Talking to my cousin the other day, I asked her why she hadn't been in a relationship until now, and she said:
"I just want to earn money and don't want to be in love, and I have money to buy what I want and do what I want to do."
And once in love, it is likely to have no freedom, sometimes quarrels and conflicts will be too tired, in case of a breakup, you may lose half a life. ”
Admittedly, there is some truth in my cousin's words, but isn't it true that our lives only need to earn money, not love?
1
If you don't have money, you don't need love
Many girls have a misunderstanding, always feel that as long as they achieve financial independence, they do not need men and do not need love.
We cannot say that this view is wrong, only that the angle of the station is different.
Economic independence is a manifestation that we do not depend on others economically, and its existence will make us have the confidence and the right to speak.
But financial independence and love are two different concepts.
In addition to the basic material, that is, what we call economics, love also involves spirit and companionship.
If we can achieve financial independence at the same time, we can also meet a partner who can teach us a lot of things, it is much better than just making money and not falling in love.
Of course, the premise is that the man you meet must be of good character, mature and stable.
Why?
Because there is a big difference between the thinking of men and women, girls tend to fix their thinking while thinking about problems, and they can't get out of their original ideas.
But if we meet a partner who can help us improve and use the boy's thinking to teach us to think about problems, we can gradually jump out of the original thinking and see different content.
I have a typical example around me:
I have an aunt and uncle who is a very good woman, she has achieved financial independence at a very young age, and she is very beautiful.
In my twenties, I was busy making money and didn't fall in love.
Later, in his thirties, he met his current uncle, and the two of them met each other as they were, and after half a year of acquaintance, they entered into marriage.
The two of them did not cause problems in the marriage because of the short time they knew each other, on the contrary, their feelings became better after marriage than before.
The most obvious of these is that the aunt has changed a lot.
It turns out that the aunt only looks at the problem from one angle, and many times, when there is a problem, she always thinks of using money to solve it.
Now, when she thinks about problems, she can always look at them from different angles.
When she encounters problems, she will think of several ways and begin to learn to look at problems from the perspective of others.
Then I asked her, "What made her change so much?" ”
She said it was because her uncle had a high emotional intelligence and a good temper and was the leader of the company.
Every time the aunt encounters a problem, the uncle will always be slow and rational, and help the aunt to analyze the essence of the problem in every detail.
Then propose different solutions to the aunt, and let the aunt slowly solve the problem in a guided way.
After a long time, the aunt also learned a lot of perspectives on problems with his help, and people are no longer as sharp as before.
So, you see, this is the gap between encountering love and not encountering love.
Financial independence is a prerequisite for a good relationship, and it allows us to maintain our ego and confidence in our relationships, but this does not mean that we no longer need feelings and partners.
The existence of a partner is not measured by money, his existence is to progress with us, to experience the storm together, to accompany each other, and to walk through the rest of their lives.
Money can bring us a lot of things, but there are some things it can't bring.
For example, the comfort and hugs you need when you encounter sad things, the emotions and joys you want to share when you are happy, and the companionship you need when you encounter difficulties.
All of this is something that money cannot give us directly.
2
While making money, enhance the ability to love
In life, we often see some girls who are financially independent, but they are still at a low level in their relationships.
There may be many girls who do not understand, it is reasonable to say that if girls can earn money themselves, then boys should hold her, love her, why do not pay attention to her, hot and cold?
The reason is that although they are financially independent, they are not independent mentally.
In other words, the kernel is not strong enough.
Such girls may be insecure due to the reasons of their original families, so even if they can earn money, they will still rely on each other from the heart.
This is also what I want to say to girls, while making money, we must not forget to improve our core and improve our ability to love.
Taking a step back, even if economic independence and spiritual independence cannot be achieved at the same time, then we must at least achieve spiritual independence first.
Because the lack of spirit is more terrible than the lack of economy.
I remembered a story I once saw in which a girl worked decently and her salary was not low, while her object worked averagely.
But it is such a girl who still feels that she is not good enough in front of her object.
She will check the post every day and ask the other party to reply to her messages at all times and meet her requirements.
If a request is not met, she will feel that the other party does not love herself.
Originally, the boy did not have much confidence in front of her, and felt that his job was not as good as hers.
But after experiencing this practice of girls, he slowly felt that he was very good, more than enough with the other party.
He felt in his heart: "If I am not good, then the other party will not look at me so closely every day?" ”
Once people have this mentality, out of human nature, they will definitely want to find a better object than the current one, and find an object that they feel can be worthy of themselves.
Therefore, over time, the boy does not take this girl seriously more and more, and he loves to ignore her.
And the more the boy is like this, the more the girl pays attention to him.
Over time, the boy couldn't stand her bondage and proposed to break up with her.
This is a typical example of a breakup due to a lack of love.
Although the girl in the story has achieved financial independence, mentally, due to her lack of love and lack of security, the boys have paid less and less attention to her, and they have broken up.
This also tells us a truth: long-term feelings must be based on the spiritual independence of both parties.
Otherwise, even the best feelings will fall apart due to the lack of love on one side.
Therefore, even if we talk about the object, we must constantly improve our core and make our spirit strong.
We must always remember that the existence of the other party is not to make up for the love we have missed since childhood.
Instead, the other person exists to be able to heal us and teach us to fill in the missing love in our hearts.
Only in this way can the relationship become more and more stable.
3
Love and career are not in conflict
Love and career are two different things, so I've always thought that their existence is not in conflict.
Sometimes the existence of love may also help the career.
As for the statement that having love will delay the career, and having a career will delay love, I do not agree with it.
I have a friend who runs her career and love very well, and her husband is very considerate and loving to her.
Her career is also very good, with an annual income of hundreds of thousands.
I asked her, "Do you feel that love has delayed her career?"
She said that she never felt this way, but sometimes she encountered some problems at work, and her husband would point her out.
Therefore, love and career are not in conflict, the key lies in how we look at this problem and our ability to run our own lives.
To tell the truth, girls who can manage their lives well, whether there is love or not, their careers will be very good, and love is the icing on the cake for them.
And those girls who do not have the ability to manage life, even if they have no object, will live their lives in a chicken feather.
In fact, the root of love and career conflict lies in the ability to manage life and deal with problems.
When I was young, all I thought was about making money and not being in love.
With the increase of age, the increase of experience, slowly found that the problem can not be so extreme.
I would like to ask, if on the way forward, I just happen to meet someone who can talk and move forward together, wouldn't it be better?
END
Author | Nancy Anhui University master of translation, through the ministry of personnel third-level translation, in-depth research in the field of gender emotions, good at finding problems from emotions and solving problems, so that more people are aware, become a better self.