The feelings of two feelings can make both men and women happy, but many feelings are sometimes a one-man one-man show, one side pays affectionately, and the other side avoids breaking up.
With love and hate, there is emotional entanglement.
American psychologist Sternberg believes that there are three important factors in love: passion, intimacy and commitment.
During the passion period, two people you and me, each other in each other's eyes have their own aura, even if they see each other's shortcomings will be covered up by sweetness, once the feelings of one of them cooled, he can soberly know whether each other is suitable to continue to go.
People who think it is not suitable will terminate the relationship and propose to the lover to break up, want to get together and disperse, but as long as the other party does not agree to break up, the relationship will have new problems.
Li Tong's family is average, went to college to talk about love, broke up after graduation, and then has been in the empty window period, watching almost thirty years old, she chose to find a partner in the dating chat tool, really let her meet a man, the other party looks very handsome, the family has a small company, the annual income of millions, the key is that this man is very good at coaxing her to be happy, sweet love words make her intoxicated, soon meet, what should happen happened, when she looked forward to marrying a wife, the man's attitude towards her changed.
She changed her method to coax men to be happy, thinking that the feelings would improve, but the men mentioned breaking up, saying that they were not suitable for each other.
In order to solve each other's emotional problems, she flew to his city, and the man said he was in love with another woman, said sorry for her, and let her let go.
She said she wanted to look at the woman's picture and see what kind of person had snatched someone she liked.
The woman in the photo looks younger than she is, like a college student who makes her angry, so young obviously has more options, why should she rob a man.
She is not willing to break up, spend more money to buy things for men, be more gentle and considerate to him, know that he is associated with other women, she is not noisy, but men from time to time to mention the breakup makes her very angry, do not understand that they are so condescending, how can men not change their minds?
Maslow said: "Man is an animal in constant demand. ”
A man's "needs" for you have been saturated, he has a new love, and if you wronged yourself to keep him, it is to despise yourself, which will make him look down on you even more.
People often like to regard their bottomless bends as love, and the truth is just to satisfy their unspoken desires.
In fact, heterosexual communication, why some women "seek perfection" and do not break up, can not escape three reasons:
The first reason is that he is afraid that he will never touch anyone better than him.
Li Tong was almost thirty years old before he met a man who earned millions a year, and began to be very good to her in order to get her, so that she quickly fell, and she did not pay attention to the character of men.
The man said that he liked other women to mention the breakup, but still a little conscience, at this time, the smart woman should agree to break up, but Li Tong increased the intensity of spending money for the man, wronged himself to love him, the result is certainly not satisfactory.
Everyone has their own mate selection criteria in their hearts, and when a person and their own mate selection standards are perfectly matched, most people will be very fortunate about their luck, but few people will look at the unusual points in this.
When you think that the other party is the best in your heart, and feel that you are "climbing high", you will be very eager to get, just like when you have longed for something at your fingertips, you will definitely think of having it, but ignore your own strength or whether the other party is worth it.
The ideal object appears, and earns millions a year, and it is better for him, even if he likes others, Li Tong still feels that he has a chance, does not hesitate to seek perfection, does not dare to question his flowery behavior, and does not dare to face the facts.
Because she knew that she might never meet a man with better conditions than him, she was afraid of missing out and would be gone, so she would rather be wronged than break up.
The second reason is that he is too inferior and mistakenly regards the bottomless bend of the bend as a "gesture of overtures."
High-quality men are certainly easier to capture women's hearts, for women with average conditions are like winning the jackpot, not necessarily how much they like this person, but it is possible to achieve their long-cherished wish (marrying rich and handsome) to achieve class leaps, and want to save themselves through marriage (husband).
Women with this kind of thinking and general conditions of their own will be very inferior in front of high-quality men, psychologically dwarf themselves, put the position of the other party above their true feelings, dare not express their true needs, do not dare to ask the other party to do for themselves, and even how the other party does not affect her commitment.
Once people do not have a correct understanding of themselves, they will become blind.
He is also unwilling to break up because he knows that he has nothing else to keep the other party, only to keep kneeling and licking, constantly lowering his bottom line and principles to show his tolerance and generosity, gentleness or thoughtfulness, etc., but this is a costless payment in the eyes of men, and will only get used to his habit of eating white food.
This kind of "overtures" is a kind of self-contempt, men will only look down on you more, want to learn to marry high-quality men in TV dramas to achieve the counterattack of life, not rely on the perfection of the commission, or look at their own strength.
The third reason is that there is no ability to play games with each other, and they are not willing to break up.
In the relationship, who pays more, who loves more, who is the one who is unwilling to let go.
Li Tong invests money and feelings, but the man is looking for a new love, which will definitely make her unwilling and unwilling to give up. In her opinion, she has invested countless sunk costs and is not willing to break up like this.
Sexual interaction, at first, is constantly testing each other's bottom line, your vision, pattern, strength, etc. will make the other party "evaluate" you, see if you are worth his pay, and then through contact to understand the real situation and their own judgment of how much difference, and then consider whether to continue.
Some women's comprehensive strength is not good, and they still fantasize about marrying a domineering president every day, and this unrealistic fantasy will only harm the woman herself.
When you don't have the strength, you don't have the ability to play games with the other side.
If marrying a good man is regarded as a big gamble, but this kind of "seeking perfection" and not breaking up will make you lose the opportunity to sit with him on an equal footing, it is of no use to him, and it is even more difficult to win his approval.
The most common mistake people make in relationships is to overestimate their own abilities and place in the hearts of others.
A person who does not love you proposes to break up, no matter how much you ask for it, you cannot change the fact that the relationship is over, you cannot get the respect and love of the other party, nor can you get the cherishing of the other party, you cannot repair the relationship.
There is a sentence in "Jane Eyre":
"Love is a game, and we must always be inseparable and evenly matched with each other, in order to rely on each other for a long time." Because opponents who are too strong are exhausting, and opponents who are too weak are tiresome. ”
When your strength cannot win the love of a person, you must learn to respect this fact, be rational and sober, and strive to improve yourself, so that you can have enough confidence in meeting the next better person, and do not have to lower your bottom line and dignity to love.
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