Most couples don't think about it when they are together, and may break up with each other, but the divorce rate that has increased year by year tells us that relying on love is not enough to resist the disillusionment after the freshness fades, as well as the resentment and misunderstanding brought about by the trivialities in life.
The "centrifugal force" of quarrels and misunderstandings in marriage will break up the relationship. Love alone is not enough to resist these divisive forces and their by-products, namely resentment and anger. To consolidate love and save it from rupture, a good marital relationship requires other elements.
The following psychological jun has compiled a book list for everyone, hoping that everyone can have a long-term love ~
The psychological monarch | have something to say
01 "Feel The Love"
Sometimes what is missing between us is not love, but the ability to feel love.
Recommended for:
If you always feel that something is missing in a relationship and become unhappy and alienated, this is not your unique dilemma. Numerous psychological and neuroscience studies have demonstrated a correlation between the ability to feel loved and whether people can rejuvenate in stress and trauma. Feeling loved isn't just a feeling you want to get, it's a physiological condition necessary for happiness and well-being.
Feel Love is both practical and engaging. It redefines the meaning and purpose of love and provides realistic solutions to help us get the love we need. Dr. Jenny Siegel is a clinical psychologist with more than 40 years of experience and a leading scholar in relational psychology. In this book, she provides some powerful, empirically tested tools to help us embrace and experience lasting and meaningful love that dramatically improves mental health, emotional state, and even physical health.
Reading this book, you will learn:
1. Understand the difference between being loved and feeling loved.
2) Identify what barriers prevent you from experiencing love or allowing others to experience love.
3. Use proven techniques to reduce stress and regulate out-of-control emotions.
4. Form new ways of thinking, feeling and behaving, thereby establishing emotional connections.
5. Improve relationships with everyone in your life, including family, friends and colleagues.
02 The Power of Conflict
There is no such thing as perfect, harmonious intimacy. Constantly experiencing the misalignment and repair of relationships can help us build deep, lasting, trusting connections.
Why are some people able to have many satisfying, intimate social relationships, while others are enduring the pain of estrangement and loneliness?
Why is fixing the inevitable conflicts and misalignments in interpersonal connections the path to higher quality relationships, family, friends, and co-workers?
How does the sense of belonging and attachment we receive from others relate to the development of our personal sense of self?
......
You might think that perfect harmony is typical of healthy relationships, but in fact, 70% of interactions are out of sync, and loss of connection is an inevitable part of interpersonal interactions. Human interaction is chaotic, complex, and confusing. The famous psychologist Ed Tronik and pediatrician Claudia Gold believe that this is not only normal, but also vital to our social and emotional development.
Dr. Tronick was one of the first researchers to demonstrate through the "still face" experiment that infants are deeply influenced by their parents' emotions and behaviors. His research shows that our highly evolved sense of self separates us from each other, while our survival depends on connection. Therefore, we will constantly test and understand each other's wishes and intentions, and gain confidence in correcting mistakes and eliminating misunderstandings.
Based on Dr. Tronik's research and Dr. Gold's clinical experience, The Power of Conflict examines our ability to build relationships with others and ourselves from a new perspective: in our daily lives, constantly experiencing relationship misalignment and repair can help us build deep, lasting, trusting relationships, maintain resilience through stress and trauma, and solidify our sense of self in this world
03 "Learn to Communicate, Learn to Love"
The importance of communication in intimate relationships is self-evident, but the scale of communication is not easy to become a one-way criticism conference, failed communication is venting emotions and turning over old accounts throughout the process, without proposing a solutionable solution, controlling emotions and solving problems communication is what we need to practice.
Relying on love alone is not enough to resist the disillusionment after the freshness fades, as well as the resentment and misunderstanding brought about by the trivialities of life. Problems accumulate in the relationship between partners, and there will also be uneasiness and depression, which may one day become the trigger for conflict.
Cognitive therapy founder Aaron Baker applies cognitive behavioral therapy to intimate relationship repair, and in this book describes some of the problems that partners often encounter, such as
"Label" the other person and blame the other person for negative motives
Silently set an expectation value for the other party, and the other party will feel disappointed when it is not up to it
Talk in a roundabout way, interjecting often or without feedback
The intervention of the families of both sides made the conflict more difficult to reconcile
Based on cognitive therapy, this book skillfully integrates theory and case, which is easy to understand and easy to operate.
Readers can find their own communication problems, reshape their thinking framework, and maintain good intimate relationships through nine steps. In addition to being able to solve communication problems in intimate relationships, you can also see
How to deal with intimate relationships affected by physiological problems
How to repair intimacy after infidelity
Work-induced stress in dual-career families
Parenting issues in remarried families
……
Readers who read this book may think that their marriage is okay, but still hope that it will bring more happiness. Maybe some readers want to regain their former fun, be able to talk to each other, offer suggestions, or make decisions without arguing. This book has some tips that can help you remove the troubles that hinder the solution of both problems and untie the knots that hinder mutual understanding. By deepening your understanding of the root causes of both parties' problems, you can make this intimate relationship more fulfilling and beautiful.
04 "Just the Right Comfort"
After the quarrel, I wanted to reconcile, but the more I got angry, the more I got? Comforting others is also skillful, and the advice in the book is not only applicable to comforting partners, but also instructs us to give the loved ones around us the best support when they are in pain.
When our relatives and friends are experiencing pain, we always want to say something to comfort them.
But we often ignore each other's feelings and "self-righteously" comfort them.
So the effect is often counterproductive, and even alienates us from each other...
We learn a lot, but we never learn how to comfort others.
This book is a gift. It's full of creativity and wonderful visual feelings, it helps us confidently support and comfort those who are experiencing illness, trauma, or any other difficult situation, and it allows us to build a deep, deep-seated true connection with others.
05 Why Families Get Sick
"Those who participate in psychotherapy are often the ones with the least problems in the family", when you feel that someone in the family has a problem, it is actually a problem with the family system, if you are confused about your family relationship, I believe you can find the answer you want in this book.
The "loyal guardian" who saves the family with the way of being sick
Anxious mothers, withdrawing fathers, and children trapped at home
Families that are flawless on the surface are actually problematic
Children who achieve independence with the assistance of mental illness
Adolescent children who "refuse to go to school" because of their parental discord
These are real cases that happen every day in the psychiatric clinic, where people who come to ask for help encounter big or small problems, and behind these problems is our family system.
Starting from the perspective of the family system, based on the theories and methods of psychology, especially family therapy, and the author's rich experience in psychotherapy, through vivid cases, this book tells us: how the family shapes an independent individual, why the family gets sick, how to avoid the transgression behavior caused by the unclear boundaries of the family, how the family in distress seeks positive change, and how to better understand themselves, their families and psychological problems from the family system, so as to grow into a healthier and more complete individual. Build happier families.
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