◎ South in the south
After three days and three nights on the train, her tears did not dry, she thought of a question, if you go home, how can you find the way?
1
The delivery room is like a womb, warm and turbulent. From the day she became pregnant, she decided to have a vaginal birth, not because she was brave, but because the woman said that she was guilty of a vaginal birth, and she was not convinced. Although she imagined many difficulties, it was not until she was about to enter the basin that she understood what life and death were hanging on the line.
The pain began like a swaying thread, then like a weaving, not a weaving fabric, that kind of drapery was as smooth as a drapery, and then like a crack, the gorgeous sound made her brain go blank, but she clearly heard herself shouting Mom, and then it was like a complete explanation, a cry sewed the world that had just broken...
mother! For the first time in twenty years, she couldn't help but shout out. Before that, she hated the woman she called Mom, and it was the same woman who asked her to have a caesarean section on the phone, saying that she was guilty of a normal birth. She thought, isn't it just to have a baby? She didn't do what her mother said.
The strange thing was that just before her daughter landed on the ground, the hard hatred suddenly softened, and when the daughter's first cry sounded, she suddenly burst into tears, and she also became a mother, and at that moment, she knew that she and her mother's heart had never been far away.
She dialed the phone and called out to her mother when she answered. And the other end of the phone was clearly a little hesitant, for a moment, the familiar voice came over, second girl? She said, you're a grandmother, and ten minutes ago, I had a daughter. The mother suddenly began to cry, crying louder and louder, she said, the second girl became a mother, became a mother...
The sudden rush of affection rushed to her throat, leaving her speechless, and her mother cried vigorously, so she hung up the phone silently.
She sighed, deeply, because of her distant mother, in the south of the Qin Mountains. At this time, she was in Urumqi.
She suddenly remembered that it was still late afternoon here, and it was late at night in her hometown, separated by two time zones. She thought that this night her mother would not sleep...
2
After my father's death that spring, the family looked stretched thin, although my mother gritted her teeth and said, As long as I have a breath, I will let you study. The mother lowered her voice and said, I want you all to become public servants, throw away the hard days, and eat well and dress all day.
That being said, days go by.
My uncle, who was far away in Xinjiang, wrote a letter saying that he couldn't help anything else, and that he was raising a maid, which meant that one of the three sisters had to leave. The mother immediately agreed. My sister was 10 years old, she was 8 years old, her sister was 6 years old, and she lined up like an equal number of differences, and there were sick grandparents in the family. The burden, which was still carried by the father, now falls on the shoulders of the mother.
The uncle's letter worked at home, and the sisters suddenly became extra diligent, each more well-behaved than the other. From an early age, she was a sensitive girl, and she had only one-third chance of being sent away. But she did not expect that after her uncle returned that summer, she became the only candidate. She was crying, the reason why she wanted to behave so well was because she didn't want to go to the city at all, she wanted to stay with her mother...
The sister quietly asked her mother if she could go in her place? The mother resolutely said no, at that moment she felt abandoned, but she still cried and muted her throat, pleading with her mother, of course, to no avail. She began to hate her mother, and she wanted to pretend to be elated, but the day she followed her uncle, she cried to death.
From southern Shaanxi to Xi'an by car, and then from Xi'an to The train, sat for three days and three nights, her tears did not dry, she thought of a question, if you go home, how to find the way?
She always remembered walking out of the Urumqi station, she looked up at the sky, the sun was so strong, she hit a long full burp...
3
After spending a winter in Urumqi, she accepted the reality that it was impossible to sneak home, although the address of her hometown was familiar.
So she stayed at her uncle's house in peace, and once her mood stabilized, she was a good girl. Slowly, the landscape figures of the hometown slowly disappeared, hidden in her heart, she did not hate, but hated her mother very much, why did she abandon her so cruelly.
My uncle would write a letter every once in a while and send it back to his hometown, often my sister's reply, the content was basically the same, but the family was fine. Once, when her uncle asked her to write a letter to her family, she tried to write "I'm fine here", and when she was done, she tore it up, and she didn't want her mother to see what she had written, even though she couldn't read a word.
In the summer vacation when she was 13 years old, her uncle took her back to her hometown. So she wanted to go home, but when she got home, she put on a cold look. Because she saw that there was one more man in the family, her mother asked her to call that man Daddy. She gritted her teeth and refused to say a word.
She was not accustomed to drinking the water at home, because the boiling water bottle was shining with oil. So, the mother washed the pot and the boiling water bottle. She wanted to sleep alone, to have clean sheets, so her mother made room for her.
Her heart was hot, but wrapped in a hard shell, and on the day she left, she bounced away, and from the time she came home to the time she left, she didn't call out to mom.
However, she silently put the pocket money she usually saved under her mother's pillow, her socks under her sister's pillow, and the beloved pen in her sister's drawer.
Later, her sister wrote to her that her mother cried and repeated a sentence, and when the second girl grew up, she would know...
Later, she went back once in high school. That time, she was much quieter, her mother had white hair mixed on her head, and she wanted to call out to her mother, but her mouth was like rust, but that time she was willing to call her stepfather an uncle. That year, my sister took the teacher training exam, and my mother was very happy, because there was finally a "public family" in the family.
Later, someone from my hometown came to tianshan to pan for gold. The mother asked the man to bring some pieces of bacon and told her to go back when she was admitted to college... Of course, she went back. Mother gave her the whole ten thousand yuan, but she refused to say a word, but said, to prepare tuition for you.
That year, the family installed a telephone, and life was getting better and better, but the mother was getting older, and the mother achieved her goal, and she made her three daughters a public family.
She asked her mother, why didn't she want me in the first place? Mother said, when you become a mother, you will know.
Over the years, she has thought of many ways to understand her mother, but it seems to have no effect, it is her mother who deprives her of her closeness to her hometown, changes the direction of her life forcefully, and even takes away the rivers and mountains that belong to her...
At this moment, she became a mother, and she missed her mother very much, but what she thought was not specific.
4
The next evening, the moment her mother appeared at the door of the ward, she thought it was in a dream, and there were sisters and sisters behind her mother, and she was stupid there, just crying and crying. The mother stretched out her rough hand to wipe her tears, and said that she was confinement, and did not dare to cry...
It turned out that the mother acted last night, let the sisters and sisters who lived in the county town find a car to pull her back, and went straight to Xi'an in the early morning, the mother really couldn't help it, the first time she said lavishly, let's fly over for her...
She couldn't wait to ask her mother, why didn't you want me back then? The sisters and sisters also stared at the mother. The mother said quietly that she could not give your father a son... Your father advised me that as long as the three girls study well, they will become the same. He's dead, I have to do it...
Mother said, let you follow your uncle, it is because when you grabbed Zhou, you grabbed an apron, your sister grabbed a brush when she grabbed Zhou, your sister grabbed Zhou and grabbed an abacus, and others said that this was fate. I started a small nine-nine in my heart, this old man and child are all the things that the public family has done, only you grab an apron, this is not a matter before the pot stove, I just thought, go to the city, the city is high, maybe it will become a tool...
With tears in her eyes, she asked, just because of this?
Mother said, one more thing, one time it rained, I asked you to paint on the ground of the dojo, what did you do, your sister drew a medicine box with a cross, your sister drew a TV set, you drew an umbrella. It turned out that there was a painting on the wall, "Chairman Mao Goes to Anyuan", and Chairman Mao was also holding an umbrella. I started to play little nine-nine in my heart, don't you want to become a big person? If that's the case, then let you go to the city, the city is high...
She vaguely remembered that she had drawn the umbrella because she didn't like the torn straw hat at home, but the family didn't have the money to buy an umbrella.
For the next two days, her mother stayed with her, always having something to say, always unable to finish. She suddenly understood that so much hate, in fact, was so much love.
On the third day she came home from the hospital, warmed the water for her mother, and then covered the door. She heard her mother shout softly, and she opened the door, and her mother suddenly shyly hugged her arms, and her once plump mother, who was already dry. She said, Mom, what's wrong? My mother said that the first time I used such a large vat of good water, I was reluctant to... She said, that turn back is here, washing every day... Mother said that she had to go back, and there was an old man in the house.
She burst into tears again, and her mother was like a daffodil, trying to bloom, blossoming three flowers, trying to provide nutrients, and when the flowers were beautiful, the rest was herself, so thin and dry, even rotten.