I met Uncle Ma in the autumn of 2011, by chance I met him in the mountains, left each other QQ number we added as QQ friends, opened the video to each other with the iconic way of greeting each other said "hello", I saw his bronze face, slightly fat, facial features are clear and difficult, thick hair neatly combed, sideburns are still faintly white, two curved eyebrows like the sky of the moon, deep eyes appear very kind, eyebrows are full of heroism! This moment captured my heart! He is also a compliment to me, through the chat I know that he and my hometown is a city, we also feel very chatty with each other, slowly we talk more and more happy, my heart is also extremely fond of him, unconsciously has talked to each other until late at night, reluctantly said goodnight to each other, after lying down I can not sleep for a long time, fantasizing about our future, so chatting with him is the most urgent thing I look forward to every day after work, we video chat every day, talk about work, talk about family, and he is like the most familiar stranger, Open your heart and talk about everything. The love for him is beyond words, it is a deep emotion, every night we talk until late, every day reluctantly turn off the computer to sleep (after good night, I still want to say goodnight)
So we talked for more than half a month, always looking forward to when we will meet, because I went to school in the field and participated in the local work, a few days later to that year's lunar calendar on the fifteenth day of the seventh month, I need to go back to my hometown to give my father a grave, take this opportunity we decided to meet, the day I came home was a day earlier than the date I told my mother, so that I had the opportunity to spend a whole day with Uncle Ma, that day I got up early, washed up, stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself repeatedly. After sorting out, I took the most valuable belongings at that time---- laptop, came to the station to take the bus home, sat on the car, I wore headphones, leisurely listened to the song, (I listen to the song like single loop, the song I listened to that day made me unforgettable, in the days that followed, even today, I will think of him whenever I hear this song, that song is Shi and Li Yu'er singing Yuhuashi). The thought of meeting in 4 hours made my heart pound, a little nervous, and my mind kept imagining the scene of our meeting!
Arrived at the station it was about one o'clock in the afternoon, I got out of the car with a laptop on the side of the road waiting for him, a short time a black Audi car stopped beside me, lowered the window, I recognized him at a glance, the joy in my heart could not be restrained, shyly smiled at him, he leaned out and waved at me, this waving action, deeply imprinted in the mind, still unforgettable, that side of the face wrinkles slightly, well-defined, a pair of glowing eyes, showing a fatherly gaze, let me feel closer. Put the laptop in the trunk, I got in the car, he said take me to the beach around, the sea is very close, soon it will arrive, we stopped the car, strolling on the beach, we look at the small fish in the shallow water, small shrimp, small crabs, blowing the sea breeze, small talk, feel the mood is so comfortable, the heart is so relaxed, and like the person to walk with, this feeling is really good, when there is no one around, I want to hold his hand, but the indisputable hand has never been lifted, for him is a feeling of wanting to touch or dare to touch, A little shy, a little nervous, with a contradictory mood, let's move on! Just when I was at a loss, Uncle Ma held my hand, his hand was wide and powerful, the warm palm made me feel comfortable, I broke free of his hand, nervously looked around, worried that people in the distance would see, we continued to stroll on the beach, the sea breeze was gentle, softly brushing my cheeks, with the smell of the sea, the sea was like a sleeping baby, lying quietly, and the sky in the distance was connected, and the vastness made my heart a little calm. I turned my head to look at Uncle Ma, and saw that Uncle Ma was also looking at me, we looked at each other and smiled, I lowered my head shyly again, feeling like my heart was about to jump out, I didn't know why I was so nervous, maybe because I knew that my encounter with Uncle Ma might just be an accidental intersection of fate, he had his life, I had my trajectory, I had not yet had it, I was afraid of losing, and my complicated feelings made me dare not continue to think about it.
After wandering for a while, we turned around and walked in the direction of parking, got into the car and continued north along the seaside road, the car walked slowly, I lowered the car window, blew the sea breeze to enjoy, enjoyed this beautiful moment, did not think much about what would happen in the future, just wanted time to stay in this moment forever, the car continued to walk, turned a corner, walked back along another road, walked to a road where there were not many pedestrians, he stopped the car, shook my hand again, I also instantly let go of my reticence, gave him a big hug, The heart is still fluttering nervously, we hug each other tightly, this moment we seem to be one, feel the temperature in his arms, a moment later, he looked at the watch, started the car to continue to walk back, I don't know how to turn a few corners, he stopped the car and said to me, you wait for me here for a while, I go home to get something, I will come in a moment, so I got out of the car and waited for him to come back! Watching his car drive into the community, I took out my mobile phone to look at the time, it was already three o'clock in the afternoon, I was bored to look at the novel on the mobile phone, and the shadow of Uncle Ma appeared in my mind from time to time, just a short time together, his every action was printed in my mind, all of which were not so charming. The novel did not remember what it said, so I turned off my mobile phone and looked up at the cars and pedestrians who came and went, they were in a hurry, each busy, and the cleaning uncle on the side of the road pushed the tricycle leisurely, picking up the leaves on the road from time to time. At this point, a question popped into my head, what are they all busy with? What are they so busy for? Probably to earn a little more money and give a better life to the family. There are several old ladies guarding their grandchildren and granddaughters by the flower pond on the side of the road, the children are innocent smiles, chasing happily, and from time to time there are the shouts of the grandmothers: slow run, jog run! From time to time, I looked at the exit of the community, expecting Uncle Ma to return soon.
Anxiously waiting for about an hour, I saw the Audi car with the tail number 385 coming out of the community, parked on the side of the road, I got in the car, he smiled and said to me, let's meet for the first time, your laptop is still in my car, aren't you afraid that I won't come home? I said I wasn't afraid! My inner love for him filled my mind, and I already had unconditional trust in him. He said to take me to his new house being renovated to see, let me go to point it out, before I told him that I was doing decoration design, the new house is not far away, a moment will arrive, the whole community is European-style architectural style, a picture cabinet Zhu Lou came into view. The house is on the third floor of the east household, into the room I saw that the woodworking grassroots production has been completed, is doing spray paint treatment, the basic sample has been seen out, the design style matches the architectural style of the community is also European style, very beautiful, at that time I was still a trainee designer, did not dare to blindly provide advice, the rooms turned around, I said to him I feel that the design is quite reasonable, after visiting the new house, he said to take me to a county town in the countryside, I don't know what he went there, I followed him, along the way we chatted idly, I admired Uncle Ma's charming appearance, understood that the word "beautiful and delicious" can be used to describe a person, the county town is very far away, the time is very fast, unconsciously has passed forty minutes, when I got there, it was already evening, the sun shyly put away the dazzling light, the sky a wisp of sunset reflected the western sky, red and fiery, this is not like me at this time, the appearance is reserved, but the heart is hot?
Uncle Ma answered a phone, drove to a restaurant, arrived at the hotel his friends were already waiting for us at the door, they shook hands with each other and said a few words, walked into the private room together, his friends did not ask me anything, subconsciously they all thought I was Uncle Ma's driver, sitting around the dinner table, not a full table of dishes was already in place, Uncle Ma sat in the main guest position, I sat in the deputy guest position, one of them opened the bottle and began to pour wine one by one, when I walked to me to prepare to pour wine for me, I covered the wine glass and said I would not drink, The man said that you will not go back tonight, it is okay to drink some wine, and explained again and again, the man is still not spared, at this time Uncle Ma came out to relieve the siege and said that he really can't drink, and the man let me go. They drank while chatting, the dish ate very little, the wine was cup after cup, a kung fu, Uncle Ma has drunk three cups, I think it should be worse, as a result they poured a fourth cup for Uncle Ma, Uncle Ma in addition to talking is to drink, chopsticks have not moved, at this time I also have no desire to eat vegetables, two eyes staring at Uncle Ma, I see that Uncle Ma also has a sense of wine, I advise him not to drink, but they are still persuading Uncle Ma to continue to drink, one bite after another, not a moment to drink two cups, my heart is particularly uncomfortable, Every time he drank a sip of wine, my heart was as painful as a pinprick (through the previous chat, I knew that Uncle Ma had high blood pressure and high blood sugar), but after all, I was a stranger, I didn't know what his friends were, I was inconvenient to say anything more, and it was impossible to obstruct, I could only watch Uncle Ma take a mouthful, cup after cup of drinking, and finally the banquet dispersed, one of them let me drive the car to the door of the hotel, Uncle Ma knew that I could not drive (I did not have a driver's license at that time), He explained to me: He just came to me, and I usually drive. I helped Uncle Ma to walk in another direction, got into the car, and asked Uncle Ma, is it okay to drink so much wine and drive? Uncle Ma said rest assured, it's all right. So two cars took us to a local star hotel. What disgusted me was that the accommodation fee for that night was actually paid by Uncle Ma, those friends did not have the intention of paying the bill, in front of his friends we opened two rooms, I and Uncle Ma had a room, at that time there were more than 600 rooms, we sent Uncle Ma to the room together, after settling down, their friends also went home, Uncle Ma lay on the bed, I stood in front of the bed, looking at Uncle Ma's charming face, I really wanted to kiss his face, Uncle Ma did not speak, did not say anything to let me sleep with him and so on, I was also embarrassed to take the initiative, so I was ready to go back to my room, and I was going outside, when Uncle Ma suddenly asked me: Where are you going? I said: Go back to my room, Uncle Ma said to sleep here. Saying that he got up and walked over to me, took my hand and went to the sofa and sat down, I got up and poured him a cup of tea, sent him a message, and said: These people are so annoying, they keep letting you drink! Drink more water and dissolve the wine. After a moment, he finished his tea, stood up, undressed, and said: Go, let's go take a shower together, and with drunkenness we go into the bathroom together.
At this time, Uncle Ma was drunk, walking crookedly, I helped him into the bathroom, opened the water valve, warm hot water sprayed down, he rubbed his hands all over his body, wanted to wash away the tiredness accumulated in the day, but his body was still uncontrollably dangling leisurely, as if standing unsteadily, holding him and said: I help you wash it, said and helped him rub his back, although Uncle Ma is a person in his fifties, the skin is surprisingly good, about a wash, he turned around and said also help me wash, we stood face to face, The two of them tacitly embraced each other with open arms, and my heart was extremely excited! After rinsing, wiping off the body, I helped him to the edge of the bed, slowly put him down on the bed, and then I also got on the bed, covered the quilt, after lying down, he was still quite awake, he became more confused, he lay flat, I held on my side, raised my head and stared at Uncle Ma's handsome face, my eyes did not want to move away for a moment, he breathed evenly, from time to time a heavy breath of coarse breath, the thick smell of wine came to my face, I did not like the smell of wine, at the moment I felt that this wine smell mixed with Uncle Ma's breath, especially charming. Just as I was immersed in this beautiful sense of happiness, he said: Your father did not have to be early, you must work well, filial piety to your mother, your mother alone to raise your three children is not easy, ah, so he said a lot of confused, are all kinds of teaching words, the time is also late at night, Uncle Ma also no longer speaks, breathing more and more evenly, quiet sleep, I am also sleepy, tightly hugged him into sleep.
In my deep sleep, I heard the sound of rushing water from the bathroom, opened my eyes and found that Uncle Ma had gotten up and went to the bathroom to take a shower, I looked at the time, it was already six o'clock in the morning, when Uncle Ma came out of the bathroom, saw that I was awake, smiled at me and said: Are you awake? I nodded! He walked to the bed, hugged me tightly, I also hugged him tightly, at this time, there was a knock outside the door, a friend from last night had come to the door of the room, Uncle Ma muttered: How come so early, hearing this knock, I was scared, because let his friend see me and Uncle Ma sleeping in a room, what would he think, but there was no way, people were already standing in the doorway, they could only go out hard, so we quickly got dressed, opened the door and saw that it was indeed the person who made me hate last night. Just because this person ruined my good deeds with Uncle Ma, he saw the two of us come out together, did not say anything, took good things and went to the restaurant for breakfast together, at the end of the breakfast, the person asked me to drive the car over, Uncle Ma once again broke the siege and said no, I will drive. I don't know what the identity of this nasty man is, and what he uses to command me! I was so annoyed with him! So we went out the door, got into the car, and I asked Uncle Ma where are we going? Uncle Ma said: Let's go climbing the mountain, but I don't know why I went to climb the mountain, just follow it!
After a stretch of road and a bumpy stone road, we came to the foot of the mountain, where the sun was as big as an oxcart, as bright red as molten molten iron, and lifted the veil-like mist and shone with a dazzling light. This mountain is not high, or it is just a small hill, we are a group of three people walking to the top of the mountain, there is no way up the mountain, can only step on the rubble slowly and leisurely climb up, they walk in front, while walking while saying anything, I did not hear what they said, followed by looking around, enjoying the scenery on the mountain, the hillside is overgrown, the caterpillar grass is the most, a gust of wind blows, dancing, the posture is very beautiful, when we were a child, we used this grass to weave a little rabbit, carrying me a happy childhood. A few pine trees stood sparsely, as if guarding this hill, and looked particularly emerald green in the sunlight. When I turned back to God, Uncle Ma and the two of them were already thirty or forty meters ahead of me, and I quickly followed them, and the two people in front of me, one I liked very much, and the other was something I particularly disgusted. I stared at Uncle Ma, looked at his back, admired his every move, his every move swayed my line of sight, his slightly fat body, with trousers, leather shoes, is definitely the most perfect image in the hearts of countless old people. Half an hour or so we climbed to the top of the mountain, there was a shabby hut on the top of the hill, and inside the hut was a hot spring, and I heard them talking about the development of the hot spring, and I learned that Uncle Ma worked at the Municipal Land Bureau, and this time came to investigate how to develop the hot spring. In the previous chat, I never asked Uncle Ma about his work, and he didn't take the initiative to say it. I think I like a person who doesn't have to care about his work, or poor or rich, standing on the top of the mountain, the village under the mountain has a clear view, the wide view is pleasant, after staying at the top of the mountain for a while they are almost discussed, so we are ready to go down the mountain, I still follow behind them, Uncle Ma picked two caterpillars with his hand, turned around and sent one to me, he took it in his hand and threw it around, like a child. And I held it in my hand as a treasure, but uncle Ma picked it up for me! Uncle Ma, who was walking, turned around and instructed me: It is easy to go up the mountain and it is difficult to go down, the ground is full of rocks, you pay attention to your feet, don't trip over, such an ordinary reminder makes my heart warm. It was more than ten o'clock when we got down the mountain, we returned to the county seat, the car drove to the backyard of the county government, at this time Uncle Ma told me that he was a member of the county government, and I suddenly understood why this person was arrogant, it turned out to be an official shelf. At noon, he arranged for us to have lunch in the government's restaurant, and during the meal, the man tried his best to persuade Uncle Ma to drink, but finally Uncle Ma refused, and Uncle Ma knew that it was almost time for me to go home.
On the way back Uncle Ma drove fast, he was afraid that I would come home late and my mother was worried, but I wanted him to drive a little slower, and slower, so that I would spend more time with Uncle Ma, I didn't say a lot of words along the way, I held a thousand words in my heart, but I didn't know what to say, I just felt that my heart was not very tasteful, and Uncle Ma still said to me to work hard, work hard and teach me words, I promised, hmmm. As soon as I thought that I would be separated from Uncle Ma in half an hour, the sense of loss came to my heart, I didn't know when we would meet again next time, I really thought that time would be so stagnant, but time still did not stay for a moment, and the moment of separation would always come. I'm not good at talking, even if I like him in every way, I can't always hang on to my mouth, but my heart really wants to say to him a thousand times, ten thousand times I like you!
In the blink of an eye has reached the head of our village, it is time to get off the bus, I turned my head to look at Uncle Ma, he smiled at me, leaned over, I went up to face, hugged together, refused to separate for a long time, at this moment I am so happy, but time can not just stop, separation is always separated, get off the car is such a simple thing, I spent two minutes, the line of sight always refused to move away from Uncle Ma's body, and finally we got out of the car together, came to the back of the car, opened the trunk, he took out the laptop and sent it to me, After taking the computer, we shook hands politely, and I said: Uncle Ma, you go back, drive slowly on the road. He agreed to get into the car, turned around in front of me, stopped next to me again, lowered the window, and we waved to each other and said goodbye again. This scene is so familiar, isn't this the scene when we meet? But the mood is two extremes, Uncle Ma's face is no longer smiling, and my heart has changed from nervousness to loss. He started the car, driving very slowly, guessing that Uncle Ma was also in love with me, but our distance was always getting farther and farther, I stood where I was, looking at Uncle Ma who was far away from me, a stream of hot tears gushed out, I shyly lowered my head, secretly wiped away tears, worried about pedestrians seeing. At this time, my mood was extremely dull, and I couldn't kick my breath when I was depressed (I don't know who has experienced this feeling, and those who have experienced it can naturally understand). With my head bowed, I walked quickly home, and when I met acquaintances, I still had to greet them with a smile, but who knew the bitter taste in my heart!
Seeing that I was about to arrive home, I calmed down a bit, stepped into the house, my mother saw me come back and ran out of the house happily, took the computer in my hand, and I acted as if nothing had happened, did not show any abnormality, entered the house my mother continued to be busy, packed up the things needed to go to the grave, asked me about the recent work, I answered absently, after the things were ready, I rode to the cemetery to give my father a grave, in front of my father's grave, I prayed, prayed that my father was all right in the other world, Pray for my family peace and security and all the best. When I got home after I was done, my mother continued to chat with me, and I was still full of Uncle Ma, and I didn't have the heart to listen to what my mother was saying. After dinner, it was already dark, I hid in the room to turn on the music, still listening to the rain flower stone, the sound of the stone and Li Yu'er is really a perfect match, high-pitched and powerful, the inner emotions are released so thoroughly: the rain gently drifts, the heart is like a fire, whose tears are gently wrapped around the face, the love of the stone for the rain, like the blue sea, although there are thousands of words, I don't know how to confess, hi where are you, hi I can't see, I am a, small stone, buried deep in the dirt, your shadow is no longer clear, I am still looking for your smile ...... The lyrics really perfectly explain my mood at this time, "although there are thousands of words, I don't know how to confess" (in later days, I realized that this song was written for me at all), am I not like this to Uncle Ma? There were many, many words in my heart, but my clumsy mouth did not know how to say it to him.
Listening to the song, I thought back to the bits and pieces with Uncle Ma, immersed in happy memories, and suddenly a text message came from the mobile phone, which was sent by Uncle Ma: When will you go back? I was ecstatic, so happy that I almost jumped up, calming my excitement, and I replied to him: I will go back early tomorrow morning. Uncle Ma: Why are you in such a hurry? I said it was busy over there and I only took three days off. Uncle Ma: I'll pick you up tomorrow morning, what time is your car? I said: The train departs at half past seven. Uncle Ma: Then you will wait for me at the entrance of the village at about 6:30 a.m. tomorrow morning, and I will pick you up. I happily agreed, and just like that, we made an agreement. Thinking that he could see Uncle Ma again tomorrow morning, the worries about him in his heart were also temporarily put down, and he suddenly felt so tired that he lay on the bed and slept beautifully. Maybe it is the expectation of Uncle Ma, the day is dark I woke up, the tiredness of the body is completely gone, refreshed, the whole body is full of strength, looked at the time, at this time just five o'clock, open the mobile phone to see if there is a message sent by Uncle Ma, not yet, the heart is inexplicably worried, Uncle Ma will not forget to come to pick me up, think and comfort himself, the time is still early, stretched out a lazy waist to get dressed and get up, see the mother is already busy in the kitchen, it is really pitiful world parents, the mother's love is selfless, She didn't ask for anything in return; Mom's love was simple, she was willing to get up early and get dark for me, just so that I could eat a full breakfast, and after a simple washing, I sat at the dinner table and ate the meal that my mother cooked, well, or that taste, and after eating I put down the dishes and chopsticks, made a full gap, and felt warm.
Back in the house to pack up things, sit in front of the bed, open the phone again, see a small envelope displayed on the phone, full of expectation to open, sure enough, it was sent by Uncle Ma: I have arrived at the place where you got off yesterday. I replied excitedly: Okay, it'll be there in a minute. Pick up the luggage and go outside the house, come to the kitchen door, see my mother is eating my leftovers, I told my mother that I should go, my mother looked up at the watch, said that it was less than six o'clock to go to the city bus has not come over, I said I do not take the bus, the village mouth someone carried me to the city station, the mother did not ask much, put down the bowl in her hand to get up to send me, I said no, the village mouth is so close, a few steps to arrive, said I turned my head to go out, immediately out of the alley, I looked back to see my mother still standing at the gate watching, I waved at her and shouted, "Mom, go home!" Mom immediately shouted: "Get to the unit and call me!" "Well, okay," I said, vigorously agreeing. Turning his head, a sour heart, a tear came out, thinking about so many years, my mother, a woman of less than one meter and five meters, carried all the responsibilities and burdens, and secretly swore in my heart, I must work well, it is time to share for my mother. Immediately to the mouth of the village, far away to see a black car parked there, a person standing behind the car, looking in my direction, according to the height, body type, I judged that it was Uncle Ma, certainly can not be wrong, I accelerated my pace, as if running to Uncle Ma, looked at me panting and booing, Uncle Ma smiled and said to me what are you looking for, slowly walk on the line, I naughtily replied: I am not anxious to see you. Uncle Ma smiled and touched my face and said: Get in the car. When I got into the car, Uncle Ma asked me if my mother was okay at home, whether my things were all busy, and so on, and I answered them one by one. In the following time, Uncle Ma asked me about many things about my work, and still told me to go back to work well, often call my mother, and so on. I still nodded my head in agreement, never felt that he was wordy, but instead I was very happy in my heart, and it was so happy to have my beloved people care.
From my home to the station is only half an hour of driving, unconsciously to the bus terminal, stop the car, Uncle Ma asked me if I had breakfast, I said that I have eaten, "eat well, then I will not accompany you to eat, I am also going to the hospital to check fasting blood sugar" Uncle Ma shook my hand, looked at me deeply, I immediately hugged him, buried my head in his arms, muffled crying, unwilling mood let me can not control tears, today a farewell, do not know when I can meet, Uncle Ma gently patted me and said, don't cry, Think of me and come back! I nodded vigorously. Time didn't slow down, and seeing that it was time to buy tickets, I reluctantly pushed his warm chest away. Calmed his mood and wiped his red eyes. I got out of the car, picked up my luggage, said goodbye in a hurry, and walked to the station without looking back.
I arrived at the ticket office, bought a ticket to go back, there was still half an hour to go, I sat in the waiting hall waiting, my mind was sometimes blank, sometimes jumped out of Uncle Ma's figure, his figure was like a slide, constantly flashing in my mind one by one, I controlled not to think about him, as soon as I thought of the bits and pieces of our 24-hour relationship, my tears gushed out uncontrollably, my heart was like falling a stone, depressed let me kick out, I stood up, walked to the glass window, Looking far away at the place where I got out of the car, there was no longer Uncle Ma's figure there, he was gone, he was gone, greedily I wanted to look at him again, just like one more look could not be sad, but I could not see it anymore. I walked to my seat in disappointment, and when I looked up, a familiar figure appeared in front of my eyes, it was Uncle Ma, really Uncle Ma, he was carrying some fruit and bread in his hand, I completely ignored how the crowd around me looked at me, took a step forward, and hugged him tightly, I said why haven't you left, he said I went to buy you some fruit, afraid that you would starve on the road. I couldn't cry, Uncle Ma said: Don't cry, the bus has come, you get on the bus, I took the fruit and said: Uncle Ma, then I am gone. He nodded, waved his hand at me, I could see that his heart was not comfortable, but with his age and experience, he could better control himself, I checked the ticket and got on the train, found a window position, placed the luggage, I turned my head to look out of the car window, at this time Uncle Ma was standing outside the hall looking at me, we waved to each other, made a final goodbye, Uncle Ma turned and walked outside the station. There was someone in my neighbor's seat, I couldn't control the tears, the time was almost up, the driver counted the number of people, started the car, and slowly drove out of the station. On the way back, I didn't think anything of it, closed my eyes and slept fiercely.
Back at work, I started my normal job, and the busy work during the day left me with no time to think about anything else, but whenever I was about to leave work, I would be anxious. Like when I first met, I couldn't wait to go back to the dormitory, open the computer, log in to QQ, look forward to our nightly video chat, we talked about everything, and shared my daily happiness and troubles with him, so that the same day passed for a while, one night, I had dinner, sat by the computer as usual, waiting for him, saw his avatar is still gray, and thought that he may be busy late today. Then open the crossfire, suddenly a few rounds, a few games to finish, the time is not early, close the game, see his avatar is still gray, there is no message, I wait left and right, that night I finally did not wait for him, "don't wait, who is not busy yet", so comfort themselves. With an uneasy heart, I reluctantly went to sleep. In the days that followed, I still waited every night, but he was not online every day now, and from time to time I couldn't wait for him when I sat by the computer one night, sometimes for several days in a row, I wanted to call him and ask him what he was busy with, but I was worried about disturbing him, so I held back. But my heart began to be uneasy, and I began to think wildly, did Uncle Ma not like me anymore or did he really not have time to go online? No, I love him so much, and he likes me so much. He must have been too busy at work, too tired. I consoled myself with this!
Time passed day by day, every day after work mood from full of expectations began to slowly evolve into nervousness, I worry, I am afraid, I am afraid that Uncle Ma is not online, I am afraid that I will not see him, dinner is not the heart to do, the restaurant casually buy something, hurried back to the dormitory, sitting at the computer desk with two eyes staring at the computer, staring at his gray avatar, waiting for the little penguin to drip, just so silly waiting. Until very late, very late! But his avatar has never jumped, his heart is very lost, like losing his soul, reluctant to turn off the computer, lying on the bed, thinking about the bits and pieces of our getting along, every picture is not willing to miss, the 24-hour get along, the scene of the station parting, the computer screen of his mesmerizing smile, constantly churning in my mind, for a long time can not sleep, from time to time to look at the computer screen, looking forward to the sudden news. A song in the confusion rings in my head:
I had a dream last night.
In the dream we return to holding hands,
Wake up to the loss
Beyond words
Open OICQ
Chat history stopped in late last autumn
The last hold
No words spoken
We are still friends
It's the kind of most distant friend
The tenderness you have given is in the record
Keep them all
Your gray avatar won't jump anymore
Even a simple greeting
How sad it is to turn the pages of intimate communication
What is falling into the air
And I remembered what you said about staying with me to the end
Warm dreams turn into cold shackles
If we go back in time, what can we grasp?
Until one day after work at noon, I couldn't bear it any longer, I couldn't suppress my longing for him, I wanted to call him, turned out Uncle Ma's phone number, hesitated, didn't know whether to call or not. The phone dialed out and hung up in an instant, thinking that now he will not be busy, will the phone call disturb him, after a moment of hesitation, I have enough courage, regardless of three seven twenty-one, play it ~! After a brief ringing, he answered the phone, and I was nervous and incoherent, stuttering: Hello Uncle Ma, what are you busy with? Uncle Ma said: Hello little X, I was preparing to eat, and I went to the door of the hotel. I went on to say: Oh, I'm fine, see you haven't been on QQ for a few days, I want to call you, it's okay, then you're busy. He said, "Well, well, I'm in the hotel, and I'll call you back." I said, "Okay, that~bye-bye." After such a short phone call, my heart was much calmer, he didn't ignore me, maybe he was very busy, he answered my phone to explain everything, we can continue, can't we?
However, things were not what I imagined, for many, many days, I did not see Uncle Ma buckled, his head was always gray, never lit again, never beat again, and he did not call me back as he said, since then we have broken contact, time after day, day after day, day after day, the thought of him has never stopped, thinking about him all the time, whenever I think of him, my heart is like sinking into the sea, suppressed breathlessness, and the slightest pain in my heart. Especially in the silent and lonely night, quietly recalling the bits and pieces of our getting along, the bottom of my heart is full of mottled pain, the single loop plays the rain flower stone, the sad melody makes me more and more sad the more I listen, the more sad I want to listen, let me immerse myself in virtual happiness and can't extricate myself, this song witnesses our past encounters, witnesses that we have loved each other, at least I love him deeply. I thought repeatedly in my heart, why did Uncle Ma ignore me? Aren't we suitable? Tuantuan's doubts churned in my mind, Uncle Ma, even if you don't like me so much, we can still be friends, Uncle Ma, do you know how much I like you? I don't like you because you drive a luxury car and live in a bungalow, I really like you as a person! How many times I want to call him again, in the end I still don't have the courage, I don't know how to keep it, I have a thousand words in my heart, but I don't know how to say it, and the words that rush to my mouth are only a dull "I love you". But this "I love you" seems so pale and powerless at this time.
Time slowly boiled over, time passed day by day, he always occupied my heart, my work became unmotivated, all day long panic, but there was still a glimmer of hope in my heart. The silk here is his phone number, the silk is not broken, at least I can still call him when I can't help it, but what reason is there for me to summon up this courage.
Miss you!! But I can't bear to bother you, because I know that we can't be together! This thought, this concern, I can only be buried deep in the depths of my heart, reminding myself again and again, not to touch. Because I understand that you and my world are at a distance. This is a distance that I cannot cross. I also wanted to turn around indifferently, wave my head in a dashing way, and return to the original freedom. But why does the heart sigh silently at the thought of losing you from now on? I can only wander outside the door of your heart. Long nights, you are like an endless net, easily catching my joy and sorrow. Get yourself lost in the net you inadvertently set up, I can't find my way back!
Just like this for a few years, I also understood that Uncle Ma and I were doomed not to be together, maybe we were really inappropriate, and slowly I was relieved, but from time to time in my heart I still thought of him, silently blessed him in my heart, and took him as a kite that was far away and let him fly.
Until Chinese New Year's Eve 2015, I sent a New Year's message to Uncle Ma, looking forward to his reply, but I waited left and right, did not wait for his reply message, at that time felt that the New Year's everyone was very busy, can not reply to the text message in time is also normal, to the second day of the New Year, I really can't help but use the excuse of the New Year to call him in the past, only to hear the phone said: The phone you dialed has been turned off, I think it may be that the mobile phone is out of battery, and I did not care, I continued to enjoy the happy time of the New Year, and on the third day of the New Year I called him again The phone is still turned off, at this time I began to panic, is my mobile phone number not used? The mobile phone has no battery and can not be turned on for several days, the heart has produced the original strong sense of loss, uncomfortable to the extreme, the happy joy of the New Year also disappeared suddenly, there is no contact information, the kite line held in my hand is also broken, I completely broke contact with Uncle Ma, the next few days, I did not have the heart to find classmates to play, bored at home, looking at the chat records of me and Uncle Ma, the thoughts returned to a few years ago, remembering our beginning. Inadvertently, I opened his QQ space, saw that there is a person in his space is very active, I clicked to find this person's QQ number to add his friend, not much time, the person passed the friend verification, I knocked on the left to ask him about Uncle Ma's situation, through chatting with him, I learned that he is Uncle Ma's boyfriend, want to ask him if Uncle Ma has other phone numbers, but he did not tell me, he just said that Uncle Ma is not in good health and needs to recuperate, inconvenient to disturb. Regarding the rest, he did not reveal it to me. Hearing him say that Uncle Ma was not in good health, I began to worry in my heart, and I had the idea of going to find Uncle Ma, I don't know if I can find him, even if he has no feelings for me, even if he has bf, but I am just out of a kind of concern, a worry about him, a kind of care beyond ordinary friends, this kind of care can only be understood by people who have experienced it, the real love for a person, does not necessarily have to have him, as long as he is living well, I am at ease, is this the highest state of love? I think my feelings for Uncle Ma are like this!
After a few days of suffering at home, I decided to go to him, whether I could find him or not, I also had to make a final effort, even after finding him, we still could not go back to the beginning. I started the car to rush to the city, to the city, with memory to find him when he took me to the new house where the community is, but hate myself did not pay attention to the building number where the house is located, I only remember that it is the third floor of the east household, the balcony location made a European-style wine cabinet, the community has about forty buildings, I went to the south of each building, looking for the memory of the wine cabinet, I turned around the community again and again, walked through each building, looked through each third floor east household, still did not find his similar wine cabinet. I recall, and then recall, recall the location of Uncle Ma's parking, recall whether it is the east unit or the west unit, as much as possible to remember every detail, narrow the scope of search, and finally I identified one of the buildings, Building 29 East Unit third floor East Household, I wandered downstairs for a long time, decided to knock on the door to try my luck, to the door, I was nervous and scared, I plucked up courage, raised my hand and knocked on the door, but there was no response inside, so coincidentally several times the door, there was still no response inside, disappointed in my heart, But it was also much calmer, this complicated heart, I can not describe in words, half afraid to see him, half afraid to find him. I went back downstairs, came to the front of the building, stared at the third floor to confirm whether it was this position, the curtains on the third floor were closed, although I did not see the wine cabinet in the memory, but the more I looked at it, the more I looked, at this time, I saw that there were people on the first floor who were at home, I thought, can I go to the first floor to ask about the situation of the family on the third floor, so that I can confirm whether it is Uncle Ma's home. So I did not hesitate to go upstairs and knock on the door, the door was opened by a middle-aged woman, I told her that I came to find a friend, because the mobile phone number change broke contact, I said his surname is Ma, a middle-aged man of about 55 years old, not tall, slightly fat... So I briefly described the characteristics of Uncle Ma, the middle-aged woman said that we moved over not long ago, the neighbors rarely met, not sure if it was the person I said, I was not convenient to ask anything more, so I thought of a way, I took out a piece of paper, wrote my phone number on it and sent it to her, saying: This is my phone, I left it for you, you met him when you gave him this note, you told him that a friend with my surname X came to him, this middle-aged woman was very enthusiastic, promised to take the note, I expressed my thanks and went downstairs. This note became my last hope. In fact, I know in my heart that I have gone to such great lengths to find him, and even if I find him, we cannot return to the original beauty, or the so-called beauty, which has always been my wishful thinking. Looking for him, maybe I still have a slight illusion, maybe to find out why he is so desperate, maybe to regret my heart!!
In the following years, I went to his neighborhood several times on and off, asked about the property, and contacted the grid staff, but in the end I still didn't find any news about him, and slowly I gave up! Put it in my heart as an eternal memory, this memory is short and beautiful, deeply engraved in my heart, with me slowly growing old!
Postscript: The following is my QQ space over the years, all written for Uncle Ma, my heart has nowhere to tell, how many slow long nights, I can only use QQ to talk:
It is best not to see, it is best not to read, so that you can not fall in love with you, one more step to rub shoulders, step by step
March 23, 2012
Who says time dilutes everything, and why are those who used to be so real now?
June 19, 2012
One side, one side, can no longer be forgotten, deep in my heart, can no longer be waved, only like the first sight, always the first sight, never see again.
August 19, 2012
With headphones, listening to songs, walking slowly on the road, walking pedestrians enjoying the scenery on the side of the road, but I have no intention of nostalgia, the music in the headphones sings what I don't know, only feel that the song is very sad, seems to describe my mood, sigh, continue to go forward...
September 20, 2012
The wine is fragrant, the love is deep, half drunk and half awake, and the thoughts are like cutting.
November 22, 2012
Not contacting you does not mean that I do not want you and do not love you, but that I think more deeply and love more truly.
January 23, 2013
The saddest thing in life is not being able to stay with a loved one.
March 26, 2013
I don't dare to be alone, I don't dare to idle, I'm afraid I miss him, the more I miss the lonelier, the lonelier... I'm afraid of being alone
May 2, 2013
Do you know the taste of missing someone, like drinking a glass of cold water, and then using a long, long time, turning into a drop of hot tears!!!
August 7, 2013
Loneliness is because of missing him, pain is because of wanting to forget him!!
November 7, 2013
It's not that he has no flaws, it's that I can't see, only 24 hours, I only see his good, so in my impression, he is always so perfect.
December 9, 2013
Tonight I drank some wine, a little dizzy, I especially miss him in my heart, people are like that, how to live is a lifetime, there is no need to be too tired. Let go of what should be done, and do a big job, no matter how he results.
February 12, 2014
Think quietly, silently bless! Hope he's well.
March 13, 2014
From that moment on, I identified him, and I could no longer tolerate anyone else in my heart.
April 3, 2014
I like to look at his pictures in a daze, I want to stay forever, that feeling is very happy, very enjoyable, sometimes like a fool, involuntarily laugh, I miss, I miss, he is the person I respect, but also the person I love deeply.
June 5, 2014
I have no interest in anyone but him! He's the only one in my heart!
August 7, 2014
Hearts are connected, I think of him, he must be thinking of me too! November 9, 2014
Think of him! Dreamed!
December 17, 2014
Wait for you and I waited so long, I thought about you for so long, just silently thinking about you, just remembering you like this, just silently loving you, the sea is rotten and I don't let go! The clouds in the sky are wandering, you know my sorrows, no matter how long the road ahead, I am willing to wait for you! ------- Uncle Ma I miss you, I have been waiting for you!"
January 18, 2015
miss.......... Or miss! Never-ending thoughts!
February 11, 2015
For a long time, can I still believe it?
March 4, 2015
Maybe there is no permanent heat, but there is eternal love!
April 11, 2015
Love is like a falling leaf, it seems to fly, but it is falling!
May 11, 2015
Daze, insomnia, mostly miss you!
June 23, 2015
What if I miss you? What if you can't be together for the rest of your life? Am I destined to be alone all my life? I'm not reconciled! What exactly is true love?
June 24, 2015
Who says the wind has passed without a trace? The wind passed, leaving scars!
July 8, 2015
Meet you ~ ~ ~ I am content!
July 18, 2015
{Probation} tonight drank some wine, doubly miss the people I miss, are you also thinking about me, what in life is the most important thing, true love or responsibility!
August 10, 2015
What did he attract me so much?
September 19, 2015
{Sensibility} love has family love, friendship love, love love, and I am a deep, complex family love for you, this kind of family love is more than friendship, more than love, Uncle Ma, I miss you!
September 20, 2015
My clumsy mouth, do not know what reason to greet you!
October 11, 2015
No more reason to hug!
October 17, 2015
Whenever I hear that song, I think of him. 24 hours is so long, and it is so short, and every bit of things are vividly remembered! It seems to have happened yesterday!
November 1, 2015
The excitement and joy of meeting each other, the happiness and happiness of being together, the reluctance and sadness of parting, the last worry and miss! There will always be this process!
November 6, 2015
Ten Dreams Nine He, is he talking about me? I rarely dream, but recently I have dreamed about him many times in a row, and I think more and more about him, what to do? Should I go to him again?
December 2, 2015
He, I never dared to forget! He, who has never left, has always been in his heart and has always been around!
January 10, 2016
Uncle Ma ，You are so perfect in my heart ,Together for 24 hours with you， I never forgot you！------All my life！！！
February 6, 2016
Liking someone is really tiring, especially when you're thinking about him and he doesn't know it at all!
February 27, 2016
Since ancient times, how many deeply loved people have not been together! What a painful thing! The wordless ending ------ how can I stop thinking about you, just let that memory fade away with the wind, maybe I will forget, maybe I will miss you more, maybe not maybe!
March 1, 2016
The talk of space came to a halt in 2016, because fortunately I met another more important person in my life, I was also fully relieved of Uncle Ma, and occasionally I would think of it, but I no longer had the strong thoughts of the beginning, I regarded him as a guest in my life, he could not hide when he came, he walked quietly, he was not in my expectations, but disturbed my pace, and now I have returned to the beginning, on another heart road to meet a person who is more worthy of my cherishing, and to this day, it has been several years, We still cherish each other, respect each other, he is a person who I am more worthy of being with and keep going!!!
At this point, the serial story about Uncle Ma is over, thank you for the support and attention of all friends, and I hope that there are lovers in the world who will eventually become dependents!