"Later, I finally learned how to love, but unfortunately, you have long gone and disappeared into the sea of people." Later, I finally understood in tears that some people are not there if they miss it one day..."
This is the singer Rene Liu's song "Later", singing the regrets and sighs in the hearts of many people!
Some people, some things, some feelings, only lost, only to feel his preciousness, but later can only repay with deep regret.
Today's protagonist is Wu Zao, a female composer of the Qing Dynasty, whose life feelings are just as sung in "Later", and later, she finds that the person she loves has long been lost.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > in the business, young talent is high</h1>
In ancient times, china has always had the saying that farmers, industrialists and merchants, merchants work hard to buy and sell but are not respected by the world, and their social status is low. At that time, people generally believed that all things were inferior but high in reading, so some business people would ask Xi Xi to teach their children after they became rich, hoping that there would be a scholar in the future generations, and a rich merchant surnamed Wu in Hangzhou Province was one of them.
Unlike ordinary merchants, Wu Fushang was an authentic businessman, but he was quite interested in poetry and song. He admired the talented literati so much that he set up his family mansion next to the former residence of the great poet Li Yan.
As a businessman, Wu Fushang had no hope of being graceful in this life, so he pinned his hopes on his sons and daughters. In 1799, his daughter Wu Zao was born here.
Xu was influenced by his father, Wu Zao expressed a high interest and talent in reading and learning, piano, chess, calligraphy and painting since childhood, Wu Fushang was very happy, and asked a famous teacher to teach his daughter. Wu Zao lived up to his father's expectations, and showed great talent at a young age, but at the age of Ji Zhen, he was able to make such a good poem as "Like a Dream Order":
The swallows did not go with the spring and flew into the depths of the embroidered curtain.
Soft language is too much, mo is to live with?
Pause, delay, and smile back at him: "No! ”
In the shangjia family, no one in the family can talk about poetry with her, and she is not allowed to go out as a woman. Gu Fang's self-appreciation is boring in the end, Wu Zao is a little helpless, and wrote "Su Mu Sha" to express his depression:
Qulan dry, deep courtyard, still spring comes, still spring goes again;
A remnant of red has nowhere to go, green all over the world, green all over the trees.
Liu Shufei, PingYe Ju, plum yellow, plum yellow when rain;
Xiao Ling's words are too silky, the sentences are sad, and the sentences are sad.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > married to a businessman, and the style is not understood</h1>
The carefree time passed quickly, and in the blink of an eye, Wu Zao reached the age when he should get married.
As a woman with a graceful style and full of poetry books, Wu Zao naturally does not easily look at the children of merchants who have empty stomachs, but the Qingya Scribe Family has always disdained to marry merchants, coming and going, although there are many people who seek relatives, Wu Zao still has not been able to meet the person he likes.
Watching the days pass by, Wu Zao's age was getting older and older, he was already twenty-two years old, and in that era, he was an older unmarried woman, and he was really an age that had to get married. Wu Zao did not have a choice, a sigh, by the parents to choose the famous silk merchant Huang family's son-in-law as a husband, in a sunny day ten miles of red makeup married the past.
Huang Gongzi was young in business, his family was well-off, and he kept his family property in good order, but unfortunately he had no ink in his chest and no interest in poetry and articles. But he cares about Wu Zao's life meticulously, and he does not need Wu Zao to worry about food, clothing, shelter and transportation.
After becoming a parent, her husband admired Wu Zao's talent and was very supportive of her reading and writing, and specially set aside a study for her to use alone.
Wu Zao felt very happy, originally had done a good job of hiding her literary hobbies in her heart and respecting her husband as a guest, and now found that her husband actually supported her hobbies and respected her talents, and was also interested in poetry, which was really good.
However, it didn't take long for Wu Zao to discover that her husband was actually vassals. Whenever she read the newly made poem to her husband, he could not make any evaluation and quickly fell asleep. Wu Zao was somewhat disappointed to realize that her husband was just doing superficial kung fu, and he was actually not half interested in the book Xiang Mo Yun.
From hope to disappointment, a song "Zhu Yingtai Near" leaked the thoughts in Wu Zao's heart:
The curved rail is low, and the deep courtyard is locked. People wear out tired of combing and wrapping up. Hate the sea is vast, and I have felt this body falling.
Can be a lot of things green lights, dusk only arrived, add a shadow, a shadow.
The most that. Even if he is intent on pitying Qing, Qing qing does not pity me. How to read the window again, sitting by the side.
Calculate to drive away the original difficulties, avoid the fashion easy, so cover up, embroidery push and lie down.
Although the Huang family has a good life and her husband loves her, Wu Zao still feels like a caged bird, there is no freedom, no one has a common language with her, life is lonely and sad, always sullen and unhappy, and there is nothing to worry about.
▲ Wu Zao's "Letter to ShaFu"
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > live freely and pursue self-seeking</h1>
Seeing that his wife was always hiding in the room alone, reading books and writing poems, lonely and lonely, Huang Gongzi saw this and advised Wu Zao to make more friends.
With the permission of Huang Gongzi, Wu Zao bravely walked out of the house, and the women dressed as men befriended literary colleagues.
Wu Zao began to make friends with some women who had read books, and often wrote poems, paintings, and played chess with these women. Unfortunately, the women who had read books at that time were after all a minority, and gradually, through these women, she met some literati and cleaners who could speak. Wu Zao's works were read by the literati outside through these women, and her works were really exquisite, and for a time, Wu Zao's fame rose, and some people began to invite her to participate in the elegant collection among the literati.
Wu Zao freely communicates with others and truly reveals his own nature. She is like a yellow warbler in a cage for a long time, as soon as she is free, she can't stop chanting loudly, and every sentence is natural; and like a goshawk with its wings tied, as soon as she unties it, she can't wait to soar in the sky and fly out of the most heroic curve.
She wrote the "Golden Wisp Song" with a stroke of her pen, and her arrogance was not like that of a woman in a boudoir:
Sullen exhaled to heaven. Ask the heavens, the living people in the world, endure the erosion? From ancient times, it is difficult to dispel arrogance, and only books are empty and aggressive. I am self-examination and reading poems with broken intestines. Seeing sadness turning the sky laughing, laughing openly, sad is my family's thing! All merged, pen end knot.
Heroes and children are no different. Sighing, ending an example, tears are blood. Wait to put the tenderness down lightly, do not sing the willow side wind and moon; and rectify, copper lute iron dial. After reading "Leaving the Troubles", he also drank wine and went to Dajiangdong to sing the remnants. The sound was suppressed early, and the blue clouds cracked.
Wu Zao's talent was not obscured among many literati, on the contrary, her lyrics shone brightly among a large number of people, many calling her Liu Yong of the dynasty. In feudal times, such a title was nothing less than a great compliment for a woman.
The more famous Wu Zao became, the more unconventional her behavior became. Drink with the students, sing loudly and harmoniously, boat on the lake on the moon and night, do not return at night, and even more women dress up as men to visit the Qinglou, which provokes women to fall in love.
There were more and more gossip about Wu Zao, and elders and friends advised Huang Gongzi to discipline his wife. But he said that as long as his wife was happy. His wife, Wu Zao, was not an ordinary woman and could not restrain her with conventions.
Huang Gongzi's love and pampering are silent, but Wu Zao believes that her husband is not the ideal soul mate in his heart and ignores his efforts.
▲Zhejiang Provincial Museum collection of "WuZao Little Shadow"
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > lost and sighed in vain</h1>
"I have always followed your feelings, let you go crazy and let you indulge, thinking that you will be moved one day...", this is the lyrics of "Over the Fire", which is a good interpretation of Huang Gongzi's love for Wu Zao. However, until his death, Wu Zao did not give him the same love.
In the tenth year of marriage, the husband died of illness, and the two did not even leave a child. Wu Zao did not show too much sadness, and she seemed to accept this fact plainly.
But since the funeral, a strange and never-before emotion had quietly grown in her heart, the loneliness of being alone could no longer find anyone to comfort her, and the gossip of indulgence and freedom could no longer find anyone to help her, at this time, she remembered her husband's whispering and tolerant support. But when these husbands were there, they were accustomed to it, and even thought he was kitsch, but from now on, there will be no more.
Wu Zao thought of the days without a husband in the future, his heart ached violently, and there was a kind of love that quietly invaded the heart field and made people dependent. But now I have missed out and can never come back.
Thinking of this, Wu Zao's feelings and tears, accompanied by a pen, were written on a piece of paper:
The water outside the door is sparkling, the spring color has been divided into three minutes and two minutes; the old rain does not come with listening to the rain, dusk, cutting candles in the west window less people.
A small illness survives from the warmth, and a cloud flies from the twilight; if you ask the lake and the mountain to disappear, the piano is like a bottle, and you don't go to the Orchid Boat and only wait for the king.
Life gradually returned to the desert, Wu Zao was no longer keen to participate in the literati collection, she moved to Nanhu alone to live, and sorted out her works into "Flower Curtain Words" and "Xiangnan Snow North Words". The words of her pen tip have since become a little more silent in the South Lake, just like this song "Huan Xi Sha":
A volume of "Leaving the Troubles", a volume of scriptures, ten years of heart and ten years of lights, a few autumn sounds on the banana leaves!
If you want to cry, you can't laugh, you can't help but learn to forget your feelings, and mislead people to say that they are smart.
Years later, Wu Zao asked himself, if the unity of souls is love, then is warm companionship love? If it is love, then respect is not love? This woman, who was only known as Jiangsu and Zhejiang, could not answer herself for the first time.
Author: Rethinking, a writer who likes to read ancient literature and history and follow the footsteps of historical figures.