Jiaming and I are currently on the verge of divorce, and the biggest obstacle is the children, because both sides are desperately fighting for custody of the children. In fact, from my heart, it is not necessarily a good choice for us to separate, because I have no love for him, and it is actually meaningless to continue to be entangled.
■ Narrator: Qi Yan
(The characters in the story are pseudonyms)
■ Age: 29 years old
■ Occupation: Freelance
(i)
Illustration
This storm broke out completely on New Year's Day. In fact, in the past five years, we have often had a cold war, and the longest time has been up to half a year.
On New Year's Day, I went out to do something in the morning, and when I got home it was already half past nine. I just videoed with my mom. I forgot that it was New Year's Day.
Seeing that I turned off the computer, Jia Ming said to me, let's stop cooking today, go to my parents' place to eat. In fact, we had been in the Cold War for some time before that. If it weren't for the fact that my daughter was always called by grandpa, grandma, and dad, I would have regarded him as air. Although I will definitely have his share of cooking, I will never give him a meal and talk to him.
I heard him say nothing, went into the kitchen, tied up my apron, and prepared to cook. There were no more dishes left at home, only a few potatoes left, and I began to peel the potatoes there.
Jia Ming followed him to the kitchen and said again: Today's New Year's Day, let's go to my parents' side to eat. I ignored him and went into the bedroom to call his parents.
(ii)
The phone was answered by my mother-in-law, and I asked, "Mom, do you want us to go to dinner today?" "In fact, the purpose of my phone call is to tell my father-in-law and mother-in-law that there must be less oil to cook meals, and the child is coughing these days." I admit that I am a person with a lot of things, as long as it is good for the child, I will not be sloppy at all.
Unexpectedly, my mother-in-law asked me: "Aren't you going to come back for dinner?" I heard my father-in-law say loudly next to him: "Love comes back, come back, it is better not to come back, worry about it." ”
I heard my mother-in-law criticize my father-in-law: You make a little noise. Then, my mother-in-law asked me again: "Are you planning to come back?" I said, "I was going to go back with my kids, but now I don't want to go back." "I hung up the phone when I finished.
Jia Ming just happened to push open the bedroom door and came in, and I felt that he only heard my last words. I turned back to the kitchen and continued to cut the potato that had been cut in half.
I heard Jia Ming call my mother-in-law again, I don't know what her mother-in-law said, Jia Ming replied on the phone: "I am quite assertive." ”
(iii)
After putting down the phone, Jia Ming said to me: "If you don't go, I have to go." Then he started packing his things. At this time, my mother-in-law's phone called my mobile phone again, and my mother-in-law said, "Lady, didn't you discuss coming back?" Did you know that your dad was early in the morning, and it was croquettes again, and it was cooking again..."
I said, you have to ask your son. Later, my attitude was still a bit rushed, and in the end I didn't say to go, nor did I say not to go, so I hung up the phone.
In fact, I also know that my mother-in-law's phone call is to find me a step down, but I don't want to follow her wishes. Jia Ming came over to me and said, "I have to go over to comfort and comfort the old man, let's go eat together." ”
I said, "It's all here, how can I possibly eat it?" He said, "What's going on here?" Put on a good day though. ”
This sentence completely infuriated me, we have all been cold for a long time, he actually said that I have a good life. It shows that he simply does not know that there is a problem between us and how to solve it. Have we really had a good time in the past few years? Is it really like others say that eating, not worrying about drinking, and having a house to live in, is it a good day?
(iv)
We quarreled, I even touched him, and he mentioned divorce for the first time. Until then, it was me who often mentioned divorce. I chased after him and asked him, "Okay, leave, what day do you say you want to go?" He said, "I have to wait for the festival." He went into the house and packed up some things, then opened the door and left.
When he left, I felt a lot more relaxed in my heart. Looking back on this five-year marriage, it is indeed not happy. Still, I can't say that we haven't had a happy life since we got married.
From the heart, my father-in-law and mother-in-law have always treated me like a daughter. Maybe at that time, we also had a little happiness between us.
It's just that I'm not used to a lot of his behavior. What I couldn't stand the most was that he knew there was a problem between us, but he didn't take the initiative to solve it. In the past, I didn't have such strong thoughts about giving up this marriage until the Cold War between us the year before.
(5)
The Cold War began with a failed investment on my part, and my heart grew completely cold after that Cold War. That time, without consulting him, I invested more than 20,000 yuan into a single business, and finally the business lost.
I know that this matter is indeed my fault, and I should not go to risky investment without consulting him. But on the other hand, I felt that the money was saved by myself, and after the accident, I apologized to Jiaming.
But he didn't say anything, slammed the door and left. I called him several times, texted him, apologized to him, and promised not to be so blind in the future. For those three days, I had been trying to tease him, coax him, and try to make up for my mistakes, but he still had a cold face on me.
Actually, in the end, I already felt that I was wrong. I think two people living together, no matter what problems I have, if it's really my fault, he can point out where I'm wrong and can instruct me on what to do next time, and then I'll be very grateful to him.
But he didn't say anything, he just ignored me. Three days later, my original guilt turned into anger toward him, and I no longer wanted to actively resolve the contradiction.
(6)
That time, our Cold War was so long that it affected children. Maybe the relationship between parents is indifferent, there will really be a negative magnetic field, and there are many problems that children show in that period.
That day, after putting my child to sleep, I sat on the couch and soaked my feet. Jia Ming asked me, is this a matter that cannot be passed? Is it because of the last time I invested in that thing?
The reason that annoyed me was here, the cause of the contradiction, he knew very well in his heart, and he knew why I was angry, but he just ignored it, as if he was waiting for time to slowly dilute the contradiction. But in fact, the problem is still there, not solved, no matter how long it will leave a tail.
Later, he took the initiative to apologize to me and begged me: "In the future, something big will happen, and I will never have a cold war with you again." "But in fact, that's just the beginning, we have problems after that, we will still have a cold war, wait for time to slowly dissolve, and then cold war, and then dissolve, round after round." Having been trapped in the Cold War for a long time, I think he has adapted to or enjoyed the state of the Cold War.
(vii)
Every time I am disappointed in Jiaming, I can't help but think of Xiao Chen, my ex-boyfriend. Xiao Chen and I once had a sweet relationship, and even, for that relationship, I gave up my college studies. But sadly, in the end, he and I fell apart from him.
That year, I was just in my freshman year of college. Xiao Chen is a fellow of my roommate and sometimes comes to the dormitory to find my roommate. The first time he came to our dorm room, he sat on the bottom bunk and talked to his roommate, and I was on the top bunk, and I could see him and hear his voice when I looked down.
I don't know why, but I suddenly had a momentary heartbeat. Although I had boys chasing me in high school and college, I had a crush on this person I met for the first time. Maybe heaven has destined us to have such a fate.
Later, I asked my roommate about him. I knew he was divorced and eight years older than me. At that time, the dormitories were popular to chat qq, and I got his number from my roommate and began to chat with him.
The conversation did not last long, and the feelings quickly warmed up. He was still out of town, and if we were to be together, he would have to wait until I graduated from college, but I didn't want to be separated from him for a moment, so I chose to drop out of school and follow him.
(viii)
At the time, my choice shocked a lot of people, including my parents. However, no one can persuade me to fall in love for the first time. I, a well-behaved woman who has always followed the rules, has done one of the most rebellious things in life.
Of course, I also regret it now, regretting that I should not have given up my studies. Because now when young mothers discuss their children's education together, I can feel that their cultural quality is higher than mine, and sometimes it really makes me feel a little ashamed.
Xiao Chen and Jia Ming, although they are the same age, their style of handling is diametrically opposite. In front of Xiao Chen, I will also lose my temper and willfulness.
I sometimes nag him about something, he keeps his head down, or he watches TV, and you think he's absent-minded, but in reality, he listens to every word you say.
When you're done, he'll ask, "Did you think about what to do about this, but did you just nag or did you want to ask for my opinion?" "If I say I'm just nagging and he'll ask, it doesn't feel better now."
If I said I wanted to ask for his opinion, he would help me analyze it very seriously. So, we've never had a Cold War, or we don't have a chance to have a Cold War.
(IX)
But my love for Xiao Chen was strongly opposed by my parents. My sister and I are both adopted by my parents, but we both know where our biological parents are, and the two families are in constant contact.
My adoptive parents were very kind to me, but in their hearts, they wanted to have a son-in-law. On the other hand, the reason why my adoptive parents objected was that they felt that Xiao Chen was eight years older than me, and the age gap was too big, and because I gave up years of schooling for this relationship, they were also very angry.
The first time I took Xiao Chen to visit my adoptive parents, he spent more than two thousand yuan to buy gifts, sincerely and sincerely afraid. But my adoptive parents said that they didn't agree with anything, and it was time to eat, and my mother didn't cook, and she slammed the door and went out.
We got out of the house, got in the car, and started arguing. Xiao Chen said, since your parents do not agree, let's separate.
I certainly don't agree with a breakup, and in fact, he doesn't want to either. It's just that we don't know what to do next, so we can only argue. Distracted, he accidentally ran a red light when he turned a corner and collided with a straight-forward truck. In the instant of the crash, he struggled to hit the steering wheel, and I survived.
(x)
After two days in a coma in the hospital, I woke up, and he was no longer alive. We even bought a wedding ring at that time, and in my heart, he was my husband, so that even the word "husband" was kept for him.
I returned to his parents the valuables That Xiao Chen had bought for me, including the wedding ring, except for the sandalwooder's comb.
Jia Ming knew the origin of the comb, and I understood that he was uncomfortable, and I kept telling him that there was no need to worry about a dead person.
In the three years after that, I did not get involved in feelings anymore, and I buried my love for Xiao Chen deeply in my heart. Perhaps we have also had contradictions and differences, but with the precipitation of time, what remains in my heart is only beauty.
I have worked hard in society alone, opened restaurants, sold children's clothing, children's shoes, cosmetics, and many industries I have been involved in. I bought a house, had a good income, and living gave me enough returns materially.
(xi)
Three years later, I met Jia Ming, and probably the reason why I finally decided to choose him was because he, like Xiao Chen, was eight years older than me.
Frankly speaking, Jia Ming is indeed a good child, working two o'clock and one line every day, and has no desire for life. When we met, he was almost 30 years old, but the emotional experience was still blank. The first time I went to his house, his parents should have been very satisfied with me and took out the family's real estate deed on the spot.
It was only in later contact that I always felt that JiaMing was like a big boy who had not grown up. After marriage, he would take a bath and ask his mother to go into the bathroom to rub his back.
Chunlian does not know how to paste, the bulb is broken, do not know how to change. Drive me and the kids out and he'll ask me, wife, where are we parking our car?
(xii)
As a woman, no one wants to be the kind of woman who knows everything and knows everything. I felt like if he could, I'd rather be the little woman behind him, but he couldn't do it at all.
However, in the past few years after marriage, he has been able to make fried sauce noodles and tomato egg noodles, and my friend said that this was all tuned out by me. Of course, I also have a place to worry about it, in today's chaotic society, I don't have to worry about him betraying his feelings, I don't have to worry about what bad things he will do.
He doesn't smoke, he doesn't drink, he doesn't have any vices on him, he's like a blank piece of paper, simple, simple, and kind, but that doesn't make up for my disappointment in him. Maybe in the past five years, I have not really loved him from the bottom of my heart, so I can't tolerate his low energy in life.
In the early days of our marriage, these contradictions did not really erupt. After having children, I gave up my job and became a stay-at-home mom, and these problems gradually became fatal wounds in our marriage. Although, he is still not ready to divorce me, but in my opinion, there is no need for our marriage to continue.
Marriage navigation
The sign that we have grown up is that we can take responsibility for our own actions and can take responsibility for our emotions. The protagonist's special growth experience in her childhood has formed a trauma in her heart, although her adoptive parents have also given her love, but in her heart, there is still the pain of being abandoned by her biological parents.
So, after meeting her first love, who was 8 years older than herself, she was pampered like a parent. Unfortunately, the unexpected death of her first love made her feel abandoned again, and perhaps mixed emotions such as guilt.
The child in her heart had always longed for unconditional love, protection and protection, but in fact, her current partner could not afford it. Know where your inner wounds lie, and find a way to heal yourself, in order to live a good life later.
This article is based on the protagonist's oral collation, original is not easy, please do not copy!! If you also have emotional experience and want to talk about it, you can leave a message in a private message.
■ Text/Hebei Youth Daily reporter Pi Xueyan
■ Editor / Pi Xueyan
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