Text/Huaizuo
01
On the day I left my son, my father-in-law drove me and Er Fat to the station.
When he got out of the car, Er Fat said twice: "Dad, we will go straight up, you don't have to come down." But my father-in-law didn't listen, he parked the car next to the train station, helped us take the cardboard box filled with eight bowls of lamb and mutton in northern Shaanxi, and carried it to the door.
"You line up first, I'll stand next to you, and when you enter the door immediately, I'll hand it to you, it's very convenient." he said.
When the box was handed to me, I immediately entered the station, and at another glance, I saw him lying on the glass by the train station door, raising his hand on his forehead and looking inside.
At that moment, I remembered Zhu Ziqing's "Back Shadow".
Because our family is behind us, we are full of confidence.
When I think about it, my parents always did the same, every time they left home, they always had to send me, repeatedly told me, and helped to get things. Before, I also felt that the taste of the New Year was light, but this year I suddenly understood that in addition to the liveliness of the New Year, there is also the feeling that we are pampered, pampered, and taken care of by adults.
The taste of the year fades because we are growing up; looking for the taste of the year begins with knowing the good and the bad of our parents.
I don't know at what moment, I gradually have the ability to empathize with many details of life. It's easy to see, it's easy to remember, there's an understanding that belongs to me, and maybe it's going to be transformed into the words of the pen like today.
This year, due to the epidemic, I spent the New Year in northern Shaanxi. Spending more than twenty days with my father-in-law, I had a relatively comprehensive understanding of him for the first time. Before that, we always met for three days and two days, talking a few words bit by bits, and we were not impressed.
People say that the father-in-law generally has an opinion on the son-in-law and may make it difficult for the son-in-law. So the first time I came to the door, I was nervous, guessing that he must have been black-faced and not speaking.
But when we really met, I knew I thought too much.
He is very enthusiastic, will take the initiative to greet people, simply put, there is no shelf, no sense of distance that is characteristic of the elders. This initiative can resolve the embarrassment and send my hanging heart back to the ground at once.
I hadn't had much of a drink before, and when I came to the table, he took the initiative to block it for me a few times, telling me to pour less wine for myself and never get drunk.
It was 2019 and we met for the first time.
02
To be honest, my father-in-law and my father are quite alike, both are drivers, like to play, like to play cards, easy-going personality, no disputes.
But they also have a distinct difference: My father-in-law was a little more social.
Looking back, I think that the twenty or so days I spent in the New Year this year, whether it is the customs and customs, or the family atmosphere, are completely different from my family. So I jokingly said to er fat: This year I was like participating in a training camp, learning a lot of practical things, it was worth the trip.
If I had developed the habit of independence before, then this time, I also learned how to get along with others after I arrived in society.
In the words of my father-in-law, it is: to be alive is to establish contact with others, and if you maintain the relationships around you, your life will be good.
He loves to be red-hot, relatives and friends have affairs, and he is generally present. If there is anything good, he will take it out and share it with others, and friends who are far away, he will send things directly to people.
At the party, he was the most beautiful boy in the card and wine fields. When we went to eat at the fourth grandfather's house for new year,000, we didn't even get to the door when we heard his shouting. The mother-in-law and the second fat said, "When you listen to your father's voice, he has a loud voice." ”
When playing cards, he sits in a unique position.
If it is a small chair, he sits on it with a playing plate, like a Buddha; if it is a stool, he will finish playing the cards in his hand, and he will also look at the left and right cards, twisting the waist and probing the neck, which is very convenient.
The other day, when Er Fat went out to a party with friends in the afternoon and asked me to go over in the evening, I was playing cards with Hao Hao (my brother-in-law) and my father-in-law and mother-in-law.
I didn't want to go a hundred times in my heart, but my father-in-law said, "Since I called you, you can go, bring a bottle of wine, and Haohao will also go, and help your brother-in-law share the wine." ”
Then Hao hao and I set off, bringing a bottle of wine, a few glasses, a pair of pokers, and I wanted to bring dice, but finally I felt that it was difficult to take, so I gave up.
After they went, they asked, "Are you here to chat, or are you here to drink?" ”
We also mean it clearly: "All right, you do as you please." ”
I have to say that this confidence is practiced at home, hahahahaha...
03
On the day I returned to my mother-in-law's hometown, I finished my meal in the afternoon and drank as usual.
I sat next to my father-in-law, and when the liquor store started, he greeted me while playing cards. After playing for a while, the eldest uncle said to him: "Right (father-in-law's nickname), it seems that you have a son-in-law, don't you?" Your son-in-law and father-in-law, the relationship between father and son is so good that they have to die and live, can they have fun? ”
Father-in-law said: "Did I lose the bar less?" This card is one, two is two, you just have to drink well. ”
At night, because of the large number of people, the kang can not be crowded. At twelve o'clock, my father-in-law was afraid that we would not sleep well, so he took haohao and me to the oil area team next to him. The three of us slept in a bed, each of us, and woke up the next day.
In the morning, he drove me to my aunt's house in ma on the nearby and said that I wanted to take a good look at it the first time. After getting to the place, I sat down for a while, and then he took me up a small dirt slope and stood on it to tell me about his previous work experience.
It turned out that he had been driving in the mountains before, driving a tanker truck first, then running a shuttle, coming and going, for many years.
From his description, I saw that life is not what you lived, but what you remember.
The first time in the field for the New Year, to be honest, I am very grateful for his enthusiasm. When I was a child, I saw many serious elders, who did not smile and made people afraid. Although I am not small now, if he does not smile, I really do not know how to associate with him.
In addition, I also know the importance of this passion.
An adult, with another person who has endless words, is to pay attention.
The day before he left, my father-in-law told me and Haohao to go to the mountains to fetch spring water. On the way back, he mentioned driving, saying that he had been coming for so many days and he hadn't remembered what he should have taught me. So after hitting the iron while it was hot and going home to unload the water, he found a road with little traffic and taught me to drive.
Starting, shifting gears, turning, reversing, I quickly adapted, and after running back and forth on that main road a few times, he taught him to start and stop in the side direction.
It's okay to start halfway, but it's a bit difficult to get off the side without the lines of the coaching field.
It ended up making my forehead sweat.
04
The daughter-in-law's family is a big family, and if I look at it from the perspective of a bystander, the whole family values socialization, etiquette, education and development. Children who grow up inside, going outside, will not be too bad.
Really, a good family style can benefit generations.
I used to think the word "home style" was very abstract, but this time I saw it with my own eyes.
Chinese New Year's Eve night, at the end of the Spring Festival Gala, my father-in-law organized a family meeting between the five of us to talk about our achievements and shortcomings in the past year, and then talk about the plans for the new year. This is the first time I have attended such a family meeting, and when it was my turn, I talked a lot and finally said that I should keep a good attitude and move forward steadily.
Ceremonies like this are undoubtedly a good opportunity to reflect and re-understand the people around them.
In our Chinese family, there are really not many scenes where elders can stand up for self-criticism. And this kind of elderly taking the lead in putting down the shelf and opening up the heart to communicate can quickly close the distance between the two generations, and each other is more respectful and closer.
Less authority, less freedom.
My father-in-law valued Haohao's learning and our subsequent development, and he often said, "You must work hard, but also help each other and be each other's helpers." After you have a good life, we will live well, and if you do not have a good life, I will go back to the mountains with your mother to herd sheep. ”
After saying more, it becomes a seed, takes root, and becomes our code of conduct and values.
To be reasonable, our family is not rich, but fortunately, the family does not transmit anxiety, and everyone knows what they are doing and what to do after that.
This atmosphere is also related to the personality of the father-in-law, who belongs to the optimist faction, knows the boundaries of his ability, and always says to the child when he encounters things: "It's okay, there is no money and I say to me, I just borrow, I can get it for you, it's all small things." ”
Of course, he doesn't really have much money, but this kind of comfort can give people a lot of strength.
On the day we were ready to leave, he asked me and Er Fat again: "Do you still have any money, do you want to bring some from home?" If you need it, I'll give it to you. ”
We have.
"Summary"
Two days ago, I opened the photo album of my daughter-in-law's home, and in addition to collecting many ugly photos of her childhood, I also saw photos of my father-in-law's previous years.
He was in his twenties at the time, at the best of his life.
