Today, I was tired of typing, so I leaned back in my chair and stretched out. Just as I was yawning with my mouth wide open, a spider fell right into my mouth. It must have been hanging on the roof to watch me come, and the timing was really accurate. FML
Today, I threw up so much that the toilet water splashed my face. FML
Today, I fainted on the way to work, and a passerby took the opportunity to take my wallet. FML
Today, I wanted to count the volume of my pencil, so I casually took a piece of paper from the table and started. After counting, I found that the back of this piece of paper was my report card, which was the only one. FML
Kiwibadja (female) New Zealand
Today, a friend's cat died, and I brought flowers and candy to visit. When I left, I crushed her other cat to death. FML
Launch the noon gate decapitation
Today, I was supposed to be busy with my big project, and the deadline will be reached next week. And actually, I was moving things in and out of the house. Because my roommate lied to me that he had paid rent in recent months, when in fact he spent all his money on lottery tickets. You guessed it, he didn't win a penny. FML
Not Drunk New Zealand
Today, I was involved in a car accident. When I was asked if I drank, I wanted to say, "I don't drink," but my tongue was knotted and I said, "I don't know." Now everyone is convinced that I caused the car accident. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend asked me to wear a false beard. He said it would make his veins burst. FML
WTF Canada
Today, I found out that my wife is not lying. She said she was older and sex life didn't matter anymore. She is 27 years old. FML
TalkinSmack replied: It sounds like she's been satisfied elsewhere...
Today, I covered my diaper eczema with a pad. FML
Sharon UK
Today, I was leading a dog training class, but my own dog bit me hard, and everyone in the classroom laughed and peed. Then 4 of them said they would not attend the next course and asked for a refund. FML
The result of having a boyfriend train a dog
Today, I was watching the film, and I found that the heroine looked like my sister-in-law, she was super hot, and I was happy to see her there. After a while, another man came into the room, looking like my brother. Well, I saw my brother's big cock. FML
Today, for the first time, I locked the door of the shop where I worked, unfortunately, the key was folded in half inside, and now the door cannot be locked. I had to stay there until tomorrow morning when it started business, and I couldn't get a penny for this night. FML
You are not my dish
Today, one of my roommates told us not to use the toilet after 10 o'clock because he slept shallowly and the sound of flushing the toilet would disturb his sleep. In the backcry of the rest of us, he gave in and we could use the toilet, but had to wait until the next morning to flush. And the first person to get up every morning was me. FML
Today, I take the kids out of the restaurant. While I was in the bathroom, my 7-year-old daughter ordered 15 plates of "pearls." As a result, the so-called "pearls" are actually salmon roe. I had to pay $425 for the meal. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. The first time I spent the night at her house, her mom asked me to pay for the accommodation, and I thought they were joking. FML
AkoChan replied: Does her mother want accommodation or prostitution?
RyloGhyst (male) USA
Today, I washed a bucket of clothes 4 times, but the smell is getting worse and worse, and I can't figure it out. It turned out that it was because my meow master learned to open the detergent box in the washing machine and pee inside. FML
Addianna Canada
Today, my colleague in the office decided to "stir up the atmosphere," and she sang Christmas songs and some songs that didn't know what the ghost was. In fact, she has five incomplete tones. FML
Today, after being locked in the elevator for 4 hours, I couldn't hold back peeing anymore. Just when I finally made up my mind to pee in the elevator, the door opened. FML
When trapped in an elevator, it is best to drink your own urine
Wow (male) USA
Today, I finally plucked up the courage to confess to the girl who had a crush for 2 years. I gave my whole heart and soul, and she kept nodding and smiling. As soon as I finished, she said what she thought: She thought it was unnatural to have sex and wouldn't date someone who wanted to snap. FML
Anonymous (female) Australia
Today, my husband couldn't help but want to give me a wet-willy he created himself (poking someone in the ear after licking a wet finger). He sneaked up to me while I was asleep and poked his wet pencil near my ear. FML
Anonymous (female) United Kingdom
Today, my dad broke up with his girlfriend, he was so drunk that I had to comfort him. He said, "You know why we broke up, don't you?" I replied, "Well, you always quarrel, don't you?" "But the real reason is because he has erectile dysfunction, and I have to persuade him that it's not a shameful thing." FML