is, reverse thinking; what is fixed thinking, that is habitual thinking. We use it every day, it's not so magical at all.
Today's sales, those carefully packaged, do not need to think about the sale of products, are to cater to the "pain points" needed by the public life and the comfort of the uncertainty of the future "fear", so that you do not need to think or too late to think to go astray, just like selling health care products to the elderly, the nature is the same, let you move, action.
Due to the difference in personality in thinking ability, the thinking model it constructs is different, and the value of the application is different, which is manifested in the analysis and understanding of the problem, and each person's analysis, interpretation, and understanding of the same thing are different, which is also the origin of different views on the same issue on the Internet. Manifested in problem solving, each person's generalization, migration, analogy and reasoning ability to the same thing is different, which is also the origin of the difference in problem-solving ability between people.
In life, learning, and work, we often have different degrees of unclear view of the problem, the analysis of the problem is not transparent, and the direction is not accurate, such as where to start from the child's cultivation and education from an early age; how to grasp the choice of the career direction of the child's future growth; for the life partner, there is no clear selection criteria. This is the objectivity and reality of life, which constitutes the rich and colorful life of this world, whether you recognize it or not, admit or not recognize the difference in ability, the world is like this, so we do not necessarily compare everything, look at the child with a uniform point of view, look at the problem, use the imaginary evaluation standard to measure, evaluate the child, some ability things are not transferred by the subjective will of the individual.
Dear parents, the only thing we can do is to use the best educational methods to bring out the child's personality, potential and potential to the extreme, without regrets.
As far as the cultivation and education of children is concerned, I think the most ideal educational method should be awakening, please note that effective learning is a kind of ability, and ability is awakened, not taught, generated autonomously. Because children will not, nor do they have the autonomy and automaticity to compress knowledge and discover laws, even if they say that children have this ability and realize on their own, they also need to spend a lot of effort, spend a lot of twists and turns and time to think, as previously explained, which is contrary to the lazy nature of human nature; at the same time, the reality of the national conditions of our country also determines that it will not and cannot provide you with time and space for independent thinking. Therefore, there are too few children who can think autonomously and automatically with perseverance, and most children must rely on parents and teachers to guide and awaken.
Awakening is an ability, which is also the origin of the difference between parents and parents, teachers and teachers. Therefore, we think that the focus of thinking is always the guidance and awakening of the identity of the teacher, rather than the efforts, introspection, and epiphany of the child himself. To be honest, the child does not have that ability, he will not independently dabble in and explore the meaning of the problem; he will not be independent analysis and integration, logical induction, he will not be independent cognitive experience, self-esteem and self-confidence. It's not that I put my children in the halls of sacred halls because of extracurricular interests and tutoring classes, and to be honest, they don't have that ability to have interests and tutoring classes on the street.
In view of this, a solution of choosing a famous school and taking shortcuts by famous teachers can be said to be fueled by the social reality of the national conditions, which determines the inevitability of the existence of famous schools and famous teachers. Famous schools, famous teachers, they will be tested in the battlefield, mature experience "mode" directly "to" the child, the child does not need to spend a lot of effort, spend a lot of time and time to think, very shortcut, this is also the choice of school, the real origin of the famous teacher. For the child, the difference between the two approaches is that the ability to awaken is eternal; the ability to give is short-lived, which is also the origin of the theory of intellectual utilitarianism and uselessness.
What I want to say is that this pros and cons analysis has no meaning at the moment, in the face of today's scores, academic qualification selection, employment evaluation mechanism, taking shortcuts, saving time is undoubtedly the first choice, the awakening education method of ability literacy can only be behind, of course, the two have to be better, in fact, it is difficult, almost impossible, can not do, Mencius has long said that "fish and bear paws can not be both." Not to say no, there are also very few, today's scholars, experts there on the cultivation of children's quality cloud, is typical standing and talking, no waist pain, good quality must be a master of the exam, but you can't do it, don't believe in that set of tall words, are the right nonsense.
Dear parents, please note that we often hear many parents lament that "children understand it is not good to learn". One of the reasons is that our teachers and students lack the ability to reveal the essential laws of things (knowledge).
First, the teacher did not process and deepen the information, on the textbook for the sake of teaching materials, on the information for the information, on the exercises for the exercises, is the information porter, according to the discipline. This is also true of our parent counselling, as it is impossible for parents to have a thorough understanding of the knowledge system of the textbook. Students understand the information level rather than the knowledge level. The newly hired teachers have not reached the point of integration of the knowledge system of primary and secondary school disciplines and the knowledge connection between disciplines and disciplines, and can only read the subject according to the script, including teachers with shallow knowledge level, frogs at the bottom of the well, teachers with shallow professional cognition, teachers who do not think of making progress, and teachers with shallow ability cognition, diligent and ineffective. Then there is the "deputy science and political history" of primary and secondary schools to arrange non-professional teachers to represent them, and they can only read the subject according to the script. Based on this, it is no wonder that "children understand it but they can't learn well." (From the case of teaching "education experience", "parents tutor their children with homework, but the grades are not prominent").
Second, teachers do not conduct in-depth knowledge variant cognitive analysis of information processing, on epistemological knowledge, on exercises, classification cognitive analysis, and systematic cognitive analysis. No cognitive analysis of student ability differences and teaching variants was given. There is no effective guidance and inspiration for students in the cross-border and analogy between knowledge and knowledge, generalization and migration of ability, quality expansion analysis. What students understand is that knowledge at a narrow, single level of knowledge does not rise to the system level; the level of internalization; and the level of expansion. Based on this, it is no wonder that "children understand it but they can't learn well."
Dear parents, don't think that the school, the teachers are so great, noble, how knowledgeable and profound, to be honest, our teachers may not have the ability to reveal the essential laws of things (knowledge), cognition, let alone parents. Therefore, we think that the focus of thinking is always that the teacher must have the goal ability and wisdom to set gradients, depth, breadth, and difficulty; must have the ability and wisdom to control the theory of internal needs of the psychology and go with the flow; must have the logical ability and wisdom to compress information and find out the law; must reserve rich, multi-knowledge information, and have the ability to guide and awaken. I grow up with my children, there is no other choice, only in this way can I benefit my own growth, benefit the growth of my children, benefit family education, and help national rejuvenation.
Send you a word of conscience: "Only when parents study well, children can improve every day." Because it is related to the growth of children, it is related to the future of children, you need your superb educational wisdom to guide and awaken, you are not excellent, let alone talk about children's excellence.
This is also the origin of my point of view that "the importance of the family is not established", not established is the school, the society put the status of family education, the role is elevated, to be honest, the school teachers who do education are difficult to control, you give it to the parents, more unrealistic, although experts, scholars shout the importance of family education to the sky, parents also acquiesced, in the desperate to learn, do, but can you do it? You can't do it, I think it's kicking the kids like "balls." Schools, social education is of far-reaching significance, and the task is heavy and the road is long.
4. Transfer cognition of learning
Learning problems, I think that students only develop good learning quality and learning habits, learning is effective. In the same class, the same teacher, why do the students' scores vary considerably. It is not that children who learn well will learn, but children who can learn well. Not changing learning methods and learning habits, only increasing learning time, not only is it useless, but it may also lead to worse and worse grades, and lead to students' boredom with school, and even lead to pessimism about life.
Learning this concept is that most parents have this awareness after the child enters the primary school stage, and it also stems from the comparison of scores, and preschool children do not have the concept of score comparison. Because our awareness of learning or the concept of learning is not strong, the degree of natural attention is not enough, in fact, learning runs through the child's life, and learning begins at birth, which is undeniable to parents, but there is always a kind of cognitive bias that this learning is not equal to other learning.
Our parents ignore a major problem of putting the cart before the horse, and with the comparison of scores, we have the concept of learning. I think that the significance of children's preschool education and learning in primary education is extremely important or that children's preschool education learning is more important. For example, children's growth stages observe the things around them, recognize, think, explore, and acquire skills for life and survival.
According to my point of view, the basic cultivation education is done well, and learning is a matter of course, so I talk about family education from the series of basic cultivation education. Parents send their children to school and begin to pay attention to their children's academic performance, that is, grades. I think it doesn't make much sense, I observe the children around me, all the children who don't learn well, they definitely don't do things perfectly, because there is no good habit. Instead of focusing on the child's academic performance, it is better to pay attention to the child's behavior.
Long-term observation has found that the ability to concentrate on one thing is an important reason for the difference in student learning, and most students with excellent grades can focus on one thing. Those with excellent grades have clear goals and methods in doing things at home, have a fixed time to complete their homework, and often sit for several hours when doing homework without external interference until they are completed; while students with learning difficulties cannot let them do things seriously and quietly, whether they are parents or ask tutors. Therefore, in doing anything, concentration is the basis of success, and not focusing is the main cause of failure.
The trigger points that lead to children's inability to focus on learning, although diverse, one thing is common, that is, during the critical period of children's growth, the education of parents and teachers has not kept up in time. Do not underestimate the child's play, play is also learned, there is a fixed life, we found that when the child plays, sometimes very focused, forget about a certain thing, then parents must not interrupt, interfere, because this is the enlightenment stage of concentration, many scholars believe that children learn to pay attention, one of the reasons is that in the childhood, parents not only did not provide and pay attention, but more importantly, artificial interference, destruction.
Children are like small trees, when to water, fertilize, prune are very time-sensitive, expired and then make up for the effect is minimal. Parents must pay attention to the fact that the parents who accompany the growth of their children are the primary educators of the children, first of all, they must have the psychological cognitive ability and keen insight of the children's growth, and can realize the children's future learning and education from the children's young play, rather than the primary school, the middle school began to pay attention to learning and education. Secondly, teaching by example is more important than words, if parents do things sloppily and without faith, don't expect children to develop good habits of concentration.
I have been engaged in education for more than thirty years, to be honest, the theory of children's growth is not deeply understood, the exploration is that there are more educational and teaching things, of course, it is inseparable from the analysis of students' physical and mental characteristics, but after all, there are few. Leaving school to enter the extracurricular tutoring industry, I was more exposed to children who could not keep up with the progress of school learning, which was manifested by poor learning foundation and poor behavior habits, and I did in-depth exploration and thinking. I believe that poor behavior habits are an important reason for children to enter the school-age education culture and learning poorly, and the lack of grasp of the development of children's children and childhood learning and education is the reason for poor behavior habits. Passion, confidence, will, perseverance, habit formation, is the source of maintaining sustainable development and vigorous vitality, even if parents urge children to score 100 points in each subject, it is meaningless.
Our scholars, experts and even the national education department are emphasizing that the importance of family education is the meaning of the topic I said, but there are some high talk and expectations that are divorced from reality, as if parents are wise and omnipotent, leading parents astray. This kind of argument hit me when I was engaged in education, it has long existed, so that people think that it is an unbreakable truth, parents have also acquiesced, I think that under the current national conditions system, our parents can do respect, conform to the growth law of children, have a basic understanding concept is good, beyond the school, the society's promotion of education, beyond the dust.