Last week, I posted an article titled "Spirited Away: This Is Not for Adults Anime, Do You Really Understand It?" Many readers have left messages mentioning "faceless men".
To sum up, there are three main voices:
(1) I'm afraid of faceless men
(2) I am a faceless man
(3) I want to hug the faceless man
The faceless man is not the protagonist of "Spirited Away", and he does not appear in many shots, but he has a large number of fans, what are the characteristics of the faceless man that attracts everyone?
The setting of the faceless man is very interesting, he has no face, only a mask, and the expression will only change slightly, at most with a smile.
This state is not presenting the true self, and even he may not have an ego at all. The mask face of the faceless man is very similar to the "mask man" in our lives.
Mask people are accustomed to wearing masks to protect themselves, and will switch between different masks on different occasions - the P figure king of the circle of friends, the old good man, the victim, the good parents, the good children, etc., but the mask is worn for a long time, and it is inevitable that it will be eaten by the "mask".
The sadness of the Masked Man is:
Switching between different masks is a bit difficult for them. For example, a good mother has a "motherly taste" everywhere, which affects her ability in the workplace and the sexiness and amorousness in the crook of her husband's arm.
Some forget who they are. For example, people who are too obsessed with P-charts like to live in the world of P-charts, forgetting that a real person is a flawed, sick, late-sleep and bad-looking living person.
Someone said, "A true liar is not deceiving others, but being able to deceive himself." ”
The Masked Man corresponds to the "false self" proposed by Winnicott in psychology.
What is a pseudo-autology?
The pseudo-autologous is a pseudo-defense of infants 6 months ago, during the process of emotional development and the failure of interaction with the environment.
When this person interacts with the world only with the false self, it is difficult for him to have a real connection with others, and it is difficult to feel the stability and support of others.
How is the pseudosomy formed?
So how is the pseudo-self formed?
(1) The mother cannot see the baby
The environment mainly refers to the mother's breasts, and the main nurturer, the parents.
Babies will send out demands, but because they cannot express them, they may be weak. The baby needs the presence of the mother and responds to his needs. But when the mother cannot treat the baby as a person, but only treats the baby as a toy and a pet, or even a tool for self-realization, the mother cannot see the real baby, can only see her own needs and the baby she wants, the baby is fragile and needs the care of the mother, he can only passively conform to the mother, and the false self appears.
Once formed, the pseudo-autology may carry it for a lifetime, unless it encounters an intervention.
(2) True self and false self
Parental (environmental) intrusion into the baby can be disturbing or neglectful. Different families are different manifestations.
In order to adapt to the mother (environment), the baby divides his personality into two parts:
Part of the false self is to meet the needs of the nurturer, and the other part is the secret life that is protected, and the part of creativity is hidden.
Babies have learned to interact with the world with fake parts, and it is difficult for the real self to grow up, because the growth of the real self also needs to interact with the outside world in order to develop.
The baby's pseudo-autology is formed in infancy, but can only be observed when the child is older.
(3) Forming an interactive pattern with the world
Babies form fake parts to interact with the outside world, but fake things are unreal and hollow, at the cost of feeling meaningless and lifeless, and also questioning what is real in the world.
Hazards of false self-bodies
(1) Loss of vitality
Some time ago, Ma Sichun shared a video of "walking the heart" on his Weibo, and shared his voice from depression to medication and gain weight with his girlfriend.
She said: "I was taught to be 'sensible, obedient, and let others' from an early age, so I have always lived a particularly fearful life, afraid that others will not like me, afraid that others will not be happy, afraid of others getting angry." On the highway, I did not dare to go to the toilet, afraid that the driver would be in trouble, so I held back. Only filming will be specially invested, and nothing else will be. ”
Ma Sichun's life experience is very similar to many of our "obedient children". They are praised for their obedience from an early age, because they conform to their parents, and they may also master some skills well at a young age, so as to obtain some results, but they have no feeling for the "achievements" they have obtained. They do great things, but they don't feel that they are strong, but they feel that they are not good, and even have many depressed emotions.
These obedient children are very distressing, and they wear obedient masks to meet the needs of their parents, but at the cost of damaging their own vitality.
(2) Successful destruction
After Zheng Shuang's surrogacy wanted to abandon her son and was banned, her relationship with her mother was often discussed. Her mother used to be a housewife with no sense of value, but with energy and dreams, she did not have the ability to make her life shine, and she consumed every day between family life and trivia, and took Zheng Shuang as a way to realize her dreams.
Her mother invested a lot of money and time, and her requirements for Zheng Shuang were also very strict, in order to let Zheng Shuang help her realize her dreams. Zheng Shuang did indeed achieve the results her mother wanted, and her star path was very smooth, becoming a top flower in China.
But the "surrogacy and abandonment" of a traffic flower under the age of 30 is blocked, on the one hand, various practical factors, and the other part may carry the motivation of subconscious self-destruction. Zheng Shuang's achievement is her mother's dream, and she has the hatred of being instrumented and ignored by her mother, which may also be the motivation for her to potentially ruin her own achievements.
One of the dangers of the false self is that when the false self achieves success, it will destroy this success. It is also a symbolic "suicide", killing the false part and the real part will be exposed.
(3) It is impossible to distinguish between true and false
A friend of mine, she has no passion in her work, she is busy every day, but the work is neither very profitable nor worthwhile. She stayed in this state for 5 years.
For 5 years, she has been confused about her work, and her family has introduced her to a job with a better and more stable income, but there are some entrance exams, and she feels that she is eager for that opportunity and is also very interested, but she has no motivation to study.
I asked: Why would you be unmotivated if you were interested? Isn't interest our intrinsic motivation?
She said: "I'm interested in a lot of things, but I'm not motivated to do it, and I'm rarely very involved in anything.
I asked: We will be motivated to do things that interest us, and if this is your parents' interest, you may not have the motivation to complete it...
She said: I never thought of it that way, maybe.
People who are strong in the fake self will have a situation where the mask is worn for a long time and is eaten by the mask. It has become difficult for them to distinguish between what is true and what is false, what is their own need and what is the need of others. They mistake the life tasks infused by others for their own ideals.
And deeply blamed himself for not having passion for "pseudo-dreams".
Their emotions oscillate between anxiety and depression and create a sense of nothingness: What is true? Am I real? Is the world real?
Healthy people also have pseudo-selfs
In fact, healthy people will also have pseudo-selfs, but they will not be eroded by pseudo-selfs.
If the mother can observe the satisfaction of the baby's needs when the baby is in need, rather than invading the child with her own will, the baby will develop the ability to coordinate with the environment. At this time, the mother can ask the child to do something to help the baby gradually socialize.
Healthy people will also have pseudo-selves, but they will not feel that life is meaningless, they will have a high degree of spontaneity and creativity. This pseudo-self is polite and does not damage its own core.
At this point, you may ask a question: how to change the state of the "false self"?
In fact, when a person feels safe, he will look for the truth within himself, but this change will be more difficult than the development of infancy.
The power of this change may also be the reason why the faceless man likes Chihiro:
When the faceless man did not meet Chihiro, his interest was very monotonous, that is, he stood by the bridge every day to watch the scenery, and no one paid attention to him. Until Chihiro nodded at him when he passed one day, and then on a rainy day, the faceless man watched Chihiro work in the rain, Chihiro saw the faceless man, afraid that he was in the rain and felt that he was alone outside, so he let him enter the door to avoid the rain.
Even when the Faceless Man is hurt by Chihiro's rejection and becomes greedy and crazy because he eats the frog, Chihiro is willing to give the balls left by the river god to the Faceless Man to eat. And tell the friend that the faceless man is very kind, and it is the "soup house" that triggers the greed of the faceless man, so she wants to take the faceless man away.
The reason Faceless Men like Chihiro is that they are seen, noticed, cared for, cherished, accepted, and accompanied.
In the end, the faceless man returned to his original form, because of his excellent hand-weaving ability, he was left to work by the money mother-in-law, and finally had a home that could take in the faceless man.
In the same way, you want to change the state of the false self.
You have to treat yourself as a person, distinguish yourself as you are, not what others think you are, nor what you pretend to be, and be interested in yourself. And use this "self" that you once hid, deal with safe friends, and slowly he will grow and grow.
Author: Li Shuting
This article was first published in the public account Zeng Qifeng Psychological Studio, and unauthorized reprinting is strictly prohibited