More than fifty percent of women said that after becoming a mother, they were dissatisfied with the state of life, and the reason was real and helpless
"My mom was really annoyed, she talked endlessly every day, and I never wanted to listen to what she said. It's a negative energy bucket, as soon as I get close to her, my whole person is not good! ”
Girlfriend Niannian called again, accusing her mother of interfering with her. I don't know how many such calls I have received, and every time I have to smooth her who is irritable and full of negative energy like a kitten. When I heard Niannian's complaint again today, I asked the question I had wanted to ask for a long time: "Have you ever wondered why your mother became like this?" ”
Niannian was stunned for a moment when she didn't hear the comforting words as always, and then replied impatiently: "She feels that she is unhappy, so she will pass on her unhappiness to us, right?" ”
Why does my mother always complain
Niannian has not yet become a mother, so she cannot deeply understand why women are always full of complaints after becoming mothers? In fact, not only the mother, but also many women have become complainers after becoming mothers.
According to the 2021 China Mother Survival Report, 51.2% of women are dissatisfied with their current life status after becoming mothers. In other words, dissatisfaction exceeds fifty percent.
When a person feels dissatisfied, it breeds complaints, so what causes all kinds of dissatisfaction and complaints after women become mothers?
1. In the family, the mother pays more
Friend Guo Guo has a job with a monthly salary of 20,000 yuan, and after giving birth, in order to be able to take better care of her children, she chose to be a full-time mother. The expenses of the family depend on the husband alone, so taking care of the children, the burden of family chores falls on Guo Guo alone. She said: "Don't see that I don't work, but things are always busy at home. I was counting on my husband to help me after work, but he felt that he was very tired after a day's work, and would rather lie down and play with his mobile phone than help me bring my baby. ”
After a long time, Guo Guo, who was once full of spirit, has become a woman who often loses control of her emotions and complains to her husband. Not only was she in a bad mood, but the relationship between the two also had a crisis.
Surveys show that women give much more in the family than men. In most families, it is "outside the male lead, inside the female lead", which also leads to men rightfully ignoring women's contributions.
Tips: When women's emotions are not calmed and there is no help in life, they will feel disappointed and complain more and more.
2. It is difficult to balance work and life
I often hear working mothers around me complain that they are so tired from work, but their children are disobedient and their husbands do not help. Indeed, for working mothers, it is difficult to balance work and life.
In a survey conducted by the Social Survey Center of China Youth Daily, 85% of working mothers in 2021 said that it was difficult to balance career and family, and some working mothers would be accused of not taking care of their families because they were busy with work. These troubles will make mothers lose control of their emotions and turn them into complaints in daily life. Think about it, are you like that?
Complain about the impact on your child
For moms, complaining is an emotional outlet that can make their hearts a little easier. From a child's point of view, however, this is not the case. How do mothers' complaints affect their children?
Effect 1: Less happiness and more troubles
There was a question, "What is it like to have a complaining mother?" One of them replied: "As long as my mother speaks, I know that there is no happiness in this family!" It's just a simple answer, but we can all get a glimpse of how much pressure this netizen has in his heart.
For children who grow up listening to their mother's complaints, as soon as she opens her mouth, she instantly feels stressed and uneasy. Tension grows with growth, how can there be happiness? Children who grow up in this environment have a serious impact on their mental health.
Influence two: strong inferiority complex
Mothers who love to complain, the children they talk about always have all kinds of shortcomings, disobedience, insensibility, poor academic performance ...
These shortcomings are deeply rooted in the child's psychology with the mother's complaints, and become a fatal self-perception. In the process of growing up in the future, they will become inferior and think that they do not deserve good jobs, relationships, evaluations, etc.
The pain caused by this kind of native family is not only in children's childhood, but almost throughout their lives, and they have longed for the affirmation of their mothers and others all their lives.
Impact three: insecurity
"When I was a child, my mother always told me that after giving birth to me and finding out that I was a girl, she wanted to give it away. So, I was always afraid that my parents wouldn't want me. This feeling lasted for so many years that I was extremely insecure and having something was like holding it firmly. ”
This is the experience of her friend Susu, even if she reaches middle age, she still does not let go, when she was a child, her mother frowned and said that she wanted to give her away.
My feeling is that no matter what kind of mood the mother is in at the time, the kind of casual complaint can destroy the child's sense of security and leave them with wounds that are difficult to heal for the rest of their lives.
Impact 4: Unhappy marriage and do not know how to love others
At this point, girlfriend Niannian is a real case. She talked about several relationships, but they ended in vain, and the man blamed her for being indifferent. In fact, Niannian is a very kind person, just because she grew up in her mother's complaints, her happiness index is so low that she does not know how to love others, let alone believe that marriage can bring happiness.
Long-term complaints and negative emotions can strain relationships between family members and make communication more difficult. This will not only affect the harmony and happiness of the family, but also have a long-term and far-reaching negative impact on the growth and development of children.
Two tricks to "makeover" mom's complaints
Studies have shown that women's emotional energy far exceeds that of men. This is what people often say: a woman is the feng shui of a family. In a family, the mother's emotions are very important and will infect everyone in the family!
If you want the home to be warm and the child to grow up healthily, then you have to "transform" your mother's complaints. How to retrofit? Share two tips for everyone.
The first trick: the mother must be able to control emotions
As a mother, I have a lot to say about this. Whether in life or work, there will be many difficulties around us, and these difficulties are easy to arouse the emotions of mothers. But as a mother, you should not vent your emotions on your children, but learn to control your emotions.
When your emotions are about to blurt out, look at the corners of the wall and take deep breaths to keep yourself calm. Or confess to the child: Mom is in a bad mood now and needs a space of her own to calm down.
This approach not only allows you to calm down quickly, but also has a good effect on your child. When he encounters bad emotions in the future, he also knows how to deal with them.
The second trick: Dad shares more and listens more
Dad is an important role in family life, and should not be absent, let alone invisible. It's about helping moms share more chores, listen to their boredom and provide solutions.
Although mom is a family's feng shui, the key role is dad. The more Dad loves Mom, how stable Mom's emotions are, and how happy the child is! My husband is actually very busy with work and often needs to travel. But as long as he comes back and mops the floor, there is no need for me to come. In this regard, I think other dads can follow suit. After all, those days when you are not at home, it is the wife who is busy, it's time to replace her and give her a break!
Mom came to nag in the early morning:
A harmonious family needs to create a positive atmosphere together, so that the mother's complaints can be reduced and the child can grow up healthily. I hope that after reading this content, dads and children can better understand "mom's nagging", and moms can also take this opportunity to release pressure and give families the opportunity to "help", and you can also be "easy" mothers!
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