1. The prisoner received a letter from his wife: You are in prison, no one has turned over a few acres of land in our family, the in-laws can't move, I am not in good health, and I have to see the children.
The prisoner replied: Don't plough the ground, there are guns buried in the ground.
A month later, my wife replied: The police came in batches 3 or 4, turned our home several times, tired enough to vomit blood and did not find the gun, where did you hide the gun?
The prisoner replied: No gun, you hurry up and farm, I can't help you with anything else!
2 When I was in elementary school, I was very hungry and ate a snack in my heart, and once I didn't hold back, I secretly took 100 yuan from our family. After buying snacks, I put the remaining 40 yuan back, and at dinner in the evening, my dad: Whoever spends our family's fake money, I must reward him. After hearing it, I shouted: It's me and I. I thought I was going to reward me with good things! As a result, my dad laughed and took out the feather duster hidden behind him!
3 Home wifi is often rubbed by others, so the wife changed the password, I went home and found that the router was pasted with "wireless password: 1234567", and then asked the wife: "This password is so simple as the previous password?" The wife said with a disdainful face: "Hmm, they can't guess it when they are tired, the colon in front of me is also a password..."
4 My wife is a vain woman who always compares me to my neighbors. Today I said angrily, "You always love to compare yourself with the family next door!" His house has renovated the house, and you want me to decorate our house according to his house's decoration model; his family bought a new computer, and you want me to buy a computer exactly like his home... I see what you do next! Wife: "What new things have been added to his house?" What his family does, we will do. I laughed and said, "He married a young and beautiful wife yesterday." ”
5 The elder brother is a courier, often in contact with rich people, very envious of their dashing life. Secretly determined to raise children well, in the future also let their daughter become rich! After delivering the courier once, he said to his niece in a serious tone: "Child, study hard, when you grow up, you can become a rich second generation!" The niece said unconvincedly: "You are not a rich generation, how can I be a rich second generation?" Brother: "You can give me the money you earn in the future, so that you will not become a rich second generation." The niece narrowed her eyes, her face turned red, and it took half a day to make a whole sentence: "Dad, can you order your face?" ”
6 After dropping out of high school, my brother-in-law went to work at the construction site. On the day of the payroll, he exchanged a bucket of gold for a VIVO mobile phone. The first thing he did when he got the phone, he called the customer service girl and talked about everything. Finally, the customer service girl became impatient and asked: Is there anything wrong? The brother-in-law replied: Your advertisement says that the charge is 5 minutes, the call is two hours, and I come to check whether it is true!
7 Asked for a margarita at the bar, and just after taking a sip, she was dragged onto the dance floor by her sister. When I came back, I saw the eldest uncle sitting in my place, and I hurriedly said: "Uncle, this cup is what I drank, do you want to dislike me to give you a key cup, how about..." At this time, the uncle looked at me and said embarrassedly: "The young man is sorry, just sneezed and accidentally hit your dentures in your bowl..."
8 The company is full of girls, and everyone has a crush on the golden bachelor of the boss. The boss chose me, but two years later we broke up. Today I went to the boss's wedding, and as a result, I met a handsome guy at the wedding scene, who was always with me from beginning to end. After the wedding, I blushed and asked him, "So, do you like me?" He also smiled shyly: "No, I am the security guard of this wedding, and it was the groom who made me stare at you all, afraid that you would suddenly make trouble!" "Me:"
9 The brother-in-law took the mobile phone to fight the glory of the king, and the old man had to pull the brother-in-law to watch TV with him.
The brother-in-law reluctantly put down the mobile phone, but did not expect the old man to open the gourd baby to see.
The brother-in-law immediately said, "This is all cartoons from many years ago, it's not interesting, I went to sleep!" The old man immediately glanced at his brother-in-law and said, "No, you must see!" "When I saw the seven gourd babies calling Grandpa at the same time, the old man kept saying yes there! The brother-in-law is also speechless, is this a new routine for forced marriage?
10 Every day after work, I have to wash the clothes and shoes of my cohabiting girlfriend, and I am too tired to do it.
I was washing the toilet tonight when my girlfriend urged me to cook.
I said: I went to work for a day, so hard, you are still spending my money, you can't understand me, girlfriend laughed lightly: Why, I spend some money on you, you feel bad? Me: No, I just don't think it's fair, I didn't know anything before, in order to take care of you, I learned to wash and cook.
Her: Oh, teach you so many skills without charging some tuition?
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