Yesterday I went to Xishan Island to collect wind, met a grandmother Hu who was smoking, and briefly communicated with her, and fang knew that she had been a child bride in the past. Talking about this experience, she kept shaking her head and saying to herself: "The kind of bitterness of the child bride is really bitter!" I briefly wrote this exchange in yesterday's article, and at that time I did not think of any suitable words to describe her pain about this bitter experience, and the idiom "bamboo is difficult to write" suddenly popped up in my head, as if I did not think it was appropriate, but I did not find the right word to express, so I used this idiom.
The article was published on today's headlines and received widespread attention from everyone, including a reader who left a message: "The bitterness is described in a difficult book, or the first time I have seen it." In the evening, I asked a few young people, and they knew nothing about the concept of child brides. I think it's necessary to say something about that.
Why am I so sensitive when I hear the term child bride? Because in my mind, "child bridesmaids" and "Abida" were immediately docked.
People who live a little older in Jiangnan should all use impressions of the Shanghai opera "Abi Da Hui Niang's Home". Influenced by my grandmother and father, I have a certain interest in Shanghai opera, and the most impressive characters are Ah Qing sister-in-law in "Ludang Tinder" and Abida in "Abi Da Return to Her Mother's Home". Abida is played by the famous Shanghai opera actor Shi Xiaoying, the aunt is played by Ding Ise, and Ding is also played by Ah Qing's sister-in-law. This play was a sacred monument in the hearts of Shanghai opera fans at that time.
"Abida Returns to Her Mother's House" is a tragicomedy. Abi da childhood parents died early, she and her brother Lu Ada was raised by her uncle, one year his brother was imprisoned for a fight, his uncle died of this blow, only aunt and Abida were left in the family, life was very hard, under the rhetoric of the matchmaker, in order to make Abida live a better life, the aunt promised Abi da to Li Jiuguan's family as a child bridesmaid, this year Abi was only 13 years old, one year older than Grandma Hu on Xishan Island.
Li Jiuguan's wife, called "Female Tiger", was very mean and vicious to Abida, and Abida's life was even more bitter. Later, his brother was released, and the aunt asked him to take his sister back home to participate in the uncle's anniversary festival, and the female tiger scolded Lu Ada bitterly, and the aunt knew that after knowing it, she personally came to the door, and finally led Abida home after fighting with the female tiger. The play begins as a tragedy and ends up as a comedy, where good triumphs over evil. I also followed my grandmother and father to see live performances at the Enlightened Theater, so I have a deep memory of the child bride, knowing that the pain of the child bride is really bitter, yesterday I learned that Grandma Hu was a child bride, and she felt very bitter about this experience, and the idiom "bamboo is difficult to read" appeared in her mind.
If you don't know about the child bride in "Abi Da Hui Niang's Home", you should always know about the "Dou E Grievance" created by the famous Yuan Dynasty dramatist Guan Hanqing. Dou E's father, Dou Tianzhang, because he did not go to Beijing to catch the examination, he sold his daughter Dou E to The Cai mother-in-law's family as a child bridesmaid, who knew that her husband died early, was favored by the social Zhang Donkey' Er, and was ready to occupy Dou E, seeing that she did not comply, prepared to poison and kill Cai Mother-in-law, and as a result, zhang Donkey Er planted a bribe Dou E's mother-in-law, the government severely tortured the two mother-in-law to force a confession, Dou E was beaten into confession in order to save her mother-in-law, and was sentenced to be beheaded. Before Dou E died, she said: "Blood spattered white practice, june snow, and three years of drought to make clear of their own grievances" Were indeed fulfilled later. Three years later, his father became an official, saw Dou E's wronged soul, and retried, I Dou E Zhaoxue.
Historically, the custom of raising daughters in children generally began in the Song Dynasty and continued until after the founding of New China. With the promulgation of the new Marriage Law, the state strictly prohibited the custom of child brides, but in the Fujian region, this custom still exists explicitly or implicitly, and the Taiwan region, which also belongs to the southern Fujian culture, was not completely banned until the 1970s.
The child bride system is closely related to the custom of preferring sons to daughters in Chinese society, and there are external economic factors and objective reasons, so that the child bride system has a thousand-year history in China.
There was no contraceptive method before, coupled with the low survival rate of children, the need for male labor to work in the family, many families will have many children. Like Grandma Lu's mother gave birth to three children, two men and one daughter, because the father died of illness very early, otherwise it is estimated that there will be many children, although Abida only has two brothers and sisters, it is also the early death of his parents.
My grandmother had six children, all girls, which was a lifelong regret for my grandparents. I never called them "Grandpa and Grandma" when I was growing up, they were all "Grandpa and Good Wife". I remember once, when I went to visit my grandmother, the neighbor said happily, "Master Xu, your grandson has come to see you!" My grandmother immediately changed her face and said directly: "Grandson! "It can be seen how heavy the idea of son preference was in that era.
My grandmother gave birth to eight children, six of whom were boys, and my grandmother was also rated as an honorable mother because of her many births, and was praised in the unit. I always feel that my grandmother, who has six sons, and my grandmother, who has six daughters, are different in terms of strength. Fortunately, the grandparents and grandparents can be well-off, and they have not married a child bride or sent someone to be a child bride.
The custom of child brides-in-law is that because of their many children and poor family situation, there are several sons in front of them, and they are afraid that it will be difficult for their sons to marry their wives in the future, so they will give their daughters to others for a long time or sell them to others as child brides, or ask a girl from outside to come back and become a daughter-in-law in the future. As the name suggests, a child bride is a girl who is raised as a child and is ready to be a daughter-in-law when she becomes an adult. When I arrived at the future in-laws' child daughter-in-law's house, I ate and lived in the future in-laws' house, and the housework in the family was done by this little girl.
If you think about it, today's teenage children are spoiled in front of their parents, that era will require her to wash and chop wood at the in-laws' house to cook and do farm work, every day of the year, it is even more miserable to meet the female tiger mother-in-law of Abida, and it is still lucky to meet Dou E's mother-in-law, but Dou E's husband died very early and became a widow when she was a teenager, which is also a "miserable" word.
At the age of fifteen or sixteen, the in-laws will let the son and the child daughter-in-law "round the house" to care whether she wants to or not, unless the son himself does not agree and does not want her, then the mother-in-law can transfer the child daughter-in-law or adopt the daughter. There is also a situation where if the son is not willing to marry him, but only recognizes her as a concubine, then the child bride will be even more miserable for a lifetime. Husband, mother-in-law, and big wife are pressed on the three mountains, and this kind of day is even more miserable.
Grandma Lu is still lucky, although at the age of 12 to the in-laws' house as a child bridesmaid, the husband is 8 years older than him, to the age of 18 when the new China has promulgated a new marriage law, her marriage is protected by law, plus the in-laws and husbands are the island's own family, should be like Dou'e family Cai mother-in-law instead of Abida's female tiger mother-in-law, so life is difficult but also peaceful. She gave birth to six children, four boys and two girls, and with boys, her position in the family and the village was also invisibly consolidated. Who knows that there is an unexpected storm in the day, he is widowed in his forties, and he independently pulls his child up. Now it is a dead wood in the spring, bitter and sweet, enjoying the dual protection of the government and children.
I hope that Grandma Hu will live a long and healthy life to 100 years old. Women's Day is coming, in this era when women are almost on the side of the sky, understanding the old child bride system is also a bittersweet meaning.
March 6, 2020