Recently, a British drama quietly updated the second season.
In fact, when the first season was broadcast last year, the crows have been highly recommended, helplessly applauded not to be applauded, so far the Douban marked the audience has only more than 1,000 people, with a rating of 8.4.
Allow me to recommend it to you again, it is really rare, it resonates with Chinese parents and British parents: The Nurturer (Season 2)
Paul, a middle-aged father, has been bored lately.
First, it was my son's 13th birthday.
In Paul's eyes, this is a big day, the key to the child's transition from child to teenager, and it is worth celebrating.
He excitedly described the plan to his wife: I want to give him a SLR, when I was 13 years old, I received the first professional camera in my life, I took it to shoot birds, all kinds of wild animals...
He reveled in the past, and his wife, Ellie, couldn't help but interrupt: Now the children don't need cameras, what your son wants most is actually a new mobile phone...
Before Paul could argue, his daughter's voice came from behind him: If you buy a new mobile phone for your brother, can his old mobile phone be eliminated for me?
Mobile phones, mobile phones, all want mobile phones, what is wrong with children now?
Paul is angry: who will remember the mobile phone such a birthday gift, not special at all...
He turned to his daughter and said fiercely: You are only 10 years old, I said that elementary school students can't have mobile phones, this is the bottom line.
Daughter dissatisfied: Whoever in our class has...
Paul was even angrier: Her parents had compromised? Speaking of a good united front...
The matter of buying gifts was not happy and scattered, and in the evening, more infuriating things came...
A late daycare overtime bill was sent home.
Originally, the couple planned that the daughter would write homework in the evening nursery, and the son who was in junior high school would pick up his sister and come back after school.
But in the past month, my son actually played tricks, running to the park every day after school to play, and only went to pick up his sister very late...
Paul didn't know what was wrong with this, his son was particularly difficult to manage after he went to junior high school, and from time to time he gave him a little moth.
He asked his son, "What are you doing with your little boy?" Who are you with? Why not punctuality?
The son was a little aggrieved and whispered: It was all arranged by you, and I never asked my opinion...
Paul scolded: "Fuck, does your sister's safety still need to be explained?" Tell you, don't do it for me, Hugh wants to get a birthday present!
In fact, Paul locates his mobile phone every day to check his son's whereabouts.
On this day, he opened the positioning while still at work, but found that his son passed the door of his daughter's evening nursery after school and quickly ran away...
The son once again disobeyed his orders, which was an absolute blatant provocation!
Paul was so enraged that he couldn't even get to work and hurried home...
Swear words while walking: What kind of trouble is this hun ball going to make?!
A year later, "The Nurturer" (season 2) aired in the UK on March 22, with a Douban rating of 8.7.
Compared with the popular domestic drama "Little Shede" in the same period, which has been repeatedly searched, this one is simply no splash.
But the crow would rather share it with you because it brings more comfort to anxious parents.
Some netizens commented: Better looking than the first season, the level is also richer, the child is older, the problem faced is no longer the child to eat, drink and sleep well, but more complex communication, how to express sincerity, how to resolve anxiety, how to let go step by step, are parents to learn well.
The male protagonist is Martin Freeman, who is widely known to Chinese audiences for his role as Watson in "Sherlock".
In the first season, we see the couple, taking care of a pair of children, all kinds of chickens and dogs jumping on a daily basis.
For example, Paul's son, when he was a child, had a sensor on his body, and when he held it in his arms, he was obviously fine, and as soon as he left his arms, he immediately cried.
Paul scolded: Little bastard, can you be reasonable?
If the little baby can be reasonable, the world will become a beautiful world.
Do you think it would be nice if your child is past infancy and grows up a little bit?
Too naïve.
When Paul was working overtime at home, the children always made a lot of noise.
When the patience reached its limit, Paul scolded: How many times does the mother and grandmother's ball have to be said by Lao Tzu? Be quiet!
But every time he finished scolding the children, Paul fell into a deep self-blame, they were just children, why should they scold them.
Then I kept apologizing: I'm sorry, Dad is at work, and Dad's words just now are not intentional.
But next time, Paul will still fall into a cycle of persuasion, collapse and scolding, regret and apology.
After overtime, do you want to get a good night's sleep?
Sorry, the child doesn't want to sleep yet.
Adults can never figure out why a child's energy is so exuberant, and the more powerful it is at night.
The couple had to take turns taking care of the children, changing the post every 90 minutes, racking their brains to release the excess energy of the children, Paul even took the children and did sit-ups...
Not to mention, the anxiety, entanglement, and thunder of the child's primary school (1,000 words omitted here)...
Patience always runs out...
Paul was always mired in self-doubt, and for more than 30 years he had thought of himself as a good man, but after having children, he felt that he was so bad that he often broke out and scolded.
He said: "No one has ever made me so angry like them." As soon as they made a fuss, I was immediately insane, like the people in the madhouse.
This is not an exaggeration.
A bear child can force quiet parents to go crazy, calm parents to lose their minds, strong parents to cry...
This sounds contradictory, but it's true: you're willing to die for your children, but a lot of times, you want to kill them too.
With the passage of time, this "pain" will not disappear, but will, transform and upgrade.
In the second season, the two children have gradually entered adolescence, and naturally, the baby-raising pass has also ushered in hell mode...
In fact, after years of running-in, Paul, who was originally grumpy, has made great progress:
The child was at home, he did not roar, he had long learned to take a deep breath before knocking on the door, and said softly: Trouble quieter, I am at work.
In the face of a depressed and insoluble anger, he knows how to keep calm in front of his children as much as possible, turn back to seek help, such as discussing with his wife, going to see a psychologist...
But children will always create more difficult problems and challenge their parents' bottom line.
Children who enter adolescence have a stronger sense of independence, become more and more disobedient, and sometimes even deliberately contradict their parents.
How to get along with them and communicate has become an art.
For example, a 10-year-old daughter wants to walk home alone after school.
Paul and his wife were uneasy, but when they said "no" strongly, they seemed authoritarian, and what they said turned into quarrels.
For example, a 13-year-old son suddenly wants more alone time than to be with his parents.
Paul was worried about his state of mind, and he struggled, whether to force themselves together to chat awkwardly, or to wait until the child was ready to talk?
For example, if the child's exam is broken, mentioning the score will put too much pressure on the child, and not mentioning it seems to be deliberately avoiding the problem...
Parenthood is really like walking on thin ice.
What struck me most about "The Nurturer" is that it never sells anxiety, but allows us to see a pair of ordinary parents, reflecting and growing up in the process of parenting.
They will also be anxious, for example, as a bully, Paul, it is difficult to accept that children are not learning well...
In order to go to a famous school, whether to go to a chicken baby, the couple fought to be red-faced, and broke their hearts for the children's behavior habits...
Paul found that he still couldn't help but get angry, but he would think about the deep causes of his anger.
He found that his depression and even anger stemmed from anxiety, and anxiety was because the child could not grow up the way he wanted to be.
For example, he is angry not that his son wants a new mobile phone, but that he cannot become a photography enthusiast who likes to observe nature.
And this wish is nothing more than Paul's wishful thinking.
For example, he has always felt that his daughter believes in science, has a good logic, and has wanted to explore space since she was a child, and may be a science and engineering bully in the future.
Until one day, he found his daughter quietly going to religion...
He was not only shocked, but also a little disappointed: his daughter actually had a little secret...
For example, the son told him that he could not sleep at night, and Paul's first reaction was, how can a child lose sleep, and he does not want to play with his mobile phone, don't talk nonsense, go to sleep quickly!
Many things are beyond expectations, and Paul chooses not to believe and not to accept at the beginning.
Until the end, the facts hit the face.
The son did suffer from insomnia, and the daughter finally confessed that she had a strong interest in Christianity...
Paul reluctantly accepted that everything was counterproductive.
Paul's mother once told him: The child is the child, you are you, he has his own ideas, you can't ask him to be like you.
As bystanders, we all know that most children don't want to be like their parents, and they don't like the path their parents have laid for themselves.
But the authorities are fans, and we all hope that children can grow up in their own presuppositions, take fewer detours, and preferably have no accidents.
Because of this, all the phenomena that were originally quite common have become "accidents", and all the "accidents" have made parents sit still:
Why is the movement so slow and the homework dragging on for so long?
Why can't I understand a question three times?
Why are children so introverted and have no friends?
Don't get me wrong, Paul is not a negative case.
It is precisely because he adjusts himself in time every time, and the problems he encounters with his children can finally be properly solved.
Every time he tries to break through himself, tries to accept, and even takes the initiative to apologize...
He compromised and gave his daughter a mobile phone.
Because he gradually realized that his daughter was very independent and was no longer the little baby who loved to be spoiled...
After school, the daughter called home to report that she was safe, walked home alone, and the adults used their mobile phones to locate her to ensure that she was safe.
The son, too, eventually got a new phone.
After the quarrel, Paul still gave his son a birthday and gave him the gift he wanted most.
Taking the lead in giving his son a step down, he also let his sensitive son let down his guard and poured out his recent troubles.
Paul found that things were not as bad as he expected: the children did not become Internet addicts, and the two sides agreed on a good time to use, but the children were more independent and trusted their parents.
Only full respect and timely letting go can help children learn how to become himself.
Some people say that no parent in any era needs to learn and grow up with their children as much as they do today.
And I think that there is no constant method of education, it varies from person to person, from thing to event, and the most precious spirit of parenthood is not to think that you are always right.
We are always helpers, not leaders.
On the path of parenting, less convinced, always self-reflective and skeptical of everything, asking a "why" at every step...
This process can be incredibly tangled, but it's so important.