Recently, Sun Li responded to the controversy of her daughter Huang Duoduo's ear piercing and hair dyeing in an interview.
Sun Li said that this is the idea that Duoduo took the initiative to put forward, and after consulting with her parents before doing it, after receiving support and encouragement, she pierced her ears and dyed her hair.
Sun Li proposed: Loving beauty is the nature of girls, and we respect them. If you stop her now, she will be more rebellious in the future. She tried it and probably didn't like it in two days.
As duoduo's parents, she and Huang Lei respect their children's choices and personally help choose hair color.
Looking at Sun Li's previous Weibo dynamics, you can find that Duoduo has changed her hair color more than once, and once, Duoduo's purple hair color has also been on the first place in the popular search list, and the hair color in the photo is very beautiful.
We can see that Toto almost always wears a lipstick number that suits him when he appears on camera. After applying lipstick, Toto looks more beautiful and colorful when it is photogenic.
Although Toto is only 14 years old, we find that from toto's dress, he is already like a little adult, which shows that Toto is very yearning for beauty.
And girls like Duoduo, who are of this adolescent age, are very beautiful. Even if she has more ear piercings and hair dyeing, she has not "become bad" as many parents worry, but she is very good in all aspects.
As Sun Li said, loving beauty is the nature of every girl. If it is suppressed, it will cause the child to be more rebellious after a period of time, and it is better to follow the child's nature from the beginning.
Allowing children to follow their own beauty-loving nature in an environment supported by their parents is also a kind of respect for them.
Yakoka once said: Many people think that what children say is nonsense. But I thought that if I listened to my child's concerns now, he would be able to share the worries of his parents by the time he was a teenager. These two points are closely related.
Respect the child's ideas, the child trusts you more and more, and is willing to become more and more excellent through hard work.
First, respect the child and learn to protect the child's self-esteem
On September 17, a junior high school student in Wuhan was called a parent. The reason is that during the class, the boy and his classmates were playing poker in the classroom, and after being discovered by the teacher, the teacher invited his mother to assist in the education.
After communicating with the teacher, the mother saw her son in the hallway, and without saying a word, directly slapped the boy twice.
At that time, there were still many students in the corridor, and the mother did not take this into account, and directly slapped in front of so many classmates, and the boy's self-esteem was shattered by the mother's slaps, so he jumped off the building and committed suicide.
As soon as this news came out at that time, it triggered constant discussion among netizens. Netizens have criticized the mother's approach too hurt the child's self-esteem, adolescent children, who originally value face, are ugly in public, resulting in extreme things.
It is a very common thing for children to make mistakes at school. Parents cooperate with teachers to educate children, but the way is very important, otherwise it will be like a boy jumping off a building, resulting in a lifetime of regrets.
My friend's son was in junior high school, and his academic performance dropped badly, and his friend enrolled him in various cram classes and forced him to go to class.
Once during a holiday, the whole family went to someone else's house together. After eating, the child is playing a mobile game with other children. When he was fascinated, his mother urged him to hurry to go to cram school, and he was playing hard and too lazy to take care of his mother.
The mother was furious, grabbed the mobile phone in the child's hand, fell to the ground, and kicked the child in public:
"You're so old, what else do you do all day except play games?" Cram school is not good, grades can not be improved, only know to play games, you will be a waste in the future! ”
The child was scolded for waste, so big that he was kicked by his mother in public, his self-esteem was frustrated, and he ran away from home in a fit of anger, and a few days later, the family found him in a KFC in the city.
Education scholar Wang Renping once said: Can we give our children and give ourselves a minimum of respect? This is a typical domestic violence of limb and spirit, and I hope that parents can think differently, and do not force children to hate learning, hate parents, and even hate the world because of their ignorance and ignorance.
Respect the child, the child can be better. We don't want to "win" the child, but "win" the child.
Sun Li responded to Duoduo's ear piercing hair dyeing: Why is the hair dyeing and ear piercing Duoduo still so good - Shanbo education
Second, respect the child and learn to face it with the child
Not long ago, in Shapingba, Chongqing, Liu Tao was playing outside, when he suddenly received a call from the police, saying that an Audi car had been scratched, and the owner of the car adjusted the monitoring and found that his son had played around the body and had reached out to touch the car.
Audi owners firmly said that they did not have any scratches before their cars were parked here.
After Liu Tao took his son to the scene to confirm the scratches, the surveillance also captured the shots of his son around the Audi car.
At that time, he looked at the depth of the traces, including the judgment of the 10-year-old child, and he felt that it was not his son who did it, so he asked his son on the spot, and the son replied affirmatively, "I didn't draw it!" ”
However, the surveillance was there, and the crowd of onlookers was talking about it, so Liu Tao was afraid that he would fall into the prejudice of protecting the calves, so he took his son away first and compensated 3500 yuan according to the request of the owner.
Back at home, Liu Tao did not accuse, question, or beat his son for the money.
He calmly communicated with his son and told him:
Tell your son
01 No matter what really happened, Dad paid the money first, and the matter was temporarily over.
02 Although the matter is temporarily resolved, the truth is very important to Dad, so you have to tell Dad what really happened at that time.
The son knew that his father trusted him completely and firmly told Liu Tao that he did not do it.
Liu Tao found the film police, spent three days, the film police watched more than 40 G of surveillance video, and finally determined that the son did not scratch the Audi car, and finally found out the monitoring of the car that was scratched, and returned the son's innocence.
At any time, we must believe in the child, the child will have a sense of security. Under the premise of being fully accepted by his parents, he will not be afraid of the eyes and discussions around him, and he will be able to face problems with you.
There is a saying that when you slander a child, you are actually committing a crime; when you are close to a child, you are actually saving people.
If a parent can uphold justice for his child, face problems with his child, solve problems, and in the child's heart, his self-esteem is protected, he will affirm his own value.
Third, respect the child and learn to communicate with the child
A few years ago, I attended a parent-child education training course. There are many adolescent parents in the classroom who come to the rescue and say that their relationship with their children is on the verge of collapse, and they really have no way.
One of them was a well-dressed lady, and when she picked up the microphone and poured out, the tears fell.
The son and her have reached the point of intolerable water and fire, the son came home without greeting, she was very angry, directly stopped the son, accused him of not understanding things, picked up the iron cone and directly stabbed the son.
Her son later became even more rebellious, and she cried that she loved him very much, but it was very painful.
Why Don't My Adolescent Kids Talk to Me? The author said that in fact, you need to know that your child is not unwilling to communicate with you. He will tell you that he will communicate, but keep a few points in mind.
01 He doesn't always communicate with you at the time you choose
Children grow up, have their own ideas, and will not be willing to communicate with you at any time like when they were young, so parents should understand that he will communicate with you, but not at any time you choose.
02 He will communicate with you, but he will not talk about what he thinks is privacy
Some children are older, there may be a favorite opposite sex, or there will be other privacy that is unwilling to say, at this time, parents should respect the child, when he is not willing to talk, it is appropriate to communicate.
03 He will communicate with you, but not with an interrogation attitude
When the child is young, we often talk to him from the top down, thinking that the child should tell him everything.
Now that the child is older, he resists the exchange of such interrogations, and his attitude towards this interrogation becomes sensitive, feeling that his parents are ordering them to do things they don't want to do.
04 He will communicate with you, but if you are busy or absent-minded or often disturbed, he is not willing to say it
You have to accept a child's personal needs, understand him, and make the child feel valued and respected. He will trust you, so that you can communicate more and more smoothly, and your children will become better and better.
Two-way communication is to learn to empathize, so that the child knows that we respect him, he is very good, very important.
On the basis of respect, parents should learn to understand their children, but also learn to listen and empathize.
If your child is talking to you, replace chattering or silence with attentive listening. We need to learn to respond to our children's feelings with words and real emotions, instead of asking questions and suggestions.
It's not hard for your child to understand your world, as long as you learn empathy and empathy. Only by being happy and sad with children can we understand their world and establish a good parent-child relationship.
Author┃ Yan Xi'er
Edit┃丄學号
Source ┃ Shanbo Education - Focus on parenting education