The affectionate farewell of the book fan's brother

My brother was a literary youth who grew up in the 1980s, and half a year ago, he was defeated by an illness. All his dreams remained in that old glass-door bookcase.

After the tumor was detected at the end of 2019, my brother's life lasted for a year and a half in painful treatment. In the meantime, the room that had no time to take care of was very messy. The bookcase in the corner is always polished and neat. The two glass doors of the bookcase are like the floodgates of two worlds, the outside is worldly, painful and struggling, and the inside belongs to the soul, quiet and peaceful.

In the last days, the brother, who was as thin as a paper man, turned out four books and put them on the bedside as companions, "Selected Poems of Byron", "Anthology of Heine's Lyric Poems", "Lu Xun Classics" and "Desert Ganquan". He sorted out the books, and to remove the things piled up around the bookcase, he must have done his best. At that time, he, or sensed that there were not many days to come, and Mozi was obsessed with books when he was young, he was even more looking for his former self and making a deep farewell.

His brother was the eldest son, and his parents named him Zhang Jianping to pray for peace and world peace. His father was transferred from the army and was quite popular. My brother was affected and was a notorious book fan. His middle school classmates told me that he remembered my brother "nibbling" on thick tomes at school every day, and that the one that impressed me most was a copy of Capital.

After the work, it ushered in the reform and opening up, and book publishing became active. Like the intellectually thirsty literary youth of the time, my brother's first thing he did when he got paid a monthly salary was to buy books and magazines. He bought most of the world's famous works and poetry, and also subscribed to many literary publications, especially the Poetry Journal. In the 1980s, he bought "The Red and the Black" for 1.95 yuan, "Byron's Selected Poems" for 1.25 yuan, "Jieting's Second Collection of Essays" for 0.46 yuan, and "Bacon on Life" for only 0.27 yuan. But at that time, his monthly income was only about ten yuan.

After my brother left, he found two hard-faced notebooks in his bookcase, one with excerpts from poems and the other with poems he had written: "Hometown, I will always be your poet of praise." Hometown, have your wounds healed, are your wings still heavy... No! You see in the blue sky, the swallows in the south are flying, the white pigeons are flying, the silver swallows of the motherland are flying... I have no burden, I have taken off..." This poem was written in the early eighties, fresh and flexible, and talented. Unfortunately, the reality is bone-chilling, and in the rush of work and family, the dream is getting farther and farther away. Gradually, perhaps due to his sense of powerlessness and disappointment in himself, he learned to drink and play cards, which consumed a lot of time. It was his compromise and escape, and he wasn't happy inside.

Even so, the brother still loved to dream all his life, full of romantic enthusiasm like a poet. On the occasion of the New Year, one morning when he returns from night shift, he will ride a bicycle in one hand and hold a colorful hydrogen balloon in the other, which is particularly eye-catching in the cold and gray streets in winter, so that the family is full of joy and laughter. When I was in elementary school, my brother was already working, and he used to buy back persimmon cakes and honey and stuff the drawers with three knives. A business trip to Shanghai for further study, brought back coconut balls, stretch chocolate, let me taste for the first time, there is such a wonderful food in the world.

The kind and simple brother often cuts off his love and dreams of reading to the generous help of relatives and friends. When I was in junior high school, I liked to listen to radio programs, became fascinated by music, and once saw a genuine tape of Paul Molière in the audio-visual bookstore, but the price was as high as nine yuan. The brother knew about it and generously bought it back. He also advised: "In the future, if a new version is out, I will give money to buy it." "At a dinner party a few years ago, his friend at the table reprimanded the child to tears because the child asked for 50 yuan. He immediately took out a hundred yuan and said that it was a "reward" and that his uncle supported the children who studied well. The list goes on and on.

Looking back, because I had such an older brother, I also loved literature, grew up in his book pile, and even made a living from code words later. 19 years ago, when he learned that I was going to work in Shanghai, he insisted on sending me. Along the way he was both happy and pedantic in asking for details. It was the only time our brothers and sisters traveled together.

"There is a bird in the world that has no feet and can only land once in a lifetime, and that is the time of death." This is a line from the movie "Ah Fei Zheng Biography". Somehow, I always think of my brother, who embraces idealism, and it is very painful to integrate into the world, and it is not easy to transcend the world. When landing on the ground, it often encounters the most brutal blow.

When the disease suddenly struck, he could only sigh. In terms of personal financial management, he has never been attentive and has not accumulated much. Fortunately, there is a big family of ours, who has money to pay for, who contributes powerfully, who has not delayed treatment and who has done his best to prolong his life. His brother took targeted drugs, and the expensive expenditure made him always worry about whether the bottle was going to bottom. One day, I advised him not to worry, we would always take care of him. His eyes were bright with a smile that I would never forget.

On that day, the weak man still repeatedly thought about his beloved treasures: "The bookcase is full of good books, don't throw them away." ”

The world is leaving every moment, and people are still struggling to say goodbye. After my brother left, our brothers and sisters' WeChat group was named "Safe Home", which originated from my brother's name Zhang Jianping. No one knows where the soul is headed, and there is a little comfort in his heart to leave a home for him in the virtual digital space. (Zhang Jianqun)