A sister next to me said: If Ma Rong can share a huge amount of property, I will swear to follow Ma Rong's example in this life. From then on, we forget about love, marry money and enjoy its success, and if you look at it, you will pass by, and if you don't look good, you will perish.
Campus: Students who repeat grades are called "international students", students who have money at home are called "high-wealth students", and students who doze off in class are called "special hardship students"
Recently, in June, the snow flew and the hens turned male, which is a bad omen. So I looked at the sky at night and found that the Big Dipper moved south, the wolf shone with blue light, and there was a miasma in the northwest. I pinch my fingers – it's a big deal, you're going to wet the bed tonight!
Want a classic joke, the kind that laughs at the dead who don't pay for their lives
Late one night, I occasionally got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right
I ask: Are you a ghost?
Ghost: Ena
Wu: How much is the QQ number?
ghost:....
Jokes, must be funny Oh ~ best laugh at the dead people do not pay for life!!
1. A male deer, it walks and walks faster and faster, and finally it becomes a highway (deer) !!!!
2. Two tomatoes cross the road, a car speeds by, one of them can't dodge to be squashed, the other tomato points at the squashed tomato and laughs: Dig hahaha, ketchup...
3. The big bad wolf said, "I'm going to eat you!!! And guess what?
As a result, the big bad wolf ate the lamb.
4. Stone and rice cake fight, stone fly up kicked rice cake into the sea............
Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who were privately destined for life, but the boy needed military service, so he made a vow with the girl, gave the girl a diamond ring, and promised to meet the girl three years later, when the ring was used as a wedding ring. It was not easy to pass 3 years, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but has not been able to wait, she is too sad, desperate she threw the diamond ring into the sea, far away. However, the boy had actually been waiting for the girl, but the girl misunderstood the date location, so it became a regret forever. The boy is heartbroken... After a few years, the boy went out fishing, guess what he caught?
rice cake!!!
5. Whether the dumplings are boys or girls
The answer boy because dumplings have a foreskin
6. There was a duck named Xiao Huang, and one day when he was hit by a car, he shouted, "Whoa!" He's been a gherkin ever since!!
7. The matchstick suddenly felt that the head was very itchy, so he reached out and scratched, scratched and scratched himself and burned himself to death...
8. Once upon a time there was a bird
He passes through a cornfield every day
But unfortunately
One day there was a fire in that cornfield
All the corn turned into popcorn
After the bird flew over...
Thought it was snowing, and it was cold to death...
9. When will Taiwan want reunification?
When buying instant noodles
10. Asson and Abo talk about each other without sparing.
Assoun: "Looking back on my childhood, the happiest thing I had was Children's Day. ”
Arbor: "Ten years later, it's Youth Day. ”
Asun: "Ten years from now it's Father's Day." ”
Arbor: "In a few decades it will be Old People's Day." ”
Asun: "Another few decades."
Abo: "Qingming Festival." ”
11. Soldiers: "Thirst... Thirst..."
Cao Cao: "Let's hold on a little longer!" I have been to this place once and remember there is a Merlin nearby and it may be a little longer to walk"
Soldiers: "Oh ̄ ̄ ̄ There are plums to eat ̄ ̄ ̄ Oh ̄ ̄"
Half an hour later— Cao Ren: "Lord! The expedition found plenty of water! ”
Cao Cao: "Hahahahaha, did you hear me?" Finally there was water to drink."
Soldiers: "Don't go... 12. A girl fell out of love, and I advised her: "Two-legged toads are not easy to find, and three-legged men have yes!" ”
13. One day Xiao Qiang asked his father: "Daddy, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly child, how can you be a stupid child?" ”
14. A three-minute cooked steak and a 5-minute cooked steak met on the street, why didn't they say hello? (Assuming they can talk)
Because....................
Because........................
Because they are not familiar with ah ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
15. Question: How do I make the sparrow quiet?
Answer: Press it.
Reason: Silence (crushing finch)
16. A college student was caught by the enemy, who tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Say, where are you?" Electrocute you without saying !!! "This college student replied to the enemy with a word, and as a result was electrocuted...
He said, "I'm an electric university!" ”
17. A: "I'll take you to a place where all the girls don't wear bras." ”
B: "Really?" Where is it? Take me there! ”
A: "It's in the kindergarten next door!" ”
18. Happy Dictionary program host Wang Xiaoya interviewed a program audience on the spot and asked: "In your mind, which female host do you most admire?" The audience said, "It's you." Wang Xiaoya asked, "Why do you say that?" The audience said: "Because you look a bit like Yang Lan!" ”
19. Do you know what color Spider-Man is?
Red, wrong!
It's white
Don't believe you read Spider-Man in English: spider man
20. Why did Bob fall?
Please think twice............................................
Because the floor is slippery
21. After a group of animals have opened a party, they rushed into the 7-11 convenience store to buy things, because it was too noisy, they were all beaten out by the clerk, but they left the lambs alone in the store.
Convenience stores are not closed 24 hours a day ............
22. Glass and coffee cup crossing the road together, suddenly someone shouted: The car is coming!
As a result, the glass was hit by the car, but the coffee cup was fine, why?
The coffee cup has ears!
23. A horse said that our company grandly launched a new product, Horse Ass No. 3, referred to as MP3...
24. I hate two kinds of people the most:
One is racial discrimination;
The second is black;
The third is ignorance!
25. I would like to thank Ozawa Maru, Asahina, Ai Nagase, Ryoko Mitake, Maria Takaki, Mai Kawamoto, Hitomi Yuki Natsuki, Naomi Seri, Shiraishi, Aoi Kudo, Masayuki Koyamauchi, Miho Kishikawa, Tomoki Nishida, Sawai Yashiro, Fujisaki Seika, Hayama みづき, Chihiro Inoue, Matsumura, Yuki, and Shizumi Shizuka, and so on, whose names and names I know, who have appeared in my computer and have now been deleted or are still in my computer: Every night when people are quiet, They spent one lonely night after another with me; they comforted me at the right time when I was most mentally ill; when I was exhausted from playing CS, they made me feel the pleasure of unobstructedness; when I was in a slump and did not feel it, they made me feel high
26. Now the accuracy of earthquake prediction has indeed improved a lot, this time only two words are missing: the prediction is in "Heilongjiang", but the result is in "Jiujiang"!
27. Zhang Liangying said: "Fans who worship me say that the idol of the even is called Ying"
He Jie said: "Fans who worship me say that the idol of the even is called Jie"
Zhou Bichang said: "Fans who worship me say that the idol of the idol is called Chang"
Li Yuchun said: "You talk, I will go first!" ”
28. Five Fuwa get together to chat.
Babe proposed: Let's give ourselves a nickname, I'll call it "Beva"!
Jingjing: Then I will call it "Jingwa"!
Huan Huan: My name is "Huan Wa"!
Nini: My name is "Niva"!
He stood up and said, "You guys talk, I have something to do, go first...
In 2058, the five Fuwa got together again to chat.
Babe: Let's talk about my nickname, people respect me and call me "Babe"!
Huan Huan: People call me "Huan Ye"!
Nini: People call me "Niye"!
Greeting: People call me "Yingye"!
Kyo Kyo stood up and said, "You guys talk, I have something to do, go first...
29. When the harsh winter came, Even decided to keep the habit of taking cold baths, but while washing, Even found that he had changed back to the way he was in childhood!!!
30. Celery walking along, suddenly felt a lot of stomach pain, and then he "porphyry" a sound, you say he pulled out what ~~?? That's celery dung (diligence) !!! What color is celery manure??????
Answer: Yellow
Because : Qin Shi Huang (Qin Shi Huang)
31. There's a fat guy....
Jump down from the top of the twentieth floor....
The result became.....
Dead Fat!!
32. Once upon a time there was a piece of bread, and it felt hungry and ate itself.
Once upon a time there was a beer, and it felt thirsty and drank itself:
Once upon a time there was a virgin, she felt tired, so she put herself to sleep....
33. Who are the ancestors of man?
It is peanuts because peanut kernels ~~~
34. Which of the ancient figures was a white-collar worker?
MengMu Three Migrations (Thousand)
35. Zhang Fei: "The old thief is gone!" ”
Yan Yan: "Ring-eyed thief! Get off the horse and die! ”
Police car: "Two thieves listening to ~ ~ ~ you have been surrounded ~ ~ ~ put down their weapons..."
36. How do ants die after falling from the Himalayas?
Answer: Starvation to death. Because it is too light~ so it takes a long time to float down...
37. The world's kb of diaries
Old Bear was about to write a diary when he found that the diary had run out, and he wanted to go out and buy another one to write back, but it was already twelve o'clock in the evening. But he still rode on a bicycle to look for it in the dark street, and after looking for a long time, he finally found a bookstore and went in before it closed. He had a diary he liked, so he asked the boss how much it cost.
The boss said in a very low voice: "This is imported, the price is 70 yuan ..."
The old bear said, "It's so expensive, but I only have 50 yuan to come out." ”
The boss said: "It doesn't matter, even if you are 50 yuan." ”
The old bear said happily, "Thank you boss." ”
The boss said in a very low and gloomy voice: "When you buy it back, don't turn the last page, otherwise something very KB will happen, then don't blame me for not reminding you!" ”
The old bear said, "Well, I see. ”
The old bear bought the diary home, and he unwrapped the package and placed it on the table in front of the window in the room. At this time, he wanted to take a shower before coming out to write a diary...
After taking a bath, the old bear found that the window in front of the desk had been opened, and the wind blew the diary page by page... When the last page was about to blow, the old bear went forward to stop it, but it was too late, and the last page was still blown away by the wind
Kb thing happened... Only to see the old bear scream, because he saw the last page that read:
(Please pull down)....................Pull again....Keep pulling.....
Quick, pull a little more....Okay, and finally pull a little....The last page says ——-prior: 3 yuan