Text | Mi Li's mother
Guo Jinan, as a veteran and powerful Hong Kong star, I believe everyone is familiar with it. Mi Li's mother almost grew up watching his TV series, and I never get tired of watching "The Legend of Heaven and Earth: The Fish Beauty" that must be broadcast on TV during the summer vacation.
In the golden age of Hong Kong dramas, Guo Jinan relied on his solid acting skills to win TVB's three-time TV emperor, and he has been steadily playing for 40 years since his debut, which cannot be said to be a big hit, but when it comes to it, everyone knows him.
The classic old Hong Kong dramas such as "Laughing at the Wind and Cloud" and "Genesis" are definitely childhood memories. And Guo Jinan himself is just like his screen image, honest and calm and unassuming, with a sweet and lovely wife, a son and a daughter who live quietly and filming, and there is no big news.
It wasn't until a few days ago that he and his wife Ou Qianyi suddenly jointly issued a statement announcing their divorce, and they had a wave of existence. And the contrast of his divorce is that he presents a sense of stability, which makes people not think that he will also divorce.
After some research, Mi Li's mother, who is a senior melon eater, still maintains my consistent view: there is only one reason for the breakdown of marriage, and that is imbalance.
Mr. and Mrs. Guo Jinan are no exception.
Guo Jinan's happy life
Guo Jinan's wife, Ou Qianyi, is not as famous as him. She debuted early, but she didn't have many works, and she only became popular for a while in Cantonese because she sang the theme song of "Cherry Balls".
She has also acted in TVB, because her appearance is too sweet and petite, and her aura does not have the conditions for a big heroine, so she can only play the role of the male and female protagonist's sister.
Soon after, she fell in love with Guo Jinan, and after 7 years of long-distance love, the two held a Disney wedding. The age difference of 15 years made her a little bird by Guo Jinan's side, and after marriage, she retired from the circle to focus on the family, gave birth to a son and a daughter, and became a full-time housewife, Guo Jinan was responsible for filming outside and making money to support her family.
They give people a very affectionate feeling, and they even share a Weibo account. I feel that the male protagonist and the female protagonist are inside, and the children are all together into a good word, everyone feels that their relationship is very balanced, and balance brings lasting stability, and stability means growing old together.
However, this model of family structure, which is too symbolic, has not been continued forever. Because they are two people with independent personalities, they are not the prince and princess in the fairy tale, in the fairy tale, the prince and princess live a happy life, and the spectators no longer imagine it.
In fact, the grinding of chickens and dogs in the relationship is the essence of life. And when one party compromises more, the relationship will be unbalanced.
It can be seen from the way Guo Jinan and his wife get along that Guo Jinan's requirements for his partner are very simple. That is: stay at home, teach your husband and children, and be a good helper.
He said this in an interview, and he said bluntly:
"She really wants to have a career and has great ambitions, but there are many things that are not in harmony with each other's lives. Maybe I just want someone to take care of me. ”
Mi Li's mother wants to say that his requirements for his partner are actually very close to those for nannies. He doesn't really need you to have an independent personality and his own thoughts, what he needs is actually a servant with the status of a wife.
Although Ou Qianyi was not reconciled, it was obvious that she was compromised. After getting married, she completely gave up her career, and was trapped at home to take care of her children and husband for many years, in the eyes of the outside world, she was blessed, but in fact, the lack of her personal value, that kind of regret can only be understood by herself.
Ou Qianyi also said in an interview that the two of them got married with their sons, and then almost canceled the wedding because of a miscarriage.
Because the marriage was already in the process of preparation, it simply proceeded. After marriage, Ou Qianyi had another miscarriage, although she finally gave birth to a son and a daughter, but the process she has experienced over the years has caused her physical and mental trauma, and her marriage once lit up a red light.
She also complained that she was raising and giving birth at home like a pig during that time, which was very painful for her.
From beginning to end, this family structure that seems stable to the outside world, with the male protagonist and the female protagonist, actually exists because the woman constantly compromises and makes concessions and ignores her own feelings.
In this way, is the name of "model couple" instantly full of irony?
A big star in front of people, and a good person in the back
Everyone who understands understands that when a wife in a marriage has to sacrifice her self-worth to fulfill the relationship and support her husband, the only thing that can make the relationship unbalanced and comfort herself is money.
But since the news of their divorce came out, the Hong Kong media has picked up a lot of details about Guo Jinan's slamming. Mi Li's mother can only say, this is no wonder.
Traveling in economy class before marriage, and bargaining for clothes during the trip made Ou Qianyi angry and awkward on the spot, which was all basic exercises.
After all, celebrity wives pay attention to the big and let go of the small, and they shouldn't care too much about these details. However, the big ones, there are none.
The Hong Kong media, which has always been poisonous, said that although Guo Jinan has had a favorite wife for many years, he is also a good investor and holds a lot of real estate. But nowhere did the wife's name be written.
His explanation for this was that she didn't like working with documents.
Every time he buys a house, he personally goes to the lawyer's office to deal with it. Moreover, there is no concept of marital property in Hong Kong law, and it can only be counted as joint property if a name is added or the other party contributes money.
And Guo Jinan also has a sister who has a good relationship and a strong personality. This sister often does business with him and buys and sells real estate, while Ou Qianyi is basically an outsider.
It is rumored that Guo Jinan does not write his wife's name when he buys a house, and this sister has a lot of bad ideas next to him.
Ma Bao Nan Sister Bao Nan's suffocation feeling, you don't need to say more about Mi Li's mother, everyone can know it, right? Giving up his personal development for more than 20 years to serve this family, in the end, my husband has a military advisor behind the scenes to give advice, marrying a person is like marrying a team, this day is really a squeak.
The way to strengthen the relationship structure of marriage is that the two become a community of interests. It's good for him to unilaterally exploit the value of other people's fertility and labor, he is not a husband, he is a slave owner.
Coincidentally, when it comes to the matter of "a big star in front of people and a good man in the back", Mi Li's mother has to mention the magical operation of the king Aaron Kwok.
When Aaron Kwok and Xiong Dailin fell in love, they were exposed by Hong Kong media: during the New Year's holidays, they only sent daily necessities such as shampoo and soap to the woman.
On one Xiong Dailin's birthday, Aaron Kwok said that he would give her a big gift and drive a brand new Ferrari.
Xiong Dailin thought that this was a big gift, laughed in surprise, and was about to sit in the driver's seat, but Aaron Kwok said: "Today is your birthday, I bought myself a Ferrari to take you for a ride." ”
Later, the two broke up, and Xiong Dailin complained about this incident, saying:
"It's so much fun to treat himself to my birthday."
Mi Li's mother wants to say, I can really laugh at this stalk for a year! This is too much of a show, isn't it?
Later, he married Fang Yuan, who was much younger than himself, and the attribute of picking the door simply intensified, and it was infinitely sublimated by multiples.
I bought myself luxury cars one after another, and I had countless big houses under my name, but I was reluctant to spend them on my wife and two biological children, and the main one was to live.
The most classic is the stalk of taking a plane, Aaron Kwok's family travels, he makes first class by himself, and lets his wife and two children take economy class.
There are also media who saw him taking his wife shopping, and his wife hinted for a long time, but he was stunned and didn't buy it, saying that it was not good-looking, and urged his wife to go out quickly.
There are also sharp-eyed netizens who have picked it up: Aaron Kwok's own custom suit was bought for 40,000 yuan, and his wife Fang Yuan's dragon and phoenix gown was rented for 4,000 yuan.
The Chinese-style dragon and phoenix gown set is divided into gown emperor, gown queen, big five blessings, middle five blessings, and small five blessings according to the embroidery density of gold and silver threads. "Little Wufu" has the smallest density of hand embroidery and the cheapest price.
The wedding dress worn by Fang Yuan is only a little more high-end than the "Little Wufu", and it was rented by Aaron Kwok for 4,000 yuan.
At this level, let alone big stars, even families with slightly better conditions for the more popular wedding culture in Fujian will not wear this grade for their daughters-in-law.
All I can say is that they played too loudly and made me noisy. If you feel like you're a big star, you can harvest others infinitely.
But whether you are a star, a president or a Da Luo immortal, your personal worth cannot be used as your capital to bully people.
It's not shrewd, it's simply bad.
Balance the relationship is achieved through personal sacrifice
In fact, Mi Li's mother thinks that everything that uses personal sacrifice to achieve the balance of the relationship is not called balance, or temporary balance.
Because your desires and demands do not disappear because they are suppressed, they will only reappear in other forms, or sooner or later they will reappear.
Because in a relationship, once we make a sacrifice, we must divert our pent-up desires in order to find a psychological balance.
For example, if you want to go out to work, but you have to be a housewife because of family reasons, then the financial compensation given by the husband or the ultimate considerate companionship can be used as a balance point.
But if there is nothing, the imbalance is only a matter of time, and it is inevitable that it will happen.
When a pair of children grew up, Ou Qianyi began to truly get out of the "pig-like" housewife life and focus on self-improvement.
She enrolled in a study course, obtained a dietitian certificate, and successfully obtained a master's degree in nutrition from the University of Hong Kong.
It is said that Guo Jinan did not support her to come out to study, and when she graduated from Hong Kong University, Guo Jinan did not interact with her.
As he said publicly in a previous interview, the purpose of his marriage is to find someone to take care of himself. Once the wife goes out to find the realization of self-worth, his appeal will naturally be shattered, and the relationship will be unbalanced.
Of course, the Hong Kong media also has gossip about the woman's cheating, but so far there is no real hammer, it is just chasing the wind.
But in fact, until the end of the marriage, the two of them were in a very decent state. The mood is stable, and the years continue to be quiet in another form.
This really has nothing to do with right and wrong, but the relationship is no longer balanced, and naturally it no longer exists.
Mi Li's mother has actually always told everyone that you must understand what you want. Whether married or unmarried; childbearing, non-childbearing; Work or be a full-time housewife...... As long as you make decisions that are not forced, but willing, the relationship will most likely be balanced.
Maybe when you are young, you will think that maybe it would be better to fulfill the demands of others with your own sacrifices, but one day, when you mature and think clearly, you will find that sooner or later you will still move forward along your own demands, because life is your own, and you will not be an accessory to anyone.
Old men like Guo Jinan and Aaron Kwok who have fame and wealth, their small abacus is that they calculate their fame and influence as the cost of marriage, because their self-valuation is particularly high, and then they feel that they can find ways to save the actual payment in marriage.
In fact, this will eventually lead to imbalance, because when a girl marries you, she has to live after all. They may be out of vanity and will start out with your name, thinking that it is also a good resource. But after anyone has been wronged, they will not feel good, and they will reach a limit of bearing. Whether the other party is an ordinary person or a big star.
When the pay is not proportional to the gain, when the refined self-interested person only thinks about squeezing others and benefiting himself, the relationship will not last long, because the law of the relationship is like this, it is a matter of cooperation and reciprocity, it is not a matter of liars harvesting fools.
But after the relationship was unbalanced, they said goodbye with dignity and were okay with each other. Only by truly learning the lessons of failed relationships can we better take the next path.
Fortunately, the fault tolerance rate in life is very high, and if you pay attention to your own growth, you can always start again.
Personal profile: @米粒妈频道 (welcome to follow), Mi Li's mother, American returnee, Haidian parent, the author of "Parent-Child English Books That Affect Children's Lives" ranked first on the Dangdang New Book List. Focus on learning dry goods, educational experience sharing, education and further education for children aged 5-12, English, mathematics, science enlightenment, and new and good things from all over the world, welcome to pay attention! (0~5 years old, please pay attention: @米粒妈爱分享)