Five Years (8)

11. It's a new year again, and spring has begun. My fifth year with you.

I gradually adapted to the problems of the early workplace and tried to adjust my status.

Your student life also seems to be exciting, with different activities every month.

Suddenly, one day, you brought up the topic of marriage again, and you said, "Do you want to consider getting married now?" I sank my heart and asked you, "Why are you in such a hurry?" You said: "Relatives in the hometown are also looking forward to it, and it is better to get married and start a family quickly." I didn't say yes right away, I looked at you: "We all have points that we don't like each other, can we set a one-year inspection period, we try to get married, for each other to become better?" 」 You think for a moment and say, "Good. ”

The next meeting, once twice, three times... However, it seems that we still get along as before. When you see me, you talk about your business, I want you to care about me, and you are only perfunctory.

Finally, I exploded: "Can you think for me from my side?" Even once. "I see the look in your eyes, or it doesn't matter. Once again, it was not happy.

It was probably at this time that you were less in touch, and I was uneasy for no reason. It was winter, and one night, the rental house went out of power, and I was a little scared, so I dialed your phone number. It rang for a long time, and no one answered. I went on to dial, two, three, four, five, all in a state where no one picked up. I didn't get in touch with you until an hour later. It was probably late that night when you called and I said, "Why didn't you answer the phone?" You say impatiently, "There's something going on at night." My heart tightened: "You wouldn't have been like this before." You suddenly become irritable: "You are so annoyed, if you don't receive it, you don't receive it." I hung up the phone and cried all night. Unexpectedly, this is the last time I will contact you.

The following week, you did not send a message, I can't help it, sent WeChat to you, sent a week of WeChat, no reply. I suddenly realized that you probably forced me to break up with cold violence. But I couldn't believe it. Even if it is a breakup, there is a better way, why use cold violence? I'm not dead hearted, and it's useless to contact you in a different way. I started insomnia, anorexia, and felt like everything was my own problem. Finally, I asked your friend about your dormitory, took a taxi in the early hours of the morning, waited for you outside the dorm door, and didn't know when you would come out. After about two hours of freezing outside, I saw you push open the dorm door. The moment you saw me, your face was full of disbelief. I ran over and said to you, "Why do you want to break up?" You say, "If your personality is not right, don't force it." ”

I went back for about two months, insomnia, depression and weight loss, and I finally accepted this fact.

What I didn't expect was that about half a year after the breakup, my former mutual friend suddenly contacted me. She sent me a picture, a picture from your circle of friends, and a girl I didn't know got a marriage license, took wedding photos, and hyped it up. I never thought that such a dramatic plot would happen to me.

I suddenly realized that in these five years, you never seem to share me with your circle of friends, and you are vaguely asked; except for the first Valentine's Day, I have never spent the other four years of Valentine's Day with you; I have not received another rose; even if I have agreed on something in advance, you will release my pigeons because of my brother's temporary affairs; you are actually very comforting, but those words to the students and sisters will not be distributed to me.

Now it seems that I have countless times my intuition told me that you don't like me that much, and the truth is the same, but I can't bear to face the truth myself.

I wish you happiness. In five years, I didn't understand what love is, but I deeply realized what is not love.