preface
All along, there have been many couples who can't separate the boundaries between each other, always involuntarily and autonomously tell their secrets, and then confidently think that the other party will not break up with themselves, and in the end you will find that not long after your secret is said, the other party chooses to part ways with you.
Recently, a friend asked me, should there be any secrets between couples? And my answer is yes, because when we get along with others, we will pay attention to the relevant proportions, maintain the distance we should have, and respect each other, but when the distance between two people reaches a certain degree of intimacy, this boundary will be fused together, and the probability of occurrence is often in the middle of lovers.
Many people who are in love say that when lovers interact, the most important thing is sincerity, and often integrate sincerity and honesty into one, feeling that there should be no secrets between lovers, and there should be no boundaries.
To tell the truth, this is true, because in the past love, the emphasis is to raise eyebrows, husbands and women follow, but when we praise such love, we forget a topic, that is, lovers are also independent, when lovers get along, it is also necessary to have a certain distance, not to say that all their secrets are told to each other is called sincerity.
Just like a sentence said in a movie, "True love, there is no secret behind it, and those who say this sentence must not understand love and do not understand secrets." ”
In the relationship, that kind of parasitic love is actually not sweet, it will only make the pressure on both parties in this relationship, and then the contradiction increases, and finally the two sides become strangers who were once familiar.
Therefore, based on all the descriptions, there is also a need for boundaries between lovers, and secrets are allowed to exist, especially the following three secrets that cannot be said explicitly, as long as they are done, they can make love sweeter.
No.1: Don't say the details of your emotional experiences
Many people in love, will talk about the past experience of a variety of emotional history, some to satisfy their curiosity, some to compare the proportion in each other's heart, and then there are all kinds of noise, making both sides tired.
In fact, many people are introverted feelings, which will not be obviously expressed, but in the bottom of their hearts, they will remember hatred, because no matter how strong your emotional foundation is, as long as you raise such a topic, the two sides will quarrel, because no one is willing to share a boyfriend with a love enemy, even if it is a former enemy.
And to decide whether your contradiction is a big fuss or a small fuss, it depends on how detailed you say it, if you say the more detailed, then the contradiction is not small, such as mentioning the appearance, the point of development, the way of understanding, etc., the feelings for you will not be much better.
And you must not believe the so-called do not care, do not care and other words in the mouth of the other party, because there will be no one who does not care, you can change your identity and think about it, will you maintain your sanity about how lovers have saved each other in the past, sadness after separation, and other behaviors, will you still get along indifferently?
If you really understand, you have to understand what is in the past, but you also have to learn to be afraid, afraid that someone will be bad to him, and afraid that someone will be too good to him. If you say anything, then whether the other party's evaluation of the ex is good or bad, it is doubly harmful to you.
Love is never an experience talk, love is dependent on both sides to operate, cherish the present, in order to ensure the freshness of love.
No.2: Don't tell the other person what their family says about him
After love talks about a certain point, you will enter the next step and begin to discuss your future, and at this time, it is indispensable for parents to participate in it, because for the other party, in addition to you, the parents' evaluation is also very important.
In this evaluation, if you are good, you naturally have to tell each other, because both sides are happy, and the road behind is much smoother, if the wind evaluation is not too good, do not confess to it.
Because after you confess, it will cause double harm, first of all, it will hurt the lover, and when you confess, it will make the other party feel that you have not yet lived independently from the family.
Because the days are your own life, and the other party's payment can only be decided by you, but after you confess, the other party will feel that his efforts are white, because he is not recognized, and then he will reduce his efforts.
The second is to hurt the family, when you tell each other about your parents' remarks, then the other party will feel that your parents did not recognize him, so that you are cold to your family, do not entertain, do not go to your home, because no one likes to be wronged in a relationship.
No matter what kind of hurt, it will affect the feelings of the two families, and then affect the feelings between you, so you can tell a white lie to protect the feelings of both parties.
No.3: Don't show yourself completely to the other person
Some people will certainly say, why not show yourself completely, since you have come together with the other party, you should not have any reservations, if you do, I have no opinion, but in the end, if the other party is separated from you, you will understand. In fact, in the relationship, you should retain a little of your own mystery, many people in the pursuit of the person they like, will not have the previous enthusiasm, will not spend more of their own experience, because for each other, you let the other party not so much interest.
Because this is like an exam, the other party has copied out the full score answer, how can they care so much about the score. If you show all your strengths and weaknesses in a short period of time, the other party will not be surprised, because he has become numb.
But if you take it step by step, it will make the other party feel a sense of freshness in digging for treasure, and you will not be disappointed after discovering your shortcomings.
So not fully displayed, retain a little sense of mystery, will let the other party discover the new world, every day there are new experiences, and in the feelings of the sex, girls are the most likely to lose the sense of mystery, because girls have a strong sense of sharing, so there are reservations, can make your feelings more stable.
Conclusion
In the relationship, there must be boundaries, because boundaries can make your feelings more stable, and after having boundaries, it is not only the protection of privacy, but also a kind of respect.
Therefore, when getting along with lovers, there must be boundaries, as long as there are boundaries, the feelings between you can be better maintained, and it can be said that the feelings are all good.
So girls should understand that in a relationship, there are some things not to say explicitly, otherwise no matter how sweet the feelings are, they will become a thorn, which will lead to you becoming strangers.