Women's Day is approaching, a festival formed in the early 20th century, which began as a march for women's work and suffrage, but a century later, Women's Day is constantly being embellished and consumed. So in the present moment, what does the phrase "Happy Women's Day" really mean? When we celebrate this holiday, what are we celebrating?
In addition to looking back at the progress of history, we also want to listen to the voice of the individual, to see how in the story of the specific person, how women awaken, how to realize the shackles that are wrapped around her, and how to break free from the shackles and fight against prejudice.
So a few days ago, we invited a few friends of the Youth Chronicle reader group to hold a coffee room discussion. Starting from their own life experience, everyone chatted about the dilemma brought about by women's identity and the story of their breaking through restrictions and liberation.
These moments of regaining autonomy in the fate of individual women are also worth celebrating.
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01 At that moment, I wasn't a "perfect woman."
@Butterfly
I feel that everyone subconsciously seems to have a "perfect image" expectation of girls. When I was in high school, I attended the class party, and a boy volunteered to sing on stage, but the result was a broken sound, and the classmates in the class laughed and thought that he sang a broken sound. Later, another girl came on stage to sing, and she also broke the sound, but at that time, the class immediately fell silent, everyone was quiet, and no one dared to laugh.
I wonder, why do the audience react completely differently to boys and girls when they sing broken notes on stage? Everyone will think that the girl singing the broken tone is very embarrassing, afraid that she will feel humiliated. It feels like everyone subconsciously still has an expectation of a perfect image of women.
Including in the past two years, there have been more and more female comedians, but girls' humor may not be a state of comfort for boys. From childhood to adulthood, in the class, boys play the role of "pistachios", which is more naughty and makes everyone laugh. But girls rarely have such roles, and I actually hope that I am a very humorous person, but I find that everyone still prefers the "goddess" like that.
© Talk show actress Huang Ali
@Lydiaaa
This expectation and demand for women seems to be reflected in the so-called "view of chastity". The year before I went to go to the full body examination, when my father helped me make an appointment, the marital status helped me choose unmarried, but when I arrived at the hospital, I found that the married and unmarried examination items are not the same, and there is no gynecological examination if I am unmarried. I was in a state of sexual life, and out of health considerations, I felt that I should go to the gynecological examination. So I went to the front desk to add this project, and when I went to the room where the examination was done, the doctor saw that I was not very old, and came up to me and asked me, "Are you married, why do you want to do this test?" "I answered truthfully that she wasn't married, but I had sex. Then the doctor didn't look right, saying that I wasn't married and how I had sex. I was embarrassed, but I felt that my sex was safe, and I was doing the examination out of the mentality of being responsible for myself, so why should I be judged in this way. At the same time, it is particularly obvious that in this medical system, it seems to tacitly accept that women can only have sex if they are married, otherwise it is abnormal and wrong.
@Qingge
Women are also given a lot of requirements and expectations at the wine table. Because the dinner table and the wine table are a more hierarchical, hierarchical situation, for the boy, he can show great talent, aggression and initiative, but for the girl, on the one hand, you have to show a little reluctance, but also have some initiative; and have some ideas of your own, and show that you are a state of willingness to obey and obey. So in the dinner game, in addition to the suppression of hierarchy and age, there is also the suppression of gender, she needs to grasp the balance between many poles, very delicate, but also very difficult and testing.
<h1>02 At that moment, I found that gender became an obstacle. </h1>
@Us Sheep
I felt like I had an identity anxiety. Sometimes I'm worried that people think I'm a woman and have some stereotypical judgments about me and think I can't do it well. And then I'm going to do a lot of things with that worry and I don't want to do. For example, there was a time when I liked to drink beer, and if a man at a wine table said that he had a good amount of alcohol, I would deliberately fight with him. It seems that no matter what happens, I will deliberately compete with the opposite sex, for fear of losing.
When I was a child, my father's education of me was like that of a boy, making me do very hard and tiring work, and according to the standards of boys, I could bear hardships and take responsibility. But when I became an adult, I showed a stronger and more independent side, and my father would say to me, you are not good, you don't know how to be soft, you are not gentle and virtuous, and you can't use feminine power to maintain family harmony. @Elsie I've observed that women are always distrusted when it comes to professional issues. For example, my boyfriend's sister, who has been studying abroad since high school, has a good English, and although my boyfriend's grades are not bad, he certainly can't reach his sister's level of approaching mother tongue. Boyfriend's father in the process of doing business will have some foreign customers, when he encounters problems in English, or give priority to my boyfriend, even if the boyfriend's sister directly pointed out the meaning of a word, the boyfriend's father will ignore the sister's voice, to wait for the boyfriend to confirm, his father will believe, as if always feel that the boy's point of view is more reliable.
I myself, my boyfriend and I are majoring in international politics, sometimes people in my hometown like to discuss relations and disputes between countries, but they will only talk to my boyfriend about these things, I want to say something is very difficult, can not put in the mouth, feel that they do not want to listen to me at all.
© Dog Thirteen
@Goldfish
I find that having children imposes too many restrictions on girls. I work in a foreign company, am very kind to women, have enough maternity leave and subsidies, have a salary during childbirth, and can get a promotion when I come back, so the environment itself is already good. But even so, my female colleagues still sacrifice a lot for the sake of having children, although they are well-educated and have equal rights, but in the process of raising children, husbands still do very little, resulting in them need to pay more in childcare. I don't have children yet, but I feel very scared when I see the current situation of my colleagues around me.
@Lisa
I'm also reflecting on the fertility thing. My child is now nine years old, but it seems that her father only appeared when she was six or seven years old. I would feel that the father of the child did not show up much at that time, and I myself did not expect him to appear too much. Even when the child is relatively young, it is always felt that only the mother can be very sensitive to her needs at this moment, and the presence of the father is sometimes particularly disturbing. For example, if the child wants to sleep, and the child's father comes to mess with the child, I feel very annoyed and will directly let him walk away, but I don't communicate with him too much, or assume that he should have the basic knowledge and judgment of parenting like me. When we talk about parenting, there may be some deep-seated expectations and impressions for both men and women.
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<h1>03 At that moment, I felt free. </h1>
@Xiao Zeng
In terms of games, the stigma of female players has always been very serious, and many boys look down on female players. I know a lot of girls who are particularly strong in The Glory of Kings, but they don't mark their genders, and they all deliberately fill in the boys, because they don't want to be scolded. Later, I formed a group, that is, the girls' king glory game group, they began to be very active, before they did not dare to open the wheat, but now when they play games with boys, they will take the initiative to admit that I am a girl, but I play very seriously. Then when the guys see that you're really playing well, they'll slowly change their minds.
Speaking of this stereotype, I also want to justify the female driver's name. In fact, inspired by my sister, when I was in junior high school, my sister was in her twenties, driving a small broken Xiali, when I sat in the co-driver, I thought she was old cattle, driving a small broken Xiali out of the car feeling, definitely not losing to the male kind. And then it affects when I'm driving now, and I think it's interesting to drive like that, otherwise I'll fall asleep.
© "Woman TAXI Woman"
@Zoey
I'm a tattoo artist and my style is the kind of old school. In fact, there are very few girls in the tattoo industry, and coupled with the style of old school, there are even fewer girls to learn. Our studio was full of boys, and I was the only girl who went to learn it, which was embarrassing, and they would joke about how there were girls who came to learn this. When many guests come over, they will also say that there are female tattoo artists on your side, which is very strange. But my master told me that if I liked it, I would stick to learning, I was already very remarkable, and I felt very touched at the time. Now that I have been studying for almost a year, I feel very happy and have begun to tattoo guests, and some guests will tell me that you are cool, you are very good, and I feel that I have been recognized and very happy.
I had joined the army before, and at that time I was in a women's barracks, mostly girls, and very few male soldiers. Daily training, disaster prevention drills, or drills to deal with attacks and conflicts are all done by our female soldiers, and the role of boys has basically disappeared completely from my life. Those two years in the all-girl environment in the army gave me a chance to prove and find myself independent, I could solve all my problems, I could become a complete person instead of a gendered woman.
@Zoe
I am currently studying for a Ph.D. in Computer Science. In fact, as a girl in science and engineering, from childhood to adulthood, she was often said to "don't look at the good learning of girls now, boys will definitely surpass girls in high school", "boys' science and engineering is good because of talent, girls learn well because of hard work", at that time hearing these words will be very hurt, I have always wanted to break this concept, in this regard has been very hard.
Now that I'm in a science and engineering school, I still feel like I'm in the minority and sometimes have self-doubt. But there is a very good female tutor in the research group she is in, she is very strong, very high-level, and has a humane care for the students. I feel that women have a unique advantage in scientific research, and after this female mentor joined, the atmosphere of our entire research group has become more active and humane. So when I see this female mentor, I feel less confused and more confident in myself. From this, I also feel that the power of female role models is very important and a powerful inspiration for future generations.
epilogue:
After the discussion in the pantry, a reader friend told us that he was worried that his expression was not profound enough to provide profound insights. But we think that perhaps it is precisely these seemingly small, but sincere life experiences that build our resonance and connection with each other. And this kind of female expression and speech is exactly what we want to celebrate with you.
In addition to organizing this discussion, we also interviewed a number of activists who are personally promoting gender equality, and they bring these moments of gender awakening into action to empower women. In different fields, the figure of "she" has become more and more prominent. Stay tuned.
Talk about your life
Who feels constrained by gender identity,
Or an experience of feeling liberated?
If you also want to participate in the future pantry discussion, please pay attention to our public account and reply to the "reader group" in the background.
Written | Lydia edited | Yang Shao and Xiao Zeng thanked all the friends who participated in the discussion: Butterfly, Beautiful Sheep, Goldfish, Zoey, Zoe, Lisa, Xiao Zeng, Elsie, Qing Ge, and Baba