Hey bro, we haven't seen you anywhere in a long time. Hey, friend ~ The last article said Tong Xiangyu, said that I want to talk about Bai Zhantang, now I will come to pay off the debt and fill in the pit.
Tong Xiangyu was raised as a canary since he was a child. The cage is beautiful, the bird food is good, but it can't fly. It was useless to open her mouth, and no one wanted to listen to her. It is useless to have a pair of wings, and she can fly wherever others point. Such a family environment makes her feel very depressed. After knowing that he had become a widow, he happily set up the Tongfu Inn, started a new life, and began to pursue the love in his heart.
However, this love did not come easily. Xiangyu, because of the environment in which she grew up, has become an anxious and insecure attachment person: sensitive at heart, stubborn on the outside, suffering from gains and losses, anxiety and anxiety. However, the jianghu thief who played with her, talking about love and love, could be more abrasive than her.
·—·—·—·
Thieves who don't want to be good people are not good running churches
Old Bai this thief saint, when he is not qualified enough? I give a maximum of 59 points, and I am afraid of putting water on one more point.
The world's thieves gathered together, higher than anyone's craftsmanship. Lao Bai was unfortunate enough to suppress the crowd and was canonized as a thief saint. But such a magic skill, in his hands, has no place to play.
General Fuyuan's Kowloon Cup, which he dropped. The furniture of the concubines of the Yangzhou prefect's family was sold by himself. The wine of the four thieves kings in Jiangnan drank it themselves. After going to Ouchi for a walk, he stole a bowl of porridge without stealing anything. One of the few real thieves was to steal 100 taels of silver from Xiao Guo. Without taking a few steps, I saw someone selling children and selling women, and without saying a word, I gave 80 taels out.
And Xiao Ji, the thief god who had mixed with him since childhood, was different. People are listed ghosts, with particularly lofty ambitions, and they hate iron and steel to lao Bai:
Your boy's business ability is so strong, why are you so unmotivated? Go to someone's house to steal something, and when you're done, you'll be a cleaner and clean up the house. People sell stolen goods fast in and out, you pour well, play for two days and send people back. What about you when you were a blamy kidd?
No way, old white heart, too kind. Even if you are a thief, you have written a code of conduct guide in your heart. First, red and white do not stick, because the money takes the discount life. Second, only steal things and do not kill people. Article 3... Don't have the third one, just the first two, it is enough for him and Xiao Ji of the green plum bamboo horse to part ways, and send the other party to prison with the backhand.
Of course, the above is only one of the reasons why they broke up, the most important reason, naturally because Lao Bai fell in love with xiangyu at first sight, so all the principles became one principle: be good to Xiangyu. Otherwise, when Lao Bai first played the idea of the Night Pearl, why didn't he think of "red and white don't stick"?
People are not grass and trees, who can be ruthless, let alone people like Lao Bai, who have always longed for a quiet life in their hearts. He wanted to be a painter since he was a child, but he was forced by his parents to practice martial arts, and he was even more confused with people on the underworld since he was a child, and he went astray.
He was tired of fighting and killing, wandering and wandering, lacking food and clothing, and worrying about fear, and the gentle and considerate Xiangyu naturally became the life he longed for. For this reason, he willingly became a runner.
This phenomenon is called "projection" in psychology.
Projection, a person's own experiences, attitudes, wishes, etc., unconsciously reflected in others.
In the words of the Swiss psychologist Jung, we are psychologically hermaphrodite. There is a female image in the heart of every man, called Anima. And every woman also hides in her heart the male image that belongs to them, called Animus. When we meet someone who is like an anima or animus in our hearts, we fall in love at first sight.
Obviously, Xiangyu was the Anima in Lao Bai's heart.
However, why did the Anima in Lao Bai's heart grow into Xiangyu like this? Why is it that Lao Bai, a person who is in the underworld and is accustomed to bloody rain and wind, has such a longing in his heart for an upright, peaceful and peaceful life? Speaking of this, we have to ask Bai Zhantang to, Bai Sanniang to appear.
Xiao Bai was confused: Is Mom a good person?
The character of Bai Sanniang is very interesting. She is strong in martial arts, and her kung fu in one hand is more amazing than that of Lao Bai. She has walked the rivers and lakes for many years and has seen through the cold of the world. She never believed in any friendship, and there were no real friends around her. She also didn't believe in love, otherwise Bai Zhantang wouldn't have no father.
An excellent person, who has been cruelly hurt by the world, will have become heavier than ordinary people. What's more, Bai Sanniang also carried another identity that was difficult to say: the secret messenger of the six doors.
As an undercover official buried in the jianghu, how strict is Bai Sanniang's mouth? For decades, she had not even revealed a star and a half to her own son, for fear of missing the wind and provoking the disaster of killing herself.
Bai Sanniang knew that her identity was special, and her son would definitely not be able to grow up like a normal person, and he had to learn some martial arts. That's why, obviously her son wants to be a painter, but she wants to force her son to learn martial arts, what light kung fu, point acupuncture, tracking and anti-tracking, are all kung fu of catching fast.
Who knows, single mothers are not good. In order to successfully complete the undercover mission, the two women had to mix in the circle of the underworld. Usually busy at work, one did not pay attention, Xiao Bai became Tensuke and the two brothers surnamed Ji mixed together and took a crooked road. Looking back on this past, Bai Sanniang was helpless: her son was also too uncontentious. All I taught him were serious skills and truths, but he didn't learn the bad ones. It's really a weasel under a mouse, a generation is not as good as a generation!
But what about Xiao Bai? Xiao Bai was also very confused: Mother, you said that you taught me light skills, right? When people practice light exercises, what are they digging pits, tying sandbags, and stepping on walls, are you? He directly put on my night clothes, threw them into the storeroom of the Zhao King's Mansion, and said, "Son, go boldly, don't be afraid." ”
My dear mother-in-law, are you cultivating catchers, or are you cultivating snitches? The son who has been cultivated in this way is difficult not to take a crooked road.
And, don't forget, a child's ability to imitate is a trickle. Words matter, but teaching by example is the most important.
The famous child psychologist Bandura proposed that children learn by observing the behavior of others. Especially the younger the child, the weaker the understanding of language, and the stronger the ability to imitate behavior. For example, if you let your child watch Happy Tree Friends every day, the child is prone to violence.
For The single-parent Xiaobai, his mother is the closest person to him, the only person he can rely on and trust unconditionally, and an important example for him to learn. The mother is a thief, and the little white is easy to be a thief.
Of course, Bai Sanniang was pretending to be a thief, but the problem was that she loved her job and was tight-lipped, and she didn't let Xiao Bai know at all. Even, when he grew up, Lao Bai thought that his mother was arrested and imprisoned for stealing things, and her hands and ankles were broken.
Therefore, in the heart of the little Bai Zhantang, there must be great doubts:
"My mother taught me to be a good person, but I looked at how my mother didn't look like a good person?" In fact, the mother does not look bad, but how can the mother steal things so much? Also, my mother had to force me to learn martial arts, but didn't tell me why, did she just want me to steal along? ”
A small sapling of the Ming Dynasty grew so crooked. Moreover, on the one hand, it is long and crooked, and on the other hand, it is contradictory.
When Xiao Bai grows up a little longer, Bai Sanniang is too busy to work and can't take care of Xiao Bai, and Xiao Bai will grow more freely. At this time, the influence of the Xiao ji brothers that Bai Sanniang said came. In psychology, this is called "peer pressure."
The little friends are digging the bird's nest, is it instigation if I don't dig the bird's nest? My friends are going to be thieves, I don't steal, it feels like a very bad breed? But did the mother say that good children should not steal things? But the mother herself is stealing things? Then I'll steal a little less.
Therefore, in the absence of human guidance, the longer Xiao Bai grows, the more crooked he becomes. As I grew longer and crooked, my heart became more and more uncomfortable. Why? Because he's cognitively out of balance. From childhood to adulthood, he accepted the truth like this, but the behavior he saw was like that. The two are in opposite directions and fighting, who should he listen to?
In this way, Bai Zhantang, who grew up in a contradictory mentality, became a white exhibition hall with thieves and a way, a white exhibition hall that was in the dark but had a heart for the light.
Anxiety is accompanied by avoidance, and emotional lines are deadly
It is said that as soon as Lao Bai met Xiangyu, he found the Anima in his life. However, the ambivalence he had been thinking about himself since he was a child was not so easy to pass.
There is an old saying: "From good to ascend, from evil to collapse." ”
You see Lao Bai, when he was a saint, he was not a great adulterer, but after washing his hands in the golden basin, he would have a safe birthday in a few days? As soon as I saw the catch, I was scared and my legs were weak. As soon as I heard the six doors, I could jump up in shock in my dreams. It was said that the famous catcher Ling Tengyun wanted to come to Seven Heroes Town as a catcher, even if he already had an exoneration gold medal in his hand, he wanted to escape immediately.
Therefore, Lao Bai still has too good conscience. The state exonerated him of the crime. But in his heart, he has never been able to exonerate himself. As a result, he began to try to live a peaceful life, but at the same time, he was never able to truly integrate into this kind of life. Every time he had the opportunity to live a normal life, his first reaction was not to accept, but to avoid. Why? Because he felt he didn't deserve it.
This kind of mentality, when he and Xiangyu fake marriage to deceive Tong's father, he said it clearly.
Xiangyu is really screwed, really insecure, and regards the ceremony as too important, so much so that he lets Xiao Guo take his place in the fake marriage. But is her concern justified? Yes. Because Lao Bai really saw marriage as a ritual and a game at the beginning.
Therefore, after hearing Xiang yu's voice, saying that she wanted to have two fat dolls after marriage, and the couple grew old with two white heads, he took the initiative to give up the plan: "The kind of life you want, I will never be able to give you, forget about the marriage." Xiang Yu was not dead hearted, and wanted to confirm it again, he replied categorically: "I'm sorry, I wish you happiness." ”
One is anxious attachment and the other is avoidant attachment.
One suffers from gain and loss, and the other yearns and escapes.
These two deserve together, absolutely! The emotional line saw the audience (me) adrenaline soar, and it almost out of the myocardial infarction.
The heart is too defensive, and it is only when death is imminent that it becomes a pair
After the fake marriage used to deceive Tong Lao Dad became a farce, the relationship between the two seemed to have fallen off. Xiangyu is more enthusiastic about Lao Bai, and Lao Bai's avoidant attachment characteristics have become more obvious. The enthusiasm for Xiangyu is eager to hide as far as he can hide.
There is such a conversation in the forty-second time. Xiang Yu was describing to the big guys that everyone in the government was now in danger, and they were afraid that the official seal would be stolen.
Xiang Yu: "Think about it, eighteen thousand times more terrifying than a mountain thief, what can that be?" ”
Lao Bai: "Forced to marry by you." ”
The tense atmosphere was soon gone, and it became a little funny. To put it so bluntly, when we Xiangyu don't want face oh?
The first time the two of them honestly praised each other was because they thought that Gongsun Wulong was about to come to the inn to avenge the death of his apprentice Ji.
Xiangyu: "For a long time, you have done a good job. It's really good, without you, I really don't know how to hold on. ”
Lao Bai: "Actually, you are also the kindest and strongest woman I have ever seen." ”
Seeing this, my face couldn't help but hang an aunt smile. And Xiang Yu looked at this scene at this time, the moon was dark and the wind was high, and there was no one on the roof under the four, which was really an unmissable opportunity for a private life, and immediately tentatively asked: "Zhan Tang, if we can survive this time, are you willing to hold a formal and solemn meeting with me——"
Before the words could be heard, Lao Bai said, "I'm sorry, I don't want to." ”
Xiang Yu was originally an individual twister, and it was difficult to open his heart and reveal his true thoughts, but he was categorically rejected. Replace it with you, is it not embarrassing, is it difficult or not? Of course, but also in the heart. Who called us Xiangyu is a stubborn independent female persona: Hmm, isn't it a man?
Sure enough, Xiang Yu's expression froze for 0.01 second, and immediately Yun said lightly, "If you don't want to forget it, I originally wanted to give you a ceremony to raise your salary." Then Lao Bai immediately pulled her aside: "Oh no, willing, willing!" The two started playing again, as if the push had just happened.
This dialogue is particularly typical of the attitude of two people when dealing with emotional issues.
They always use jokes and avoid serious and in-depth discussions about each other's feelings. Both people want to protect themselves as much as possible in this relationship, and build an iron wall for their hearts, and only look at us as spectators: Xiu Cai and Xiao Guo on the other side of Xuexue! A lot of age, how can not even talk about a love, it is really a rush to death!
Still when Gongsun Wulong really arrived, forcing everyone to stand in a row in the corner of the wall, and only three minutes left to say his last words, Zhan Tang said his heart again:
"Xiangyu, I really like you." I didn't say it before, because I was a fugitive, and no matter how much I liked it, I couldn't bother you! ”
It's really tiring to go back and forth, and it's really tiring to divide and merge
When Gongsun Wulong was arrested, the two of them opened their minds, lao Bai made a great contribution, and the gold medal of exoneration was in hand. Are the two people's emotional lines finally happy? That's weird.
Lao Bai and the exoneration gold medal he had been looking forward to for more than ten years were crooked together every day, just like this was his girlfriend. The anxious Xiangyu looked at it and felt very uncomfortable: his girlfriend was that brand. Look at the opposite show talent, gentle and considerate, let the beating and scolding, this is the model boyfriend! In zhantang's heart, I'm afraid there is no me at all, right?
If Xiangyu can understand the essence of Lao Bai's avoidant attachment, she will know that her best practice is not to have too high expectations of Lao Bai. It is not easy for him to pluck up the courage to enter an intimate relationship, what else do you want? But Xiangyu couldn't do it. She herself is an anxious attachment person, and not letting her suffer is her life. She must express her love to herself fiercely according to the standards in her heart.
So Lao Bai was confused. Since he was a child, he has been wandering in the sinister rivers and lakes of people's hearts, has never been in love, and does not understand the mind of the girl in love. He wondered: Is it necessary to be greasy and crooked when it comes to falling in love?
Xiucai, as a person who came over, taught him: "You have to be good to her." "But the problem is, Lao Bai doesn't know what to do to be good for Xiangyu." Xiucai taught him again: "You can give what he wants, don't be vague." "But the problem is that Xiangyu is not like Xiao Guo. Xiao Guo's personality is willful and straightforward, while Xiangyu never speaks implicitly. What makes this straight man think about it? It's so hard.
Not afraid of straight men not understanding the style, afraid of straight men themselves blindly pondering. Pondering, pondering, old white can't help. Originally thought that the truth can overcome everything, now it seems that it is not, two people still have to have a routine to get along. Routine who will not ah, when avoiding feelings before, the used routine can go to the sea, immediately a big stroke, wrote down the six six thirty-six counts in love. As a result, he played too much and was grabbed by Xiangyu, and the two directly broke up.
And this breakup made Lao Bai think of something new. Hear what he had to say to Big Mouth:
"I fell in love with Xiangyu at first sight, but Xiangyu didn't treat me." If it wasn't me, but someone else, who took a hand when Xiangyu needed help the most, would she still like me when I reappeared? ”
At this time, Lao Bai once again showed one of the most important characteristics of avoidant attachment, that is, the attitude towards intimacy was very negative, and she was skeptical of long-term stable intimate relationships: Xiangyu may not like me, but appreciate me and rely on me, but this point, even she herself does not know. He was afraid that Xiang Yu would one day meet the True Destiny Heavenly Son, but he would be bound by his relationship with himself, and then the two people would not be good couples, but would become a couple of resentments.
In this way, the two people divided and merged, combined and divided, and twisted a whole eighty times. Although the degree of awkwardness is decreasing at a speed visible to the naked eye, when the drama is finished, it does not let people see many sweet scenes. Compared with the dog food duo, Xiucai and Xiao Guo, it is really a difference of 108,000 miles.
But then again, how many real-world feelings are perfect? Who doesn't have a little awkwardness in their hearts, a little twist? Two seemingly inappropriate people, in twisting and rubbing, complete mutual redemption. One gradually walked out of the uneasiness and anxiety brought by the original family to himself, and the other gradually walked out of his former identity and experience, and moved towards the peace and stability of the yearning. This kind of mutual redemption may be what most love looks like.
(I was too lazy to take a screenshot after writing it, forgive me... ）