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"No early risers, no kisses, no ceremonies"...... The young man made a move on his wedding

author:China Women's Daily

Don't get up early to pick up relatives, don't be emceeful, don't be extravagant...... In recent years, a new form of wedding has begun to become popular among young people. A "small but beautiful" new-style wedding has returned to the true nature of expressing blessings and sharing happiness. The rise of simple marriage culture has "reduced the burden" of love and "added points" to the happiness of the newlyweds.

"No early risers, no kisses, no ceremonies"...... The young man made a move on his wedding
"No early risers, no kisses, no ceremonies"...... The young man made a move on his wedding

"Wake up earlier than the chicken, sleep later than the dog", "Let the body suffer, let the wallet suffer"...... In recent years, there has been an endless stream of complaints about traditional weddings on the Internet, and some young people have even described wedding ceremonies with similar procedures and tight schedules as "working for hotels and wedding companies".

For this reason, after the "post-95" and "post-00" became the "main force" of the wedding, this generation of young people began to start their own weddings - no kissing, no convoy, no blocking games, the wedding scene is not the photos of the bride and groom, but "The Legend of Zhen Huan", "Cat and Mouse" and other "dinner dramas"; Getting married in inaccessible scenic spots such as western Sichuan, where there are no relatives or friends at the wedding scene, or simply getting married in the newspaper, so that the retro ceremony with a sense of age is "revived" again...... A variety of new weddings are emerging and are becoming more and more popular among young people.

"Don't change dresses frequently, don't arrange speeches from parents, don't consider sensational links...... Before the wedding, Zhang Shu said a series of "no" in one breath. "My parents felt that such a wedding was too simple and a little perfunctory, but they accepted it under our persuasion. 28-year-old Zhang Shu told the all-media reporter of China Women's Daily that her wedding was "rough", but the happiness was "hardcover", "Holding a wedding is actually a kind of self-expression, and I am in charge of my wedding!"

"Three-no" weddings: Let's make our wedding simpler

"Don't get up early, don't pick up relatives, don't invite the master of ceremonies. The "three nos" wedding in Le Qi's mouth is a new choice for many young people to get married.

"Three no", refers to a new concept of wedding, cancel the team, kissing, blocking the door game and even the best man and bridesmaid and other links, the specific "nothing" what, by the newlyweds themselves, and even can be developed into "four no" or "five no", such as no sensational links, etc., in short, there is no fixed process and model that must be followed, everything is based on the needs and experience of the newlyweds.

In October 2023, Le Qi and her husband held a "three-no" wedding. Le Qi, who has been a bridesmaid twice, has experienced the exhaustion brought by traditional weddings to couples. "The bride has to get up at 4 a.m. to put on makeup, take photos, change three or four hairstyles and outfits in the morning, and toast until noon, so this kind of wedding is not for us. ”

After removing unnecessary ceremonial sessions, the couple worked together to convince their parents to "downgrade" the wedding venue. "There's no need to get married in a five-star hotel! The luxury of the wedding is not related to the happiness of the marriage. "Spending tens of thousands of yuan to decorate a wedding venue? There is no need! The wedding is for oneself, not for outsiders to see. ”

"Instead of devoting too much time and energy to the wedding, it's better to leave it to each other to get along well. Le Qi said that the couple has a common understanding: what matters is affection, not ritual. For this reason, everything about the wedding of the two tends to be "simplistic": "The 'Four King Kongs' only invited makeup artists and videographers, and after giving tea to both parents, they rushed to the hotel lobby to hold the ceremony." ”

On the same day, the two also served as the officiants of their own wedding. Le Qi told reporters: "Introduce yourself, thank you, and have a meal!" The ceremony has arranged a total of three links, the guests eat happily, and we are relaxed and happy, isn't this the original purpose of the wedding?"

It is not only Le Qi who "simplifies" the wedding, in September last year, Xiaoyue held her own "three nos" wedding in her husband's hometown of Hubei. She said: "Originally, I also planned to hold a standard traditional wedding, but in the process of communicating with the wedding company, I gradually felt that the 'wedding' seemed to have been built into a consumerist landscape, and many of the links were not for celebration, but to motivate the couple to spend." After that, Xiao Yue and her husband carefully sorted out their expectations and needs for the wedding, and finally decided to return to the small village where her husband was born and grew up to hold a "three-no" wedding planned by herself.

Buy flowers, latte art and wedding hanging cloth online to design your own wedding scenery, use local materials, integrate common items in rural areas such as wheat ears, mats, tiles and other common items into the scenery to reduce wedding costs, make up your own makeup, ask friends to take pictures, and do not invite the master of ceremonies and bridesmaids and groomsmen...... With the efforts of Xiaoyue and her husband, the entire cost of the wedding was controlled at about 20,000 yuan, which was "much lower than the quotation offered by the wedding company." What makes Xiaoyue even happier is that her wedding has received praise from friends and villagers, "saying that our wedding is simple but warm, affordable and foreign."

"It not only reduces the economic pressure of young people, but also reduces the fatigue caused by complex processes, and at the same time can get rid of the coercion of consumerism and spread a good atmosphere. Xiaoyue said that for the newlyweds, there is no superiority or disadvantage between the traditional wedding and the "three-no" wedding, only the suitability. "Simplicity doesn't mean sloppy or perfunctory, and when we hold a 'three-no' wedding, we remove red tape, not the emotional connection between the couple and the guests. Holding a minimalist wedding is not only based on the economic cost, but also from the needs of the newlyweds, but also hopes that the guests can feel a relaxed and happy wedding atmosphere. ”

"No early risers, no kisses, no ceremonies"...... The young man made a move on his wedding

A contrasting wedding about rainbow bubbles.

Theme weddings: interactive, distinctive, and personal

Dress up as a game character and play games online with friends at the wedding scene, "move" your favorite anime characters to the wedding, sing and dance to anime music, hold an imaginative "big fish and begonia" wedding in Fujian Tulou, let your own little animals become the "protagonists", and place cute pet elements everywhere in the wedding...... In major social software, graphics, texts and videos containing "theme wedding" elements can be seen everywhere, and some unique works can also receive hundreds of thousands or even millions of likes. The wind of "theme wedding" blows to the hearts of young couples.

Lao Zhao is the founder of Duoka Creative Wedding Club and a senior wedding planner, and in recent years, he has planned countless themed weddings. "We've had Harry Potter-themed weddings where the bride is a long-time 'Harry Potter fan' (a fan of the Harry Potter books or movies). On the day of the wedding, the bride appeared with a wand and wore the same Harry Potter uniform, and we dressed up the wedding scene as the Great Hall of Hogwarts Castle, allowing all the guests to enter the 'wizarding world' together. What impressed Lao Zhao was that the guests of the day not only had relatives and friends of the newlyweds, but also "Ha fans" invited by the bride from all over the country.

"Musical themes are also common. Lao Zhao remembers, "There was a wedding, we set up a blackboard at the check-in desk, on which were the songs that the bride and groom liked, and the guests could vote for the songs according to their preferences, and the song with the highest number of votes would be played live by the band at the after party that night." The session was very popular and a large number of guests participated. ”

"No early risers, no kisses, no ceremonies"...... The young man made a move on his wedding

A vinyl sign-in wall designed by Creative Wedding Club for couples.

The popularity of theme weddings reflects the new demand of young people for weddings. Lao Zhao told reporters: "In recent years, what I feel most strongly is that the demand of newcomers for wedding interactivity is increasing. "Couples want their guests not only to have a meal, but to interact with the couple or the live environment as soon as they enter the wedding venue.

"Take the market wedding we have held as an example", Lao Zhao told reporters that there are tickets for the wedding to enter, and you have to wear a bracelet, just like participating in the market. Many stall owners at the scene are friends of the newcomers, some of them brought some stickers, people can take down their favorite words, spell it into a small poem, or a blessing to the newcomers; some brought all kinds of balloons, with balloons to weave flowers, to give to the guests; and some held a "thread art weaving class", with everyone to knit handbags, handbags...... The whole wedding is like a garden party, and everyone can find what they want to participate in and can participate in.

In addition, couples expect their wedding to be unique and personal. "Last year, we planned a wedding for a pair of improvised theater actors. The wedding did not have a host, and as soon as it began, their actor friend randomly got up from his seat and recited the lines of "Rhino in Love". 'Dusk is the time of the day when my eyesight is the worst......,' the moment the lines sounded, the wedding seemed to be moved to the stage of a drama. ”

"There is also a couple who are artists, and the bride's work is related to porcelain, so we reframe the broken porcelain pieces into three live installations, one for love, one for life, and one for curiosity about the future. Knowing that the newlyweds were doctors who studied ancient architecture, Lao Zhao moved the roof ridge made of tiles to the wedding site, "which not only reflects the newlyweds' profession, but also represents 'home'." ”

Some couples want the wedding to be more than just an experience, but also something to keep memories in. "To this end, we replaced the sign-in book with the wine that the couple loves, and made a sign-in wall, where guests can sign and write blessings on the wine bottle, and after the wedding, the newlyweds can choose a day, drink wine, read blessings, and reminisce about the joy of the wedding. Lao Zhao said that they also prepared a "sign-in calendar" for the newlyweds: "The first page of the calendar is the wedding date, and the guests can write blessings on the back page, or assign tasks to the newlyweds, and after the wedding, the newlyweds will receive a surprise every time they turn the page of the calendar." ”

Lao Zhao told reporters that in the past, when newlyweds set up wedding links, they considered more about the feelings of the guests. Some wedding sessions are not liked by the couples themselves, but few people ask for the process they don't like to be deleted. In the past two years, some couples have begun to pay attention to their own feelings in the wedding and put their own needs first. They say that the wedding is an important day in their lives, and that they want a special day, a unique experience that they can remember.

"No early risers, no kisses, no ceremonies"...... The young man made a move on his wedding

Destination Weddings: Take a romantic getaway

Getting married in the suburbs, in the mountains, in off-the-beaten-path scenic spots, without guests to witness, without friends, and perhaps even without parents. This may sound like an unreliable wedding, but it is a form of wedding that today's young people yearn for - destination wedding. The couple chooses a destination in advance and holds a wedding ceremony at the same time as the trip. Some netizens said that if weddings also have a "chain of contempt", then the destination wedding with mountains and rivers as an appointment and heaven and earth as a mirror is at the top of the "chain of contempt".

On October 12, 2023, Li Yingyu held a destination wedding in the Lotus Lake Scenic Area in Ganzi Tibetan Autonomous Prefecture in western Sichuan. She told reporters: "I am from Hunan, my husband is from Hubei, and we are currently living in Shanghai, so the location of the wedding is a headache." Coupled with the fact that neither of us was used to socializing in traditional weddings, after some discussion, we decided to find a scenic spot that we had never been to and have a trip that we could just go. ”

For this trip, the husband and wife sent invitations to their respective parents. "Before leaving, both parents were skeptical, and even I wasn't sure if the trip would go well. However, a week later, Li Yingyu described the original decision as "super value". "On the day of the wedding, we got up at eight o'clock and played a set of Baduan brocade with our parents in the courtyard of the homestay. Afterwards, everyone changed into beautiful clothes, walked along the stream, and took pictures. At noon, the family drove up the mountain, and the wedding officially began. ”

"No early risers, no kisses, no ceremonies"...... The young man made a move on his wedding

Witnessed by the snow-capped mountains and lakes, Li Yingyu and her lover promised each other.

Meditating in groups, taking vows, exchanging rings, and witnessing the snow-capped mountains and lakes, the two couples tied the knot. "My husband and I wrote a letter to our parents, I put a veil on my two mothers, my husband sent flowers to my two fathers, and the four elders prepared a message for us. ”

Li Yingyu said: "If it was a traditional wedding, I might be ashamed to express my feelings to my parents, but in Lotus Lake, in the open wilderness, many heartfelt words will flow naturally. That alone makes me feel like we made the right choice. She said that for her, weddings are hers, not for others to see, and one of the reasons for choosing a destination wedding is to look forward to recalling her wedding years later, with exclusive memories with important people in her mind, rather than a busy and stressful day.

What made Li Yingyu even happier was that her parents' attitude towards this wedding changed from "full of doubts" to "full of surprises". "After the wedding, both of our parents wrote a long text thanking us for organizing the trip. During the week, we had in-depth communication and strengthened our relationship, and this wedding gave our family a wonderful memory that is worth keeping in our hearts. ”

Different reasons, same choice. In March 2024, Su Su and her husband came to Lijiang, Yunnan Province to hold a wedding in Yulong Snow Mountain. "I love to travel and take pictures, and I want to have a wedding with my husband that is our own, so a destination wedding is perfect for us!"

As a native of the inland plains, Susu has always had a yearning for mountains and rivers. Therefore, she took the Jade Dragon Snow Mountain as the venue for the wedding, "hoping to see the sunshine and golden mountains at the same time as getting married." ”

Run in the sun, dance to the music, and light fireworks in the night...... The wedding under the snowy mountain made Su Su unforgettable. She told reporters: "Holding a wedding in the magnificent mountains and rivers is a very good experience, so romantic that people can't help crying." I still look at the wedding scene over and over again, reminiscing about the joy at that time, and when I think about that journey, my mind is full of emotion and happiness. ”

"No early risers, no kisses, no ceremonies"...... The young man made a move on his wedding

In the Jade Dragon Snow Mountain, Su Su and her lover held an unforgettable destination wedding.

Su Su said that she is a person who cares more about the sense of ceremony and experience, and the destination wedding is very suitable for her. Once you've chosen the right location and a reliable team of wedding planners, a destination wedding can not only be a memorable "photo of your life" for both travel and marriage, but more importantly, it will immerse you in the whole process and focus all your attention on the wedding and your loved one, creating an unforgettable time.

New Weddings: Two Generations Collide

In conversations about new weddings, "parents" has become a high-frequency word in the couple's mouth. Many parents are not "cold" to the niche, especially the avant-garde new-style wedding, behind a new-style wedding, it is often the collision of ideas and concepts of two generations.

"The invitation I prepared for the guests was replaced by my father, saying that the names of the guests were not written on it, and it was disrespectful to the guests; the background board I chose was denied by my mother-in-law, saying that the red and black were too dark and festive; and I wanted to buy a toasting dress, but my mother dissuaded me, saying that the slit of the skirt was too high and it was not appropriate to wear it in public. 27-year-old Xixi "complained" to reporters: "From the perspective of the guests everywhere, I really don't know if this is my wedding or the wedding of the guests." ”

Xiaoyang's wedding has become a "social field" for the elders. "My lover and I wanted to travel and get married, but our parents firmly denied it. In my father's view, the wedding should not only be held, but also grand, and a grand wedding is equivalent to a happy and rich life, which is his 'face'. Mother also persuaded Xiaoyang: "If you don't hold a wedding, how will relatives and friends know that you are married, and you will be misunderstood and have a bad reputation." ”

Xiaoyang's experience is not unique. The 32-year-old Wenbo and his lover have settled abroad, and neither of them has any interest in holding a wedding. "We originally wanted to invite our parents and loved ones to a meal and hold a small notification ceremony, but we didn't expect to be strongly opposed by our father. My father thought that I had been abroad for many years and had to have a big wedding to let the guests know that I was doing well, even though most of those guests I didn't know. Xiaoyang thought that his father was "vain", and his father reprimanded Xiaoyang for being "disobedient", and the two quarreled about the wedding. In the end, Xiaoyang did not return to China, and her father held a wedding in her hometown. "My friend who stayed in my hometown sent me a message saying that she was stunned by my family's operation, that it was her first time attending a wedding and that she had not seen the bride and groom. ”

Jia Yujiao, a professor and doctoral supervisor at the School of Philosophy and Sociology of Jilin University, told reporters that in terms of wedding forms, the reason why the views of parents and children are different is that the social relations and social culture of parents and children are different.

Jia Yujiao said that some parents pay more attention to traditional weddings than their children and care about "face", because compared with children who live in a stranger or semi-acquaintance society, and have a high level of interpersonal interaction networking and virtualization, their parents grew up in a society of acquaintances, and their blood kinship is relatively heavy, and they interact with each other in reality. At the same time, in Chinese families with the vertical axis as the main axis of family structure, the resources and attention within the family are distributed downward, and the good development of the children is also the greatest comfort for the parents. Under the influence of the above-mentioned multiple factors, some parents regard the marriage of their children as a major family event. Major events will pay attention to ceremonies and pomp, so parents have a basic attitude of 'not only to do it, but also to hold a grand wedding' for their children. ”

Although the concepts are different, for most families, the conflicts caused by the wedding will eventually be digested, and the two generations with different concepts will be reconciled. As Sissy said, "Because outside of conflict, we also have feelings, especially parents to their children, as long as the children insist on things that are not too excessive, they tend to give in." Cissy told reporters that although she very much wanted to take the lead in her wedding, she also knew that her parents were "doing her good" in their own way. "It's difficult to fully understand each other, and we can only find a balance after deep communication. Communicating in the collision, reflecting on the collision, and finally deepening the emotional support of each other are the topics that my parents and I want to study for a lifetime. ”

From the 80s of the 20th century, when a photo was taken to a "traditional" wedding, to a new type of wedding, from the "a hundred flowers" of new weddings, our wedding format has been changing. Anthropologist Huang Jianbo once said that a wedding is not only the starting point of forming the smallest unit of society, the family, but also an expression we make at an important point in life. Through weddings, we can see young people's attitudes towards life and their understanding of life.

According to the "2023 New Insights into the Marriage Industry" released by a platform, young people's expectations for weddings include efficiency and convenience, personalized expression and differences. Newlyweds no longer prefer grand weddings, especially young groups such as the "post-95s", who are independent and individual, and prefer customized weddings full of personal characteristics. For them, having a wedding is not just a consumer behavior, but an opportunity to show their lifestyle and express their attitude to life.

"The diversity of wedding forms reflects the increasingly distinct individual-oriented wedding concept of young people. Jia Yujiao said that this kind of wedding is no longer in accordance with traditional rules or parents' wishes, but in accordance with young people's cognition and understanding of marriage and weddings, and in accordance with the wedding culture that young people recognize. Different from the traditional wedding order and the concept of family, fertility and husband and wife, some fashionable wedding ceremonies are more free, open and equal, conveying the concept that young people pay more attention to individual life experience and the meaning of life.

2024

China Women's Daily, China Women's Movement

Source/China Women's Daily (ID: fnb198410)

Author/Li Xishuang, an all-media intern reporter of China Women's Daily

Editor-in-charge/Tianyuan Huangdie review/Yifan producer/Zhifei

"No early risers, no kisses, no ceremonies"...... The young man made a move on his wedding