No one can see the truth of the matter, they can only see what they want to see.
Lies are usually divided into two types, white lies and black lies. The so-called black lies are complete lies, completely deviating from the truth, and more of them evolve into deception and fraud; white lies, often called "white lies", cover up some facts out of some well-intentioned considerations.
The American drama "Big Little Lies", starring Oscar actressEsie Witherspoon and Nicole Kidman, swept the Golden Globes and Emmy Awards and became the biggest winner. The first season consists of 7 episodes, a miniseries, short and concise.
The story is not complicated, using flashbacks, the whole process revolves around a murder, and in the process of police investigation, it is found that everyone is observing or even spying on the lives of others, either jealous or contemptuous.
From the beginning to the end, you don't know who was killed, and it's even more impossible to guess who the killer was. This is the most distinctive feature of the show, no suspense, someone was killed, and everyone in the town had a reason to be suspected. However, this is also the most attractive place, which leads to the secrets of the three housewives.
Medelaine (Reese Witherspoon) is the town's opinion leader, chattering, competitive, nosy, and making friends.
In the eyes of her friends, she is very happy every day, rectum, and says what she is not used to. After the divorce, the husband married another young woman and was happy to do what he would never do before. For this reason, she has always been grumpy. This makes the current husband more uncomfortable and jealous.
Why would such an optimist lie in marriage?
Infidelity is undoubtedly the most powerful killer in marriage, with numerous sequelae, such as doubt and complete uneasiness.
On the surface, Medeline happily lives a small life with her current husband, and in her spare time, she also goes to the theater to contribute to the puppet show. But no one could have imagined that when her husband said, "You rarely have sex with me", Medelin's eyes flashed a trace of helplessness and surprise at the pain of being poked.
Yes, she has cheated, although she has terminated the improper relationship based on remorse, but her heart has never been able to face this episode calmly, and she is full of guilt for her husband.
In order for the marriage to continue, not willing to be surrounded by the warmth of love, everyone's first choice must be to cover up with lies. Thinking that a day of confusion is a day, just like Luo Zijun in "The First Half of My Life", she has long felt that her husband has cheated and used many small methods to maintain the marriage. However, lies will always be debunked one day.
The book Breadcrumb Mountain says, "They lie to us, we know they're lying, they know we're lying, but they keep lying, and that's how we keep pretending to believe them." ”
Khaled Husseini wrote in The Kite Chaser: "We always like to find many reasons for ourselves to explain our cowardice, always deceiving ourselves to believe those beautiful lies, always hiding our inner fears, always trying to escape the crimes we have committed." But the truth is always that one day we will have to face those sins and redeem our hearts. ”
In the play, the noble and elegant goddess Celeste (Nicole Kidman) is a thorn in the side of the small-town woman, why? Because not only is she perfect, has a decent demeanor, a respected profession, and has been a lawyer, but god is really partial to her, and everything good has been given to her. He actually gave her a tall, handsome and golden husband, a pair of cute twin sons.
No wonder people in the town say that it should be stipulated that couples should only be allowed to be disgusted for three years after marriage.
However, no one can see the truth that is deliberately concealed in marriage. The two were sweet in love with each other in front of their children and outsiders, but in private, the husband was a tyrannical man, and when he did not agree, he beat up Thriester, and when he saw her curled up on the bathroom floor in pain, he panicked and went to comfort her.
Even so, the children of both are 6 years old, and Celeste conceals it, smearing a mask to cover the bruises of the beating, while at the same time ending the beating and resentment with her husband after being abused by the family.
Love, certainly love, after all, when the abuser is not violent, he is still a humble gentleman and spoils his wife. But when Celeste went to see a psychiatrist, the doctor said, "Leave him, it's not love, it's hurt." ”
Celeste realized that if he did not leave her husband with the children, he would most likely die next time. In the end, at a long-awaited fundraising dinner, when her husband threw his fists at each other again, several of her good friends resisted, and eventually her husband was pushed down the steps around the mountain by a woman who witnessed the whole process and fell to his death.
The days will always go on, and the jaw-dropping can only be for a moment. Let the wicked lie, protect the people who should be protected, and let the wicked deserve it. This is the hidden thought of these housewives in the town, because with the common secret, they seem to have formed an alliance, made up their minds to keep the secret, and are in line with the police when questioned.
The French thinker Volgnag said, "All men are born innocent, and everyone dies as a liar." ”
So, how to not let the marriage survive under the lie, let yourself and the lover treat each other sincerely, and get a happy marriage? Just like Medeline, from the beginning to the end, she has not confessed to her husband, has not punctured the lie of the happy family, is it right or wrong?
Dr. John Gottman of the United States wrote a practical marriage guide "Happy Marriage", which used big data to restore the truth of marital relationships and summarized the law of marriage from rupture. Among them, "opening with moderation and ending with compromise" is more suitable for marriages where there is conflict in the play, so that marriages can reduce arguments and increase love.
Start in a gentle way. The wife can complain, but describe the facts, do not make judgments, and make clear demands and goals, not in derogatory language.
Learn to propose and accept emotional repair attempts. In marriage, the narrowing of the environment and the ego, everyone is prone to sensitivity. Learn to apologize, press the pause button of argument, and use words of appreciation to affirm what the other party has done, for example, the dishes he bought today are very fresh, a little thing, appreciated, there is the joy of being encouraged.
Self-soothing and mutual reassurance. There are unsatisfactory times in life, maybe you can accidentally argue with people on a bus, and you may not say a word in the unit and be intimidated by the leader. When negative emotions arise, don't hold back and let your spouse know the reason, even if the two stay silent for a while, it is an effective appeasement. At the same time, don't immerse yourself in emotions, think of beautiful pictures, things that have hopes and expectations.
compromise. Compromise here is about accepting your spouse to influence your decisions. As the book argues, men who accept the influence of their spouses have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce. When a man is unwilling to share power with his spouse, the probability of a marriage breaking up is 81 percent. A husband with high emotional intelligence knows how to respect his wife, and he puts "we" above "me". For example, in the play, Medeline's husband, who acts as a family unit, always takes into account the idea of "we".
Marriage is not a mathematical problem, there are axioms and theorems available, even if it is a mathematical problem, the solution to the problem is not the only one. However, whether it is a black lie or a white lie, it will eventually have to endure inner torment. Lucky to have a lie, the next lie is on the way to you...