Some time ago, there was another paragraph at the talk show conference that blew up the whole network.
A performance of introverts by Peking University's high-caliber birds poked at many introverts, including me.
From childhood to adulthood, I was quite popular, but in fact, I rarely appeared to be lonely and unsociable. But only I know that before dealing with people, I will be like a bird and bird, and I will fight with heaven and man inside. And whenever I confess to the people around me that I actually belong to an introvert, they will exclaim that it is impossible.
Another example that breaks most people's imagination is Professor Thar, a lecturer in the positive psychology class at Harvard University and a popular student. He said in one of his classes that when he went out for interviews, different interviewers often said the same thing to him – you're different from what I thought, too introverted, can you be a little more cheerful?
I am not sociable and have been identified as extroverted because I am still cheerful, but scholars who study positive psychology have been questioned for not being cheerful enough, which just shows that people misunderstand introverted personality too deeply!
In the eyes of most people, introverted personality = taciturn, timid, sensitive and cautious = bad personality, while extroverted personality = cheerful and enthusiastic, brave and open-minded, good at communication = good personality.
In such an environment, you will hear many parents always worrying that their children are not lively enough to fit in, and you will also hear many ways in society to teach you how to better "integrate into the crowd" and how to dance with long sleeves.
People always associate positive happiness with cheerful extroversion.
Everything seems to tell you that introversion is a flaw, and introversion is not popular. Is this really the case?
01 There is no good or bad between introverted and extroverted.
In psychology, introversion or extroversion is neutral in itself, just refers to a personality trait, and both have their own characteristics, and there are no advantages or disadvantages.
The famous psychologist Carl. Jung said this in his psychological book Psychological Types. "The introverted attitude toward the object is abstract, while the extroverted type has always relied too much on the object."
Introverts tend to be attracted to the thoughts and feelings of the inner world, while extroverts tend to focus on people's external lives and activities. Introverts need more alone time to recharge themselves, while extroverts need to find their own spiritual energy in social activities.
It's like some people are very social, but rather than constantly appearing in the crowd, they prefer to be alone in the house and quiet. Some people can discuss a topic with you for hours, but always don't say a word at a multi-person gathering.
Personality type does not equal ability.
02 Introverted, there are also many advantages
Introverts are not as misunderstood, in fact, through research, introverted personalities have been found to have the following significant advantages.
First, be more focused and engaged.
Introverts usually have more focused attention.
During my school days, I spent less time reviewing and reading than others, but my grades were better than most people. Some of my classmates even thought I was secretly working at home.
When I grew up, I looked back and found that the reason I learned easier than them was that I was more focused than they were in class.
Most of the time, as soon as the teacher walks into the classroom and starts teaching, I unconsciously mobilize my senses to concentrate on the lecture.
In the same 45 minutes, the attentive students must have learned more than the frequent deserters.
Second, be more exploratory.
Introverts tend to be more solitary, so they have more time to think and explore.
Jobs's partner, Wozniak, was a typical introvert. Woz is a "tech genius," but it's not so much a genius as he spends a lot of time studying alone. In an interview, Woz said he wouldn't have had the time to learn as much about computers if he hadn't been too introverted to go out.
Cultivating talents and practicing deliberately takes time. People who like to be alone have undoubtedly earned themselves those moments.
The third advantage is that they are better at listening and more empathetic.
People with introverted traits tend to listen and observe more than to gush about it. They have enough patience to wait for others to finish speaking, and they can also receive the mood and feelings of others in the process of listening.
Carnegie mentions such an interesting thing in his book The Weakness of Human Nature. One day he met a botanist at a dinner party hosted by a publisher, and Carnegie was particularly curious about what the botanist knew about plants, so he listened intently. After the conversation, the botanist hailed Carnegie as "the most encouraging" and "the most interesting and talkative person"—even though carnegie didn't say much that night.
Listening is just as important as expression in communication, and being good at listening can also help introverts build a good relationship.
In addition to the above 3 points, introverted people are also prone to delayed gratification and are more cautious. Psychologists have confirmed that introverts have the advantage of "solving problems with insight."
03 Tear off labels and stereotypes, and the self and the environment can be balanced
According to a survey, 30% of the world's people are introverts, and many people with extraordinary achievements are also introverts, but why are many introverts anxious about their lack of openness and extroversion?
Of course, there is the influence of the social environment and public opinion cognition.
It's also because introverts may also appear more passive, sensitive, and self-denying while being more focused and empathetic.
People praise enthusiastic, proactive behavior, which is certainly worthy of praise, but it should not be a yardstick to measure whether a child is "good" enough and "happy" enough.
Susan, author of "The Competitiveness of an Introverted Personality: Playing to Your Strengths," once said in a TED talk that when she went camping as a child, she was persuaded by her teacher to join the activity because she was reading quietly alone, so she had to put down her books and pretend to love to have fun, until she returned home and breathed a long sigh of relief.
The stereotype of introversion is projected on everyone's mind, and introverts inevitably fall into confusion and self-doubt when faced with such environments and evaluations - am I really not good enough?
It was inevitable to develop a code of conduct that did not fit my own characteristics in order to cater to the environment — I should be more cheerful, I should attend more parties.
When the outside world evaluates and asks people to do things against their intentions, anxiety and exhaustion arise spontaneously.
As introverts/introverts, how do we balance our own needs with our societal expectations?
As mentioned earlier, 30% of the world's population is introverted, and in fact, more people are mixed. William James, known as the father of American psychology, once said that everyone has a lot of social selves, and people will express different selves in front of different groups.
The definition of introversion and extroversion is just a summary of some of the laws of personality traits to help us know ourselves better, and it should not be used as a label.
We just need to understand ourselves and find balance in our hearts and in our lives.
Self-acceptance is the first step away from anxiety.
Acceptance requires us to slowly let go of our judgments about our "good" or "bad" and accept all the qualities in ourselves.
We don't need to cater to anyone's preferences, but to understand ourselves.
Understand that we have the same relationship needs as others, and understand that we don't need such high-frequency and high-density connections.
We are not outliers, not only 30% of the 7 billion, but also the one and the same.
Recognize your own advantages and take advantage of them to the extreme
People with introverted personality traits may not have many friends at first, but because they like to explore, listen well, and tend to have deeper conversations with others.
So we don't need to worry about being "not good at" communication, we just focus our energy more on a relationship or relationships, and in return for a stronger and higher quality connection.
Don't take your own shortcomings to compete with others' longboards, find your own strengths and enthusiasm, we can not go against our own nature, the same can create unique value.
Set aside energy for yourself at the gas station
Since the spiritual energy of people with introverted traits is directed towards the inner world, solitude is especially important for us.
Introverts have an exclusive set of internal order in their hearts, and excessive stimulation from the outside may temporarily break this order and calm - such as continuous socializing and socializing, at this time we need to leave a space for ourselves to rest and recharge ourselves.
There was once someone who didn't understand why I could stay out for most of the month, and she seemed lonely to her, in fact I enjoyed it very much. Reading books, listening to songs, watching variety shows or movies, writing and writing, and even being in a daze can make me feel full inside.
Being alone again and again has allowed me to know myself better and understand others better.
04 Write at the end
In a London street interview, the reporter randomly visited the elderly on the street: What advice would you give to your younger self?
More than half say, be yourself, be brave enough to try, and don't care too much about the eyes of others.
No matter what expectations and labels the social environment has for people, in the end what we want is not to cater to others, but to have the courage to live the life we really want.
Whether introverts or extroverts, they don't need to go against their own nature to intrude on inappropriate ways, and they can do those valuable things in their favorite and more efficient ways.
As Susan says, "The secret of life is to put yourself in the right light." ”
Everyone can be their protagonist on different stages.