Love is not a battlefield for the pursuit of "winning or losing"

The exhaustion in the relationship sometimes comes from a certain mentality of not accepting defeat or wanting to win. For example, the most commonly heard, whoever moves first loses.

However, eating, drinking and chatting with an unmoving member of the opposite sex, that is not... Socializing? My socializing is to give myself a sense of satisfaction at work after the order, and the socializing without a common goal after work time is not a waste of time?

If you see a man's pampering of himself as winning a game, and his own little heart is seen as some kind of failure, then this love will be a matter of gain and loss, exhausted.

In order to "win", it is necessary to make people feel like a spring breeze on the outside, and the inside is not uplifting, it is almost like a Zhen Huan legend - the harem fell out of favor and entered the cold palace, which is the worry of life that cannot eat enough, we are women in the new era, there is no need to be so nervous.

More importantly, your wins – that is, men who seem to be hooked on you – don't necessarily align with your true interests.

Sometimes, in order to win the favor of men, many girls must show their high loyalty and patience in the early stage of their feelings. When they have not yet planned their future, they take "together" as their entire goal, thus over-dedicating their time, cooperating with each other's choices, and completing each other's lives.

In personal development, we may encounter difficulties and setbacks, such as not being able to find the job we want, health and career conflicts, unfair treatment, unstable work period or the future is not enough to meet the needs of food and clothing after having savings, etc. These life risks, we do not have time to think, single-mindedly want to grasp the man in front of us.

In history, the kings who have always needed to win battles may look mighty in the eyes of future generations, but at that time they may not have created a good life for everyone, including themselves.

For example, Emperor Wu of Han, Napoleon, their war name is very meritorious, but in his later years, Emperor Wu of Han, obsessed with magic, washed his flesh and blood, and finally could only keep an eight-year-old prince and give death to his mother, and finally in the "Wheel Of The Commandment", he began to reflect on his perennial conquests and intruded the people. Now please Toda Luntai, want to raise a pavilion tunnel, is to disturb the world, not so worried about the people, now I can't bear to hear. ...... Nowadays, in the prohibition of harsh violence, the cessation of unauthorized endowment, the strength of Bennong, the repair of horses and the restoration of orders, in order to fill the vacancies, there is no lack of armament. ”

Emperor Wudi of han also knew that perennial war was to disturb the world.

Not to mention Napoleon, a Waterloo, straight from the king to the prisoner, without ever turning over.

There is a passage in Sun Tzu's Art of War that is very familiar to everyone, "It is the reason why there are hundreds of battles and victories, and the good that is not good is also good; the soldier who yields without fighting is also the good one who is good." ”

Grandson, his old man, looks down on every battle and wins, why? Because you have fought a hundred battles, you have not solved the problem, and you still have to continue to fight, so what does that mean? It shows that your victory is meaningless, that you are fighting for the sake of fighting, that you are wasting money and manpower in vain. And such a victory is actually dangerous, he will only confuse your judgment, interfere with your energy, so that even if you win a hundred times, you will not be able to turn over because you lose once.

Too much attention to winning and losing in love will also be the same, when you continue to use men to be good or not for you, men are not motivated, men are not responsible for judging the possible wins and losses of feelings, it is easy to ignore or forget the root cause of their own life pressure, it may be that you do not dare to face him may not care or support your career or studies, do not face the idea of reducing the burden of fertility risks with you, and will not consider how to help you live a more selective life - if it is a student lover, it is forgivable, If you are already a social person, he is just with you like a pet cat, and constantly restricts you from thinking about other choices on the moral high ground, then the emotional "victory" you have obtained is dangerous.

For excessive dependence on materials, such as a working class, especially like to consume ahead to buy luxury goods or something, now everyone knows that this is called the consumption trap, and it needs to be vigilant. Then in the field of feelings, relying too much on the other party's pampering or superficial care as a win or loss, and no longer daring to face and think about their own life goals, is actually a love judgment trap that needs to be vigilant.

Just as when I buy luxury goods, I have a threshold for my own economic foundation, and men's so-called "good for me" also requires a real emotional basis between us as a threshold.

If we didn't even have a common goal of cooperation, I wouldn't give men the opportunity to "be nice to me."

Dare to refuse, show no merit, and be dignified and humble soldiers who do not fight.

When a man, beyond the boundaries of his friends, comes to me, accompanies me, and treats me well, for example, in the case of no return invitation, more than two times in a row to invite me to dinner and send me something, then I will insist on returning this human affection, and when returning the favor, I will directly ask him, what are you thinking.

Men will say something like having a crush on you and thinking you're special/kind/cute or something... Of course, some people with low emotional intelligence will use a way similar to pointing out the country and bragging about themselves to promote the relationship (cough), no matter which, if it is not to the point of hate, I will put forward the interactive requirements of everyone taking turns to sit in the village.

If I also want to continue to communicate with you, then your kindness to me can wait until I return you to continue; if I don't want to communicate with you, then I will not reciprocate, and you do not have to pay one-sidedly, because that means nothing to you.

Further later, when men are restricting my other choices for my own good, I will also make myself willing to make judgments and reactions at the first time, so that the other party understands that some judgments and choices, I really only need to do it myself, and I am also prepared to bear the consequences myself.

If you want to be with me, you may wish to first say your needs and conditions for your lover, I want to meet and can meet, then I will give you directions. I can't be satisfied, or I don't want to be satisfied, and I will be blunt.

Life is a battle, but finding a partner is not, and I don't want to waste my precious time fighting in the nest.

Sincere communication and correct positioning are the cornerstones of what we may be together. Love is not your battlefield, because it is happy to have someone to accompany you, but every adult must take on the responsibility of facing the ups and downs of their own lives.

Life is like a marathon, someone cheers for you, pours water for you at the rest station, but the essence of running all the way to the end is your own flesh, and a breath of ambition in your chest.

Love is just a icing on the cake, our life, do not need to take men as the center of victory and boasting, but through their own seeking truth from the overall situation, through the thorns, experience the link between self, society and nature, wonderful and humble.

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