Day is the 3844th day of intensive reading to accompany you in your lifelong growth
The Intensive Reading Jun General Knowledge Dictionary has 2079 entries online
01
I've seen a post, the poster's home is in the county, the poster's boyfriend is from the city, and he works in the county seat of the poster's home, and the two are 40 minutes away by car.
The post owner took the provincial examination at the beginning of the month and entered the interview with the first good score in the written test, but unfortunately, the retest was overturned with a slight gap of 0.4 points.
This incident hit the poster very hard.
Years ago, the poster and the poster's boyfriend discussed getting married this year, and the poster's boyfriend put the marriage on the agenda in order to express his sincerity.
The parents of both sides met, meaning to get engaged first, and the various matters of the engagement were discussed by the poster and the poster's boyfriend.
When the two talked about the gift money, there was a disagreement.
The custom of the county seat of the post owner is a bride price of 100,000 ~ 128,000, plus five kinds of gold jewelry, and the friends around the owner of the post are 100,000 yuan and five kinds of gold jewelry.
The boyfriend's family background is acceptable, and the poster's expectation is that the boyfriend will give 100,000 yuan and five gold jewelry.
To the poster's surprise, the boyfriend was not as happy as the poster thought, he said that he asked about the situation in the city and offered 100,000, which included three kinds of gold jewelry.
The boyfriend said that he could add 30,000 more, adding up to a total of 130,000, and 130,000 miles included the money for gold jewelry, so the poster asked the poster if his parents agreed.
The poster was puzzled.
All around me are 100,000 non-gold jewelry, my boyfriend is afraid that the owner of the post will not believe it, and he moved out of his friend, 130,000 yuan, which contains gold jewelry, and also emphasized two words altogether.
The owner of the post asked again, is it to buy three gold?
In order to dispel the poster's doubts, the poster's boyfriend posted several messages in a row.
The boyfriend also intimately expressed the meaning that this gift money is not much, saying that if you buy gold jewelry for 100,000 yuan, there will not be much left.
So a plan was given, and 130,000 should be about the same.
The owner of the post did not say that he agreed or disagreed, and said that his relatives on his side were 100,000, and he bought a diamond for hardware.
The poster's boyfriend was already unhappy when he saw the poster, and changed the topic to mention buying a house, saying that there will be a wedding next year to buy a house, two big expenses, and the money may be a little tight.
The poster did not follow the rhythm, but said that the current gold price is more than 600, even if the price of processing is not considered, 3000 (should be 30000) can not buy any jewelry.
The boyfriend of the post owner no longer tested the post owner, but said the actual situation on his side.
The house, the car, the boyfriend's house are ready, and it's all in full. But there are still many places to spend money on engagements, wedding banquets, etc.
He said that he didn't have much money to save, and he had to ask his parents for it, and the owner of the post also knew about it.
And in his own family, in the past two years, he spent 270,000 yuan to buy a car for himself, 160,000 yuan to buy a car for his sister, 20,000 yuan for his sister's marriage, 10,000 yuan for his sister's family, 20,000 yuan for giving birth to a child, and 100,000 yuan for the mortgage just repaid.
In the past two years, my sister got married, and she got married after herself, all by her parents, and her boyfriend said that she couldn't ignore it.
When the poster heard this, he was not happy.
She felt that the other party's family spent money, but it was not spent on herself.
The boyfriend's tone also changed, and he choked back.
The owner of the post broke with his boyfriend, spent a lot of money to buy a car, and he didn't know that he was distressed, but he was distressed to spend money on marriage.
Subsequently, a fierce quarrel broke out between the poster and her boyfriend.
The boyfriend kept talking about how difficult it was for his parents, and the poster also said something unpleasant, and the two quarreled fiercely and began to break up.
Later, they called to talk about this matter, and both of them cried for a long time and didn't want to break up with each other.
But the boyfriend said that the owner of the post was not easy to get along with, and he told his parents that the owner of the post did not agree, and his family felt that the owner of the post was not sensible.
The boyfriend thought that if he didn't understand the hard work of his parents, he wouldn't care about the poster's parents in the future.
The owner of the post doesn't know whether what he did is right or wrong, is he really ignorant?
The poster didn't know what to do, so he posted it online. It soon attracted many netizens to discuss.
02
It is not difficult to see that the poster is very entangled in this matter.
Is the post owner really ignorant?
In view of the general local customs, the request of 100,000 plus 5 pieces of gold jewelry put forward by the post owner does not seem to be excessive.
On the contrary, my boyfriend spent a lot of savings on buying a car, and he was a little nervous at hand, hoping to save some money on the poster, but the purpose was too obvious, and he thought that the poster was ignorant, and even disrespected the poster's intentions.
When others say that we are "ignorant", it is usually because we are not conforming to their expectations and demands. But that doesn't mean we're really "ignorant".
It's not easy for the poster's boyfriend to blindly emphasize his own home.,I didn't think that the poster is an independent subject.,Parents need to be considerate.,Lovers also need love.。
But if a person is not a sage, he can do no wrong.
After getting along for so long, the relationship between two people is not something that can be broken.
There is something wrong with the main boyfriend of the poster, but it is not said to the point of hopelessness.
And the poster is not without a little problem in this matter.
The poster also said in the reply to the message of netizens, because the examination was not smooth, the tone was very impulsive as soon as it came up, and there was no room for the other party, so that the other party might have just discussed, and did not say death, but after being scolded, emotions will inevitably fluctuate.
The poster's emotions are not reasonably expressed, and the other party has caused some harm in language.
03
In the book "Nonviolent Communication", it is said that we do not think of our way of talking as "violent", but our language often causes pain for ourselves and others.
The core idea of nonviolent communication is that when a person feels emotionally hurt, either you or the other person, it's because certain needs aren't being met.
Therefore, the most important thing is to seek out this need, not to vent emotions.
Emotions are a double-edged sword, and while venting emotions can be painful and refreshing, they can also hurt yourself and others. For example, in this article, the poster said: "I didn't get it, I have a fart relationship", which is just to vent emotions, not to express real feelings and needs.
The structure of nonviolent communication consists of the following four steps that can help us express ourselves more effectively:
Step 1: Facts (just the facts)
For example, the poster could state the facts: "I don't have 100,000 plus three gold around me, and if I agree, my parents will be laughed at in our local area." "Only state objective facts, and do not add subjective judgments.
Step 2: Feelings (express your feelings)
For example, the poster could express dissatisfaction by saying, "I feel particularly sad that it is important for you to spend money and not get married before you get married. "These are your own feelings, not accusations or blame.
Step 3: Why (Explain Why)
For example: "Because I want our home to be like a home, and you can think about my difficulties when you are considerate of your parents, I want us to be one and not you and your parents join forces to accuse me." ”
Step 4: Make a request (explicit request)
For example: "I hope you can explain to your parents that there are some things that can be saved, but there is no need to save something as important as marriage, right?"
Make specific requests clear instead of using vague expressions and leaving the other party to guess.
If you can use this style of communication in an intimate relationship, the chances of conflict and quarrels will be greatly reduced, and the relationship will be healthier and more harmonious.
Through nonviolent communication, we can improve relationships, solve problems, and build healthier and respectful interactions.
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