1. Accompany your wife downstairs to eat KFC. Check out for $98. I touched my pajama pockets and didn't bring any money. The waiter said: "Your wife is here, you can't run, go home and get it!" "I sped to the fifth floor

1. Accompany your wife downstairs to eat KFC. Check out for $98. I touched my pajama pockets and didn't bring any money.

The waiter said: "Your wife is here, you can't run, go home and get it!" "I rushed to the fifth floor and took 100 pieces and rushed back.

Just when I was exhausted and breathless, the waiter greeted me and said, "Hello! A total of 108 yuan. ”

I looked at the big red ticket in my hand and the milk tea in my wife's hand, instantly petrified.

How much you love milk tea, wife! This will not drink or die....

2. At night, after work, I asked my daughter, "What about your father and sister-in-law?" Daughter: "They are in the house, Daddy wants to take off Auntie's skirt, Auntie doesn't want to, Daddy has to take it off, you can take a look!" I was shocked and quickly kicked open the bedroom door, which was empty. The daughter pointed to the kitchen: "There! "I ran to the kitchen with lightning speed and was about to get angry. I saw my husband pulling on my sister's apron and saying, "Quick, take off the apron, in our house, how can I let you cook!" ”......

3. Since my wife became the lead's private secretary, she has become more and more cold to me. Last night I looked at her sleeping, remembering what she usually did to me, and I slapped her directly. My wife suddenly woke up and asked me what was wrong with her sleepy eyes. I was nervous and immediately said: There are mosquitoes, you have mosquitoes on your face, I will help you run away. She smiled charmingly: Honey, come here, you are so nice to me, kiss one. I let my guard down and was kicked off as soon as I got close to her. Accompanied by her roar: You are stupid, where are the mosquitoes in the winter?

4. At that time, I liked to eat spicy noodles very much, but I didn't have the money to buy them, so I had to go to my mother's bag and steal a little money. At that time, I was picking out a smaller denomination of money, and my mother came in. I was frightened and said directly, "I took it myself, not my father who asked me to take it to buy cigarettes!" "I was so witty, my mother gently touched my head and didn't beat me. In the end, I didn't sleep all night, not guilt, but it was too noisy in my parents' room!

5. When I went to the internship, when I was in the office, a senior asked my cousin to help him, and when there was a problem, I let my cousin top the pot! Qi's cousin took advantage of the absence of the seniors and took a screenshot of the desktop of the predecessor's computer by pressing the print key and set it as a desktop. Then move all the files that were originally on the desktop to a folder on a disk, so that the desktop looks the same as usual. After the senior sat down, he frantically clicked the mouse, but there was no reaction! Now the seniors are still shutting down, booting, shutting down, booting, shutting down, booting! Hahaha!

6. A traffic policeman is making a ticket, and a man with a cigarette comes over and shouts: ''What else will you do besides the ticket?' The traffic police ignored it, and the man continued: "There is a kind of dragging away|" The traffic police were very angry, and the man continued: There is a kind of drag away! "The traffic police couldn't bear to take out the walkie-talkie, and when towing the truck, they kindly said to him: ''Go to the five brigades in the afternoon to deal with it!'" Man: "Shut up my bird business, the car is not mine!" After humming a little song, he rode away on the battery car.

7. A patient with leukemia, listening to the doctor's advice, moved to a small mountain village with a beautiful environment. After settling down, he met his neighbor, an old man. Patient: Hey, is it true that the doctor said that this is good for health? The neighbor replied: Of course, when I first came here, I wouldn't say a word, I had almost no hair on my head, I didn't even have the strength to walk through a room, and someone had to wrap my money up the window. The patient said: Great, so how long have you lived in this place to recover so well? The neighbor replied: I was born here.

8. After dinner, I was reading in my bedroom and heard my mother start reprimanding my father again. I got up and walked to the door to watch the battle, only to see that my mother kept asking my father repeatedly: Do you know why I am angry? At this time, Dad was anxious, jumped up from the sofa, and then danced. After finishing the matter, I asked my mother: Do you know why I don't dance? Mom sneered and said, "How could I possibly know!" Dad said: The question you ask me is as illogical as the dance I did! Mom was immediately dumbfounded, and I admired the five bodies thrown to the ground!

9. After lunch, the wife did not say a word, and went straight to sleep without cleaning up. Looking at my wife who slept like a dead pig on the bed, thinking about her torture of me every day, my brain was hot, and when I went to work, I adjusted the air conditioning mode to heating! When I came home from work, as soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife sitting alone on the couch looking at the door, still holding a baseball bat in her hand. I instantly stiffened and quickly apologized: Wife, I...

10. I have a very good friend, she is very white and beautiful, and has a lot of suitors. Today I went to the restaurant with her, and the male waiters were very diligent. A waiter came over and asked us: What service do you need? Is there anything I can do to help you? A good friend said: Can you help us pay? I didn't expect that the waiter really helped us pay, which was really eye-opening.

11 Today my son asked me where he came from, and this stumped me, and for a moment I didn't know what to say. After thinking about it for a while, I said to my son, "Dad planted a seed in Mom's belly, and after a long time you will grow it." The son listened, thoughtfully turned away, and after a while, he ran over, took a gourd seed in his hand, and said, "Mother, eat it and give me a gourd baby." ”

12. Tomson Yipin moved a hot beauty, and the rich man said that the beauty was very abnormal. Whenever night falls, you will hear the screams of beautiful women tearing their hearts and lungs, which seriously affects the rest of the rich. The response to the community has been fruitless many times, and yesterday the rich finally met the beautiful woman. Meet the rich said that the beautiful woman has a disease to treat in time not to affect the rest of others, the result is not a word of beauty with the rich to do up, noisy can not be opened, and finally the rich voice are dumb, walking feel weak ...

#Funny##搞笑段子 #