"Sister Evian, I don't know why it's so sad to think about those things now, and the interview that day was very relaxed. I was very panicked, and I couldn't breathe. I don't have the ability to solve this problem, and I don't want to recall it, and there are pictures of my dad in my memory, but it's not much, it's very uncomfortable. My mobile phone was bought by myself on the weekend of my freshman year, my aunt would give me money, my mother also secretly saved money for me, the family conditions were not good and there was not much money, my aunt took care of my mother like my grandmother and hurt me. ”
This is a long-married girl, the first time we met was three years ago, let's call her Fei'er. With a good face and a gentle temperament, Fei Er, who was dressed in a white dress, buried herself in the green sofa of the consultation room, curled up like a cat, which made people feel pity. Wife, mother, good job, marriage is still happy. The only regret is that I did not receive my father's blessing. Marriages that are not blessed by relatives cannot be peaceful and have twists and turns. The traditional morality, ethics and values of oriental women made this gentle girl sad and unable to let go.
"My life is a failure, Teacher Li. My grandmother died 3 months after I was born. The mobile phone is also secretly used to let my father know, bought in the spring of 2008, when the earthquake I was thinking that I could not use the mobile phone to call my father. Laptops were bought on scholarships in the year of graduation, more than 4,000 yuan. The tuition fee of the third and fourth year of college my father let me do a May Day student loan, the loan was paid by myself after I took the initiative to say that I went to work, anyway, I said that I would pay it myself, 12,000 yuan. ”
She took a deep breath and paused in her chest for a moment to spit it out. Calm down the mood, like drawing some kind of strength. Economic problems, a hidden sensitive area, brought her endless sense of shame. At this moment, they need to be put out and the tray.
" After graduating from college to find a job, I went to Shanghai alone, no relatives and no friends, ate a bun in the morning, ate with colleagues at noon only ate the cheapest, at night and on weekends ate white noodles mixed with watercress sauce until the first month's salary, 1 yuan noodles can eat two meals, so I hate to eat watercress sauce. After settling in, I told my mom that I was looking for a job in Shanghai. When I was sad, I would also think that if family planning had been stricter at that time, I would not have had to be born. Unfortunately I was born, alas, and that can only live.
It used to be sad, so don't reminisce, at least now it's still very happy. Change to a company that pays wages on time, and life can be more comfortable, otherwise it will affect the mood too much.
Teacher Li, can I cry? I miss my mother, you are also a good mother, I hope I can also become a good mother, and I hope that I can make my mother happy and happy in her old age. ”
I wanted to hug her and suppressed my emotions.
Trauma is often a rift in a relationship, a lack of love, emotional loneliness, a lack of recognition, and a loss of trust in someone or someone. If we no longer trust others or human affection, we will shrink day by day.
But what heals us is also our relationship with others, an encounter and a renewed love, a reconciliation, and a renewed trust in ourselves and the world, acknowledging or reclaiming our worth.
If the psychological capital is sufficient, it is necessary to take the initiative to repair the cracks and reunite the individual, so as to make up for itself, self-aggregate, and once again get positive feedback in the eyes of others. Man always has to rediscover his unity in the other through the eyes of his companions, the mirrors handed over.
Of course, the damage caused by the closest relatives is the most direct and cannot be fortified. Deprivation, oppression, and even aggression between relatives are not uncommon. The professional attributes of psychologists have given me a multi-dimensional understanding of the dark side of human nature.
The resentment and resentment brought about by the rupture of the relationship are very real, because people have been convinced of the relationship, so they will be disappointed and disillusioned. If you don't understand and can't talk at all, even a lasting and powerful relationship like parent-child relationship will break.
Forgiveness is for yourself
If you can't forgive, let it go. Forgiveness is for yourself. After all, the road ahead is long, and you can't carry a corpse for thousands of miles.
I shook her hand lightly and looked at her slowly stretched brow, and at this moment, she began to let go.
About author:Evian Is a national second-level clinical psychological counselor, the founder of the "Evian Psychology" Counseling Center in Henan Province, a member of the Marriage and Family Professional Committee of the National Life Care Association, a member of the Advisory Committee on Mental Health Education in Primary and Secondary Schools of the Ministry of Education of China, and a member of the Psychological Counseling Professional Committee for College Students of the Chinese Mental Health Association.