At the beginning of today's article, I would like to ask you a few heartfelt questions:
What would you do if, fifty years later, your lover was dying of old age and was about to leave?
Is it to spend his last time with affection, or to make a final indictment of his half-life performance with grievances?
Or, using cryonics technology, waiting for the day when spring blooms, and looking forward to seeing you again after the "resurrection"?
Perhaps, for everyone in front of the screen, this is just a few inexplicable and insignificant questions.
But for Zhan Wenlian and Gui Junmin couple 5 years ago, it is a heart-wrenching question that is difficult to play.
After "freezing" the wife for 4 years
He did not wait for the "resurrection" and married a new one
Before Zhan Wenlian was diagnosed with cancer, the deep affection she and her husband Gui Junmin had begun as a teenager once made her an object of envy in the mouths of her neighbors.
At the age of thirteen or fourteen, when the boy did not have enough to eat, the girl secretly brought food to the boy; the girl did not have good grades, and the boy patiently tutored the girl in her homework.
The soft breeze outside the window swayed the delicate willow branches, and their green and innocent love also throbbed and sprouted in a flash of laughter.
However, the good times did not last long, after graduating from high school, Gui Junmin was admitted to Shanghai, and Zhan Wenlian followed her mother back to her hometown in Shandong, and the two could only contact through letters.
Waiting for Gui Junmin to graduate, Zhan Wenlian, who had long been unable to hold back her lovesickness, was preparing to go to Shanghai, but she did not expect that a sad accident disrupted all the plans of the little couple.
That year, Zhan Wenlian's parents both died in a car accident, and as the eldest daughter of the family, Zhan Wenlian had to stay in Shandong and take on the responsibility of taking care of her three younger siblings.
Once, Gui Junmin went to Shandong to see Zhan Wenlian and watched his beloved person carefully picking leftovers in the vegetable market that no one wanted, and the scene deeply stung him.
Therefore, he immediately decided to take his own information and go straight to the poor county where Zhan Wenlian lived, and take care of 3 younger siblings with his lover.
The classmates around him all felt incredible, and the colleagues around him advised him: "That's a fire pit!" ”
But the Gui military and civilians said:
"I always feel that to love someone, you should be able to accept anything, including you suffer a little, you really like her, you really love her, that is not bitter, at least you can still be with her." 」
Looking at her lover's righteousness for herself, Zhan Wenlian was not willing to show weakness.
While taking care of her family, she was admitted to the local bank and became a leader through her own efforts, and Gui Junmin, who had a degree and ability, became the vice principal of the sports school.
But who would have thought that such a happy couple would be torn apart by heaven.
In May 2015, at the age of 47, Zhan Wenlian was diagnosed with cancer.
The wife who used to be cheerful and smiled, like a melting snow mountain, lost weight day by day:
The thick long hair is gone, the crystal eyes are dimmed, even the language is gone...
Just then, he heard about "cryonics" from the doctor.
When the patient's heartbeat has just stopped, the remains are stored at -196 ° C, waiting for decades after the development of medicine and then "resurrecting".
The especially good friends around him counted him down: People are gone, what are you tossing and turning.
But Gui Junmin knew that he was very sober.
He asked her: Sleep well for a long time, and then you may wake up again, okay?
She couldn't speak, but still nodded and shook his hand tightly.
In this way, Zhan Wenlian became the first person in the mainland to accept the "human body freezing technology".
Before his wife underwent human cryopreservation surgery, Gui Junmin also lay down next to his wife and told her:
"At this time, tell you to desert you to sleep, I have conditions, I told you to wake me up, now don't pretend to sleep for me, maybe at that time I will become an old man, I call you, you don't know."
However, who would have thought that such a man who was extremely affectionate and affectionate to this point would still marry a new couple after his wife was "frozen" for four years.
For a time, overwhelming accusations poured in, and the man who was once affectionate and loyal instantly became a hypocritical, abusive, and unsinhibited scumbag in the eyes of some netizens.
But, did he really do it wrong?
Women are never married, and men are full of children and grandchildren
The most unreliable thing in the world is "love"?
Rather than saying that some netizens accused Gui Junmin of being upset for Zhan Wenlian, who was still lying in the freezing equipment.
Rather, the reason why they accused themselves of this was to project their expectations of loyal and unswerving love onto Gui Junmin.
Now that such expectations have been dashed, the Gui military and civilians have become the "culprits" of bad luck.
Perhaps, for love, we all have such a beautiful expectation in our hearts:
Loyalty is unswerving, until death.
But sociologist Li Yinhe has punctured the difficulty behind such expectations:
We expect love to last forever, but love is fluid.
Today he can love you, tomorrow he can love others. In this worldly flow of lust, love and hate, it is difficult to have a true "eternity."
I have seen such a video that makes people sigh.
In the video, an elderly grandmother has been slapping a grandfather in a wheelchair, crying and tearing her lungs.
It turned out that when they were young, they were originally a pair of lovers, but they were separated in the war-torn era.
In the 54 years of separation, Grandma never gave up looking for Grandpa.
In order to wait for this man, she never married in her life, but she did not expect to reunite after half a century, she learned:
He was already full of children and grandchildren.
Half a life of perseverance, a lifetime of obsession.
In the countless days and nights of waiting, she has aged and lost her youth, and she is still alone in her twilight years.
But in exchange, it is not the lover's equally steadfast waiting, but the fact that "waiting for idle changes is the heart of the old man, but the old man's heart is changeable."
However, can you blame this grandfather, can you blame the Gui Junmin whose wife is terminally ill and still tries her best to reunite with her lover?
They are just ordinary people who need to continue to live an ordinary life and need a lover to be with him again.
With regard to feelings, I have no doubt about the sincerity of the vows at the moment when they are first spoken.
It's just that human nature is so deep and complex, and countless facts have proved:
As a woman, it is not feasible to pin the marriage firm and lifelong happiness on the constant flow and ever-changing "love".
The infinite yearning for "eternal love" is an instinct in human nature, and the pursuit of "fresher, more exciting, more tempting love" is also an instinct in human nature.
Only by transforming instinctive love into non-instinctive love, a love that does not rely on momentary passion and lust, can love be preserved for a long time and reach a deep and constant state.
"We don't have children, you are my children"
In this fickle world, I want to see you forever
Among all the celebrity couples, I am most optimistic about Zhang Weijian and Zhang Qian.
Although Zhang Weijian, who is 57 years old, has not had children after his wife miscarried 8 months pregnant, it does not affect their happiness.
And the feelings between them, the reason why they can be so long-lasting, and they can do these 3 things have an inseparable relationship.
1, wide enough: tolerate each other, willing to "see" each other's subtext.
In marriage, many people will have this confusion about their partners:
Why does he hide every time there is a conflict?
Why is he so reluctant every time he coaxes me?
In fact, behind many seemingly unfriendly behaviors, there may be a real vulnerability lurking in the people closest to us.
Zhang Qian was born in an artistic family, from childhood to adulthood, she is the pearl in the palm of her parents and is pampered.
Zhang Weijian grew up in a violent family environment.
Fathers scold their mothers and children, stripping off their children's clothes and taking pictures while playing.
It wasn't until his father betrayed his marriage and left the house with his lover that the four of them escaped the fear of being beaten.
Because of his childhood experience, Zhang Weijian was afraid of marriage, so even if they had been in love for many years, they did not dare to make up their minds to get married.
Fortunately, Zhang Qian can understand the subtext of her partner's heart.
Although her biggest wish is to get married before the age of 30, she has never forced him, but with a hearty laugh, and infinite tolerance, a little bit to heal each other, melt each other, give each other a sense of security.
She often said to him:
"Rest assured, I will protect you."
"I'm not going to let people hurt you."
"You can live well."
Gradually, the real love melted the solid ice of childhood, and the two finally rushed into the marriage hall before Zhang Qian turned 30.
Their love is not the blood of a moment of passion, but the reconfirmation after careful consideration, such waiting and seeing, so that their marriage is more solid.
Whether we are or our partners, there must be inverse scales and unknown pains deep inside.
Being able to tolerate each other's scales, see each other's wounds, and assume the responsibility of appeasing each other's "quirks", feelings can be as vast and vast as the boundless sea.
2, fine enough: spend time playing with each other, willing to create surprises.
Professor Howard Markman, who conducted a study on marriage issues, tracked 306 couples, collecting their time together, hobbies, quarrels, and marital status.
The results showed: "The relationship between play and marital happiness is significant and close. ”
Zhang Weijian is a romantic person, who will sit alone in a car + 1 hour cable car alone with flowers in his hand, and come to his wife's crew with stars, just to quietly give her a surprise;
I will also unite my friends and hide in the trunk early, just to see the surprised smile of my wife when she opens the trunk...
We emphasize "love" too much, but love is too abstract and must be concretely acted to make this love really stationed in the other person's heart.
In an interview with the media, Zhang Weijian once shared his marriage preservation secret with the media - "respect each other as guests, create surprises".
All the seemingly useless "rituals" are actually to reassure the other person: I am safe in this relationship, and he loves me.
In this way, we can bring us infinite peace of mind and solid trust.
3, deep enough: do not care about paying, willing to give.
At that time, in order to take care of his miscarried wife, Zhang Weijian, at the peak of his career, pushed off all his work.
He accompanied his wife every day, played games with her, talked jokes with her, and formed stones into a heart shape to please his wife.
He told Zhang Qian: We don't have children, you are my children.
Finally, under the careful care of Zhang Weijian, Zhang Qian gradually walked out of the shadow of miscarriage.
Not only that, in daily life, Zhang Weijian has also been taking care of each other.
Zhang Qian is not accustomed to living in Hong Kong, so he lets his wife live in Beijing, and he himself runs between Hong Kong and Beijing to take care of his elderly mother.
There is a line in Miyazaki's film:
"No one is a fool, it's just that sometimes we choose to pretend to be stupid and feel what happiness is called."
In marriage, this is the case.
Zhang Weijian seems to be sacrificing and suffering losses, but he has also received his wife's most sincere love for him.
If both husband and wife are immersed in the "power struggle" every day and cannot extricate themselves, it is bound to be the end of chicken flying dog jumping and chicken feathers on the ground.
If you are deeply involved in emotional problems, you can comment on the message or @ Heart Help Lu Yue Private Message I tell you your specific situation, I will help you solve.
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