Hello dear listeners.
Here is a true story telling program planned by One Psychology.
Some people say that we spend our whole lives healing our childhood.
The emotional absence of the original family makes us still want to prove that we are loved in the years to come.
When we grow up, it seems that we are still our childhood selves, looking for the antidote to love in the sea of people.
Today's letter is a psychologist @ Xiao Yu, she has some words to say to her father who has left.
Letter from @Xiao Yu Delivery:
Hello, I'm Xiao Yu.
Today I want to share my feelings about my father.
My father died more than 20 years ago, when I was an adult, I didn't know what real sadness was, and even at the funeral, I didn't cry much.
When I was in junior high school, my father only returned from a field of work, so I had little impression of him when I was a child, and even when I was young, I still had a lot of complaints about him.
The most memorable thing is that one summer, my sister and I, who were in kindergarten, were picked up by our parents to spend the summer at work. One day, a few aunts in the kindergarten joked and told me that my sister was lost.
Frightened, I cried and ran to the stone in the middle of the river at the door, and I couldn't go ashore. The aunts said, "Tell her daddy to come, and she'll be afraid of her dad!" So, after my father came to the river and told me that my sister had not lost her, I was willing to slowly re-wade ashore myself.
The course of events was what the parents said later. But all I have left in my memory is a helpless little girl and a serious father on the shore. And after my father returned to his side, the relationship between our father and daughter always seemed strange.
Resenting his father, one is that he values sons over daughters.
Once, my father took me to a party of their comrades-in-arms. At that time, there was a very young boy who liked to let his father carry his back, let his father hold him, and even pull out his beard, but he was always spoiled and smiling, and he responded to everything.
When I saw all this, I was very sad in my heart, because it was something that our sisters had never enjoyed. He had never seen him laugh in front of a child.
The second reason for resenting his father was that he felt that he had a bad attitude towards his grandmother.
I was brought up by my grandmother, and after my parents returned from work, my grandmother has always lived with us. However, when eating together, we always feel that the atmosphere at the dinner table is a little bad, usually after the father leaves after eating, or when he is not at home. We only talk and laugh at the dinner table.
Ten years after my father's death, I was probably my own mother, and I began to understand the difficulty of being a parent, and I will be able to recall more and more that he was good to us.
When I think of him, it is always the young face and the smile on the face on the portrait. And when I rushed to the emergency department of the hospital, my father's best friend said:
"Your proudest daughter is back."
After entering middle age, looking back on this life, I suddenly understood a lot of my father's behavior, especially when I found that I actually had many traits inherited from him.
Those stubborn, silent care, unspeakable on the lips, can only be expressed in action to show the goodness to the family, are exactly the same as him.
After encountering a midlife crisis and falling into a low point in my life, it inspired me to have many of the hurts I once had.
I know that in the past 20 years, if my father is here, then my life may be very different. If my father had been there, with his support, I might have suffered a lot less grievances.
I believe that if my father was there, even if I suffered a midlife crisis, I would be much more psychologically relaxed.
By writing stories, I poured out my condolences about my father's tardiness.
But once this mourning valve is opened, it is as if all the unfinished emotions that have been accumulated for 20 years have been released. I couldn't hold back for a while, and I burst into tears when I mentioned it...
Today I want to say all of this, hoping that someone will hear it.
I also hope that my father can hear.
Heart Detective Coach @ Huang Xiaoxiao Reply:
Hello Xiao Yu.
I am Huang Xiaoxiao, the heart exploration coach of One Psychology, and I am very happy to receive your letter.
In your description, I see your understanding and nostalgia for your father's belatedness, so should you drink some warm water, take a deep breath, and then we will analyze them one by one?
In fact, everyone will have regrets and regrets at every stage. If you choose, you will be annoyed about why you chose that way; if you give up, you will regret why you gave up in the first place.
In fact, using the current experience and known results to evaluate yourself in the situation at that time is not a fair thing in itself.
There are regrets, is the normal state of life, how to face these regrets, after the future days, is a kind of courage and wisdom.
Over time, you gradually open yourself up, face the past, face your own mixed feelings, which is actually a very lucky thing.
When your father was alive, his support and silent care for you were ignored by you, and you did not cry at your father's funeral. Now that you have entered middle age, you seem to be a little worried about these things.
In fact, we can have a ceremonial farewell, to pour out what we want to say to our father frankly and attentively, to let ourselves put down some, to pick up some, and to help ourselves reconcile with the past.
You gradually have the shadow of your father.
Maybe it's a trait engraved in your DNA, it's something you've already learned and recognized him before you know it, and maybe it's a way for you to miss your father...
Anyway, he didn't leave you completely.
Below I would like to recommend to you some tips for adjusting your mood.
First, you can try to release emotions in the following ways.
Like what:
Do aerobic exercise by running, swimming, and cycling;
Or confide in a tree hole on the Internet and write healing in a diary;
You can also directly shout out your negative emotions in KTV, playgrounds, valleys and other places.
After releasing your emotions, give yourself a spa of the mind.
Try doing yoga, while stretching your body, clear your mind;
Go for a walk on the tree-lined trails, breathe in the fresh air and fill yourself with energy;
Practicing meditation allows us to communicate more deeply with our bodies and our own minds;
Of course, listening to some light music can help the impetuous mind settle down.
Believe in yourself, you are very good, please take the father's expectations, with this awakened love and strength, happy life.
Thank you again for your letter, I hope we can all learn to let go of the past, cherish the present, and look forward to the future.
I also hope that today's reply can bring you something meaningful.
Wishing you all the best!
I hope that the small reply to the heart can help Xiao Yu, and I also hope that you who listen to this program and see this article can gain something.
Cherish the people around you, cherish the precious emotions you have.