You are invited to answer the question of whether it is easier for neighbors to get along with each other, or whether it is more important to reciprocate courtesy

author:Xin's Time Inn

(Author's statement: All my works are the original debut of @Xin's Time Inn Headlines, and the whole network has been opened to protect rights, and the handling must be investigated!)

There is a neighbor aunt in the community who often brings things to my mother, sometimes a handful of wild vegetables, sometimes a few homemade vegetable buns, or a plate of dumplings. Yesterday, my aunt sent some small fish caught by her own to my mother to try. My mother was afraid of spines, didn't like fish, and couldn't cook fish, so she refused my aunt's kindness, and my aunt had to let my mother accept it, saying that she couldn't buy such a fresh fish. My mother had no choice but to accept the fish, but because she received the fish from her aunt, she became very bad, because she didn't want to owe others love, she had to bother to return the gift, and in the long run, the things given by the neighbors became a mental burden that crushed her!

You are invited to answer the question of whether it is easier for neighbors to get along with each other, or whether it is more important to reciprocate courtesy

My mother is a retired teacher, and she has been living in the teacher's dormitory when she was working, and the neighbors around her are all colleagues from the same unit, and the neighborhood relationship is simple and harmonious.

When she was young, her mind was almost all on work, her mind was simple and simple, she didn't pay much attention to food and clothing, and several children in our family were taken by her grandmother since they were young.

My grandmother is a good Chinese parent, and the food and clothing expenses of the adults and children in the family are in the hands of my grandmother, so my mother only has to work and don't have to think about anything when she is young.

When my mother retired, my grandmother was 80 years old, but my mother still listened to my grandmother for everything.

When my mother was 60 years old, my grandmother died suddenly in her sleep, and my mother was left alone in the family.

She began to be at a loss, as if she would have no backbone without her grandmother, and her mental state was very poor.

My brother's family was out of town, and I took my mother to my house, but she only lived in my house for three months and then said that she didn't live at all, saying that she didn't like my family's lifestyle and wanted to go back to her own house.

I had no choice, I sent her back to the old house, and I took the time to see her every day when I was not at ease, and slowly found out that my mother, who was in her 60s, was actually a social phobia.

She didn't want to go downstairs, she didn't want to contact strangers, because she didn't know how to cook, and her diet was very simple, and she only did three things a day.

She stayed at home drinking tea, reading, drawing, and talking to the old cat at home.

I was very anxious about her and afraid that she would be depressed, and I had hired a nanny, hoping that she would have something to talk to, and if I couldn't go if I had something, I would rest assured, but I was always forced to quit multiple aunts because it didn't meet her wishes.

We thought of many ways to get her out, and then a friend got her a job teaching painting at the University for the Elderly.

You are invited to answer the question of whether it is easier for neighbors to get along with each other, or whether it is more important to reciprocate courtesy

It was a public welfare job, no salary, but I didn't expect my mother to like it very much, I took the bus to work every day, my mood was better, and my body was not so weak.

She persevered in this job for four years, and after her mother broke her arm once last year, she could no longer hold a paintbrush.

I tried to let her live with us again, but my mother admitted that she had a son-in-law and a grandson at home, and she didn't want to face complicated interpersonal relationships.

Fortunately, my mother is no longer at home all day, she goes once a day in the morning and afternoon, and walks in the community, but she still lives a simple life.

I got up at six o'clock in the morning, had breakfast at seven o'clock, made a bowl of egg water and ate two pieces of dim sum, went downstairs at nine o'clock to walk in the community, and went home by the way to buy vegetables.

But she didn't eat at noon, and ate lunch at about half past three in the afternoon, which was also the simplest, one meat and one vegetarian and two side dishes. Add a tael or so of rice.

Since my mother no longer goes to work at the University for the Elderly, she often walks in the community and gets to know some neighbors and aunts in the community.

But a new problem came, these aunts heard that my mother lived alone and was not very good at cooking, out of enthusiasm, several aunts often sent food to my mother, and some made steamed buns at home, and sent a few while it was hot.

An aunt upstairs heard that my mother didn't know how to make dumplings herself, so she would send a plate of dumplings every time she cooked them.

There is a neighbor aunt who gives everything, and when she goes back to her hometown to bring back special products, the aunt sends them to my mother to taste.

These things were originally done casually by the neighbors, out of concern and respect for their mother.

Who knew that these things had become a burden for my mother, she was not good at handling interpersonal relationships, and she was embarrassed to refuse when they were sent.

But there are some foods that she doesn't eat at all, and she eats them for fear of waste, and after eating them, she feels that it hurts herself, and she feels bad.

In addition, she also felt that if she accepted other people's things, she had to return the gift in order to be considered a courtesy, which invisibly added trouble to herself.

And every time I have to think about what to use in return, the gift is a little heavier than what others give.

She doesn't know how to cook herself, so she has to buy some gifts for others, and sometimes when she sees her neighbor's aunt playing downstairs with her children, she will buy some snacks for them to express her heart.

A while ago, my aunt upstairs often sent my mother wild vegetables that she had dug herself, and elm money from the tree in her hometown, which my mother didn't know how to make at all, and she didn't like to eat them.

In this regard, I have said to her many times, you will refuse to give you things you don't need, tell people that I don't like to eat these things, and it is a waste to take them.

But my mother said that these aunts are so enthusiastic that they can't do it. I don't like it when I eat it, and I feel sorry for the kindness of others when I throw it away.

For example, the aunt upstairs often cooks dumplings and brings them steaming, how can they bring them back again?

I had to accept it every time, and then I took great pains to return the gift every time, so the old lady was very entangled in her heart.

After this kind of thing happened often, my mother began to get bored, and in her cognition, the neighborhood should be as light as water, the simpler the better.

But the problem is that the aunt upstairs seems to be more enthusiastic, and sometimes she takes the initiative to make dumplings for her mother at home.

You are invited to answer the question of whether it is easier for neighbors to get along with each other, or whether it is more important to reciprocate courtesy

In fact, my mother has a bad stomach, and she doesn't like to eat dumplings because she has an upset stomach after eating dead noodle food.

But he couldn't resist his aunt's enthusiasm, so he was instructed by his aunt to buy vegetables, meat, and flour.

After a busy morning, my mother ate four dumplings, and the two old people couldn't finish them, so they had to ask my aunt to take them back for their families to eat.

My mother was afraid that her aunt would come to make dumplings for her next time, so she pulled down her face and told her that she didn't like dumplings, and asked her not to give them to her after making dumplings.

As a result, my aunt was unhappy, and told other neighbors behind my back that my mother was hypocritical and didn't understand human feelings.

My mother didn't understand why my aunt was doing this, and thought that my aunt was blaming her, so she quickly took the tea from home and sent it to my aunt.

All of the above has added a burden to my mother's simple life, and now she doesn't want to go downstairs or meet these aunts.

She has been asking if she can go back to teaching at the University for the Elderly, if she can't teach painting, she can teach music.

In fact, my mother is not suitable for this kind of neighborhood relationship, she thinks that it is a general friendship, and too many contacts make her not know how to deal with it.

Yesterday, the neighbor's aunt sent some small fish, which her uncle caught by himself, and sent them to my mother to try, but my mother couldn't refuse, and accepted them.

When I passed in the afternoon, the fish were all dead, and my mother didn't know how to clean up the fish, let alone make fish, and she didn't know how to eat them.

For this matter, I once again told my mother that she is in her 70s, and there is no need to make trouble for yourself and increase the burden on yourself.

In the future, no matter which aunt sends anything again, you must know how to refuse, indicating that you don't like to eat, so that the aunt will not send it again next time.

But my mother is worried, thinking that such a blunt rejection of other people's kindness will not be said to be unkind by others?

I said, you are in your 70s, you have this temper all your life, you don't need to worry about what others say, just live according to your own lifestyle.

In fact, my mother doesn't like to trouble people the most in her life, and she doesn't like to be troubled.

But the sophistication of human feelings is that they interact with each other and trouble each other, and it seems that there is no human touch without contact.

Personally, I think that the so-called people are sophisticated, and if you like it and can adapt to it, you will enter the game and participate.

Having a good relationship with neighbors and giving things to each other is the most direct way to socialize, so that you can enhance understanding, get closer to each other, and take care of each other when something happens.

However, for a person like my mother, she just wants to live a simple life, she doesn't want to be disturbed by others, and she doesn't want to disturb others, and she is naturally not suitable for this kind of interpersonal relationship.

She is very tired because she is enthusiastic about her neighbors and doesn't know how to refuse and accepts, and she is afraid of owing favors, and she is afraid that her neighbors will misunderstand her if she doesn't return the courtesy, and she has to bother to give others more gifts, so she is very tired.

I suggest that my mother, if you have an aunt to send anything, you must resolutely refuse, this is the best way to relieve yourself of the burden.

What do you think about neighbors giving things to each other?

If you meet a neighbor who has given you something, do you think you need to return the gift?

You are invited to answer the question of whether it is easier for neighbors to get along with each other, or whether it is more important to reciprocate courtesy